I've been reading Stana's blog for a long time. I remember that blog having a different name quite a while ago, then it disappeared and reappeared as Femulate.
Read her blog if you're not already a reader. Dig into the archives, you'll find a lot of gems.
Stana is who I want to be when I grow up.
Showing posts with label femulate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label femulate. Show all posts
Monday, April 27, 2015
Friday, January 17, 2014
I Concur
Yesterday, Stana's Femulate blog entry was entitled Things To Come.
She wrote about her belief that femulating in public will become more prevalent. If you haven't read it, take a minute. I'll wait.
I agree 100% with her first reason, that bloggers like us who have safe, public, frequent forays out are encouraging others to do the same. I'm no trailblazer. I started this blog because I thought I was: I wanted to chronicle my femme flight from Dulles, VA to Topeka, Kansas. I learned that I'm far from the first, but still a rare bird (ha!). I do have fun, and if I knew what I know now, I would have gone out a long time ago. I am always thrilled when I hear from someone who said "you encouraged me to walk out that door, high heels clacking on the concrete."
I have a little problem with reason number two: Each year I go to the Transgender Day of
Remembrance and hear about the girls who didn't have fun on their last day femulating. There's still a lot of hate out there, but I think if you're dressed your chance of being hurt through haters is less than the chance of having car problems. (Bad: I had a flat while en femme. Worse: it was one of my first times out. Good: a guy changed my tire and treated me as I appeared. That made it a great day.)
For still another reason, well, I guess Stana hangs out with a different crowd than I do. I don't see men in tights, jewelry, makeup or carrying handbags.... Self excepted. I can't wait until these things become more commonplace. Because when they are, I can "up the ante." Stana has given me an idea thought.... leggings. Hmmm....
But I definitely concur with her conclusion. Men are more relaxed about femulating. When I was young, most guys would rather die than play dress-up. (Of course, when I was young, it was the guys who wore the powdered wigs and frilly shirts. :) ) Now search for crossdress or crossdress brother or crossdress husband on youtube and there are guys getting pretty by the dozen.
So my question to myself is, how would my crossdressing experience be different if I were college age today?
She wrote about her belief that femulating in public will become more prevalent. If you haven't read it, take a minute. I'll wait.
I agree 100% with her first reason, that bloggers like us who have safe, public, frequent forays out are encouraging others to do the same. I'm no trailblazer. I started this blog because I thought I was: I wanted to chronicle my femme flight from Dulles, VA to Topeka, Kansas. I learned that I'm far from the first, but still a rare bird (ha!). I do have fun, and if I knew what I know now, I would have gone out a long time ago. I am always thrilled when I hear from someone who said "you encouraged me to walk out that door, high heels clacking on the concrete."
I have a little problem with reason number two: Each year I go to the Transgender Day of
 |
| another femulating boy from Youtube |
For still another reason, well, I guess Stana hangs out with a different crowd than I do. I don't see men in tights, jewelry, makeup or carrying handbags.... Self excepted. I can't wait until these things become more commonplace. Because when they are, I can "up the ante." Stana has given me an idea thought.... leggings. Hmmm....
But I definitely concur with her conclusion. Men are more relaxed about femulating. When I was young, most guys would rather die than play dress-up. (Of course, when I was young, it was the guys who wore the powdered wigs and frilly shirts. :) ) Now search for crossdress or crossdress brother or crossdress husband on youtube and there are guys getting pretty by the dozen.
So my question to myself is, how would my crossdressing experience be different if I were college age today?
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Stana's Here? No Thank You
Stana, my personal heroine, does outreach regularly at different colleges. I'd love to start doing that, but I wouldn't even know how to begin.
But if she's looking for new venues to visit, she should steer clear of the Top 10 Trans-Friendly Colleges and Universities, as outlined in this Advocate article (which relates back to the Campus Pride Index).
It's wonderful to see gay-oriented publications highlighting trans issues. Mostly, I feel we're the "poor stepchild" in the LGBT quad. Three sexual orientation + one gender identity. Want to water us down more? Try LGBTQ. Now we're one-fifth of the equation.
But the article starts with an acknowledgment of this:
Transgender people within higher education continue to be an invisible, often forgotten community. Only about 10% of colleges and universities have trans-inclusive nondiscrimination statements. Research suggests that trans people face higher rates of harassment when compared to cisgender lesbian, gay, and bisexual people and are three times more likely to fear for their physical safety on campus. In the last decade, however, a number of campuses have become stalwart leaders in creating trans-friendly policies, programs, and practices.
I am pleased and impressed and even if you're not going to college you might find a nearby campus to stroll amidst people educated in our issues. Or something to keep bookmarked for when your children are looking for a school.
Or low-hanging fruit to avoid, if you have the honour of doing outreach.
But if she's looking for new venues to visit, she should steer clear of the Top 10 Trans-Friendly Colleges and Universities, as outlined in this Advocate article (which relates back to the Campus Pride Index).
It's wonderful to see gay-oriented publications highlighting trans issues. Mostly, I feel we're the "poor stepchild" in the LGBT quad. Three sexual orientation + one gender identity. Want to water us down more? Try LGBTQ. Now we're one-fifth of the equation.
But the article starts with an acknowledgment of this:
Transgender people within higher education continue to be an invisible, often forgotten community. Only about 10% of colleges and universities have trans-inclusive nondiscrimination statements. Research suggests that trans people face higher rates of harassment when compared to cisgender lesbian, gay, and bisexual people and are three times more likely to fear for their physical safety on campus. In the last decade, however, a number of campuses have become stalwart leaders in creating trans-friendly policies, programs, and practices.
I am pleased and impressed and even if you're not going to college you might find a nearby campus to stroll amidst people educated in our issues. Or something to keep bookmarked for when your children are looking for a school.
Or low-hanging fruit to avoid, if you have the honour of doing outreach.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Daily Deals
I check Woot and DailySteals and Giveaway Of The Day (and Femulate and A Perfect Luv and Reflected Wisdom [which NEVER changes, Liz] and Raising My Rainbow and Gwen and Jessica and a host of other ladies). I haven't checked out any of the other local/daily deal sites like Groupon or Amazon Local yet.
But I found out about a couple that bear a second look and I'll add them to my daily list and see if they live up to their potential.
The first is ShoePrivee. They have a shoe deal a day. You tell it your size and it shows you today's deal in that size. My problems:
* shoe sizes only go up to 12, which may not work for some of my readers, and they don't specify widths. I need 11W, or 10-1/2W.
* you have to register and log in.
* the shoes I've seen so far are uniformly outrageous. I want everyday shoes.
The second is Cheap Undies. I've only been there once so far. They change their featured deal at noon Eastern time (that's generally GMT-5.0 for the rest of the world). They feature one men's and one women's underwear item a day. The featured women's set was nothing I'd buy, but there's also a "last chance deals" link which had bras for as little as $5.
As I said, I'll keep checking. And I'll check out ideeli while I'm at it.
One little trick that I use: I bookmarked all of my "daily" sites and open them in a single Firefox window. I usually have several Firefox windows open, each with way too many tabs. Once or twice a day, I go to my daily sites window and right-click on a tab. Firefox has a "reload all tabs" feature. One click and everything's up to date.
And if you have not seen Raising My Rainbow, you must check it out. It's the ongoing story of a "gender nonconforming" boy being raised to be himself by an incredibly loving and articulate mom. Must read. I'm going back to day one now and I am loving this story.
And a note to Anonymous: I appreciate your comment on Weekend Update. I can't edit it, but I can't post it with the f-word in it. If you'd like to self-edit and resubmit....
But I found out about a couple that bear a second look and I'll add them to my daily list and see if they live up to their potential.
The first is ShoePrivee. They have a shoe deal a day. You tell it your size and it shows you today's deal in that size. My problems:
* shoe sizes only go up to 12, which may not work for some of my readers, and they don't specify widths. I need 11W, or 10-1/2W.
* you have to register and log in.
* the shoes I've seen so far are uniformly outrageous. I want everyday shoes.
The second is Cheap Undies. I've only been there once so far. They change their featured deal at noon Eastern time (that's generally GMT-5.0 for the rest of the world). They feature one men's and one women's underwear item a day. The featured women's set was nothing I'd buy, but there's also a "last chance deals" link which had bras for as little as $5.
As I said, I'll keep checking. And I'll check out ideeli while I'm at it.
One little trick that I use: I bookmarked all of my "daily" sites and open them in a single Firefox window. I usually have several Firefox windows open, each with way too many tabs. Once or twice a day, I go to my daily sites window and right-click on a tab. Firefox has a "reload all tabs" feature. One click and everything's up to date.
And if you have not seen Raising My Rainbow, you must check it out. It's the ongoing story of a "gender nonconforming" boy being raised to be himself by an incredibly loving and articulate mom. Must read. I'm going back to day one now and I am loving this story.
And a note to Anonymous: I appreciate your comment on Weekend Update. I can't edit it, but I can't post it with the f-word in it. If you'd like to self-edit and resubmit....
Monday, November 28, 2011
Don't Ask, Can't Tell
(this is it: my 600th post!)
"So, what did you do last weekend?" "Saturday, we had some friends over for a barbeque. And Sunday, I went to a Transgender Day of Remembrance" event at a little church in Fairfax." "Really? Why?" "Well, I'm transgendered, and it's sad and scary how many other transgendered women have been assaulted or killed or lost their livelihoods just because of how they dress and who they are."
Yeah, right. Like that water cooler conversation is ever going to happen.
Often I chat about a variety of things with friends or co-workers. I'm sure you do as well. And I'm sure we have the same problem.
We have to filter.
The other day, we were talking about airport security and problems we had going through. I could top them all, but I couldn't say "I went through security dressed as a girl." I couldn't even say "I have a better story than any of you but, alas, I can't tell it."
There are lots of thing I can't, or at least shouldn't, talk about. Even simple things like "I always read (whatever) blog." "Well, my day isn't complete if I don't catch up on Femulate." Not gonna happen.
Sometimes, I talk fashion, or women's clothing, when the topic comes up. When someone (invariably male) says "you know an awful lot about that" I say "it's a hobby." I think they assume learning about women is my hobby. Well, it is. If this ever goes further, I'll write about it here. I suspect ANYTHING I say would be considered a joke, and laughed off.
But I can't really talk about the clothing swaps. We were talking about car problems and I told about my tire blowing up and me calling Geico and the manufacturer refusing to honour the warranty. I didn't mention that I didn't change the tire myself because I was wearing a nice dress and I didn't want to mess it up. That really makes the story, I think, but... can't tell.
I was talking to K, who works in my office, a few days ago and after we were done talking shop, I commented on her shoes. Snakeskin, very high heel, very pointy toe. She said they were very comfortable. I said they wouldn't be for me; my feet are VERY wide. She said her toes stopped here and she touched a point before the skinny part started. She said she used to be a tomboy and she had to change just three or four years ago, when she took this job. I told her that I thought that was scary, because it means I could become a girly girl in just a few years, if I had a mind to. I know, I said "scary," but I meant "exciting." Can't tell. Must filter.
She said that the hardest thing of changing her wardrobe was having to wear heels to work. I said I wore heels to work once. She assumed I meant like boots with heels and started describing what she thought and I interrupted and said "no, shoes like yours." She gave me an odd look and I said "it was Halloween." She asked no questions, and changed the discussion to how she takes Halloween off, because traffic is always horrible that day.
A few days ago, I noticed she was wearing a Jockey camisole, under her shirt. I recognised the lace pattern; I have a few just like it. I really wanted to say something, but... well, even as just a guy commenting on clothes commenting on what's really underclothes is sort of off-limits. And to say "isn't that a Jockey cami?" is definitely in the can't tell category.
Stana posted my picture on Femulate recently. I felt like a celebrity, except it's more like I committed a horrible crime. I had something to brag about, and couldn't.
I mentioned not long ago that I wanted to get something from Freecycle, but didn't request it because my wife and I knew the offerer. It would have been wonderful to say "if you have any more castoffs in my size, let me know! And I may have some things you'd like."
I typed my real surname into Facebook. There were a bunch of people I'm somehow related to but have never met. I was mulling how stupid it would be to join the group and say "my last name used to be *****" when I saw my wife's picture with a "I married a *****" next to it. Heavy sigh.
I'm sure you all have similar stories: things that were funnier, stranger, more surreal because you were dressed when it happened. And now you can't tell anyone, outside of our little circle.
"So, what did you do last weekend?" "Saturday, we had some friends over for a barbeque. And Sunday, I went to a Transgender Day of Remembrance" event at a little church in Fairfax." "Really? Why?" "Well, I'm transgendered, and it's sad and scary how many other transgendered women have been assaulted or killed or lost their livelihoods just because of how they dress and who they are."
Yeah, right. Like that water cooler conversation is ever going to happen.
Often I chat about a variety of things with friends or co-workers. I'm sure you do as well. And I'm sure we have the same problem.
We have to filter.
The other day, we were talking about airport security and problems we had going through. I could top them all, but I couldn't say "I went through security dressed as a girl." I couldn't even say "I have a better story than any of you but, alas, I can't tell it."
There are lots of thing I can't, or at least shouldn't, talk about. Even simple things like "I always read (whatever) blog." "Well, my day isn't complete if I don't catch up on Femulate." Not gonna happen.
Sometimes, I talk fashion, or women's clothing, when the topic comes up. When someone (invariably male) says "you know an awful lot about that" I say "it's a hobby." I think they assume learning about women is my hobby. Well, it is. If this ever goes further, I'll write about it here. I suspect ANYTHING I say would be considered a joke, and laughed off.
But I can't really talk about the clothing swaps. We were talking about car problems and I told about my tire blowing up and me calling Geico and the manufacturer refusing to honour the warranty. I didn't mention that I didn't change the tire myself because I was wearing a nice dress and I didn't want to mess it up. That really makes the story, I think, but... can't tell.
I was talking to K, who works in my office, a few days ago and after we were done talking shop, I commented on her shoes. Snakeskin, very high heel, very pointy toe. She said they were very comfortable. I said they wouldn't be for me; my feet are VERY wide. She said her toes stopped here and she touched a point before the skinny part started. She said she used to be a tomboy and she had to change just three or four years ago, when she took this job. I told her that I thought that was scary, because it means I could become a girly girl in just a few years, if I had a mind to. I know, I said "scary," but I meant "exciting." Can't tell. Must filter.
She said that the hardest thing of changing her wardrobe was having to wear heels to work. I said I wore heels to work once. She assumed I meant like boots with heels and started describing what she thought and I interrupted and said "no, shoes like yours." She gave me an odd look and I said "it was Halloween." She asked no questions, and changed the discussion to how she takes Halloween off, because traffic is always horrible that day.
A few days ago, I noticed she was wearing a Jockey camisole, under her shirt. I recognised the lace pattern; I have a few just like it. I really wanted to say something, but... well, even as just a guy commenting on clothes commenting on what's really underclothes is sort of off-limits. And to say "isn't that a Jockey cami?" is definitely in the can't tell category.
Stana posted my picture on Femulate recently. I felt like a celebrity, except it's more like I committed a horrible crime. I had something to brag about, and couldn't.
I mentioned not long ago that I wanted to get something from Freecycle, but didn't request it because my wife and I knew the offerer. It would have been wonderful to say "if you have any more castoffs in my size, let me know! And I may have some things you'd like."
I typed my real surname into Facebook. There were a bunch of people I'm somehow related to but have never met. I was mulling how stupid it would be to join the group and say "my last name used to be *****" when I saw my wife's picture with a "I married a *****" next to it. Heavy sigh.
I'm sure you all have similar stories: things that were funnier, stranger, more surreal because you were dressed when it happened. And now you can't tell anyone, outside of our little circle.
Monday, February 21, 2011
For Your Viewing Pleasure
There's a new show on the syfy channel called Face Off. In it, makeup artists take a challenge to do their best work. One week, the goal was to create aliens.
I haven't watched the show yet, but I've watched the promos, wondering if they were going to get to something I'd enjoy.
Wednesday is it. The next episode is called "Switched and Hitched." 10 pm Eastern; my vcr (yes, I still use a vcr) is already set up.
Last week, a new show started on the Oprah channel. It is called Our America. I happened to see an article about it and I'm not even sure why I read it but the reviewer mentioned that the hostess, Lisa Ling, was going to meet with five transgendered people. I taped it, but haven't watched it yet. I just checked the website and it says that the premiere episode was on faith healers and the upcoming episode is the transgender one. I'll have to try to tape the show again this Tuesday (10 pm Eastern) if last week's wasn't the one I wanted.
I'm probably living in a cave, but I didn't even know Oprah had her own channel.
Finally, Stana, in her wonderful Femulate blog mentioned a movie called "The Extra Man." She mentioned some trans content, but she hadn't watched the full movie yet. I commented that it's available for download on Netflix but my kids can see the queue so I wasn't sure I'd take that route.
Amazon has it in their "video on demand" section for $3.99 for a 48 hour rental (direct link here). Here in the cave, I didn't even know Amazon had a video on demand section!
Now all I need is a couple of quiet hours and some popcorn and I'll be all set.
I haven't watched the show yet, but I've watched the promos, wondering if they were going to get to something I'd enjoy.
Wednesday is it. The next episode is called "Switched and Hitched." 10 pm Eastern; my vcr (yes, I still use a vcr) is already set up.
Last week, a new show started on the Oprah channel. It is called Our America. I happened to see an article about it and I'm not even sure why I read it but the reviewer mentioned that the hostess, Lisa Ling, was going to meet with five transgendered people. I taped it, but haven't watched it yet. I just checked the website and it says that the premiere episode was on faith healers and the upcoming episode is the transgender one. I'll have to try to tape the show again this Tuesday (10 pm Eastern) if last week's wasn't the one I wanted.
I'm probably living in a cave, but I didn't even know Oprah had her own channel.
Finally, Stana, in her wonderful Femulate blog mentioned a movie called "The Extra Man." She mentioned some trans content, but she hadn't watched the full movie yet. I commented that it's available for download on Netflix but my kids can see the queue so I wasn't sure I'd take that route.
Amazon has it in their "video on demand" section for $3.99 for a 48 hour rental (direct link here). Here in the cave, I didn't even know Amazon had a video on demand section!
Now all I need is a couple of quiet hours and some popcorn and I'll be all set.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Pass or Not
I watched the original Wall Street last night.
My second impression was amazement at how little the world of Wall Street has changed in twenty-five years. I suppose it's worse now than it was before. The twin towers are gone. But the neighborhoods looked familiar, and today's headlines just show how much they underestimated the damage "investors" can do to the economy.
But my first impression was: Darryl Hannah has very masculine features.
On Friday I spoke about "passing at the fringes."
It seems more pronounced when her face is turned a bit, but if I saw this picture as one of Stana's "the femulated" images, I'd think it was a decent job, considering there wasn't a lot to work with. Her square jaw reminds me a bit of John Travolta from his Grease days.
I apologise if I ruined "Splash" for you. :)
My second impression was amazement at how little the world of Wall Street has changed in twenty-five years. I suppose it's worse now than it was before. The twin towers are gone. But the neighborhoods looked familiar, and today's headlines just show how much they underestimated the damage "investors" can do to the economy.
But my first impression was: Darryl Hannah has very masculine features.
On Friday I spoke about "passing at the fringes."
It seems more pronounced when her face is turned a bit, but if I saw this picture as one of Stana's "the femulated" images, I'd think it was a decent job, considering there wasn't a lot to work with. Her square jaw reminds me a bit of John Travolta from his Grease days.
I apologise if I ruined "Splash" for you. :)
Friday, December 17, 2010
Passing Isn't It
It's a lot, but many transgendered males do not and will never pass as women. It's a fact. Some I've seen are breathtaking. Some, not so much. As Meg, I'm never sure if I'm turning heads, or stomachs.
Passing has been called the "holy grail" of crossdressing. Pat called it that in a recent comment. I've called it that myself.
I was wrong.
Passing is wonderful. Going out and being accepted is wonderful. Being called "ma'am" is wonderful.
Every artist wants to paint like DaVinci, or Magritte, or Dali, or whoever is the master in her style.
Every garage band wants to be the next Beatles, or Bieber (seriously ~ follow the link. Is he one of us too?)
At some point, the artist or musician or skater has two choices: accept that she's never going to be the best there ever was, or be an angry bitter person who rails against the universe.
Accepting yourself doesn't mean you stop trying to improve. One has nothing to do with the other.
The artist or musician or skater might be very skilled or gifted in her art, but she's handicapped because she lacks the magic spark that makes Michaelangelo, or Dylan. Or the physical agility of Michelle Kwan.
All of us born male who try to reach for female beauty are handicapped as well, but in different ways. Our hands are too big, our adam's apple protrudes too much, we have a bass voice, or angular face.
We can all, I think, pass, but many of us only at the fringes. Maybe our features are more masculine than 99% of women, but there are women who could be our twins. Maybe being six-foot-four is tall, but some women are taller. My voice is masculine, but has anyone heard Bea Arthur?
Passing, as I said, is great. But there's something that is more important, and something that's attainable by every one of us. I think Stana and Dani are there. I am not.
I'll finish this Monday. Please give me your thoughts in the meantime.
Passing has been called the "holy grail" of crossdressing. Pat called it that in a recent comment. I've called it that myself.
I was wrong.
Passing is wonderful. Going out and being accepted is wonderful. Being called "ma'am" is wonderful.
Every artist wants to paint like DaVinci, or Magritte, or Dali, or whoever is the master in her style.
Every garage band wants to be the next Beatles, or Bieber (seriously ~ follow the link. Is he one of us too?)
At some point, the artist or musician or skater has two choices: accept that she's never going to be the best there ever was, or be an angry bitter person who rails against the universe.
Accepting yourself doesn't mean you stop trying to improve. One has nothing to do with the other.
The artist or musician or skater might be very skilled or gifted in her art, but she's handicapped because she lacks the magic spark that makes Michaelangelo, or Dylan. Or the physical agility of Michelle Kwan.
All of us born male who try to reach for female beauty are handicapped as well, but in different ways. Our hands are too big, our adam's apple protrudes too much, we have a bass voice, or angular face.
We can all, I think, pass, but many of us only at the fringes. Maybe our features are more masculine than 99% of women, but there are women who could be our twins. Maybe being six-foot-four is tall, but some women are taller. My voice is masculine, but has anyone heard Bea Arthur?
Passing, as I said, is great. But there's something that is more important, and something that's attainable by every one of us. I think Stana and Dani are there. I am not.
I'll finish this Monday. Please give me your thoughts in the meantime.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday Morning Musings and a Bit of Business
She Said It
A few days ago, Stana wrote what I was trying to articulate. She wrote a post about an old Black Velvet billboard she would see with a beautiful model on it. She ended with:
Guys encountering such advertisements might wish that they could bed a Black Velvet model. Gals encountering such advertisements might wish they could look like a Black Velvet model.
I wished I could do both.
Nice and succinct and a very real difference ~ one that puts us sharply on the fence between women and civilians. There's also a bit of regret there. If I was sitting on that fence and I fell on the "bed" side, I'd be sorry I didn't land on the "look like" side. And if I fell on the "look like" side, I'd be sorry I didn't land on the "bed" side.
I'm married and that's not going to change. But I'm more reluctant to come out to (or even show pictures to) a really beautiful woman, because I'm afraid it'll kill my (already nonexistent) chances with her.
On occasion, I've said to a woman "if I was a girl, I'd want to look like you." It's always taken as a compliment, but it's meant as such and as "really. I mean it. Can you help me look like you?"
No End in Sight
I'm still e-mailing P with little hints. He's not biting, but he's not squashing it either. I'll have the exchanges in a few days, after I feel it's run its course.
A Bit of Business
I am now a member of the Amazon affiliates program, just in time for the holiday spending season. This means I may occasionally link to something of interest that Amazon sells, such as Kevyn Aucoin's excellent book on makeup called Making Faces
. I love this book because he does complete looks, and, bonus for us, he also makes a guy over as a girl. Follow the link if you want to see what the particular item is. But if you follow an Amazon link and buy anything I get a tiny kickback. So if you say "I think I'll buy a Precision Twist 9/32" Taper Length Drill 118 Deg HSS L 6 1/4" Flute 3 7/8"
for fifty cents or a Leica M7 "50 Year M" System with SUMMILUX-M 1:1.4/50mm ASPH Special Edition Set in Titanium
for twenty grand, I get a tiny cut, as long as you go to Amazon from a link on my page. It doesn't matter what you buy (and PLEASE don't buy that camera, unless you really want it!). I don't get any information on you, just a tiny cheque every so often. It helps me to buy muse food. :)Friday, October 8, 2010
More Than All the Facts
Life got in the way Thursday. I did have time to go shopping for some Christine O'Donnell accessories (more later) but I did not have time to go to the thrift shop.
Today, barring interruptions from life, will be the day.
I have been e-mailing my wise and beautiful friend Amanda. She helps me think clearly (that is, "not make an idiot of myself").
I see a few ways this can play out.
First, one of two things can happen:
* I bring in cards and talk to CC briefly about where to leave them, ask her to call me if she needs more or has questions, etc.
* I bring in cards and CC isn't there. I'll talk to an assistant, let her know why I'm dropping them off, and ask her to tell CC to call if she has questions. Tell her I may follow up with CC just to see if they're being taken and such.
I hadn't considered CC not being there before.
Either scenario is OK, but they make the next step different.
If CC isn't there, I'll probably just go and look at clothes and maybe buy some things, without comment. I may say "I'm going to see what you have here" just as a way of saying "I'm done talking now".
Amanda thinks cover stories are a bad idea.
I said she is wise. You'll have to take my word on beautiful.
She is so right. The comments were leaning towards "at least tell her it's for Halloween", but I now see that that is not the right way to go.
We (us gurls) do that too often and I vow to stop now. I mean, google lost bet crossdress and you'll get ten thousand hits (literally) from guys who wanna be gurls who are basically begging someone to tell them what they should wear. The sad part is, they think they're fooling someone other than themselves with the "bet" story.
No more stories. If anyone catches me telling cover stories, remind me that I'm falling into bad habits and I should stop.
Stories are for fictionmania.
No more stories.
I hadn't considered CC not being there until I was writing to Amanda. It's easier if she's off, I suppose. But that would make it harder for me to go back in the future to look around, because I don't know when CC will be there, and it might be awkward. I could say "I bought some clothing last time I was here, and I wanted to see what's new today." I could then let the conversation go where it may (keep reading).
Amanda wrote: "What is your reason to go? Just take cards to her? Buy dresses? Or have her 'know' that you cd?"
Dam good question. It is not my goal to come out to her. But that might be a side effect. But it's also avoidable, without resorting to stories.
And there are good reasons to avoid it. For starters, I’d be completely out to someone I barely know. I try to control this part of my life. If I tell someone, I'm fairly certain they'll keep it close. Or it's to someone who doesn't know anyone I know so no harm can really come of it.
That's not quite true. I've posted pictures. There's that whole six degrees of separation thing. If any of you started sending my picture out with "this is a guy. Does anyone recognise him? Here's what I know...." I'll probably be out.
I don't lose sleep over that possibility. Another tg blogger was always careful with details of her life. In one post, she gave enough details that with only five minutes of research I found her full name and address. I wrote that she might have given out TMI and she said "I don't care". (I paraphrase.)
Maybe at some point I'll out myself. I don't care ~ except there are kids who don't know. So I mostly don't care. Ninety-five percent don't care.
With CC, I don’t know if she’ll tell everyone in the shop and when someone picks up a card say “he shops here. He buys dresses for himself.” Or she might be the model of discretion, and consider the fact that the store is getting money for her charity the overriding issue.
If she outs me, I probably won't be back. If she's careful, I might send gurlfriends.
I don't have to come out to her to look around her store. I can do the same "I'm just going to look around while I'm here".
Maybe she'll assume I'm looking at books or furniture or men's clothing and ignore me. I'm fairly ignorable.
Maybe she'll go back to my comment from my last visit and ask "do you want to see some dresses for yourself?"
I am ready to say "yes. Twelves usually work. And how are your shoes organised?"
Maybe she'll just say "we have a lot of things here. Feel free to look around". Maybe she'll offer a discount or credit, since I did that computer work gratis.
Maybe she'll ask who I'm shopping for. Here, I'm not sure what I'll say. I may 'fess up. I may say "the holidays are coming up" ~ she'll assume I answered her question, but even that's a bit more dishonest than I like. I have been known to do that though, and not just with tg issues. An answer like that will almost always be met with a "let me know if you need any help" from a sales assistant in a shop. But a "who are you shopping for?" leads to outright lies (against my philosophy: see my earliest posts).
No more stories.
Today, barring interruptions from life, will be the day.
I have been e-mailing my wise and beautiful friend Amanda. She helps me think clearly (that is, "not make an idiot of myself").
I see a few ways this can play out.
First, one of two things can happen:
* I bring in cards and talk to CC briefly about where to leave them, ask her to call me if she needs more or has questions, etc.
* I bring in cards and CC isn't there. I'll talk to an assistant, let her know why I'm dropping them off, and ask her to tell CC to call if she has questions. Tell her I may follow up with CC just to see if they're being taken and such.
I hadn't considered CC not being there before.
Either scenario is OK, but they make the next step different.
If CC isn't there, I'll probably just go and look at clothes and maybe buy some things, without comment. I may say "I'm going to see what you have here" just as a way of saying "I'm done talking now".
Amanda thinks cover stories are a bad idea.
I said she is wise. You'll have to take my word on beautiful.
She is so right. The comments were leaning towards "at least tell her it's for Halloween", but I now see that that is not the right way to go.
We (us gurls) do that too often and I vow to stop now. I mean, google lost bet crossdress and you'll get ten thousand hits (literally) from guys who wanna be gurls who are basically begging someone to tell them what they should wear. The sad part is, they think they're fooling someone other than themselves with the "bet" story.
No more stories. If anyone catches me telling cover stories, remind me that I'm falling into bad habits and I should stop.
Stories are for fictionmania.
No more stories.
I hadn't considered CC not being there until I was writing to Amanda. It's easier if she's off, I suppose. But that would make it harder for me to go back in the future to look around, because I don't know when CC will be there, and it might be awkward. I could say "I bought some
Amanda wrote: "What is your reason to go? Just take cards to her? Buy dresses? Or have her 'know' that you cd?"
Dam good question. It is not my goal to come out to her. But that might be a side effect. But it's also avoidable, without resorting to stories.
And there are good reasons to avoid it. For starters, I’d be completely out to someone I barely know. I try to control this part of my life. If I tell someone, I'm fairly certain they'll keep it close. Or it's to someone who doesn't know anyone I know so no harm can really come of it.
That's not quite true. I've posted pictures. There's that whole six degrees of separation thing. If any of you started sending my picture out with "this is a guy. Does anyone recognise him? Here's what I know...." I'll probably be out.
I don't lose sleep over that possibility. Another tg blogger was always careful with details of her life. In one post, she gave enough details that with only five minutes of research I found her full name and address. I wrote that she might have given out TMI and she said "I don't care". (I paraphrase.)
Maybe at some point I'll out myself. I don't care ~ except there are kids who don't know. So I mostly don't care. Ninety-five percent don't care.
With CC, I don’t know if she’ll tell everyone in the shop and when someone picks up a card say “he shops here. He buys dresses for himself.” Or she might be the model of discretion, and consider the fact that the store is getting money for her charity the overriding issue.
If she outs me, I probably won't be back. If she's careful, I might send gurlfriends.
I don't have to come out to her to look around her store. I can do the same "I'm just going to look around while I'm here".
Maybe she'll assume I'm looking at books or furniture or men's clothing and ignore me. I'm fairly ignorable.
Maybe she'll go back to my comment from my last visit and ask "do you want to see some dresses for yourself?"
I am ready to say "yes. Twelves usually work. And how are your shoes organised?"
Maybe she'll just say "we have a lot of things here. Feel free to look around". Maybe she'll offer a discount or credit, since I did that computer work gratis.
Maybe she'll ask who I'm shopping for. Here, I'm not sure what I'll say. I may 'fess up. I may say "the holidays are coming up" ~ she'll assume I answered her question, but even that's a bit more dishonest than I like. I have been known to do that though, and not just with tg issues. An answer like that will almost always be met with a "let me know if you need any help" from a sales assistant in a shop. But a "who are you shopping for?" leads to outright lies (against my philosophy: see my earliest posts).
No more stories.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
STOP THE PRESSES!
My idol, Stana, put MY PICTURE under The Femulated on her femulate website! I'm making a guest appearance on the blog that was once described as the center of the blog universe!
I've made the big time! Back to Mardi Gras on Tuesday, when I come down from cloud nine.
I've made the big time! Back to Mardi Gras on Tuesday, when I come down from cloud nine.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Summer Reading + This & That
I read very few blogs. I split my time between political and trans sites, and even political sites that I like are often lost in the clutter that is my typical day. But since I started my own blog, I've started reading a couple of others. Maybe you'll like them too. Maybe I'll find a trans-progressive blog and cut my reading in half. :)
My new friend Penny has an eclectic blog that I'm enjoying. She knows how to edit herself, a task I still find challenging, so it doesn't take as long to catch up with her as it does with me.
Yesterday, I received a comment from Gwen who has a brand new blog with a unique story ~ it kind of follows what I wrote about recently: dressing for the first time. Well, it's not the first time for her, but it's kind of a change-of-life story and I'm glad Gwen found me and I found this. I was hoping to find an e-mail link on there, but alas, no. Gwen, drop me a note if you wish. I'd like to hear more!
And I never miss Femulate and Jessica Who? . Required reading.
If anyone has other blogs that are Do Not Miss, let me know.
A little side note ~ Shelby put a little note on my blog. Blogger decided it was spam because she put in a link to the Gap stores. I'd like to know ~ are you real or spam? Drop me a note. I won't remove the comment... I'd just like to know.
No dressing opportunities this week. I'm still not sure about El Paso yet. My manager has a habit of making decisions without informing the principles, so I haven't made reservations yet. Knowing her, she'd cancel and I'd get stuck with the bill! Today's the day I'll firm up plans.
I will be meeting my old manager for coffee Tuesday. She's met Meg, but I'm not sure I'll tell her about this blog. I'm actively looking for jobs at that company and I want her to give me good recommendations not "you will NOT belivee what he did!"
My boss meeting Meg.... That should be an upcoming post.
My new friend Penny has an eclectic blog that I'm enjoying. She knows how to edit herself, a task I still find challenging, so it doesn't take as long to catch up with her as it does with me.
Yesterday, I received a comment from Gwen who has a brand new blog with a unique story ~ it kind of follows what I wrote about recently: dressing for the first time. Well, it's not the first time for her, but it's kind of a change-of-life story and I'm glad Gwen found me and I found this. I was hoping to find an e-mail link on there, but alas, no. Gwen, drop me a note if you wish. I'd like to hear more!
And I never miss Femulate and Jessica Who? . Required reading.
If anyone has other blogs that are Do Not Miss, let me know.
A little side note ~ Shelby put a little note on my blog. Blogger decided it was spam because she put in a link to the Gap stores. I'd like to know ~ are you real or spam? Drop me a note. I won't remove the comment... I'd just like to know.
No dressing opportunities this week. I'm still not sure about El Paso yet. My manager has a habit of making decisions without informing the principles, so I haven't made reservations yet. Knowing her, she'd cancel and I'd get stuck with the bill! Today's the day I'll firm up plans.
I will be meeting my old manager for coffee Tuesday. She's met Meg, but I'm not sure I'll tell her about this blog. I'm actively looking for jobs at that company and I want her to give me good recommendations not "you will NOT belivee what he did!"
My boss meeting Meg.... That should be an upcoming post.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
You Can Call Me Cautious
If you're not up to reading a long boring post at least skip down to the line of ~~~~~~~~~~~ near the bottom.
I'd like to start by saying I am not paranoid. I don't see conspiracies lurking everywhere and people are not out to get me (except for the ones that are, and I'm keeping a close eye on them. And a journal. One copy will go to the newspapers if anything happens to me; the other goes to the police). OK, that last part was an attempt at humour.
In advance, I'm going to beg pardon for my generalisations.
Like most of us (crossdressers, not paranoiacs), I keep my girl-self hidden from most people. Like the child who sleeps with the light on, we have a variety of reasons. Like the child, they're pretty much all fear-based. I'm guessing most common is fear of rejection of those around us. Fear of hostility is probably high on the list, as is fear of humiliation or being laughed at. We don't want our children teased because "your daddy is a sissy".
Whatever the reason, most gurls who are out regularly still separate their two identities. Their neighbors probably don't know, their extended family probably don't know, their immediate family may not know.
So the flying bit raised my paranoia level (can I just call it caution level?) from it's usual low Meg 3 to about 9.
When Meg is shopping, she can pay cash ~ anonymous. She hopes the neighbors don't see a woman driving away or home, and she hopes no-one recognises her vanity plate and comes over to see, um, non-Meg.
See, some of you know both Meg and her male self; the vast majority do not. This is the only thing I have in common with Superman. :)
The fact that someone may figure out that "that was no lady that was...." is what keeps the level up to 3. That, and the fact that someone might look right through Meg and not just see a guy in a dress but a particular guy in a dress. When I'm not dressed, my level is a healthy 2.7.
So what kept me up to a 9? I took a cab to the mall in drab. Walking through the mall with a suitcase and laptop bag was odd, but not a problem. Walking through the mall or the airport dressed was no different than shopping.
In the past, that was it. Not this time.
The taxi dispatcher has my phone number. The cabbie knows and can make a connection.
The airline knows everything about me ~ name, address, phone, everything.
Ditto the TSA. Ditto the rental car place. The flight crew could find out who the "lady" in 6c was.
The hotel is the worst ~ I'm still here.
Dinner was cash and anonymous.
I didn't tell anyone who knew Meg is flying where I was going.
There might be some Glenn-Beck-type clod who could pick up the details and (paranoia alert!) be waiting at the airport with signs and a bullhorn denouncing what he considers a pervert.
The odds? About 0.001%.
Or the readers from crossdressers.com or the Classy DC Sisters group or Stana's blog might say "hey, we're local. Let's put on our best and give Meg a fantastic sendoff!"
The odds? About 0.001%.
Although one would be horrid (but not trip-ending) and one would be fantastic (but embarrassing), both are above my paranoia level of a probability of 0.0009%. So here's what I didn't say (note the marker I mentioned earlier):
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I flew from Washington Dulles airport, about 30 miles from DC, to Kansas City. From there, I drove to Topeka where I'm working right across the street from the capitol building. I'm staying in the hotel close to the West Ridge Mall. I won't say what agency not because of my caution but because I'm not supposed to. I'll be flying back (not as Meg) Friday evening.
By the way, I slept like a baby last night ~ I woke up wet and crying every couple of hours. No, I slept through the night for the first time in a few weeks. But every sleepless minute and elevated heartbeat was worth it.
Tomorrow, work permitting, I'll start writing about the trip. I feel like it's anti-climactic though.
I'd like to start by saying I am not paranoid. I don't see conspiracies lurking everywhere and people are not out to get me (except for the ones that are, and I'm keeping a close eye on them. And a journal. One copy will go to the newspapers if anything happens to me; the other goes to the police). OK, that last part was an attempt at humour.
In advance, I'm going to beg pardon for my generalisations.
Like most of us (crossdressers, not paranoiacs), I keep my girl-self hidden from most people. Like the child who sleeps with the light on, we have a variety of reasons. Like the child, they're pretty much all fear-based. I'm guessing most common is fear of rejection of those around us. Fear of hostility is probably high on the list, as is fear of humiliation or being laughed at. We don't want our children teased because "your daddy is a sissy".
Whatever the reason, most gurls who are out regularly still separate their two identities. Their neighbors probably don't know, their extended family probably don't know, their immediate family may not know.
So the flying bit raised my paranoia level (can I just call it caution level?) from it's usual low Meg 3 to about 9.
When Meg is shopping, she can pay cash ~ anonymous. She hopes the neighbors don't see a woman driving away or home, and she hopes no-one recognises her vanity plate and comes over to see, um, non-Meg.
See, some of you know both Meg and her male self; the vast majority do not. This is the only thing I have in common with Superman. :)
The fact that someone may figure out that "that was no lady that was...." is what keeps the level up to 3. That, and the fact that someone might look right through Meg and not just see a guy in a dress but a particular guy in a dress. When I'm not dressed, my level is a healthy 2.7.
So what kept me up to a 9? I took a cab to the mall in drab. Walking through the mall with a suitcase and laptop bag was odd, but not a problem. Walking through the mall or the airport dressed was no different than shopping.
In the past, that was it. Not this time.
The taxi dispatcher has my phone number. The cabbie knows and can make a connection.
The airline knows everything about me ~ name, address, phone, everything.
Ditto the TSA. Ditto the rental car place. The flight crew could find out who the "lady" in 6c was.
The hotel is the worst ~ I'm still here.
Dinner was cash and anonymous.
I didn't tell anyone who knew Meg is flying where I was going.
There might be some Glenn-Beck-type clod who could pick up the details and (paranoia alert!) be waiting at the airport with signs and a bullhorn denouncing what he considers a pervert.
The odds? About 0.001%.
Or the readers from crossdressers.com or the Classy DC Sisters group or Stana's blog might say "hey, we're local. Let's put on our best and give Meg a fantastic sendoff!"
The odds? About 0.001%.
Although one would be horrid (but not trip-ending) and one would be fantastic (but embarrassing), both are above my paranoia level of a probability of 0.0009%. So here's what I didn't say (note the marker I mentioned earlier):
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I flew from Washington Dulles airport, about 30 miles from DC, to Kansas City. From there, I drove to Topeka where I'm working right across the street from the capitol building. I'm staying in the hotel close to the West Ridge Mall. I won't say what agency not because of my caution but because I'm not supposed to. I'll be flying back (not as Meg) Friday evening.
By the way, I slept like a baby last night ~ I woke up wet and crying every couple of hours. No, I slept through the night for the first time in a few weeks. But every sleepless minute and elevated heartbeat was worth it.
Tomorrow, work permitting, I'll start writing about the trip. I feel like it's anti-climactic though.
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