This Will Be Controversial

Many of you know Aeify.  She was Penny Perfect's wife.

A year ago this weekend, Penny... disappeared.  She was (in male mode) travelling from TN to AL and never arrived at her destination.  I had some very limited contact with Aeify up to that point, but she sent me a frantic e-mail asking when I had last heard from Penny and she explained what was going on.

The next afternoon, the police located Penny.  I didn't ask for details ~ it wasn't really my business.  I had e-mailed Penny a lot, and I was planning on being in TN in the early summer and hoped we could meet.  I was quite envious of Penny ~ I knew Aeify was a wife who not only accepted Penny, but encouraged her and enjoyed her company.

Near the end of November, Aeify sent me an e-mail saying she had something to tell me and it couldn't be through e-mail.  I should call her up.

I knew why.  I hesitated for a couple of days, then called her from work.

Penny had taken her life.

Aeify and I cried on the phone a bit.  I had to hang up.  I felt terrible, I felt terrible for her.

A couple of weeks later, a friend of Aeify's decided she needed a change of scene and he packed her up and drove her to DC.  I met her for breakfast and a walk and a talk.  I was in drab, but I felt it was important to let her talk about what happened to someone who knew about, and maybe understood, the Penny side of her husband.  Most of their friends, of course, knew nothing about this.

It was like we were old friends.

Aeify, to that point, was not much of a traveller.  She lived almost on the Mississippi River, but she hardly ever crossed it.  She had flown one time.  I had one of my periodic trips to Sierra Vista planned, and I planned to stay an extra day in Tucson so I could meet with some of my t-friends (and Liz).  Aeify decided to come and join me.  She booked a flight and a room and we spent Friday night through Sunday morning visiting friends, shopping, dining ~ mostly as Meg, but some in drab.

There's no denying that we both had a great time.

Now it's a year after Penny took her life.  Aeify has wanted to get out of the house where she died before a year is up.  She didn't want to stay in Memphis (I can't understand why!) and one of her choices was near where I live.

Sunday, she's moving to northern VA.  I have a two-bedroom, two-bath apartment.  I had hoped to find someone to share rent and not mind how I dressed around the house.

Aeify will be my new roommate.

I know what you're thinking.  Please calm down.

The boys are OK.  My wife is... well, I don't know what she is.  Her words and actions are contradictory.  My fifteen year old told me "mom thinks it's 'abnormal' for a married man to share an apartment with a single woman."  I asked what he thought and he said "mom also thinks it's 'abnormal' for a boy my age to have a messy room."

I don't know how this will play out.  I do know one thing:

Since I told my wife I was moving out, she never once ~ not once ~ asked me to stay.  I think that's sad.  And it's a lingering sadness for me.

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A Very Special Weekend, Part V

Meg on the Potomac

We said goodbye to Kim and left the swap.  Aeify scored a scarf and a wonderful bracelet which she wore because it went with her dress ~ but she left it for me.  Aeify, by the way, is a big scarf fan.  I have yet to learn to appreciate the attraction of the scarf.

We found our way to Old Town Alexandria without incident.  Old Town is the waterfront part of Alexandria, and is a mix of historic homes and newer shops.  There are a lot of boutiques and few chains.  And there are a lot of restaurants.

We parked about five blocks from the Potomac river and walked up Duke street towards the water.  Duke at that spot is quiet, residential, old, and the streets are a mix of cobblestones and bricks.  I was glad I didn't have stillettos on.  My comfortable slides were not the most glamourous shoes I own, but they were without a doubt the best choice.

A shopping note: I didn't plan to get slides.  I like heel support because I don't want my shoes flapping and slapping as I walk.  I looked at several shoes and picked two pair of open-toed shoes before one of my Arizona trips.  One is the pink wedges that I love, and the other were lower heel with an ankle strap.  I picked up a box in my size, glanced inside to make sure it was the right shoe, and made my purchase.  Except I didn't notice it wasn't the right shoe: it was the slides I've come to love.

The weather wasn't bad.  We walked to the river and turned north.  We walked a few more blocks to some of the local attractions like the Cherry Blossom, a Mississippi River style paddleboat (funny thing to show a woman who lives on the mighty Miss) and we spent a little time in the Torpedo Factory.  That's a WWII factory that's been converted into a artist space.  There are dozens of studios where artist create their paintings, sculptures, and so on.  It's a unique sort of space and worth a little time.

We walked up King Street (yes, there are also Prince and Queen streets) which is pretty much wall-to-wall shops.  We stopped in some clothing and jewelry stores and looked around.  Mostly Old Town is out of my price range but it's fun to look, especially when dressed.

At Dinner

We were welcomed in various stores, got a "hello ladies" when we sat down to an early dinner at a Tapas restaurant and had a rather ordinary "girls' day out."  Yes, I used the ladies' room at the restaurant.

We also stopped in a "Life Is Good" shop and Aeify traded her cute shoes for what she said were the most comfortable flip-flops ever.  I was fine with my slides. :)

As we were walking back to the car, Aeify stopped to take several pictures of the houses and such.  Old Town is a picturesque area, and worthy of a stroll and some memories.  At one point, she took a picture of someone's house and landscaping.  The homeowner was nearby, trying to untangle a garden hose.  She came over to us and said "would you like me to take a picture of the two of you?"  We thanked her and handed her the camera.

We also went past a cupcake shop which Aeify could NOT resist.  She bought three cupcakes and took a picture of Meg and the pink cupcake box.  I didn't realise what a girly experience cupcakes are.  I thought they were just, well, little cakes.

That's pretty much it.  We picked up some groceries on the way back and I had such a great "girlfriend" time I almost feel guilty.  But it felt like my vacation as much as Aeify's.  I was relaxed and felt great afterwards.  I wish my "Meg life" was like this all of the time.  I've mentioned this before ~ the best way to go out dressed is to go with a friend.  I think dressing is such a solitary activity for so many of us that it's almost a drug high to go out with someone else.

Oh... one other thing, not t-related.  Aeify drove her rental back to the airport the next morning and I tagged along, figuring I could take a cab home before going to work.  We dropped off the car, checked her bag and saw a massive line for security.  We were hoping we could grab a bite first, but saw that there wouldn't be time since the security line would only be getting longer.  So I got on line with her and we talked and snaked our way to the front of the line.

Eventually we got to the nice TSA lady who took Aeify's ID and ticket and checked them out.  By this time, we were pretty much in the middle of a maze.  TSALady looked at me and I said "I just came along to keep her company.  How do I get out of here?"  She directly me to cross in front of the lines and go out through an unused aisle.  She didn't seem happy.  I was surprisingly not challenged as I cut across all of the lines.

And I do need to include one more picture:

Aeify's SECOND parallel park EVER :D

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A Very Special Weekend, Part IV

Pre-Swap

(sorry early birds.  I screwed up Tuesday and scheduled my post for 6:30 PM instead of AM).

I had told Aeify about my recent visit to the UU church and we toyed with the idea of going.  We also thought about going to Old Town Alexandria for a bit before the swap.  Once again though, getting some extra sleep took priority and it was 10 (church service start time) when we started getting ready.

Aeify again did my makeup, very differently from Friday, and my eyes looked beautiful.  She said she enjoyed doing it because my lids are larger than hers so she has more area to work with.  I don't care why.  I enjoyed it and I wish I could do my eyes that good!  I think I need to have her come back, even if it's just to do my eyes.  I hope it's because she enjoys my company though.  (I'm sorry, Aeify.  I know you're reading.  I don't want to put you on the spot.  Honest.)



We had coffee but skipped breakfast and went to the swap, even though we were early.  I had a HUGE garbage bag full of clothes and shoes ~ definitely more than the price of admission for the two of us.  I promised Kim I'd bring 40 pounds of ice so we stopped at a supermarket on the way and picked up some bags.


By the way, I think I have the answer to my impromptu experiment.  We were mostly ignored as we shopped.  At the swap and as we walked Alexandria and ate dinner later, we were treated as two women.  I think identical dresses accounted for most if not all of the unexpected attention and Meg is just fine at blending.

We were greeted by Kim's husband as we were about to enter the swap location.  He remembered Meg; I introduced Aeify (the first of several introductions).  He graciously brought in the ice.  I stayed in role and let him. :)

Dianna Li (L) and Kim, our hostesses

When she saw the ice, before she saw me, Kim shouted "Meg's here!"  We hugged, I introduced my out-of-town friend and I gave Kim the Reader's Digest version of what's been going on in my life and caught up on hers.  I love Kim.  She's been through a lot, and always bounces back and never said "I have too much on my plate.  I can't do the clothing swap."  It's for charity and that's important to her.  There are now over a thousand members in her group.  She limited attendence to 150 and it filled almost immediately.

And Kim is another woman who Accepts, not just accepts.  But everyone there was wonderful.  I spoke to several women, I didn't see any clothing I wanted to bring home with me (a good thing), I had a little lunch and girl watched (there was one guy there with what was probably his girl friend).

When we first arrived, there was just a small crowd since the swap wouldn't start for another half-hour.  One woman started helping Aeify unload the clothes while I spoke to Kim and she started talking to both of us, telling Aeify how she wants to take all of Meg's clothes home with her but she'll resist.  There was a deaf woman there (I knew because I saw Kim signing with her) who was trying on a pair of platform pumps I brought in ~ they did not work on my feet.  I was trying to tell her that they were my shoes and looked fabulous on her, but I know one sign and that is only useful in traffic.  (Actually, I was told Meg can use another sign in traffic: look at the guy who's giving you a hard time, smile and hold your thumb and index finger up with about an inch of air between them.)  Anyway, I hope my smile and thumbs up gave her the right idea.

I LOVE that dress!

I also complimented one woman ~ she had a very feminine, very pretty dress and accessories I would love to own.  I told her that I was sad because I knew anything else she brought in was probably beautiful too AND nowhere near my size.  But I was free with my compliments ~ I try to make sure the fashionistas know their effort is enjoyed.

There was one other t-girl there and we chatted a bit.  She remembered me; I didn't remember her name, but I did remember that I should remember her (huh?).  We all chatted a bit and discussed upcoming t-activities that we might attend and meet again.

And did I mention Dianna?  She's the swap co-host and comes with her wife.  So yes, if you're looking for a t-friendly event in the DC area, the swap definitely works.  In fact, a couple of years ago someone in the group complained about "us" being part of the swap and Kim just dropped her.

Near the end of the swap I made a faux pas.  I wasn't thinking and decided to use the ladies' room.  I'm feeling more comfortable with that and I figured these women saw me there and were OK and it should be no problem.

In past swaps, Dianna brought in a couple of screens and they were set up in one corner of the room.  I studiously avoided that corner and never try on clothes at the swap.  This time Dianna forgot the screens.  Now ladies....  You're in a local government centre.  There are piles of clothing sitting out.  There is no changing room/changing area.  So where do you go?

I walked into the ladies room and saw a woman who had clearly just pulled on a pair of pants.  I saw several other women standing in the restroom and I kept my eyes at eye level and made a beeline for a stall.  I did my business and kept my eyes on my own as I washed my hands and left as quickly as I could.  No "HEYs" or "Get Outs".  No comments.  I did notice a smile or two ~ I think they were amused at my discomfiture.  That's OK.  I love to entertain.

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A Very Special Weekend, Part III

Saturday was rainy.  My eyes were tired from wearing my contacts all day.  Sunday was clothing swap day and we spent some time looking at Meg clothes to try to find something to wear and we watched some videos (we have similar tastes but different histories) and we talked and ate and walked around the neighborhood between raindrops and before we knew it Saturday was gone.  There were Meg activities, but it involved looking more than doing and, you know, that was OK.

A Gemini in front of a Gemini

I am still reluctant to part with my girl clothes and such.  I worked hard to get each piece.  It's never easy to find a dress that will cover my back hair or with enough sleeve for me to wear (although that's changing).  It rare to find cute clip earrings or hot shoes in my size.  So I tend to treat the earrings that are like torture devices for my ears or the shoes I can only wear for an hour or the dress that's way too dressy or way too frumpy for me as a trophy, not as a wardrobe item.  Plus, my range changes.  I shaved and waxed to the point that I could wear shorter sleeves and lower backs than I thought possible before.  So should I get rid of that sheath dress just because I can't or won't wear it out today?

I have to remember that as my range expands so do my options.  I can get a new dress that I will wear out today, and it'll be easier to find.  And what I do have will be out-of-date and attract negative attention anyway.  So do I need my trophies?

Aeify had no such issues, at least with my clothes!  When I pulled out a dress she had no problem telling me it was hideous (for me) and that it should go in the swap bag.  More than once I heard something like "that's nice, for 1983."  Into the swap bag.  I think if I had her around for another day or two I'd cut my closet needs in half, and have only things I can and should wear.  I am not complaining, and I never questioned her judgements.  And I enjoyed playing Barbie, and I'm glad I had someone to treat me like her own dress-up doll.  (Notice I did not say "fashion doll".)

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A Very Special Weekend, Part II

Friday morning, I had hoped to get up and out early but we were enjoying each other's company and it was later than I hoped when we were done with breakfast and ready to get ready.  Aeify is a lot of fun to be around.

Flashback: A couple of weeks earlier, Aeify sent me a picture from a shop.  She wanted a new dress or two for DC and was trying them on and sending photos.  One was a long sleeveless purple dress which was nice.  Another was a short sleeved green dress, just below knee length, which I really liked.  I texted back my approval and "I wear a 12."

AND we're both Gemini!

She showed up with two identical dresses, one for her and one for Meg.  She asked if I really wanted to wear the same dress and I said "why not?  People will just think I'm your mother" and we haven't outgrown the mother-and-daughter look.

After Aeify did my makeup (she's much better than me, in case anyone had any doubt) we took a couple of pictures and left for DC.

One other makeup note: Aeify surprised me by filling in my lips with the lipliner pencil.  I thought it was called lip LINER because you drew a line.  She said that the lipstick stays on better if you fill in with the pencil first.  I'm always happy to learn a new trick!

Before arriving, Aeify asked if we could see Batman on opening day.  I didn't even know it was opening that Friday but I said sure, and started looking for theatres.  It turns out it was in a couple of Smithsonian IMAX theatres and mostly sold out, but I did manage to get us tickets to the 4pm show at the Air and Space museum.  Air and Space had the first IMAX in the DC area, and it's where I saw a little 20 or so minute film called "To Fly" ~ it was incredible, but I had never seen a popular film on IMAX before.  The American History museum has a larger screen, but it was completely sold out.

We drove to Ballston Commons Mall, probably the easiest nearby place to park and get on the metro, and I found out quickly that the identical dresses were going to get some attention.  As we sat down and turned to look at the map I heard someone from across the car say "are you two twins?"  Aeify didn't hear this, but I mentioned it to her and ignored the asker as if I didn't hear him either.

I decided this was going to be an experiment ~ are people going to react to me (us) more today because we're "twins" or about the same as during the rest of the weekend?

We got off at the Smithsonian exit and walked across the mall to American History.  First we headed to the "first ladies' gowns" exhibit and discussed which we liked and which we didn't and why.  In the past, I pretty much ignored this exhibit, but with Aeify it seemed irresistible.  We wandered the museum and we definitely got more attention than I usually do when I'm out dressed alone.  There were some comments (all positive, all aimed at the "twins") and lots of smiles.  At first I was kind of self-conscious, but I started to enjoy it and relax.  Actually, it was all relaxing.  I slept fine the night before ~ no pre-outing jitters keeping me up ~ and was calm and relaxed all through the getting ready rituals: shower, shave, makeup....  Maybe it was because I knew I'd have company (although that could have been a reason to be MORE anxious) or because I was out a couple of times recently or maybe this is a new phase in Meg's life or, well, something else I don't understand yet.  But I don't remember being anxious or nervous or excited or ANYTHING except calm and ready to go out as "girlfriends."  Even taking that first step out the door ~ I didn't look up and down the street to see if someone's watching me walk out as I usually do.

With 90 minutes or so to go until the movie we walked across the mall to Air and Space.  Aeify stopped to eat (I wasn't hungry) and we got on an amazingly long line which just got longer and longer, snaking through the museum.  Waiting was OK.  I enjoyed just spending time with Aeify as much as doing something.  She's a wonderful lady, and I can only hope she found me as interesting as I found her.  And, of course, it is an incredible feeling to be out and about and treated as a girlfriend.  I do admit, some habits die hard.  Remembering to replace, let's call it chivalry, with common courtesy.  So if I'm at a door first, I'll keep it open for the lady behind me, but not stand aside and let her through first.  But I really want to stand aside!

After Batman, we headed back to the metro and had dinner at the food court at the mall. 

The only "I shouldn't" moment I had was at the museum ~ there was a line at the ladies' room and I didn't want to stand in line.  We went to a different one where open stalls were rare but findable.  And I learned some bad words to say about women who "hover."  I mean, come on!  At least clean up after yourselves!

And I want to say that I used the ladies' both before and after the movie.  I generally don't expect to go three hours with a bathroom break.  The rooms were crowded both times and were not a problem at all.  I'm getting more comfortable going into a room where ladies do not expect men.  I didn't stand around though ~ into a stall, washed my hands and OUT.  It's becoming more natural but I must admit ~ I need to retrain my body a bit.  When I sit, no matter what I want to do, my body says "time for number two, right?" and I have to fight that urge.

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A Very Special Weekend, Part I

Aeify

Aeify came to visit.  She's looking to move out of Memphis, and I was honoured with the possibility that she'd consider my area for her future home.

I know it was probably a bad idea, but we agreed she could stay in "my" house.  For my housesitting gig, I'm barricaded in the basement and it is a big enough house ~ four more bedrooms and two baths upstairs.  If we wanted, it could be a bed-and-breakfast setup, where the only time we'd meet would be in the kitchen, and the only reason I'd know she was here was I'd have some sheets/towels to wash.

But we've been corresponding a bit and so I took off Friday (she arrived late Thursday) and we spent quite a bit of time doing tourist (and Meg) things Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

I think I now understand there's a difference between acceptance and Acceptance.  My wife accepts.  She doesn't approve, but she accepts.  Aeify Accepts.  I decided to greet her in a top and skirt ~ I didn't tell her that's how I'd be dressed.  I just did it.  I also decided to put on a little eye makeup ~ mascara and liner.  She came in and we said hello and she never mentioned my outfit, never acted as if anything was unusual or unexpected....  Not even a giggle.  Most women (my wife included) would have said something to the effect of "what's this about?"

It was like that for the weekend.  She was nice enough to help me with my makeup, but didn't care if I was dressed to kill (or at least blind) or if I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

We spent a little time chatting after she arrived but, as I said, it was late and I had a lot planned for the weekend.

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After Dinner

As it turns out, I didn't get to bed as early as I had hoped.  I had my usual after-dressing rush, and rather than aimlessly expend energy in my room while putting off changing, I changed quickly and Aeify and I met to chat some more.  For the record, she's very nice and I like her a lot.  Aeify, if you're reading, skip that last sentence!  :)

Way too early the next morning Aeify and I headed to the airport.  We both had flights that connected in Dallas, but hers was somewhat later than mine.  I convinced her to change to my flight and we sat together and had another couple of hours of chat and coffee.  Time flew while the airplane did the same.  The only way it could have been better is if I was dressed.  You know what I mean!

But this was good.  If I can't spend time as Meg, time with women who know Meg is second best.  T-girls are next, very close behind.  Guys who know Meg would probably be the next people I'd like to spend time with, but I don't really know any.  Then civilians. :)

So I'm still writing about my last trip and I already had another (very short) trip to Arizona.  I also have to work ten hour days, six days a week for the next two weeks; we have a hard deadline.  I'll do my best to keep writing.  I hate missing a day.  I like the writing habit, and I hope my muse keeps helping me out.

I thank her every day.

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Girls' Night Out

Liz caught Dorothy, Meg, and Aeify

We went from the mall to the hotel to a nice Chinese restaurant.  Stopping at the hotel to freshen up meant no ladies' room challenges for me this day.  I don't know if that's good or bad.  I need to do that more, but it makes me really nervous.

We had five for dinner.  Liz asked some friends if they could join us, but no-one could.  Maybe next time.  I wanted to limit the dinner to eight.  I really would prefer to meet each person individually first ~ I can't hear well over background noise so it's hard to follow dinner party conversations unless I'm sitting right next to someone.  But if I know something about the other people I can maybe figure out what I couldn't hear and enjoy it more.  And, even though Meg isn't quite the introvert I am, she's more comfortable with fewer strangers.

So we had Liz, Dorothy, Andrea (from the hotel), Aeify, and me.  And a great time.  If you stood us in a line we were gg, tg, gg, tg, gg.  That's better than boy-girl-boy-girl any day!

The food was OK, but I didn't really care.  I had fun; I hope we all did.  Liz sat on my right hand, Aeify on my left.  I am now trying very hard not to say how hard it was to eat with someone sitting on each of my hands.

We talked abaout work, and people, and our own little kinks (Liz seemed immune), and a little of everything.

Aeify, Liz, Meg, Dorothy.  Andrea didn't want to be seen.

After dinner, we adjourned to the parking lot where we talked some more.  I finally had to break it up so I could get changed and to bed ~ Aeify and I had to get to the airport early.  Although Aeify's flight was at least an hour later than mine, I talked her into coming down with me so we could say goodbye.

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Time Well Spent

Motherhood Maternity?  Oh, Come On!

After Aeify and I left Liz and the museum, we headed over to the Tucson Mall.  The mall wasn't anything special ~ it had the usual chains with the usual stuff.  We didn't really look at clothes, which is definitely the first thing I look for at a mall, especially when dressed.  Second is probably jewelry, followed by shoes and cosmetics.

Instead we just... walked and talked.  We looked at some things, we went into a couple of stores but it was a walking-talking day.

I did my other favourite dressed thing: I forgot I was dressed.  I was Meg, hanging with her new girlfriend.  I didn't even think to ask Aeify to take a picture until we were ready to leave and would you look at the choice of store in the background!  That's one store I'll never shop at!

I was at peace.  I think Aeify was having a pretty good time too.

I thought it was... I'm missing a word here.  Not "odd" or "strange."  "Unexpected," yes, but that's not the word I want.  I'll try to explain.

When I said I was going out to Arizona and I'd get to spend one "Meg" day, Aeify said she wanted to come out too.  I could not imagine why.  She lost Penny less than two months earlier.  She wanted to go to Tucson, of all places, and spend a bit of treasure for a one-day trip.

But as we chatted I learned that the furthest she had been from home was Orlando, and that was the only time she had ever flown.  She wanted to do what I do as Meg: step outside her comfort zone.

The same way I always have "firsts" as Meg, she wanted some "firsts" as an adult on her own.

Then I understood.

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I'm Stunned

The Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum is stunning.  Even the drive is spectacular.  Aeify, who has never been to this part of the country, was suitably impressed.  When she came to DC, she told me about every plant in front of every house and on every street.  Here, she couldn't identify a single one and it really threw her.

Liz led us into the museum and we wandered a bit, looking at big cats and other native specimens as we walked towards the raptor free-flight which would begin at 10.

I had the same shoes I wore last time when we went to the Pima air museum.  They're amazingly comfortable, but walking over stones and such they were a bit less so.  I felt comfortable in my top and skirt, and enjoyed the tour and the company.

Aeify, Liz, and some guy in a skirt

When I was here in June, I praised the museum and it turns out I had missed the best exhibit.

(Keep in mind, when I say "exhibit" I don't mean a stuffed animal in a setting.  This is a living museum.  The big cats, the bears, the prarie dogs and so on are all live exhibits.  Believe it or not, the most fake thing about the museum is the rocks.  They make them themselves.)

(While I'm doing asides, you know how authors will say someone "squealed with delight" but no-one ever really does that?  When the prarie dog hills popped into view, Aeify literally squealed with delight.)

At 10 and 2 each day ~ Liz will correct me if it's not ~ they have a trainer talk to the crowd as they allow some of the birds of prey to fly free for a little bit.  The trainers have done their job: the birds do return.

While out, they fly back and forth practically touching the heads of the visitors.  One thing I've always found sad about zoos is, no matter how big the enclosures are the raptors can't really fly, and they need to.  Even my little cockatiel will beat his wings furiously a couple of times a day if she isn't let out of her cage.

They bill it as a raptor free-flight, but the first birds out were ravens ~ predators but not raptors.  It didn't matter.  It was spectacular, and I saw an owl in flight for the very first time.  It was worth the trip.  In fact, if you ever find yourself within a few hundred miles of Tucson, go out of your way to see this!

Liz spoke to Larisa, the trainer, after the flight was over.  She introduced us and asked if we could go and see the back room where they have some of the other birds.  She readily agreed, and we met a scarlet macaw, and several other raptors.  We each got to pet the barn owl (named Ty) and chat with some of the people working there.  Larisa and Ty are in the picture from last Friday.

We saw incredible plants, amazing animals, and chatted together all morning.  Alas, I didn't see anything jump out at me in the gift shop, but shopping without buying is nice too.

Liz would meet us for dinner later, but we let her go salvage some of her Saturday and Aeify and I went to do a little window shopping at a mall.

Just the one picture of the ladies I was with and some random stranger.  Apparently, utilikilts are big in Tucson.  Click to see the big picture.

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I Like Breakfast at Todd's

The half-hour or so drive to Todd's was unevenful and scenic.  Aeify enjoyed seeing new plants, architecture, roads.  I did too.  I wondered if one cactus evolved spikes and the other plants said "hey!  We better do that too or we're gonna get et!"

We pulled into the parking lot just ahead of Liz and we all had a nice breakfast.  The restaurant wasn't crowded.  Some small planes landed at the tiny airport right outside and the passengers and crew came in to eat.  (Pssst... order some bread so you can try the prickly pear jelly.)

The meal was totally uneventful, which is a good thing.  We were just three ladies having breakfast and I wasn't sure which made my smile broader: that the people around us treated us as three women, or that my two companions accepted me as one of them.  It doesn't matter ~ if they enjoyed breakfast, I savored every second.  Time spent with the ladies is heaven.  And Liz and Aeify are wonderful company.

My order was taken, I was served, I was asked if I wanted more coffee.  I paid the bill.  I was accepted as what I appeared, what I wanted to be that day.  It's an incomparable feeling, and readers who've been out know what I mean.  I hope the rest of you get to know it some day soon.

The drive to the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum (Liz corrected me on the name) is pretty straight-forward.  Go down one street, turn left, go down that street.  Liz wanted to take the more scenic route so we followed her.  We followed her past rows of fifteen foot Saguaro cactus: some were straight stalks, some had two or four or more arms, looking like a Vishnu or Kali or Shiva turned to vegetation.  There were clumps of prickly pear cactus near the side of the road, and countless barrel cactus scattered among various tough-skinned desert plants.  Other than a hawk or two we didn't see any animal life, but we saw plenty of that later in the day.

It was already a great day, and it was just starting.

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Making Up

Saturday morning, I planned to take Aeify to Liz's favourite breakfast place where we'd all meet up and then head to the Sonora Desert Museum, my favourite place in Tucson.

After I showered and put on my cover stick and foundation (and clothes!), I called Aeify and asked her to come down and do my eyes.

I've had a few women do my makeup before, and there's always a problem.  The same problem.  They want to do something "subtle," like most women would like.  I need a plasterer.  Many of us do.  I'd love to learn how to do more contouring with blush and bronzer and powder.  I'd like to try to minimise my nose and change the shape of my face somewhat.  Teddy, who did my makeup twice, was a whiz at this.  I'd look in the mirror after she did my makeup and I'd see an almost-pretty stranger looking back.

Aeify has some experience with girls like me.  She had a little heavier hand, and she knew what she was doing.  She had a palette for blue eyes which she left for me as a gift.  My eyes looked great when she was done.  She used a lighter eyeliner than I do, and used less.  The shadow colours looked superb.  And, idiot that I am, I didn't think to get a closeup of my eyes.  As I said, I hardly have any pictures from Saturday.

She did my blush as well, and used a light hand because she said she usually uses too much.

Shhh....  Don't tell her, but I added a coat of mascara and a little more blush, because, well, I like a bit more colour (since I put powder over my face) and I love mascara.

I did my lips in the same combinaation of colour and gloss as the night before, put on my wig and shoes and we were off with about fifteen minutes to spare.

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What Was I Thinking?

The drive back to the hotel was much better than the drive to the synagogue.  The road does some funky things, but it was pretty easy.  Although I'm starting to know my way around Tucson a bit, I did follow the GPS when it told me to turn off of Valencia, even though I knew it's only one more turn to the hotel.  The GPS way would mean I end up on the right side of the road, instead of a weird sort of u-turn, which I prefer.

Instead it put me onto two unfamiliar and completely unlit roads.  I think the lady in the GPS is jealous because I look so fine and she's just a little square box. :D

I stopped in my room for a moment, and made sure Aeify was in the hotel and ready to go.

She was overdressed for dinner as well ~ she did that deliberately, knowing that t-girls often overdress.  That was a pleasant surprise.

We had a nice chat on the way to the restaurant.  Actually we had a long chat ~ I was sure I knew which street the restaurant was on, but I was wrong.  We had to drive around a bit until I finally found it.

I had been to this steakhouse once before, and had a good meal (in drab).

Aeify and I were treated like girlfriends.  Someone was asked to show "these ladies" to their table, and "ladies" was the word of the night when they were addressing us.

The second pleasant surprise was when a random waitress came over to our table.  She looked at us and said how nice we looked and asked if we were going out. I gave her an expansive hand motion and said "we're here."  Then she said we should definitely go out.

I don't know if she was trying to see if we were what we appeared to be.  I really don't care.  What I DO care about is, I didn't think to pick up my camera at the room and ask this nice waitress if she'd take a picture of us.  In fact, I kind of forgot about pictures this trip.  I took a lot of animal shots at the museum, but I didn't get many of Meg or Aeify or Liz or Andrea or Dorothy or all of us together, except for some posed restaurant shots.  I think I was just enjoying being a girl too much to think about it.

I also think it's too soon to be too relaxed.  I need to pay more attention to how I move and how I speak and how I react and I think I'm letting that go somewhat.  I have to remember not to do that!  And I have to remember to bring my camera and ask for pictures.

Dinner was uneventful.  Families and couples sat nearby and I looked at them more than they looked at us.  Aeify had the country fried steak, I had the fish and chips (at a steakhouse?  What was I thinking?).  The dinner portions were huge, and we both left most of our dinner.  I'm not sure if I left mine because I was in "girl mode" (I did eat my salad!) or because I was too busy chatting with Aeify.  The waitress never slipped; there was no difference between Aeify and me as far as she was concerned.  ("Did you ladies leave room for dessert?")

It was late when we got back to the hotel and we went to our respective rooms, but Aeify promised to help me with my makeup the next morning.  Saturday was to be breakfast, the Sonora Desert Museum, a little shopping, and dinner with the girls and I could hardly wait!

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Or What?

So it's Friday night and I'm in a strange town and I'm looking for a dressy Meg activity.

I can dress like I just got off work and stop at the mall ~ that's always a possibility, but I don't really need to mingle with the teens who are hanging at the mall.

I could do dinner, but my plans were for a later dinner with Aeify (her blog is here) when she arrives.

So I checked the local synagogues.  I go to services occasionally, more often when my boys were younger than now; this year, I haven't been since October.

For those unfamiliar, there are three main branches of Judaism:

* Orthodox, where men and women sit separately and there are three services a day.  I wasn't sure where I'd sit so that's out.
* Conservative, which is more egalitarian but they usually focus on the Saturday morning service.  This is where I grew up.
* Reform, which I usually attend.  There's more of a Hebrew/English mix and the tunes would be more familiar to me.  Friday night is the big service of the week, with Saturday morning a close second.
* (and Reconstructionist, which is more fringe and I've never been)

So I looked for reform synagogues and found Or Chadash, which billed itself as "A warm and welcoming community where all can experience God."  I looked at their calendar and found a discrepancy so I sent an e-mail asking which time was right.  The woman who wrote back said I'd be "welcome at any service" and told me the main service starts at 6:30.

It was also the closest to my hotel, a plus for me.  Google maps said it was about 20 minutes away.  It looked pretty straightforward: turn right, turn left and that's the road it's on.

I got out of work a bit later than I wanted and people were still trying to get last minute advice.  My 2:00 leave turned into 2:25 and I headed for Tucson.

Andrea was off; there were a couple of guys behind the desk.  I checked in, carrying three bags: computer, suitcase, and a smaller bag with Meg stuff.  Not all of Meg's stuff, but the bag was crammed,

Earlier in the week I did a dry run.  I tried my makeup and decided I didn't like either mascara so I bought a new one.  I tried an eyeshadow that looked too dark so I switched to a lighter blue for my lids.  I tried each of the lipsticks and glosses and found a combination I liked (but didn't love).  I tried different jewelry combinations until I found the one I like best.  I wanted to video chat with a friend or two, but the wifi at this hotel is pathetic.  Regular web pages would time out.  I passed on that potential frustration.

So I had sorted everything I was going to wear and put the makeup and jewelry together with undergarments and such in that bulging bag.

I was at the hotel with plenty of time for a leisurely shower and thorough shave and to correct any mistakes I might make while doing my face.  I didn't do anything that needed repair, but I wasn't really thrilled with the final product.  Something didn't look quite right to my eyes.

I wanted to leave at 6.  Any earlier and I'd have too much time before the service started.  The time before Jewish services is a social time, and although meeting people is bothering me less, I didn't want to be the only person who knew no-one and I'd be staring at my hands.  I didn't want to be late, but if I had to sit in the car for a couple of minutes to be just about on time, that would be OK.  Since the ride was straightforward and google said 20 minutes, I figure a couple of minutes after six would be fine.

As I said, google said it was a straightforward trip.  My GPS had other ideas.

It said it was a 30 minute drive, not 20, said the GPS.  OK, I did leave at 6 and I'd be about on time, even if google was wrong.  No worries.

As I drove down Alvernon, the long street that the synagogue was on, my GPS decided I needed to turn, that Alvernon did not continue.  I dutifully (stupidly) turned.

It had me make a couple of more turns, then wanted me to go onto a street clearly labelled "No Outlet."  I declined, and turned in what I thought was the right direction to rejoin Alvernon.

When I finally caught up with it, I ignored the lady's voice and just kept driving.  The GPS started showing no road, only green fields and she was silent.

Eventually, I was back on what the device thought was a road.  It told me to turn and I did not ~ no fooling me again!  Alas, now I was on a different road: Alvernon made a right turn and continued.  I went back past the turn and back again before I did make that turn.  Alvernon fooled me once more with another left and I went past it, turned around and went back.

I considered taking this as a sign and giving up... that's the funny thing about signs.  I was very late, but was it a sign that I should go home, or maybe I was supposed to avoid a problem at the start of the service, or maybe it was a test to see how committed I was to going to services that night.  Or maybe no-one was paying attention and I just went on aimlessly.  Or everyone was paying attention and they had bets on how late I'd be.

By the way, driving an hour in high-heels isn't bad at all.  Getting up is, since it puts more strain on your calf muscles as you're pressing the pedals and your foot has to straighten more.  I had an uncomfortable few steps until my legs settled down.

Or Chadash is a campus of several connected or nearly connected buildings.  I parked at the closest spot to the entrance where I saw cars, which meant it was furthest from where I wanted to be.

It was dark, but not yet cold.  I didn't have a coat but I felt fine.  My heels seemed to make a LOT of noise on the sidewalk and I walked past the office which was well lit and occupied and I'm sure people inside were wondering why some woman (hey, I was far away and it was dark) was walking to the services a half-hour late.

Oh... typical Friday night services are 60-90 minutes with an "oneg" afterwards: wine, bread, other assorted fruits, cake, cookies, coffee.  So I missed somewhere between a third and a half of the service.  And I planned to skip the Oneg ~ Aeify would be waiting.

This is getting kind of long, so I'll finish this up tomorrow.

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I Know What You Did Last Weekend

This is just a "Oh My God! I ran out of time unpacking, running around, getting my expense report ready" preview of Tucson.

Friday night, I put on the dress I packed and went to services at a local reform synagogue. I then went back to the hotel where I went dinner with Aeify, who flew in from Memphis to get away from the place for a tiny bit.

Saturday morning, I put on a more casual top and skirt and went to breakfast with Aeify and Liz. Liz (Sonora Sage) showed us around the Sonora Desert Museum, including the raptor free flight, which was incredible, but hopefully not indescribable.

Aeify and I headed over to the Tucson mall to do a little window shopping before going to a Chinese restaurant with Liz, Andrea, and Dorothy.

All of the players were mentioned in previous posts, but I'll point you at them or remind you as I write about a wonderful weekend over the next few days.

There Will Be Pictures.

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Aeify

Last Saturday, Aeify Perfect came to the Washington area for a very brief visit.  Aeify is the recent widow of Penny; I wrote about that here.

We spoke on the phone a couple of times since the event, and I was kind of worried about her.

Now I'm not so worried.

She lives about 14 hours from here by highway.  A friend wanted to come here, and decided it would be good if she came along, so she did.  They arrived just after midnight, early Saturday morning.  We met for breakfast and spent about an hour chatting and eating and another hour chatting and walking around Dupont Circle before her friend whisked her away.  The two hours just sped by, at least for me.  I can be kind of tedious, so I won't speak for her.  I had the best time I could, without being Meg.

Aeify is a sweet young Southern gal.  She's smart and articulate and knows a lot more about the local flora than I do.  We talked about t-life, and living with someone who's trans, and I learned a lot about her and Penny.  We touched some high points of their fifteen year marriage, and some low points.  We talked about the past and the present and the future, and now, as I said, I'm not so worried.

She's working hard to get her life back on track and I have no doubt that she'll be on top of the world by this time next year.

The picture is Aeify and Penny.  I have no idea why Penny is dressed like a guy, except maybe Aeify asked her to, and she'd do anything for her.

I hope our paths will cross again.  She's adorable.

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It's Hard

Any soul can sleep - few can die
Any wimp can weep - few can cry
Everyone complains - few can state
Anyone can stop - few can wait
It's hard - It's very very very very hard - so hard


A cross gender life can be a burden.  Life, under the apparently best of circumstances can be scary and difficult and feel out of control.  Being trans, even if you have a loving and supportive partner, can add to the confused mess we call life.

I was devastated to learn that one of my readers, who I knew as Penny Perfect, took her own life about ten days ago.  I only knew Penny through my blog and her blog and her other writings, which is to say I didn't really know her at all.  And devastated is the right word.  I cried on the phone with that supportive partner, Aeify when she told me the news.

Anyone can do anything if they hold the right card
So I'm thinking about my life now
I'm thinking very hard
Deal me another hand Lord, this one's very hard
Deal me another hand Lord, this one's very hard

My wish is next time, dear Penny, you'll be dealt a straight.  You were already all heart ~ that makes a straight flush.

I hope we meet next time around.  I'll look for you.  Maybe we'll be in the same sorority, or we'll be BFFs.  We'll giggle together and have slumber parties and all the things we didn't do in this life.

I'll miss you.

(Aeify can be found here)

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Speaking of Understanding...

Also in response to my Civilians post, A Perfect wrote:

I also have it on "good authority" that the harshest critics of women are crossdressers. Where do you stand on that one Meg?

Well, from the other comments I received that day, it seems my anonymous friend Pat agrees with you.

I just stand in awe.