On Tuesday, I mentioned that, after the TDoR, I spoke to a clergy member from a local synagogue. I told her about the "transgender 101" session that was given to middle school students at my synagogue. She expressed interest in doing a similar session for her students and was curious to know about the format and such.
I told her I'd get her what information I had. I know I had a handout which I kept for a possible post (or discussion with my boys) but it disappeared. I wrote to the instructor and asked if I could pass on his contact information. I told him about my encounter and said it was "after the TDoR service at the UU church."
So now he knows one of three things about me: (a) I'm transgendered; (b) one of my children or another close family member is transgendered; or (c) I'm an empathetic civilian.
(c) is the least likeliest. He might think it's (b) but I have sent an e-mail to the woman from the other synagogue with his contact information.
Their exchange will proceed something like:
"Hi. Meg gave me your contact information. I'd like to discuss blah blah blah."
"Hi. I don't know 'Meg' but {male name} contacted me about that. Is that who you mean?"
Thus removing all doubt.
A casual outing.
Showing posts with label Transgender Day of Remembrance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Transgender Day of Remembrance. Show all posts
Friday, November 28, 2014
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Transgender Day of Remembrance, Program
(Have a good Thanksgiving, my American sisters, and remember those who didn't get to enjoy this day.)
It was a moving ceremony, well attended. Here is a scan of the program and a hope that this is the last one that will ever be necessary.
It was a moving ceremony, well attended. Here is a scan of the program and a hope that this is the last one that will ever be necessary.
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| Past victims on the cover |
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| Introduction on page 2 |
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| The "stages" were moving personal stories, well done |
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| Candles were snuffed out for "We Remember" |
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| End of service |
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| This year's victims. So sad |
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Transgender Day of Remembrance, Service
Truth be told, I was thinking of skipping the night out because I was so tired that day, but I expected to see a minister there who knew me and knew about Meg, although she had not met Meg. I'll tell the story of my coming out to her soon, after I clear out a backlog of going out events and a few other bits of flotsam and jetsam.
We sat down and I saw a few people I recognised (or that Charity helped me recognise). I said hi to Rev. Emma, the minister from the Metropolitan Community Church that hosted the event in years past. She remembered me, had even written to me a few days earlier to inform me that the event had moved, and was sweet enough to ask for a hug.
The service was very nice, and surprisingly diverse, with respect to religion: it included:
* two pastors from the MCC,
* ministers from the Unitarian Universalist Church of Fairfax, which was the host church,
* a pastor from the United Church of Christ,
* someone (I didn't get her title) from Congregation Adat Reyim, an unaffiliated Jewish synagogue; she was standing in for a rabbi who had taken ill.
People told their stories, we remembered the eleven women who died senselessly between the last TDoR and this one, sang a bit and prayed a bit.
I'd say there were about a hundred men and women in attendance. I'd also say women outnumbered the men by at least ten to one. Rev. Emma mentioned that some of the people who came forward to light candles for each victim were parents of transgendered children.
After the ceremony there was an area where we could schmooze and snack. I normally skip out on those and considering that I skipped our soiree five days earlier because I felt anxious about being around people, I might have skipped this one except I wanted to talk to a few people.
I didn't see my minister friend, the one I was hoping to see, but I saw her wife who was fortunately
wearing a name tag so I recognised her (they are a long-term couple who married last Valentine's Day). She was standing a few feet away and I said something along the lines of "Barb is here." She looked up and Charity introduced herself and she looked at me and said "and you are...?" and I responded with my male name. She was genuinely surprised, which is definitely a positive, and I mentioned this to her.
I've mentioned this before: when out and you see someone you know there will be a range of possible reactions: not being noticed at all, being given a cursory once-over as "woman I don't know," being given a "is that a guy?" look, and "hey! That's {your male name}!" The last is the least likely. I think we generally look very different when dressed, especially if a wig is involved.
I'd guessed she would recognise my being trans, just because of the venue, but I was pleased that she didn't know me. We had met at least a dozen times in the past.
We chatted a bit (my minister friend also had a bug) and I moved on. I saw a UU minister who had performed the first part of the service and I complimented her on her presentation. I also asked her where I could find the Jewish woman who had run another part of the service. She pointed her out to me and we went over to say hi.
I told her I was a member of a different congregation and said I was unfamiliar with her synagogue. Her reaction was: "oh good. Another Jew" which I thought was funny. I'm sure there were several even if they didn't jump up and wave their arms.
I told her that when my youngest was 14, one Sunday school segment was devoted to "Trans 101" and she asked for details because she wanted to do something like that at her synagogue. She gave me her card and I said I'd see what I can find for her.
We also spoke with a couple of ladies we had met before and then headed back home.
We sat down and I saw a few people I recognised (or that Charity helped me recognise). I said hi to Rev. Emma, the minister from the Metropolitan Community Church that hosted the event in years past. She remembered me, had even written to me a few days earlier to inform me that the event had moved, and was sweet enough to ask for a hug.
The service was very nice, and surprisingly diverse, with respect to religion: it included:
* two pastors from the MCC,
* ministers from the Unitarian Universalist Church of Fairfax, which was the host church,
* a pastor from the United Church of Christ,
* someone (I didn't get her title) from Congregation Adat Reyim, an unaffiliated Jewish synagogue; she was standing in for a rabbi who had taken ill.
People told their stories, we remembered the eleven women who died senselessly between the last TDoR and this one, sang a bit and prayed a bit.
I'd say there were about a hundred men and women in attendance. I'd also say women outnumbered the men by at least ten to one. Rev. Emma mentioned that some of the people who came forward to light candles for each victim were parents of transgendered children.
After the ceremony there was an area where we could schmooze and snack. I normally skip out on those and considering that I skipped our soiree five days earlier because I felt anxious about being around people, I might have skipped this one except I wanted to talk to a few people.
I didn't see my minister friend, the one I was hoping to see, but I saw her wife who was fortunately
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| Crispy Beef :) |
I've mentioned this before: when out and you see someone you know there will be a range of possible reactions: not being noticed at all, being given a cursory once-over as "woman I don't know," being given a "is that a guy?" look, and "hey! That's {your male name}!" The last is the least likely. I think we generally look very different when dressed, especially if a wig is involved.
I'd guessed she would recognise my being trans, just because of the venue, but I was pleased that she didn't know me. We had met at least a dozen times in the past.
We chatted a bit (my minister friend also had a bug) and I moved on. I saw a UU minister who had performed the first part of the service and I complimented her on her presentation. I also asked her where I could find the Jewish woman who had run another part of the service. She pointed her out to me and we went over to say hi.
I told her I was a member of a different congregation and said I was unfamiliar with her synagogue. Her reaction was: "oh good. Another Jew" which I thought was funny. I'm sure there were several even if they didn't jump up and wave their arms.
I told her that when my youngest was 14, one Sunday school segment was devoted to "Trans 101" and she asked for details because she wanted to do something like that at her synagogue. She gave me her card and I said I'd see what I can find for her.
We also spoke with a couple of ladies we had met before and then headed back home.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Transgender Day of Remembrance, Pre-Service
I'm jumping around a bit right now. I have a few days queued up about my visit to the Renaissance Faire, the Cardmodel Convention, and some miscellaneous events. I'll get there. Honest.
20 November was both the Transgender Day of Remembrance and somewhat cold. I wore the same
dress I wore few weeks ago, when I met Sharon for dinner. It's cute, comfortable, and warm.
The service began at 7:30, which is an inconvenient time for Meg. It means I either have to eat early and spend my normal dinner hour dressing or dress early and prepare food and eat dressed (and carefully). So... we went for the third option and dressed earlyish and ate out.
The Northern Virginia TDoR was in Oakton, west of where I live. It's not far ~ maybe a dozen miles ~ but it's in the direction of People Heading Home. There are multiple ways west, and all share the virtue of being clogged at that time. Even though I expected it to be a mess, I opted for the road with the fewest lights. I was not disappointed. It was indeed a mess.
We stopped at a Chinese restaurant about a mile from the event and had a nice dinner coupled with an interesting observation.
We were treated as any other women out to eat. I've come to expect that and, again, I was not disappointed. But when the waiter first came over he asked if we wanted something to drink and if we wanted to be on one cheque or two.
Hmmm.... I've been out in male mode with women (and t-girls) many times and have never been asked if we wanted separate cheques. The only reason he would have to ask is, often two women (or two guys) sit down together but want to pay separately.
That's maybe better than being "ma'am'd!"
Dinner was fine although a bit rushed; traffic put us a bit behind schedule but we got to the church in plenty of time.
20 November was both the Transgender Day of Remembrance and somewhat cold. I wore the same
The service began at 7:30, which is an inconvenient time for Meg. It means I either have to eat early and spend my normal dinner hour dressing or dress early and prepare food and eat dressed (and carefully). So... we went for the third option and dressed earlyish and ate out.
The Northern Virginia TDoR was in Oakton, west of where I live. It's not far ~ maybe a dozen miles ~ but it's in the direction of People Heading Home. There are multiple ways west, and all share the virtue of being clogged at that time. Even though I expected it to be a mess, I opted for the road with the fewest lights. I was not disappointed. It was indeed a mess.
We stopped at a Chinese restaurant about a mile from the event and had a nice dinner coupled with an interesting observation.
We were treated as any other women out to eat. I've come to expect that and, again, I was not disappointed. But when the waiter first came over he asked if we wanted something to drink and if we wanted to be on one cheque or two.
Hmmm.... I've been out in male mode with women (and t-girls) many times and have never been asked if we wanted separate cheques. The only reason he would have to ask is, often two women (or two guys) sit down together but want to pay separately.
That's maybe better than being "ma'am'd!"
Dinner was fine although a bit rushed; traffic put us a bit behind schedule but we got to the church in plenty of time.
Friday, December 6, 2013
20 Nov 2013 ~ The Service
The service was nice. The minister spoke this year; in the past, women who were close to home on the issue of trans-violence spoke. She added details to most of the people pictured in the bulletin.
They recited a few lines from Benedictus, a marvellous song by The Strawbs.
There was a table with a candle for each victim of fatal violence. They had different members of the congregation recite each victim's name and snuff out the candles. Then each candle was re-lit.
There was a snack after the service. We didn't stay. I did stop for a minute to speak to the minister, who remembered me from previous years.
I can't understand how someone can harm or kill someone else simply because they're living their lives.
I've tried.
They recited a few lines from Benedictus, a marvellous song by The Strawbs.
There was a table with a candle for each victim of fatal violence. They had different members of the congregation recite each victim's name and snuff out the candles. Then each candle was re-lit.
There was a snack after the service. We didn't stay. I did stop for a minute to speak to the minister, who remembered me from previous years.
I can't understand how someone can harm or kill someone else simply because they're living their lives.
I've tried.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
20 Nov 13 ~ At the Church
We entered the church and I saw JoAnn, who I knew and actually recognised. She was sitting front
and center; I wanted to be closer to the back so we went to the right and found two seats. Charity saw a couple of people she knew. I said "I don't know anybody." I was referring to my face recognition issue, but at that the woman in front of us turned around, introduced herself, and said "now you do." We had a nice chat and then I left them to talk while I went to say hi to JoAnn.
I had noticed JoAnn was talking to a couple of women right behind her so after we spoke a bit I asked softly "do I know the women behind you?" She said yes, and that I had met them at her house. So I said hi (they remembered me) and went back to my seat as the service started.
There was a woman sitting to my left wearing a white dress. I didn't get a chance to talk to her, but if I did, I would have mentioned that she looked just like a woman (gg) I used to work with. I wish I had. I know I'd consider that a high point of my day to be told I looked just like a woman someone knew.
Brief explanation: even though I have trouble with faces (or maybe it's a consequence) I often point out someone who looks like someone else, and I often get a "you're right. I hadn't noticed" reply. It's an odd talent, and it would be more useful if I had a larger pool of Faces I Know to relate to.
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| Unassuming church in the background |
I had noticed JoAnn was talking to a couple of women right behind her so after we spoke a bit I asked softly "do I know the women behind you?" She said yes, and that I had met them at her house. So I said hi (they remembered me) and went back to my seat as the service started.
There was a woman sitting to my left wearing a white dress. I didn't get a chance to talk to her, but if I did, I would have mentioned that she looked just like a woman (gg) I used to work with. I wish I had. I know I'd consider that a high point of my day to be told I looked just like a woman someone knew.
Brief explanation: even though I have trouble with faces (or maybe it's a consequence) I often point out someone who looks like someone else, and I often get a "you're right. I hadn't noticed" reply. It's an odd talent, and it would be more useful if I had a larger pool of Faces I Know to relate to.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
20 Nov 2013 ~ Getting Ready
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| And pumps. |
I wore a dress I hadn't worn before. Since it was a church event, I needed to dress up a bit. I considered a suit but it didn't seem like that sort of church, from my past visits. I needed a cami under the dress, and I wore plain black tights and pumps.
Charity came with me. Only a few of the local girls said they were going to the Fairfax event that night. We arrived about ten minutes early, which was good ~ we had some time to chat.
Monday, December 2, 2013
20 Nov 13
was the Transgender Day of Remembrance. I joined 40 or 50 people at the same church in Fairfax I'd gone to for three or four of the five years they've been presenting this service. Here's the program. You can click to enlarge each page.
Please be safe out there.
Please be safe out there.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Transgender Day of Remembrance, Part III
And Afterwards
After the service, I sought out the minister I met last year (not easy ~ you know about me and faces!). Remember I went to the previous two years in drab, and I spoke to her each time. So I almost fainted when I introduced myself as "Meg" and said I spoke to her at previous TDoR events and she said "I remember you!" That's absolutely the LAST thing I want to hear under those circumstances!
It turns out, she remembered my blog. I had given her the address and she took the time and trouble to visit and matched me up to my pictures. Crises averted, although she has met Meg and the other me. That makes her one of a small but slowly growing group.
From there, Cindy, Charity, Rachel, and I went to a nearby restaurant. We had some t-chat, some girl talk, and some nice food in a mostly-empty restaurant. I can't speak for the rest of the girls, but I did not want to leave. Alas, Tuesday night outings means Wednesday morning work.
Here is a picture of the t-threesome and the program for the event. Click on any to enlarge.
After the service, I sought out the minister I met last year (not easy ~ you know about me and faces!). Remember I went to the previous two years in drab, and I spoke to her each time. So I almost fainted when I introduced myself as "Meg" and said I spoke to her at previous TDoR events and she said "I remember you!" That's absolutely the LAST thing I want to hear under those circumstances!
It turns out, she remembered my blog. I had given her the address and she took the time and trouble to visit and matched me up to my pictures. Crises averted, although she has met Meg and the other me. That makes her one of a small but slowly growing group.
From there, Cindy, Charity, Rachel, and I went to a nearby restaurant. We had some t-chat, some girl talk, and some nice food in a mostly-empty restaurant. I can't speak for the rest of the girls, but I did not want to leave. Alas, Tuesday night outings means Wednesday morning work.
Here is a picture of the t-threesome and the program for the event. Click on any to enlarge.
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| Meg, Rachel, Cindy (Lucinda) |
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Transgender Day of Remembrance, Part II
Remembering
I got there early, but not as early as I hoped. The church clergy requested a donation of a canned good or clothing for a trans-support shelter in DC. I brought in several items of clothing that I held back from the latest swap (sorry Kim, but I have *more* ~ I promise).
As I walked into the sanctuary, a pretty girl in the back row said "Meg?" and I met Cindy. She introduced Joann and we moved up a few rows and sat and got to know each other. Unfortunately, I didn't get to say more than "hello" to Joann. I had a nice talk with Cindy and made sure she knew how great I thought it was that she runs this group and encourages other girls to get out. It felt weird saying that, considering we were in an event remembering girls (and boys) who died just for doing what we were doing. I will admit that girls like Cindy and Stana and a few others are personal heroines.
At the start of the service Rachel came bouncing in. Some of us are out. Rachel is OUT. I first met
her before she was Rachel (she was Vanessa then) and before she understood herself (she's transitioning now). Where I am full of doubts about my situation, Rachel is at peace. Everyone who needs to know about Rachel, knows, and they are dealing with it. Her orchestra mates are fine, her co-workers and work management are fine, her wife is fine.... I think until one reaches their own personal equivalent of Rachel's level one cannot answer the simple question, "how important is this to me?"
The service was very nice. I was going to add "but a wee bit disorganised" but until I can do better, I'll keep my mouth shut. Fingers still. Whatever.
I enjoyed the readings, and I enjoyed the speakers even more than the readings.
The crowd participated via singing, holding hands, sitting sadly when they lit a candle for each person killed in the past year.
At the end, I was looking over the people who came up to light the candles and the congregants. I started to make a mental list of how many men were there, how many women, and I didn't. I realised I'm in a room full of people strewn across the gender spectrum and if we introduced ourselves just by gender experiences we'd probably each occupy a unique spot:
He used to be she and just got married to a woman.
She is gender-satisfied and gay.
He is trans but scared and would faint if someone handed him a bra.
She is getting hormones because facial/body hair is important to her self image.
He told his wife about his secret hobby because hearing about the TDoR made it important to do so.
She has a son who's trans, out in California.
He is deep in the closet, hiding his girl wardrobe, and made up an excuse to come tonight.
She believes in equal rights, deep in her soul, and came to show support and learn.
I don't know anybody's story. But I know deep down that every person in that congregation had a different one. We're all people with a common interest: we're here because other people died for the crime of being themselves.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Transgender Day of Remembrance, Part I
Forecast: Partly Cloudy, Low in the Mid 40s
Once again, I went to a nearby Transgender Day of Remembrance event. This is the third consecutive year I've gone. I would have gone to earlier events, but I didn't know about them. This is the fourth year at this particular church (the Metropolitan Community Church of Northern Virginia) so I'm batting .750. As soon as I learned that there is a particular day to remember those in our community who've been victims of fatal violence, I knew I had to show my face and raise my voice. I don't recall thinking it over at all. I had to go. Even though I'd show my male face. It was that important.
This year, however, I went as Meg. I met a friend there. I met a couple of new friends there. And I brought someone with me as well.
There was a little chatter on the Classy DC Sisters [CDCS] group about going to a TDoR event in Maryland. I rarely get involved on that list (although I follow their going's on and goings out), but I knew many of the girls live in VA and I wrote about the Fairfax event, along with some information about how to find the church. Google maps and my GPS both think the church is on a different street. It's in what's basically a townhouse ~ the type where you'll find professional offices and small businesses. Two years ago, I got in late because I couldn't find it. I spoke to other people aimlessly driving around the parking lots ~ most gave up and went home. Last year, I wandered the lot myself and when I saw lost-looking people I told them where the church was and where to park.
Rachel (Vanessa last time I met her) said she'd be there, and Cindy Tease, who I've wanted to meet for a while (she's the queen of the CDCS) and Joann (Texas gal, very active in the CDCS) said they'd be there. I told Cindy what I'd be wearing so she'd maybe recognise me. I looked at her picture but knew I had little chance of remembering what she looked like. Still, I tried.
It was on a Tuesday this year. I left work as early as I could and shaved and showered. Charity, who was coming to the event with me, helped me with my makeup. I knew traffic would be nasty so I tried to leave early enough that I could meet Joann and Cindy and chat a bit before the service.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Transgender Day of Remembrance
November 20 is on a Tuesday this year. The official TDOR website has nothing about this year's upcoming events. I'll keep an eye on it and let y'all know when something is up. I'll also keep an eye on their facebook page.
I plan to attend a service or event as Meg this year, for the first time.
Next year, I hope and pray we don't need one. This year, we do.
I plan to attend a service or event as Meg this year, for the first time.
Next year, I hope and pray we don't need one. This year, we do.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Transgender Day of Remembrance 2011
(four days to go)
Last year, I had a heckuva time finding the little Metropolitcan Community Church of Northern Virginia. This year it was easier. I parked a few doors down (it's in a row of connected commercial buildings) and walked around a bit. When I saw a car that seemed to be cruising and looking for something I'd walk up, ask if they were looking for the church and point them in the right direction. Last year, I was late because I was looking. I wanted to help other (literally) lost souls.
I'll be skipping the clothing swap this weekend. For the TDoR service, they requested canned goods or clothing for TransGender Health Empowerment (THE) in DC and I had a nice blouse and two really nice skirts (that, alas, didn't quite fit) put away for the swap ~ they came with me to the church instead.
Before the event, I spoke to the reverend I spoke to last year after the event ~ she remembered me; not surprisingly, I didn't remember her.
I sat at the end of a row with a seat between me and the woman to my left. We didn't chat; our only interactions were a nod when I sat down and, for the final song, we all held hands. While standing and singing and holding her hand, I felt a nudge from the other side and a man from the chorus was standing next to me, smiling, and holding out his hand. A row came out of somewhere ~ I don't know if this was choreographed, but it seemed like everyone had two partners by the time the song ended. The woman on my left squeezed my hand and we smiled at each other.
Afterwards, there were snacks and coffee and I didn't stick around. I couldn't see myself socialising, although I did seek out a couple of choir members to tell them their singing was magnificent. There was a woman from THE who made a rambling, emotional speech ~ she knew some women who were the victims of violence in DC ~ who I wanted to seek out after the service, but I didn't see her. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to her. Maybe I was just going to give her a hug and leave.
I sent an e-mail to the reverend after the service, which I'll echo here:
Reverend,
It was nice to see you again. My prayer is always that next year, there will be no need for a service like this but when I saw there was an update [in addition to the list of women murdered, there was an "additions" sheet], well, my heart sank again.
I planned to stay for snacks and coffee afterwards, but could not. In many ways, it's easier for me to be out as Meg than it is to be around crowds, even crowds of people I have much in common with ~ potential friends.
I have a couple of questions: is there an agenda or topic for your Friday night trans session? About how many people attend? [They list a "T Peer Led Support Group" in their calendar, and the reverend mentioned it to me that evening but there are no details on the website]
The music was powerful, the choir was fantastic, and I had the same experience as last time. Afterwards, I was energised. I can't think of another word. It's similar to how I feel when I return home after time out as Meg: I have a lot of energy, I feel like I can do anything. It seems strange that I would feel like that after a remembrance service but...
I've been encouraging my readers to go to a service or ceremony every day this week. One of my readers, got up in her church and mentioned TDoR. My synagogue has an e-mail list, but I don't think I could show the same level of courage that she did. I have given myself an action item: next August (so there's plenty of time) I will meet with my rabbi. I will tell her about Meg and what the TDoR is (if she doesn't know) and ask that it be mentioned for the congregation. Two years ago the synagogue had a booth at the gay pride events in DC. I was out of town but if I was here I had planned to join them. If they can sanction and put some gold behind reaching out to the gay community, I think they'd be open to the transgendered community. I keep hoping we're the "next frontier" in the struggle for equality. I keep hoping it's our turn.
Again, thank you for hosting this powerful service, and giving those we lost a voice one more time.
I do hope next year I learn TDoR has been cancelled due to lack of need.
I hope I never see the name of a friend (and that's every one of you) on the TDoR program.
I'll see if I can scan in parts of the program next week.
Last year, I had a heckuva time finding the little Metropolitcan Community Church of Northern Virginia. This year it was easier. I parked a few doors down (it's in a row of connected commercial buildings) and walked around a bit. When I saw a car that seemed to be cruising and looking for something I'd walk up, ask if they were looking for the church and point them in the right direction. Last year, I was late because I was looking. I wanted to help other (literally) lost souls.
I'll be skipping the clothing swap this weekend. For the TDoR service, they requested canned goods or clothing for TransGender Health Empowerment (THE) in DC and I had a nice blouse and two really nice skirts (that, alas, didn't quite fit) put away for the swap ~ they came with me to the church instead.
Before the event, I spoke to the reverend I spoke to last year after the event ~ she remembered me; not surprisingly, I didn't remember her.
I sat at the end of a row with a seat between me and the woman to my left. We didn't chat; our only interactions were a nod when I sat down and, for the final song, we all held hands. While standing and singing and holding her hand, I felt a nudge from the other side and a man from the chorus was standing next to me, smiling, and holding out his hand. A row came out of somewhere ~ I don't know if this was choreographed, but it seemed like everyone had two partners by the time the song ended. The woman on my left squeezed my hand and we smiled at each other.
Afterwards, there were snacks and coffee and I didn't stick around. I couldn't see myself socialising, although I did seek out a couple of choir members to tell them their singing was magnificent. There was a woman from THE who made a rambling, emotional speech ~ she knew some women who were the victims of violence in DC ~ who I wanted to seek out after the service, but I didn't see her. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to her. Maybe I was just going to give her a hug and leave.
I sent an e-mail to the reverend after the service, which I'll echo here:
Reverend,
It was nice to see you again. My prayer is always that next year, there will be no need for a service like this but when I saw there was an update [in addition to the list of women murdered, there was an "additions" sheet], well, my heart sank again.
I planned to stay for snacks and coffee afterwards, but could not. In many ways, it's easier for me to be out as Meg than it is to be around crowds, even crowds of people I have much in common with ~ potential friends.
I have a couple of questions: is there an agenda or topic for your Friday night trans session? About how many people attend? [They list a "T Peer Led Support Group" in their calendar, and the reverend mentioned it to me that evening but there are no details on the website]
The music was powerful, the choir was fantastic, and I had the same experience as last time. Afterwards, I was energised. I can't think of another word. It's similar to how I feel when I return home after time out as Meg: I have a lot of energy, I feel like I can do anything. It seems strange that I would feel like that after a remembrance service but...
I've been encouraging my readers to go to a service or ceremony every day this week. One of my readers, got up in her church and mentioned TDoR. My synagogue has an e-mail list, but I don't think I could show the same level of courage that she did. I have given myself an action item: next August (so there's plenty of time) I will meet with my rabbi. I will tell her about Meg and what the TDoR is (if she doesn't know) and ask that it be mentioned for the congregation. Two years ago the synagogue had a booth at the gay pride events in DC. I was out of town but if I was here I had planned to join them. If they can sanction and put some gold behind reaching out to the gay community, I think they'd be open to the transgendered community. I keep hoping we're the "next frontier" in the struggle for equality. I keep hoping it's our turn.
Again, thank you for hosting this powerful service, and giving those we lost a voice one more time.
I do hope next year I learn TDoR has been cancelled due to lack of need.
I hope I never see the name of a friend (and that's every one of you) on the TDoR program.
I'll see if I can scan in parts of the program next week.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
TDor Report Part V: The Program Continued
Two pages commemorating the people who were killed because of hate and ignorance were included in the program. Eleven candles were lit ~ one for each soul, one for the others who died anonymously. My wish is that the eleventh candle was for no-one.
Click on each page to enlarge.
Click on each page to enlarge.
Friday, November 26, 2010
TDor Report Part IV: The Program
I enjoyed the readings and singing at the service. The program had the usual text. I'm including the pictures from the program on here. This is the front cover. Click for full size.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
TDoR Report Part III: After The Service
I left quickly, without speaking with other people there. If I were a different person, I might have asked if I could get up in front of the congregation. I might have said
I've never been to this church. I don't know how many people in the congregation are regulars, or how many came, as I did, for this Remembrance service. From here, I see little groups of one and two and empty seats between.
To reduce the violence in our community, we need to reduce the space between ourselves. It's sad that even when we come together, we're separate and alone.
I might have, if I were a different person.
I left quickly, after speaking to the two women I mentioned yesterday.
Instead of getting in my car, I walked across the street to the shopping centre. I walked around a bit, past the Safeway, past the little shoe store I'd never seen before (alas, closed). Before the service, I walked a lot, looking for the church. Now I needed some aimless walking time.
At home, I mentioned to my wife that the church seemed to have a LGBT flavour. She said, "I figured. And that's why I didn't go. It doesn't interest me."
That made me sad, too.
I've never been to this church. I don't know how many people in the congregation are regulars, or how many came, as I did, for this Remembrance service. From here, I see little groups of one and two and empty seats between.
To reduce the violence in our community, we need to reduce the space between ourselves. It's sad that even when we come together, we're separate and alone.
I might have, if I were a different person.
I left quickly, after speaking to the two women I mentioned yesterday.
Instead of getting in my car, I walked across the street to the shopping centre. I walked around a bit, past the Safeway, past the little shoe store I'd never seen before (alas, closed). Before the service, I walked a lot, looking for the church. Now I needed some aimless walking time.
At home, I mentioned to my wife that the church seemed to have a LGBT flavour. She said, "I figured. And that's why I didn't go. It doesn't interest me."
That made me sad, too.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
TDoR Report Part II: The People
The sanctuary could seat maybe 100 people, maybe more if they pulled out more chairs and squeezed in a bit. I'd guess there were forty or fifty people there Saturday night. A few children sat in the back with their parents. One teenage girl was among them. I didn't notice anyone I'd call high school or college age, but I wasn't studying the crowd demographics. I was looking around though.
I'd say there were more women than men, maybe a 60-40 split. I'm not making a distinction between being a gender and presenting as a gender. I only mentioned the speaker's condition yesterday because she did. I make no assumption about anybody else.
The Metropolitan Community Church of Northern Virginia focuses on the LGBT community, according to their website. There is a rainbow flag outside marking the entrance. The background behind the pulpit is the rainbow "stained glass" that you can see on the website home page.
I'm not sure what to make of the crowd. Most people sat in ones or twos with empty seats between them and the next person, which makes me think they came for the event and weren't regular members who knew each other. On the other hand, the reverend greeted me as I was leaving, which makes me think she spotted a stranger and knew the other people. But on yet another hand, maybe she did that because I was leaving and she wanted to make sure she caught all of the strangers. She introduced herself, asked me my name. I asked her if the program would be on the website. She said "it could be," but I will scan it and post it over the next couple of days. She asked for my e-mail. I had given her my male (first) name, but might point her at this blog, so I gave her my Meg e-mail. We were gathered because of the problem of hate, but trust is the first step in a solution. Besides, less trustworthy people than a reverend know my male self and my hobby: the women who did my makeup, store assistants to whom I said "this is for me" and then handed my credit card, for instance.
I didn't speak to the other congregants. I did seek out the woman who spoke, to tell her how moving her speech was, and that I was sorry I couldn't find the place so I could have heard the whole thing!
A nicely dressed woman was sitting in front of me. I could have commented on how nice the service/ceremony was to her. I just didn't think of it.
Postscript: as of this morning, the pastor has not dropped me a note. Hopefully, she will. I have some questions.
I'd say there were more women than men, maybe a 60-40 split. I'm not making a distinction between being a gender and presenting as a gender. I only mentioned the speaker's condition yesterday because she did. I make no assumption about anybody else.
The Metropolitan Community Church of Northern Virginia focuses on the LGBT community, according to their website. There is a rainbow flag outside marking the entrance. The background behind the pulpit is the rainbow "stained glass" that you can see on the website home page.
I'm not sure what to make of the crowd. Most people sat in ones or twos with empty seats between them and the next person, which makes me think they came for the event and weren't regular members who knew each other. On the other hand, the reverend greeted me as I was leaving, which makes me think she spotted a stranger and knew the other people. But on yet another hand, maybe she did that because I was leaving and she wanted to make sure she caught all of the strangers. She introduced herself, asked me my name. I asked her if the program would be on the website. She said "it could be," but I will scan it and post it over the next couple of days. She asked for my e-mail. I had given her my male (first) name, but might point her at this blog, so I gave her my Meg e-mail. We were gathered because of the problem of hate, but trust is the first step in a solution. Besides, less trustworthy people than a reverend know my male self and my hobby: the women who did my makeup, store assistants to whom I said "this is for me" and then handed my credit card, for instance.
I didn't speak to the other congregants. I did seek out the woman who spoke, to tell her how moving her speech was, and that I was sorry I couldn't find the place so I could have heard the whole thing!
A nicely dressed woman was sitting in front of me. I could have commented on how nice the service/ceremony was to her. I just didn't think of it.
Postscript: as of this morning, the pastor has not dropped me a note. Hopefully, she will. I have some questions.
Monday, November 22, 2010
TDoR Report Part I: The Service
Last night, I went to the Metropolitan Community Church of Northern Virginia. It wasn't easy.
The church is in an office building behind a shopping centre. My gps seemed to think it was at the other end of the street. The street curves around a parking lot, and it's hard to see if you're on the street or in a private lot. I parked and only found even numbers, although they were close to what I was looking for. I walked to the odd side, which was the shopping centre. I saw someone in a car who was looking for a church. I also passed someone else who was slowly driving on the street and lot and obviously looking for the church. I don't know if either found it.
It wasn't in the shopping centre. I walked back to my car, and tried the gps on my phone. It led me west to the nearest street, then north about a block, then east a quarter mile, then said to turn east and it was right there. Wrong. It was the right street, but the numbers were too low and getting lower. So I turned west. Now I could follow the numbers and after crossing a street into the next lot I found it. And after all of that walking (I figure about a mile) I was maybe 50 feet from my car!
And it was after 7.
I joined the service, already in progress. A transsexual woman was giving a long and moving talk. I checked the program; I had missed some of the readings and I wished I had heard all of her talk. She spoke at length about people we're probably familiar with: Tyra Hunter and Erin Vaught, both denied medical treatment because of how they presented. The speaker told of her own experience, being told that a local hospital "wasn't sure they could treat someone with her condition."
A candle ceremony followed, commemorating the ten people who died because of how they presented. One was 17-month-old (yes, month) Roy Jones who was beaten to death by his mother's boyfriend to "try to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl"
I can only hope next year there is no reason to light a candle.
The church is in an office building behind a shopping centre. My gps seemed to think it was at the other end of the street. The street curves around a parking lot, and it's hard to see if you're on the street or in a private lot. I parked and only found even numbers, although they were close to what I was looking for. I walked to the odd side, which was the shopping centre. I saw someone in a car who was looking for a church. I also passed someone else who was slowly driving on the street and lot and obviously looking for the church. I don't know if either found it.
It wasn't in the shopping centre. I walked back to my car, and tried the gps on my phone. It led me west to the nearest street, then north about a block, then east a quarter mile, then said to turn east and it was right there. Wrong. It was the right street, but the numbers were too low and getting lower. So I turned west. Now I could follow the numbers and after crossing a street into the next lot I found it. And after all of that walking (I figure about a mile) I was maybe 50 feet from my car!
And it was after 7.
I joined the service, already in progress. A transsexual woman was giving a long and moving talk. I checked the program; I had missed some of the readings and I wished I had heard all of her talk. She spoke at length about people we're probably familiar with: Tyra Hunter and Erin Vaught, both denied medical treatment because of how they presented. The speaker told of her own experience, being told that a local hospital "wasn't sure they could treat someone with her condition."
A candle ceremony followed, commemorating the ten people who died because of how they presented. One was 17-month-old (yes, month) Roy Jones who was beaten to death by his mother's boyfriend to "try to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl"
I can only hope next year there is no reason to light a candle.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Overdressing, But Not Overt Dressing
I'll be wearing women's jeans, flowered socks, women's sneaks, women's polo, and my charm bracelet to the Transgender Day of Remembrance event tonight. Nothing overtly female, but nothing male either.
Friday, November 19, 2010
TDoR ~ What I'll Say
It's always good to plan in advance, before any transgendered event, whether it's coming out, or going out, or even shopping.. No, you'll never cover all of the possible situations, but the more you've rehearsed, the less chance of being surprised.
In my previous post I said, if anyone asks me why I came, I'll tell them I'm a crossdresser.
I won't.
Instead, I will say "I'm a member of the community." I will expound if asked, but I think that's a more succinct, accurate answer.
The other options were meant as a joke. No stories.
In my previous post I said, if anyone asks me why I came, I'll tell them I'm a crossdresser.
I won't.
Instead, I will say "I'm a member of the community." I will expound if asked, but I think that's a more succinct, accurate answer.
The other options were meant as a joke. No stories.
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