Too Much Time?

After I explained my holiday picture, Paula commented that I have "too much spare time."

I know she was joking, but it caused me to look at how much time being trans takes.

Just going out shopping dressed is a full day affair.  I allow two hours to get ready, and another hour or so to take off the makeup and become my old drab self and put away all of my clothes for next time.  Two hours of shopping becomes a five hour event.  For my readers who prefer to go far from home for fear of being seen, it's a seven or eight hour commitment.  And that doesn't count the prep work (for me, anyway): body shaving earlier in the week so it's not such a chore on going-out day, getting my haircut and eyebrows waxed and maybe some other body waxing....  And special shopping trips for a new dress or other outfit.  If it wasn't for my girl clothes, I'd probably never set foot in a department store.

I generally spend at least an hour reading other blogs and articles.  More time is spent writing to t-friends.  I spend a tiny amount of time on facebook and have been afraid to learn more about google+ just because I don't have the time!

The picture took the better part of a day.  I had to change outfits and hair and make sure everything was positioned just right as I took several pictures of each "woman" to ensure I could create what I envisioned.  It's not quite what I hoped for ~ The "blonde" was wearing really cute boots that I couldn't get into the montage.  And I wanted "her" turned so a bit of face showed, but not enough to identify.  And my photoshop (actually, Paint Shop Pro) skills are not very good so there was a lot of guesswork.

But that was a one-of.

I spend at least 30 minutes writing each blog post, even if it's just a cartoon.  Some posts take a couple of hours.  (That horrible story wrote itself.)

So the big question isn't if I have "too much spare time."  The big question is, is it worth the time I spend dressing up, learning about it, writing about it, sharing experiences with and encouraging others like me, and so on.

The big question is, is this a good way to spend a big slice of a short lifetime?

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That Flurry of Polls ~ What Else?

When in drab, I also wear women's... (60 votes)
pierced earrings	11 (18%)
other visible jewelry	16 (26%)
shirts, if they pass	24 (40%)
slacks, if they pass	14 (23%)
jeans	44 (73%)
shoes	22 (36%)
sneakers	15 (25%)

This is just a little catchall.  I'm sure I missed some things, and there's one thing I wish we did wear (more at the end).

Many of you are wearing women's shirts.  I know shirts are difficult.  In a dress shirt, darts may appear where they shouldn't.  While men's shirts have a uniform collar, women's shirts are all over the place in terms of size, shape, and buttons (or lack thereof).  No complaints: that's a large part of what makes it so much fun to buy and wear women's clothing.  But it's hard to buy a shirt.  You need to look at the collar size and shape; the buttons, including size; sleeve length, since men have two sizes and women have an infinite range of sizes; cuff size; length, since some shirts are barely waist length; darts; and so on.  Sometimes colour is the big showstopper.  Pink is OK, bright pink or salmon, maybe not so much.  Blue is good, but teal is right out.

But 40% of you manage.  I wear a women's shirt one or two days a week and always on (casual) Friday.

Almost a quarter wear women's slacks, which are also difficult: pockets, belt loops, zipper, length, cuffs can all differ on women's slacks in subtle ways.  There may be a perfect pair of pants but the pockets are tiny or vertically slit or way too high, or there are no belt loops or the loops are skinny and definitely femme.

I'm guessing that the slacks wearers are a subset of the jeans wearers (three quarters of you!).  Jeans are easier, and a bit of flair is allowed.  When I started wearing women's jeans, the first non-plain pair had a rivet pattern, like one of those cause ribbons, on the back pockets.  My wife said "well, everyone will know they're women's jeans."  Since then, I've seen men wearing jeans with rivet patterns on the pockets.  The same thing happened with embroidery: white stitching is kind of mainstream now.  But those pretty bright butterflies on the legs are still off limits.

About a third wear women's shoes (I wear Aerosoles) and another quarter wear women's sneakers (mine are from New Balance).  I'm still considering ballet flats for the airport.  Loafers are not hard to find.  My next pair of sneakers will have a little bright colour ~ some electric green or blue maybe.

A quarter wear some women's jewelry.  I always have my charm bracelet and a necklace (which is under my shirt, generally).  I'd love to expand my repertoire, if anyone has any suggestions!

And almost one in five wear pierced earrings!  I have often considered having my ears pierced, but always change my mind.  Someday, I need to figure out what the hang-up is and go for it.

What I wish we wore: something that was kind of a secret sign that says "hey, I'm a crossdresser."  I don't know what it might be ~ a pin, a bracelet (maybe one of those rubber band things), a thumb ring, a pink shirt every Tuesday... something so we could identify our sisters and feel less alone.

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That Flurry of Polls ~ Support

My support garment of choice is... (71 votes)
a panty girdle	12 (16%)
a full girdle, like grandma wore	6 (8%)
a waist cinch	19 (26%)
a corset	10 (14%)
a spanx-type camisole	11 (15%)
I don't need no stinkin' girdle!	13 (18%)

Yay to the one-in-six who don't need any waist assist. Or who don't care. :)

For me, it's about the external, not the internal: I want to present as the best woman I can, but I don't need to feel I am a woman inside and out.

Before I went out, I didn't bother with any support at all. When I first started thinking about going out the door, I found a woman who helped other men dress. She told me what to bring, and among the items was a corset or waist cinch or whatever I use. I told her I didn't use anything.

But I started thinking, and when I tried on clothes the next time... well, there was a little tummy I would prefer to not have. So I bought a waist cinch, probably mail order although I don't remember.

To finish the story: she had to cancel at the last minute, leaving me stuck at home.  The next time I had an opportunity, I wrote to her and she said she was in the process of moving out of state.

Someday, I hope to save my money and get a corset but that's kind of scary to me.  The thought of improving my figure isn't scary ~ my habit of overbuying is. I'm afraid I'll have a thousand dollars worth of corsets in my closet!

I bought a couple of "slimming" camisoles and the one I tried in Arizona really seemed to work well. I haven't tried the other in "battle conditions" so no report yet. Under one form-fitting dress, the camisole alone gave me the best shape. Under the skirts/tops I wore in Arizona, a cinch and slimming cami worked best. I'll just have to experiment. And probably overpack.

Girdles don't interest me. They're female, of course, but just not feminine. My opinion.

About a quarter of you use a cinch as your waistmaker of choice. Another quarter like girdles. Fourteen percent go for the corset.... How do you like it?

And fifteen percent like the power of the camisole. If you have a favourite brand or style, I'd love to get some recommendations!

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That Flurry of Polls ~ Bras

When in drab, I wear a bra... (80 votes)
never	23 (28%)
if I'm sure it won't show	23 (28%)
if I think it won't show	22 (27%)
I don't care if it shows ~ I like it	8 (10%)
I don't care if it shows ~ I need one	2 (2%)
I need one and I try my best to hide it	2 (2%)

I admit that, as much as I'd like to, I have rarely worn a bra unless fully dressed.  There are just too many ways to get called out, and I'm not ready for that at this point in my life.  If the shoulder or back strap don't show through (and they often do) the saggy cups are a sure giveaway.  I'd get a bra with a cup that "fits" but they don't seem to make AA in my size.  There are some sports bras I could try, but they don't seem all that feminine, and that, for me, is a big part of the attraction.

I think I'm pretty far along the "don't care" scale.

So I was surprised that almost two thirds of you wear bras!  And, of those, for more than half of you it's OK if it's seen.

I'm sure most of us agree that a bra is the ultimate feminine item, but it's also the hardest to explain, if you need to explain it.  "I need one," as 4% of you said, is a good explanation.

I need to see if I have any unpadded bras handy.  Friday, I'll probably wear a denim shirt and that covers almost anything.  Almost anything.

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That Flurry of Polls ~ Hosiery, Part II

When in drab, with women's hose, I prefer... (80 votes)
stockings with garters	14 (17%)
thigh-highs	14 (17%)
pantyhose	34 (42%)
tights	15 (18%)
women's socks	3 (3%)

Pantyhose seems to be the choice of women everywhere!

42% wear pantyhose and about one in six of you each wear tights, thigh-highs, or stockings with garters.

I bet if I did a gg poll, it would be mostly pantyhose with tights in second place ~ tights and black hose seem to be the 2011 winter fashion statement, at least around here.

For me, as I mentioned, I've skipped the women's socks, and am all tights now. That's my new winter legwear. I made an interesting discovery about tights and I'll share that in a future post. I will be visiting family in New York next week and, I'll be back in my girl socks.  And I hope to meet one of my readers (alas, in drab) next week too!

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Closed for Christmas

Have a safe and healthy and happy holiday, whether you're celebrating something specific, or just enjoying the light traffic or time with your family or almost-empty-offices.

My Sentiments Exactly

It's not exactly a CD cartoon, but I can see me having this conversation.  Click to improve readability, although the lettering is always hard to see.  This is yesterday's Sylvia strip, by Nicole Hollander.  Her Bad Girl Chats is a fun place to hang out.

That Flurry of Polls ~ Hosiery, Part I

When in drab, if I'm wearing stockings, pantyhose, or tights... (74 votes)
I show the world	15 (20%)
I show the world, but only if they're passable, like opaque tights	23 (31%)
I wear socks over them	30 (40%)
I wear women's socks over them	6 (8%)

Seventy-four votes here. The cool thing is, that means that 3/4 of my readers wear some sort of women's hosiery when presenting as a male. I would have guessed a much lower figure.

I am now in the "show if they're passable" slot, along with about a third of you. In fact, I'm wearing patterned black tights today.  There seem to be two types of patterned tights: ones that are different threads to make up the pattern and ones that are an open weave, kind of like fishnet stockings.  I wear the former.  Showing skin is sort of a giveaway.

I'd love to give a big cheer to the "show the world" group and if you'd like to drop me a note I'd like to know more. Do you wear regular sheer stockings, coloured hose, fishnets, what? and not mind if people see? I'd like to get to that level and I'd like to know what you do. (I feel like I'm asking for a game cheat, here.)

As for the almost-half of you who wear socks or women's socks with their hose, I used to do that. Then I thought about it. Sometimes, you can see over the top of my socks, depending on how I'm sitting. I don't think I want people to see stockings over the top of my socks. I think I might look into getting some patterned knee-highs or very long socks so I can wear my garters and stocking and not get too many odd looks. I need to think this through.

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That Flurry of Polls ~ Panties

When in drab, I wear panties... (93 votes)
never	10 (10%)
when the mood strikes	21 (22%)
as often as I can	28 (30%)
always	34 (36%)

Almost 100 of you voted on the first poll. Ten of you are purists ~ no panties when presenting as male. I know I have a couple of non-dressers on the site, and I don't know if they voted but if I say 10% separate male and female completely, it's probably pretty close to reality.

And I feel safe in saying that if one doesn't wear panties when presenting as a male, one is wearing all male clothing. I don't think there is a significant number of dressers who wear other female clothing while in drab, and not panties. I didn't ask, and I could be wrong.

About a third always wear panties (as do I), and another near-third wear "as often as I can", which I take to mean "not when I have a doctor's appointment, or I'm going to the gym, or I'm getting a massage, or not while I'm deployed in Afghanistan." So I'll read that as almost 2/3 of us would wear panties all the time, if it was possible.

There is a good reason for the "as often" and "always" split: if I'm going to the gym or doctor or for a massage I'm wearing panties. I do have some fairly plain white cotton briefs, but no men's underwear. If you want a story, "they're imported. In most countries, underwear doesn't have a fly." Lace, of, course, is trickier to explain. :)  You can always go with the typical tv-porn "I ran out and this was the only thing my wife had that would fit me."  Keep in mind that your audience is almost certainly to consist of people who've never read Fictionmania.

My story?  If someone asks "are those women's panties?" I will answer "no, they're mine," which is absolutely true.  If pressed, I'll say they come from the women's department, and I prefer them to men's underwear.

Mostly, people don't see my underwear.

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Don't Dream It, Be It

I've been talking a lot about underdressing.  The polls have also been about stretching the envelope a bit, and for the past few weeks I've been trying to do just that.

Because I'll wear men's clothes until they're threadbare, I normally wear a plain white cotton tank-style camisole under my shirt.  Since the tank is plainly visible, it took a step "outside the box" to wear that instead of a more traditional male t-shirt.  But now they're the most "masculine" item I wear underneath a shirt.

When I wear heavier shirts, like polos or denim, I wear a regular camisole underneath.  I try to match the colour to the shirt colour, but that's just for me.  No-one should see the cami.  There's always a chance: I generally don't tuck casual shirts into my pants but the cami is tucked in.  If the shirt shifts, the cami doesn't.  I've decided that's less of a problem than, say, wearing a too-short skirt and giving a show.

But for the past three weeks now, I've been wearing whatever cami I feel like under whatever shirt I'm going to wear.  I haven't worn a plain white cotton tank during that time.  I've worn a plain white silky tank, or a white or beige "control" camisole under a shirt that's a bit thin, but that's as close as I've gotten.  Other than that, I've been trying to wear a different cami each day (and I have way too many of them).  Most have thin straps or thin straps with adjusters.  Many have patterns or lace or other details.  Some have "built-in bra support" which is a bit uncomfortable without a bra.  Some feel great, some tug a bit, But I enjoy the feeling and I'll keep on doing this.

Normally, I wear women's socks.  If anyone cared to look, they'd see flowers or patterns or some pinks or purples or bright blues ~ some unexpected colour.  I have solid pink socks I wear with pink shirts, and solid green socks to wear with a green shirt.  I try to have some sock colour match some other colour I'm wearing.

But not for the past almost-two-weeks now.  In the past I've worn black pantyhose or stockings under (plain) black socks.  I haven't done that for a couple of years.  I think I stopped because it's just too much work to go to the bathroom, or maybe I was concerned that people would notice the sock end and the hose continue on, or maybe I stopped when I switched to women's socks.  I'm not really sure.

What I decided to do was skip the socks and just wear dark tights.  So far, it's been black or brown or grey, matching what shirt or pants I'm wearing, but I wore white instead of white socks one day and I have a pink pair that I may wear next time I put on a pink shirt.

It feels weird to be wearing plain coloured "socks" after wearing flowers and such but it's nice to be wearing hose, and it feels nice on my legs.  And I have a couple of pair of textured tights and I'm looking for more.  Today I have vertical stripe tights ~ grey and black.

I've also been wearing lip gloss.  It's a clear gloss and not very glossy, but it's definitely there and when I use it up I will get another that's a bit glossier.

It's far from what I want, but it's a step away from dream it towards be it.

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Christmas Is Coming!

 I know, you've been wondering what you can get your favourite blogger this year.  Well, keep your jewelry and clothes and all.  There's only one thing I want....

(and you can find this on youtube, right here.  It's sing along time!)

I Want a Boob-job for Christmas {by Virginia Kegel}

Every Christmas morning, underneath the tree
Lots of lovely presents, are waiting there for me
And though I'm quite delighted, it's hard to get excited
Who needs another sweater? Hey Santa
There is something that I'd like a whole lot better!
Are you listening, Santa?
I've been a good girl this year
And there's only one thing that I want…

I want a boob job for Christmas, big old knockers out to here
It would make me proud to be endowed like the Playmate of the Year
I want a boob job for Christmas, make them big and make them wide
The only blimps as big as these say "Goodyear" on the side

(chorus)
Heaving hefty happy hooters
Squishy gushy lactic shooters
Loads of curvy cleavage on display

Woo!

(chorus)
Lusty busty watermelons
Each as big as Mount Saint Helens
That is what she wants this holiday

Santa, give me this one gift.
It's not my spirits that are sagging, it's my boobs that need a lift!
Oh Santa, you know this Christmas season, give me a pair of juicy jugs
And you can be the first to squeeze em!

I want a boob job for Christmas, spongy silicone balloons
Who needs a boat? I can stay afloat
With my bulging chest pontoons.

(chorus)
Bursting beeping bouncing bozos
Wild and wiggly whopping waldos
Nestled in a cup that's Double D

Yee hoo!

(chorus)
Massive milky meaty mammaries
Big enough to feed two families
Santa won't you listen to her pleas?

Santa, please!
I want a boob job for Christmas
And when you've done that Santa dear
If it's okay, send my way
A nose job round next year.

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Land of Shopportunities!

I hope you all are taking advantage of the season.  There's only one week left and you can buy anything you want from the women's side of the store.

Go when you feel most comfortable.

Go on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon or any evening and you'll find the cover of other shoppers and everyone is rushed and they won't even notice a man buying a bra or makeup remover or a dress that happens to be in your size.

If the crowds intimidate you, or you're afraid you'll run into friends and neighbors, take a break from work and go to the mall during the day and you'll find quiet stores and helpful sales associates.

And you can buy anything with the right story, if coming out, even a bit, to a pretty stranger in a random store makes you uncomfortable.

You know my "no stories" philosophy.  When I bought a bra, tights, and a slimming camisole last week the woman said "I hope she likes them!" and I said "she?  They're for me!"  She laughed and said something about "whatever works for you" and we had a nice little chat about tolerance for dressing and such.  When I left, I think she was still trying to decide if I was joking or not.

But you can cover anything with a story, if you feel the need.  And I have felt the need.  "I hope my wife likes it."  "What's your return policy, if it doesn't fit her?"  "Can I return this?  I know she likes this style but she might have an identical one."

Jewelry is easy.

Clothing is harder, because you're likely to be the only guy in the department. 

Intimate apparel is tricky ~ it's easier to buy the really sexy things than the more practical things you need day-to-day because that's what other guys would buy.  Sexy nightie: a snap.  A Bali Passion for Comfort Pretty Underwire bra... not so much.

Makeup can require a bit of finesse.  Shoes, well,....

But there are a couple of tricks.  Feel free to supply others in the comments.

Bring a list.  Or a picture from an ad or a website.  If there's a specific item you want, have that item on a printed list, or grab a photo and you can say "this is what she wants" or for items like panties, bras, hose, and other items a woman would have many of, "I saw this in her drawer.  I know she likes this style and I know what she has is getting worn out."

Bring a scribbled note.  If you're intent on getting some unspecified bra or panties, scribble a little note like "bra: 44D" or "undies: 7 or 8" and you can proudly show off that you were clever enough to dig around, figure out "her" size and you're ready to shop!

Get gift sizes.  If you want eye shadows, you can get a big selection of shadows.  That looks more like a gift.  If you buy a single shadow, or a targeted pair or trio, well, not so much.  But if you have a list or scribbled note ("she's almost out and she loves this stuff")....

Be creative.  Shoes are tricky.  Does anyone buy shoes as a gift?  No.  So buy a pair and ask about returns.  "I've never bought here before.  She likes my taste in shoes so what I do is buy a pair I like in what I hope will fit.  She generally brings them back for a pair that fits better.  It's almost a tradition."

Know who you're shopping for.  If you're buying makeup basics, it's for your daughter.  It's just you and her, and you're trying hard and "what did you need when you just started wearing makeup?"  You'll get a little sympathy from a young lady as well as help.  The "daughter" is also useful if you really want some clothing that's kind of young for you.  If you're looking for cheap jewelry (guilty) say it's a gift for your wife... from your young child.  "She" asked you to "get a nice bracelet for mommy but not too expensive."

I'll be buying some items from Ulta today and I'll probably see what's on sale at Penneys (I have a 15% off one-day pass) later in the week, but it's for me ~ and that's my story.

One final note: no matter what your story is, or how good an actor you are, or how you present yourself, on some level she'll know it's for you.  And that's OK.

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Music!

No cartoons today, but I want to mention a couple of sites I've been enjoying.  And they're as "t" as you want them to be.

AllSongsBy.com lets you name an artist and it will create a playlist for that artist.  They seem to have a lot of songs, mostly live performances, and they have video along with the song!  I was pleasantly surprised and then disappointed with my first attempt to "stump the site."  I asked for Spike Jones and the first thing was a video of the City Slickers playing Cocktails for Two!  It's fun and if you know Spike Jones it's worth doing.  If you don't, it'll be fun ~ do it anyway!  For those who think they never heard of Spike, well, I bet you know "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth."  But the rest of the songs were just accompanied by a still of a record cover.

The other is Grooveshark.com.  Grooveshark is an iPod on your computer.  Search for a song and it'll give you a list of songs, or similar songs, and you can pick one (or all) and add them to your current songs or to a playlist.  Pretty cool.

And if you want to just know about songs try allmusic.com.  They have details about songs, artists, discographies and more.  It's my go-to place for music information.

You've probably played with pandora.com.  Pandora's cool because it will give you similar songs, but if you know what you want, or if you just want to see what an artist you know has done, AllSongsBy is the place to be.  And if you just want to hear That One Song (I'm listening to A Quick One while I'm typing today) Grooveshark is, um, groovy.  And yes, I'm old.

And if you want to pull up the New York Dolls or Walk On The Wild Side or Lola or Arnold Layne or The Go-Gos to enjoy some "t" or girl sounds....

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Scrappy, Isn't She?

I like Big Top, but I was mixed on this one.  (Catch the strip daily here.)  Background: The action all takes place in a circus.  People and animals mix freely.  Sometimes the animals are just other characters; sometimes they exhibit their animal behaviours.  I do enjoy the artwork a lot, and although it's not a guaranteed laugh a day, it is pretty darn funny.  I like it enough that when it moved from my "aggregate" page where I grab forty or so strips every day, I opened the GoComics page and I've been catching up.

On the one hand, it kind of makes fun of what the poodle (Dusty) sees as "sissy" behaviour in his friend (Wink, the bear).

On the other hand, it's pretty funny.  And it's a bit of a shout-out to my new friend Aeify.  She scrapbooks. :)

Click to enjoy the artwork

The Vote Is In!

I listen to my readers.  I saw your reactions to my little story attempt last Sunday.

I promise it won't happen again.

Aeify

Last Saturday, Aeify Perfect came to the Washington area for a very brief visit.  Aeify is the recent widow of Penny; I wrote about that here.

We spoke on the phone a couple of times since the event, and I was kind of worried about her.

Now I'm not so worried.

She lives about 14 hours from here by highway.  A friend wanted to come here, and decided it would be good if she came along, so she did.  They arrived just after midnight, early Saturday morning.  We met for breakfast and spent about an hour chatting and eating and another hour chatting and walking around Dupont Circle before her friend whisked her away.  The two hours just sped by, at least for me.  I can be kind of tedious, so I won't speak for her.  I had the best time I could, without being Meg.

Aeify is a sweet young Southern gal.  She's smart and articulate and knows a lot more about the local flora than I do.  We talked about t-life, and living with someone who's trans, and I learned a lot about her and Penny.  We touched some high points of their fifteen year marriage, and some low points.  We talked about the past and the present and the future, and now, as I said, I'm not so worried.

She's working hard to get her life back on track and I have no doubt that she'll be on top of the world by this time next year.

The picture is Aeify and Penny.  I have no idea why Penny is dressed like a guy, except maybe Aeify asked her to, and she'd do anything for her.

I hope our paths will cross again.  She's adorable.

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Some Like It How?

I'm not a close follower of entertainment news, but I hear Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law do a bit of crossdressing in the new Sherlock Holmes movie, coming out soon.

I also heard the pair will be starring in a remake of Some Like It Hot, but they're having trouble finding the right actress to play Sugar.

Hollywood rumours?  Facts?  I dunno.  I'm just the messenger.  And I'm still not sure how I feel about comic drag.  I've been trying to figure it out for about a year, so I could write something.

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Not Many Guesses

(check yesterday's post about the poll and please enter today!)

A bit over a week ago, I posted this picture:

click to enlarge

and asked if anyone knew who the ladies in the picture are and what the situation is.

Not many of you made a guess.

Anyway, it's a picture of me and the situation is, I had a couple of hours and access to Photoshop. :)

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You Wear WHAT?

I would like to dig a little bit deeper into my underwear poll.  I wanted you ladies to be able to select only one answer in some groups, so there is a little group of polls instead of one.

Most of you wore panties.  I wanted to know a bit more.  Just a little detail.  "Always" means "always, every day, all the time.  I wouldn't know what to do with undies with a fly."

A bit over half wear some sort of hose.  I wear women's socks over my hose, unless they're at least close to passable.  Does it make sense to wear flowery socks over hose?  Probably not.  And I have to be careful that the socks don't fall down, or my pants go up too much.  Yes, it's better to skip the socks.  Maybe this winter.

Continuing on the hose theme, I was wondering what you wear.  I love the idea of thigh-highs, but they fall down.  I think if they're under pants, every step you take grabs and tugs them down a tiny bit more until your hose are around your ankles and you look like an idiot.

Almost a third wear a bra and I'm intrigued.  Tell me more.

I wear a waist cinch as a support garment but I tried a shaping camisole and loved it.  And someday, I hope to spring for a corset.  It's a lot of money and I'm trying to decide if I want one with a bra or not.  With a bra is probably best for full figure control, but it means I'll wear the same bra every day.  And if I don't like the bra, well, it's all a waste of money then.

In the last poll you can choose one or more.  I'd check everything but pierced earrings.

As always, you can expound on your choices in comments or e-mail.  Mark comments PRIVATE and I won't post them.

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Wait Until Tomorrow!

If you see the polls there to the right, you have a choice:

you can answer now, before I explain them tomorrow morning, or

you can wait until my morning post in case I confused anyone, or

you can drop by http://diaryofaproudtranny.blogspot.com/ and see what Janet is up to.  She has a new blog and not enough readers.  Yet.

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Now I Get It!

Check out yesterday's cartoon.

I said it doesn't work as a normal joke.  But now I can see where he's going with this.

It works as the start of a story.


"And those were my last pair!  Damn!"
"Don't worry, Leon, we can go to the store and get some more."
"I don't think we'll find any clothing stores open on this island this early on a Saturday.  Damn!  I don't want to go out to breakfast 'commando' ~ it's so uncomfortable."
"I have an idea.  Let's go back to the room."
...
"This is your idea, Betty?  I'm supposed to wear your panties?"
"It's only until the stores open.  And I don't want to hear that these disappeared!"
"But panties?"
"It's only until the shops open.  Two or three hours, tops.  Or you can sit in the room and starve until then."
"Fine.  But I'll feel ridiculous."
...
"Don't laugh!"
"Why would I laugh?  Do you think I can see your pink undies right through your shorts?"
"Well, no, but I feel silly."
"You shouldn't feel silly.  You should feel sexy.  And now you owe me a new pair of panties."
"Why?"
"I don't want to wear them after you've worn them!  They're yours now."
"I don't need panties."
"Well, you do right now, Leon.  Stop complaining and enjoy it."
"They do feel kind of... DAMN!"
"What, Leon?"
"They're gone."
"They can't be gone.  Do your shorts eat them or something?"
"Say....  This has never happened until we got down here, and then it keeps on happening.  And I never wore this type of shorts before.  I bet there's a connection.  Look, give me another pair of panties and we can go to breakfast."
"Oh no.  I'm not taking any chances.  I know it sounds crazy, but just in case it IS the shorts, put on something else."
"That's all I have.  I picked up a bunch of Bermuda shorts in my size and that's all I brought."
"Well that's not all I have.  Here."
"Clamdiggers?  Are you joking?"
"They're called capris, and no, I'm not joking.  I have a few casual skirts if you prefer."
"You don't really think it's the shorts, do you Betty?"
"I'm not taking any chances with my... well, now your panties.  You owe me two pair now.  So do you want the pants, or a skirt?"
...
"Let's go.  I'm starving."
"I don't think so.  I look stupid.  Everyone will stare at me."
"Why on earth would they do that?"
"Oh, come on, Betty!  Wouldn't you stare at a man wearing women's pants?"
"I think I can fix that so no-one will stare at you."
"What are you going to do?  Go out naked so no-one will look at me?"
"I have an idea.  Promise you'll let me do everything I want without complaining first."
"I don't know.  What do you want to do?"
"You don't trust me."
"Of course I do!  But...  I just want to know what you have in mind."
"I guarantee it's nothing dangerous.  You won't get hurt.  But you have to trust me and let me do what I want."
"Well...."
"Forget it.  Let's go eat."
"No!  Do what you want."
"No complaints?"
"No complaints."
"No backing out now."
"Well, this is starting to sound scary."
"I swear, if we get started and you try to change your mind I'll push you out of the room and lock the door!"
*sigh* "OK, Betty.  What do I need to do?"
"You need to take off those panties..."
"Thank heavens!"
"...And get into the shower.  I'll join you."
"Well, this is starting to sound like fun."
"We'll see.  This is the easiest way to shave you."
"I already shaved today!"
"Not nearly enough, sweetie."
...
"You're clean, and smooth all over, and moisturised.  Now put the panties back on."
"Betty, I know what you're planning, and I don't like it."
"That's fine.  Remember what I said.  Out."
"What?!  Like this?  No!"
"Remember what I said, Leon!  Either get out, or stop complaining.  And don't even think about changing your mind!"
"I'm sorry, Betty.  If I don't like what you did when you're done, can we stop and do something else?"
"No.  Now shut up and do what I say.  Panties ON!  NOW!"
"Yes, Betty."
"Now the capris.  Wait.  I changed my mind.  Pull up this skirt instead."
"Betty..."
"I swear.  This is your last warning."
"Yes, Betty."
"OK, Leon, bring the chair over here.  The light's best here and I need good light to do your makeup.  Have you ever worn makeup, Leon?"
"Betty!  You know I haven't."
"I was just wondering if you had any secrets I should know about.  Maybe something you did with a girlfriend, or your sister.  Hmmm....  I think you need a little concealer under your foundation.  Now a little natural eye shadow....  Lisa, do you like eye liner?"
"I do on women.  I... did you just call me Lisa?"
"I said I'd make sure no-one stared at you.  If I call you Leon, people will stare.  I better get used to your new name.  You too."
"Temporary name, you mean."
"If that will make you feel better, OK."
"So, eyeliner it is.  And some mascara.  And a little more mascara.  You have nice lashes, Lisa.  They need a little curl though.  Sit still.  It won't hurt you.  You act like you've never had your lashes curled before, Lisa."
"I have never..."
"You have never enjoyed having a makeover as much as this?  That's nice of you to say.  A little blush, and now pay attention.  You might have to touch up your lipstick and gloss so watch carefully...."
...
"Well, Lisa, with that tank top and skirt and flip-flops you look simply fabulous!  I wish I had a wig, but who knew?  The headscarf will work, I think.  Stop tugging at your bra!  You know, if you had a little more boob it'd stay down better.  Extra undies just don't make for real good padding.  Here.  Put on this bracelet and ring and I'll add a necklace and... you're good to go.  Look in the mirror.  Tell me you're not adorable."
"Betty, I can assure you I am not... bad.  I'm not bad.  Wow.  I thought I'd look stupid.  But now people WILL stare at me!"
"HA!  No-one notices a woman after she gets to a certain age.  And you, honey, are beyond that age.  Now grab that purse and let's get breakfast!"
...
"Put the bags on the bed, Lisa.  So, what did you think?  Did you have a good time today?"
"I never would have thought I'd enjoy being out dressed like a girl.  Yes, I kind of liked it."
"HA!  I KNEW you would.  I know you LOVED it.  I didn't know you enjoyed shopping so much!"
"Well, you know I don't.  But there are so many different things to buy, if you're a girl.  It was fun."
"Once you started to relax, you LOVED it."
"Well, yes, that... what did you call it?"
"'Spa day.'"
"Yeah.  I didn't know getting your fingernails and toenails done felt so nice.  The facial... well, parts were nice and parts were not-so-nice, but I'd do it again.  And you!  You told me that I was drinking 'sparkling orange juice!'  Why didn't you tell me the sparkle came from champagne?"
"You sure did take to those Mimosas.  And you did relax, didn't you?  Let's get our new goodies out of the bags before they wrinkle and then you can shower and we'll do you up right for an evening out."
"I think you went way overboard today.  You bought yourself a lot of things!"
"Think back.  I didn't buy ANYTHING for myself."
"That can't all be for me!  If I wore something different every day for the rest of the trip, I'd still have clothes left over!"
"Silly... that's why women pack so much.  We can't always know what's going to come up and we may need an extra nice outfit or some spare casual clothes.  And...
"...And we can return whatever I don't wear."
"Why?  We'll probably have to get you more things when we get home.  I was goingto say, And you did need some 'special things', didn't you?"
"I've been meaning to ask... How did you know where to find wigs?  And those pads?..."
"'Breast forms,' Lisa."
"...And shoes in larger sizes?"
"Sit down Lisa.  I have a confession to make.  I KNEW you'd like to be dressed as a woman.  I KNEW I'd enjoy having a girlfriend with me on this trip.  So I kind of tricked you.  Just a little."
"What did you do, Betty?"
"There was nothing odd about your shorts.  It was your underwear.  They were made out of a special material that dissolves into pretty much nothing once they're wet.  It's hot outside.  We go out.  You perspire.  Your underwear vanishes."
"And the panties?"
"Made especially for you.  They are ~ well, were ~ made of the same stuff."
"That's your idea of tricking me 'just a little.'  Suppose I just said 'OK, I'll wear the panties and capris' and maybe rolled them up a bit so they'd look like shorts.  Then what would you have done?"
"You'd still be wearing a skirt.  Give me that skirt.  I'll hold it up, here.  See?  It's two sizes too big for me.  The pants I brought would never close for you.  Did you think we were the same size?  I bought that skirt for you days before we left."
"..."
"Honey?  You're not mad at me, are you?"
"No, I guess I'm not.  Why didn't you just ask me?"
"Because you wouldn't have said yes!"
"I might have!  You're right.  I wouldn't have.  You know me pretty well, don't you Betty?"
"Yes I do.  And I know you want to be Lisa until we get back to the states."
"You mean 'until we leave for the states.'"
"No.  I plan to fly back home with Lisa.  What do you say to that?"
"..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm sorry.  For any of you who read this far, I'm not very good at this.

---

It Doesn't Make Sense

Lots of times, you'll see a cartoon where two phrases are connected and the cartoon illustrates the joining.
Like "candy corn flakes" or "guinea pig latin" or "clay pigeon toed" or "jumping jack in the box." Some, unlike my examples, are quite clever.

But this one, "bermuda triangle shorts" doesn't work. The joke is cute ~ his underwear disappears when it's inside his bermuda triangle shorts ~ but the phrase is wrong. It has to be "word" "keyword" "word" like "box office building."

So it doesn't work as a normal joke.

But I still like Speedbump.  And it's my Saturday t-cartoon for a reason which I shall reveal tomorrow.  Stay tooned!

---

Walking Round in Women's Underwear

If you're my one reader who hasn't heard this Bob Rivers song, google it.  I think there are some youtube videos out, in addition to the lyrics.

Now, about that underdressing poll....

132 of you answered the poll.  I'm guessing my GG readers passed, just to avoid the monotony.  Yes, I wear panties.  Yes, I wear girls' socks.  Yes, I wear hose.  Yes....

Twelve percent (16 ladies) compartmentalise: when male, you only wear male clothing.  When female, it's all girl.  I really can't remember, but I think from the time it occurred to me that I could wear women's clothing under my regular clothing, I started to do so ~ when I could.  Mostly, I couldn't, because of other people in my life.  Which leads to:

Sixteen percent (22 of you) would like to underdress, but circumstances don't allow.  I'm surprised this is that low.  I'm happy that most of you who want to underdress can underdress.

A good majority of you, like me, prefer panties and wear them at least half of the time.  I think I mentioned that I tossed all of my male underwear.  If someone sees my underwear, well I really don't care.

A quarter of you wear girls' socks.  I always do, and I wonder why it's so low.  It could be just the difficulty in getting large socks (there are some, and some stretchy socks).  Or it could be that there's so little difference that it's not worth the trouble.  Maybe they cross the line between under and outer wear and many feel uncomfortable if the socks are overtly feminine, and if they're not, well, why bother?

I think I answered my own question.  I bet most don't wear socks because you'd rather wear the more feminine stockings, pantyhose, or tights.  Almost two thirds of you wear them!  Plus, it's easier to get stockings that fit no matter how masculine your feet are.  I think, with the cooler weather, I'll make a point of wearing them more too.

Almost forty percent wear camisoles.  I love them.  I think, for me, it's a slip substitute.  I've noticed a lot of us like slips.

One in six wears a support garment.  I normally don't, but I almost always do when dressed.

This was the most surprising to me: Almost a third of you wear a bra!  I'd love to know more.  I would if I could, but it never seems practical.

And I guess I missed some options: fifteen percent said "something else."  I also had some private e-mails where you said you where some light makeup and maybe that's what readers had in mind, but that's not really "underdressing," is it?

But you also inspired me, and for the past week I've been wearing Cover Girl Wetslicks lip gloss over my regular lip balm (which isn't so regular ~ right now I'm using Softlips Wildberry.  And for those who don't know, I try to link to Amazon because if anyone follows any of these links and buys anything from Amazon, I get a shekel.  The lip gloss is somewhat subtle (although you can see the "wet lips" look) and doesn't last as long as I'd like, but it's a step towards I don't care, and next time I think I'll get something glossier.  So thank you for the idea.

Update: I wrote It's follow-up time!  There are four mini-polls on the right.  Please answer as appropriate.  I apologise to my cisgender readers.  You might enjoy ~ or be surprised ~ by the results. but the mini-polls won't be up until Monday morning.  Thanks for catching my oops, Ralph!

Here are the complete poll results:

No. Male is male, and female is female	16 (12%)
No, but I would if I could	22 (16%)
I wear panties more often than not	84 (63%)
I wear girls' socks	34 (25%)
I wear stockings, pantyhose, or tights	69 (52%)
I wear a camisole when I can	52 (39%)
I wear a bra. Shhhh....	41 (31%)
I wear a support undergarment	24 (18%)
I wear something else	20 (15%)

---

I Think I Need A Day Off

I'll be back tomorrow.

It's Hard

Any soul can sleep - few can die
Any wimp can weep - few can cry
Everyone complains - few can state
Anyone can stop - few can wait
It's hard - It's very very very very hard - so hard


A cross gender life can be a burden.  Life, under the apparently best of circumstances can be scary and difficult and feel out of control.  Being trans, even if you have a loving and supportive partner, can add to the confused mess we call life.

I was devastated to learn that one of my readers, who I knew as Penny Perfect, took her own life about ten days ago.  I only knew Penny through my blog and her blog and her other writings, which is to say I didn't really know her at all.  And devastated is the right word.  I cried on the phone with that supportive partner, Aeify when she told me the news.

Anyone can do anything if they hold the right card
So I'm thinking about my life now
I'm thinking very hard
Deal me another hand Lord, this one's very hard
Deal me another hand Lord, this one's very hard

My wish is next time, dear Penny, you'll be dealt a straight.  You were already all heart ~ that makes a straight flush.

I hope we meet next time around.  I'll look for you.  Maybe we'll be in the same sorority, or we'll be BFFs.  We'll giggle together and have slumber parties and all the things we didn't do in this life.

I'll miss you.

(Aeify can be found here)

---

What I Missed

While I was in Arizona late last month, I missed a Halloween party thrown by my state senator.  He met "Meg" once before, and I would have welcomed the chance to introduce her again ~ and this time Get Pictures!

But for the past several years, I've read about the Dupont Circle (a neighrborhood in DC) High Heel race, usually after it's over.  I've wanted to attend for a number of years, but logistics are hard.  I have a choice of the "perfect" shoes ~ platforms I can barely walk in or pumps I can run in.  I just need to figure out my goal.

Read about the 2011 race here.

---

The Floor Is Open

Until a couple of days ago, this picture has been sitting on my hard drive, unshared.  I wonder if anyone can make a guess as to who these ladies are and what the situation is.  Click to enlarge.

Send your guesses in comments or e-mail!

An aside: I know I'm going to have many new readers today because I was mentioned by Stana.  I hope y'all come back every day, and read some of the archives, but please please come back Wednesday.  Thank you.

---

A Classic

(Poll's almost closed!  Vote today if you haven't!)

Maybe you've have heard of this, or seen it long ago and wondered where you could find it again.  Maybe you've never heard about it.  It is a classic, probably from the late 50s or early 60s.  Walt Kelly was a genius of a cartoonist.  I remember when I was young, I used to skip over Pogo.  The typeface was just too much work for a young reader to work through.  When I got a bit older, I decided that since I read every other strip in the paper, I should read Pogo too.  After a few weeks, I was kicking myself for skipping it all those years.

Like Lil Abner, Pogo could be very political, using clever satire and analogies.  But it was also fun at a just-look-at-the-pictures-and-enjoy-the-punchline level.  His artwork was wonderful, so be sure to click and enlarge.

Walt's children tried to revive Pogo, but decided that the strips had shrunk too much to do justice to the art their father made famous.

Femaelstrom! Great Name

The perfect excuse to go full time.  Alas, it was just a one-off instead.

I've Never Done THAT Before!

My voice is not a girl's voice.  I listen to women all the time, and wish I could sound like them.  I can look like them, if the viewer is nearsighted and not looking to closely and easily fooled, but my voice fools no-one.  On the phone, I can do my best "Meg" voice and get "sir'd" from the other party.

I do try though.  I practice when I'm walking by myself, I practice in the car.  I've tried the femme voice websites, but I've not been able to get my voice where I want it.  Not ever.  I just use a quiet, slightly higher tone and hope the listener is the equivalent of nearsighted and not listening too closely (and still easily fooled).  I do try.

The first time I was out, I was in my car with my makeup lady and she said "say something in your girl voice."  I shook my head and said "I can't do that!"  Looking back, I can't believe I was presenting to the world as a girl for the first time, all made up, in a wig, blouse, skirt, and heels and I was embarrassed to try to speak like a woman!

But I didn't do it.  I let her talk whenever I needed to say something.  I might smile or nod, but not talking except to whisper to her.

Fast forward.

A couple of weeks ago, we had a few friends over.  I don't recall the details, but I was relating an event with a verbal content.  When I got to "and she said..."  I used my Meg voice.

I didn't even think about it.  I just did it.  While I was talking I remember thinking "hey... that's my girl voice I hear!" but I didn't hesitate or switch back.

One other time, I surprised myself by realising I was speaking in my girl voice: before my trip to Richmond, I got dressed and said goodbye to my wife.  We spoke a couple of sentences, and I also noticed I was speaking in MegTones.  My wife said nothing.  But that time, I was dressed.  This is the first time I wasn't dressed yet getting into femme mode without thinking.  I've got a long way to go, but I've come a long way, baby!

---

Oh The Irony!

This is old news, but sometimes I'm behind the times.

From the Concord (NH) Monitor, April 8 2009:

Men in kilts to debate rights of men in skirts

By Lauren R. Dorgan / Monitor staff

April 8, 2009

Today is Tartan Day in the New Hampshire House, the annual holiday when House members of Scottish heritage and sympathies bust out their plaids, and many men sport kilts.

The day begins with a re-vote on the transgender rights bill.

The bill, which opponents have dubbed the "bathroom bill, " failed two weeks ago. It would ban discrimination by landlords, employers and others against individuals who were born into one sex but who identify as the other.

Yes, that's right: Today, a proud tribe that some deride as men in skirts just might debate the rights of a proud tribe that critics decry as . . . men in skirts.

The Monitor checked in with Gerri Cannon, a Merrimack carpenter who has become one of the chief lobbyists for House Bill 415 and who was at the State House yesterday making the rounds. Born male, Cannon identifies as a woman, takes hormones to soften her features and hopes to have surgery one day.
Cannon had a good long laugh at the coincidence. "What a great day to vote on this!" Cannon said. She said she'd check her closet to see if she has any plaid to wear for the occasion.

Rep. Ed Butler, the sponsor of HB 415, chuckled.

"All I can say is that there will be men in skirts, or if you will, kilts, waiting in the wings!" he said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Daily Kos article can be found here.

Two final comments:
* I seem to remember something in Femulate from around then, so I checked.  Stana was writing about a CT bill at the same time.
* Good news: the bill passed by ONE VOTE 188-187.  Bad news: 187 of New Hampshire's best and brightest thought discriminating against some of their citizens was a good idea.

---

Occupy DC

(remember the poll....  If you want to see the background, it's here.)

Just a quick note: I went to Occupy DC last weekend, to look around.  One tent in particular caught my eye, and I didn't take a picture, dammit.

Outside the tent were three pairs of high heels I would have grabbed if I had been in a shoe store.  Above them was a sign: "Camp Sexy."

A Recap

This is a love letter to my good friends.

Six hundred posts in about eighteen months ~ a little under six hundred days.

What started as a way to tell about my upcoming "flying pretty" episode has gone on for a bit longer than I expected.  I've made a few friends and picked up a few readers.  I found an outlet for my urge to write.

And I've enjoyed every minute of it.

Where else did I stray to?  There was my first clothing swap, dressed.  My obsessive overplanning and obstinate underdressing.  There were various Halloweens and one Mardi Gras.  I wrote a few polls, which I haven't yet thanked you for: the polls are important to me.  Growing up as a budding crossdresser, yet certain I was alone in this... it helps to see that there are others who are so like me that it's scary.  And I find it really interesting to see what other paths my peers have taken.  And I hope it helped others the same way.

I've talked about shopping, makeup, shoes, shopping, manicures, pedicures, jewelry, shopping, and fashion (see sense, fashion: has none).  I've waxed philosophical about waxing.  Did I mention shopping?

I've talked about my friends: my female friends and my t-male friends.

I've covered hinting at and teasing civilians and their (non-)reactions. I wrote about two Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies.

I've lamented that I am a current crossdresser (because I'd like to see how it feels for the first time).

I've written about going out and coming out and being outed.

I've covered stories and no more stories.  I've gone from I care to I don't care.  I think both of these are life-changing events and I shared them with you pretty much in real-time, as they happened; as they are happening.  And I'm glad I had y'all to talk to.  You are my therapists and my sounding boards.  And your (over 1200) comments make me think, smile, and cheer.

I've shared some reader thoughts and influences readers have had on me.

I've talked about (and shared pictures of) my panties, socks, and camisoles.  I still owe you some cami pictures, I think.  I posted cartoons, and talked about them ~ and that's about as far off-topic as I've ever strayed!

I've met some readers and other t-gals and shared those experiences with you.

I covered my travels to and in Topeka, Dallas, Richmond, Tucson, Sierra Vista, Colorado Springs, Las Vegas, and I'm sure I'm missing somewhere.  And there was a second clothing swap.

I talked about plans that were made and (sigh) never became reality.

I've told you more than I've told anyone else in my entire life.  You know more about me than my closest family members.

Did I mention I've enjoyed every minute of it?  It bears repeating.

I've been re-reading this, looking for a close, and I just realised it sounds more like a suicide note than a love letter.  It's not.  A long time ago, I looked at the number of visitors per day.  I chose a round number a bit below that number and decided that if the readership went below that number for a week, or if I couldn't think of anything to write about for a week, I will shut down the blog.  Since then I doubled the number and as long as all eight of you stick around, I'll keep writing.  All seriousness aside, I hope to double it again someday.  I know, it's hard to spread the word when most of my readers only know a few potential readers, but I seem to be doing OK, although nowhere near the Stana Stratosphere (did she say 6000 a day?).

I'll admit that I'm not sure what my next post will be about, but I have a big box of muse food ready and I know she'll come through.  She gets her energy from you, and turns them into ideas and prose for me.

And while you're here, I know my muse would love it if you took the poll.  After all, it was her idea!

---

Don't Ask, Can't Tell

(this is it: my 600th post!)

"So, what did you do last weekend?"  "Saturday, we had some friends over for a barbeque.   And Sunday, I went to a Transgender Day of Remembrance" event at a little church in Fairfax."  "Really?  Why?"  "Well, I'm transgendered, and it's sad and scary how many other transgendered women have been assaulted or killed or lost their livelihoods just because of how they dress and who they are."

Yeah, right.  Like that water cooler conversation is ever going to happen.

Often I chat about a variety of things with friends or co-workers.  I'm sure you do as well.  And I'm sure we have the same problem.

We have to filter.

The other day, we were talking about airport security and problems we had going through.  I could top them all, but I couldn't say "I went through security dressed as a girl."  I couldn't even say "I have a better story than any of you but, alas, I can't tell it."

There are lots of thing I can't, or at least shouldn't, talk about.  Even simple things like "I always read (whatever) blog."  "Well, my day isn't complete if I don't catch up on Femulate."  Not gonna happen.

Sometimes, I talk fashion, or women's clothing, when the topic comes up.  When someone (invariably male) says "you know an awful lot about that" I say "it's a hobby."  I think they assume learning about women is my hobby.  Well, it is.  If this ever goes further, I'll write about it here.  I suspect ANYTHING I say would be considered a joke, and laughed off.

But I can't really talk about the clothing swaps.  We were talking about car problems and I told about my tire blowing up and me calling Geico and the manufacturer refusing to honour the warranty.  I didn't mention that I didn't change the tire myself because I was wearing a nice dress and I didn't want to mess it up.  That really makes the story, I think, but... can't tell.

I was talking to K, who works in my office, a few days ago and after we were done talking shop, I commented on her shoes.  Snakeskin, very high heel, very pointy toe.  She said they were very comfortable.  I said they wouldn't be for me; my feet are VERY wide.  She said her toes stopped here and she touched a point before the skinny part started.  She said she used to be a tomboy and she had to change just three or four years ago, when she took this job.  I told her that I thought that was scary, because it means I could become a girly girl in just a few years, if I had a mind to.  I know, I said "scary," but I meant "exciting."  Can't tell.  Must filter.

She said that the hardest thing of changing her wardrobe was having to wear heels to work.  I said I wore heels to work once.  She assumed I meant like boots with heels and started describing what she thought and I interrupted and said "no, shoes like yours."  She gave me an odd look and I said "it was Halloween."  She asked no questions, and changed the discussion to how she takes Halloween off, because traffic is always horrible that day.

A few days ago, I noticed she was wearing a Jockey camisole, under her shirt.  I recognised the lace pattern; I have a few just like it.  I really wanted to say something, but... well, even as just a guy commenting on clothes commenting on what's really underclothes is sort of off-limits.  And to say "isn't that a Jockey cami?" is definitely in the can't tell category.

Stana posted my picture on Femulate recently.  I felt like a celebrity, except it's more like I committed a horrible crime.  I had something to brag about, and couldn't.

I mentioned not long ago that I wanted to get something from Freecycle, but didn't request it because my wife and I knew the offerer.  It would have been wonderful to say "if you have any more castoffs in my size, let me know!  And I may have some things you'd like."

I typed my real surname into Facebook.  There were a bunch of people I'm somehow related to but have never met.  I was mulling how stupid it would be to join the group and say "my last name used to be *****" when I saw my wife's picture with a "I married a *****" next to it.  Heavy sigh.

I'm sure you all have similar stories: things that were funnier, stranger, more surreal because you were dressed when it happened.  And now you can't tell anyone, outside of our little circle.

---

Think About It

(one day to go)

Brewster Rockit, like the Stargate shows, takes place today but with a twist.  That has nothing to do with what I'm posting today, but it means they can incorporate current events into the strip ~ one of the things that makes it funner.  Tim Rickard is a funny guy, and I love his art: I'd call it "lazy superhero comics."  It seems like the images are cookie-cutter, but it works and it works well.

Oh....  Ensign Kenny is the equivalent of the "Star Trek" ensign who you know will not make it back to the Enterprise.

I had to read this one twice before I got it, but it was worth it!  Click to make it large enough to enjoy.

I Just KNOW He's Looking for an Excuse

(two days to go)

Lio (with a little bar over the i) is a very strange boy.  He's kind of Calvin, if Hobbes was a giant squid.

He never talks, he loves odd animals, and I am always amazed that Mark Tatulli also draws Heart of the City, which I featured once when he had Dean dressing as Heart for Halloween.  Heart is a little girl, Dean is her nerdy boyfriend and they are as different from Lio as night is from cucumbers.  Or something.  It's like finding out that Charles Addams did The Family Circus.  And if you don't know Charles Addams, google some of his cartoons and prepare to be amused.

Anyway, here's Lio.  (That's him in the first and last panels)

Underdressing?

(three days to go)

OK, new poll.  I thought I hid it yesterday but seven of you found it anyway!

I underdress.  I don't mean that I wear shorts to jeans occasions, or I wear jeans to dinner parties (although I sort of do that too, when I'm in drab).  I mean I crossdress, underneath.

As my male socks tear, they are replaced by women's socks.  I no longer own any male underwear.  I sometimes, especially in colder weather, wear pantyhose or tights under my slacks.  Although I usually wear socks over pantyhose, I usually wear black tights without socks.

I own no male undershirts.  I do own a number of camisoles and under a heavier shirt I'll wear a lacy one with thin straps.  Under a lighter shirt, I wear a more "tank top" type of camisole.

I have worn a waist cinch under my shirt/pants.  I don't do that often though.  On rare occasions, I've worn a bra under my clothes.

I know that some of us never underdress. I know that some of us overdress ~ we wear "passable" female clothes.  I have a few shirts that button on "the wrong side," most of my jeans are women's jeans, and my shoes are from Aerosoles; my casual shoes are women's New Balance.  Some of us wear a bit of makeup all or some of the time.

But that's another poll for another day.  Please take my "underdressing" poll.  I'm curious.  And feel free to e-mail me or drop a comment if you checked "something else."

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Transgender Day of Remembrance 2011

(four days to go)

Last year, I had a heckuva time finding the little Metropolitcan Community Church of Northern Virginia.  This year it was easier.  I parked a few doors down (it's in a row of connected commercial buildings) and walked around a bit.  When I saw a car that seemed to be cruising and looking for something I'd walk up, ask if they were looking for the church and point them in the right direction.  Last year, I was late because I was looking.  I wanted to help other (literally) lost souls.

I'll be skipping the clothing swap this weekend.  For the TDoR service, they requested canned goods or clothing for TransGender Health Empowerment (THE) in DC and I had a nice blouse and two really nice skirts (that, alas, didn't quite fit) put away for the swap ~ they came with me to the church instead.

Before the event, I spoke to the reverend I spoke to last year after the event ~ she remembered me; not surprisingly, I didn't remember her.

I sat at the end of a row with a seat between me and the woman to my left.  We didn't chat; our only interactions were a nod when I sat down and, for the final song, we all held hands.  While standing and singing and holding her hand, I felt a nudge from the other side and a man from the chorus was standing next to me, smiling, and holding out his hand.  A row came out of somewhere ~ I don't know if this was choreographed, but it seemed like everyone had two partners by the time the song ended.  The woman on my left squeezed my hand and we smiled at each other.

Afterwards, there were snacks and coffee and I didn't stick around.  I couldn't see myself socialising, although I did seek out a couple of choir members to tell them their singing was magnificent.  There was a woman from THE who made a rambling, emotional speech ~ she knew some women who were the victims of violence in DC ~ who I wanted to seek out after the service, but I didn't see her.  I wasn't sure what I was going to say to her.  Maybe I was just going to give her a hug and leave.

I sent an e-mail to the reverend after the service, which I'll echo here:

Reverend,

It was nice to see you again.  My prayer is always that next year, there will be no need for a service like this but when I saw there was an update [in addition to the list of women murdered, there was an "additions" sheet], well, my heart sank again.

I planned to stay for snacks and coffee afterwards, but could not.  In many ways, it's easier for me to be out as Meg than it is to be around crowds, even crowds of people I have much in common with ~ potential friends.

I have a couple of questions: is there an agenda or topic for your Friday night trans session?  About how many people attend? [They list a "T Peer Led Support Group" in their calendar, and the reverend mentioned it to me that evening but there are no details on the website]

The music was powerful, the choir was fantastic, and I had the same experience as last time.  Afterwards, I was energised.  I can't think of another word.  It's similar to how I feel when I return home after time out as Meg: I have a lot of energy, I feel like I can do anything.  It seems strange that I would feel like that after a remembrance service but...

I've been encouraging my readers to go to a service or ceremony every day this week.  One of my readers, got up in her church and mentioned TDoR.  My synagogue has an e-mail list, but I don't think I could show the same level of courage that she did.  I have given myself an action item: next August (so there's plenty of time) I will meet with my rabbi.  I will tell her about Meg and what the TDoR is (if she doesn't know) and ask that it be mentioned for the congregation.  Two years ago the synagogue had a booth at the gay pride events in DC.  I was out of town but if I was here I had planned to join them.  If they can sanction and put some gold behind reaching out to the gay community, I think they'd be open to the transgendered community.  I keep hoping we're the "next frontier" in the struggle for equality.  I keep hoping it's our turn.

Again, thank you for hosting this powerful service, and giving those we lost a voice one more time.

I do hope next year I learn TDoR has been cancelled due to lack of need.

I hope I never see the name of a friend (and that's every one of you) on the TDoR program.

I'll see if I can scan in parts of the program next week.

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Breast Poll Part Two

(five days to go)

The second poll was for those of us who aren't planning on going a more permanent route.

But for now...

I use water/jello/other liquid	7 (6%)
I use rice/polyfil/other particles	8 (7%)
Silicon forms for me	50 (49%)
Foam forms are fine	10 (9%)
Other padding (write and tell me what)	4 (3%)
It's all me, all natural	22 (21%)

In the second poll, the eight responders who said their bust is natural somehow jumped to 22.  This is what has been giving me so much trouble.  I don't see how this could be, but I really want to be one of those 22!

Half of you (like me) use silicon forms.  I think they can't be beat, if you need help.  And lord knows I need help.  Lots of help.  I sometimes put something behind the form just because the form back is concave and  I am not convex.

Way behind are foam forms (too light, no bounce) then liquids or granules of some sort.  Four of you said "other" but no-one enlightened me.  Socks?  Hose?  Tissues?  Styrofoam molds?  Nuts and bolts?  I haven't a clue.

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This Has Gone On Long Enough

That poll has just been sitting there for a long long time.  It should have been a pretty simple poll, but something doesn't add up.  But I've thought about it long enough.

There were two parts:

Breasts: I want them

I've had/want implants	7 (6%)
I'd consider implants	16 (14%)
I'm on/I'd consider hormones	31 (27%)
I'm taking/I'd consider herbals	10 (9%)
I've tried/I'd try hypnosis	2 (1%)
Padding is just fine, thank you	37 (33%)
It's all me, all natural	8 (7%)

About a third of you are perfectly happy with padding.  I am too, I think.  The most important thing is they can be put away if necessary.  Growing my own ~ well, not so much.  I think I have to be further on the "I don't care" path for that.  That's not to say I'd never be there.

I think I've taken a big step down that path, at least internally.  At least when talking about who I am and what I do.

But maybe not.  I decided if anyone asks me if any item I'm wearing is women's clothing, I'll say yes and say that I enjoy women's clothes.  A caveat: it does depend on the audience.  If it's the guys from the weekly poker game, probably not.  If it's at our weekly meeting with the customer, no.  If it's a couple of co-workers, yes.  If it's one or more friends of mine (not friends of my wife) then yes.


A few months ago, I would have sidestepped that question.  It has, however, never come up, even when I'm joking about a woman wearing men's clothing, or talking about how women can wear anything but men are limited.  And at the same time, I'm wearing a women's shirt or slacks or flowery socks.

Another seven percent are sufficiently endowed to not need or want any artificial enhancement.  I envy you.

But that leaves an amazing 60% who'd like breasts full-time!  I really find that surprising.  I may, at some time, revisit this and break the I may/I have questions into an either-or situation.  I mean, I'd consider hormones, but probably reject the idea.  That's a lot different from someone who's on them now.  It's like the difference between involved and committed: in a ham and eggs breakfast, the chicken is involved; the pig is committed.

Six percent had or want implants.  A couple of you would consider hypnosis ~ it might work, and there are actually programs you can buy or download to give it a try.

And almost 40% of you would take or are on hormones or herbals.

For me, it's a hard question.  Hormones will work, but there are side effects.  Herbals *may* work, but there are the same side effects.  There are so many estrogen impersonators out there and so much anecdotal evidence of their feminising capabilities that I won't say they're a fraud.  I think it depends on the particular woman.

Implants work, but I've heard that they're not really permanent.  They'll certainly give you breasts, but if you're interested in adding to your hips and butt, well, no.

But hormones are not "breast pills."  They're "girl pills" and there are psychological changes as well as physical ones.

If someone passed sentence and said "you can stop dressing forever, or ramp it up a notch with implants or hormones..."  I'm not sure which I'd do.  I'm really not sure. 

But I do know "stop dressing" is off the table.  And maybe that's another poll someday.

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