"Relax Your Hand"

As I said, it was a five hour drive from Annandale to Kitty Hawk, where we were staying.  We made one stop at a gas station in Southeast Virginia.  I went inside to use the ladies', and a woman behind the counter was doing some bookkeeping.  She looked up and said "I'll be with you in a moment."  I decided that I didn't really need her full attention since I wasn't making a purchase at the moment so I said "where is the restroom?"  She pointed and said "I'm sorry.  It's over there, through that door, then second door on the left."  The first door had a sign on it reading "closed for maintenance," but it wasn't and the ladies' (yes, second door ~ even though I asked for the restroom [deliberately] she pointed me at the ladies' room) was a single-stall affair, functional but filthy and previously inhabited by a hoverer.  I took advantage of my privileged status and privacy level and stood but cleaned the seat for the next victim anyway.

sandy, yes, but they STILL look good, 10 days later!

Our next stop was on the Outer Banks.  It was getting late for Sunday shops, so we went to a nail salon that had good reviews on Yelp AND was open on Sunday.  It wasn't there; a different salon was, and it was closed.  We hunted for another salon and found it a couple of miles up the beach, open and available.

Before entering, I swapped out my wedges for my new flip-flops.

When we went in, there were a couple of men and one woman visible, clearly employees.  I said to Charity "I'd rather not have a male technician" and she said "you may not have a choice."

For my first or second manicure, a male technician came over to do my nails.  I was dressed, and as he sat down he leered at me.  I remember that look, and could never think of another name for it.  I said in my (then very soft and a bit shaky) girl voice "I'd rather have a female manicurist" and he looked crestfallen, got up, and sent someone more to my liking over.

We were seated for our mani-pedis in adjacent chairs.  A young lady sat down in front of Charity; a man sat down in front of me.  Charity was nice enough to ask if we could switch; they switched with no questions or issues.  A few minutes in, I remember the massage chair and turned mine on.

The male technician was very chatty; the woman doing my toes was not.  We spoke a bit but mostly she addressed other employees in Chinese, I think.  Most of our conversation involved her asking me if I wanted my nails cut short, and pushing "shellac," which she said would last longer.  I just said no, although I was considering saying it would have to come off in a few days, when I return to work.  I couldn't think of a good answer to the obvious question ("why?") at the time.  Later I did: "because I can't wear nail polish at work."  That might have inspired more questions.  It would have started a conversation at least.  I should have said it.  At one point she said that the polish would start to chip in a couple of days and I said "then maybe I'll be back before leaving the island" and she stopped asking.

I can see Meg in my car!

After the pedicure she very carefully slid my flip-flops back on so as to not damage her artwork.  I wanted to ask about nail art, but I didn't know how or when to bring that up so I didn't.  A little painting on my big toes would be nice.

She did my manicure as well; a different girl did Charity's and she sat at a different pair of tables.  A female customer with copious tattoos and gauged ears (are y'all surprised I knew the name for this and didn't say "grommets in her earlobes?") was seated next to her.  The seat next to me was empty.

As she was doing her pre-paint washing and filing the technician twice told me to relax my hand.  The second time, I replied by lying.  I said, very softly, "I'm sorry.  This is my first time in a nail salon."  Softly, both because it would seem confessional and because I didn't want Charity to call out "it is not!"

Ladies, this is a Good Lie.  You're now the little sister, leaning on your big sister's experience and expertise.  Yes, it's a bit manipulative but I believe it's harmless and helpful.

Until that point the technician seemed almost bored and distracted.  She looked past me, out the front window and again chatted with other employees in her native tongue.  But now, she became talkative, and we had a nice chat, two girls at the salon.  The mani-pedi wasn't expensive ($35) and I left a $10 tip in cash, which I think was generous.

While our nails were drying, we sat opposite the tattooed lady.

I kid around a LOT.  It's my normal condition.  I do a lot of what I call hit-and-run humour.  I will do a one-liner, or force a straight line, make my joke and scoot.  I couldn't leave in this situation but I joked around with Charity, about the area, about the manicure, and about whatever came to mind.  I kept glancing at Tattoo, who smiled a few times so I brought her into the conversation (she called the ear thing gauging and said it hurt more than the tattoos).  I think I made it less boring for all of us ~ she told us a lot about herself and we shared too (not EVERYTHING though!).  Again, a little girltalk... my favourite (public) interaction.

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Stories

For each of the things I wear, I have a story.  If, say, my mother or sister asked I'd probably tell the story. 

For any of you who would like to stretch the femininity envelop but do care, I herewith share my stories.

Tights, Socks: "I don't wear ties.  I like a bit of colour and hate ties, so I try to get interesting socks.  Yes, they're girls' socks, but socks are socks, no?"

Bracelet: I explain what the charms mean.  I don't offer a "I like feminine things" explanation.

Ring: "It's a gift from a friend.  She thought it would like nice on me and I agreed.  You really think it's girlish?  I think it's fine."

Shoes: "I'm very hard to fit.  A friend suggested her Aerosoles were the most comfortable shoes she ever wore and I decided to try a pair.  They look like most shoes men wear, no?"

Shirt: "Really?  No.  You're mistaken.  My wife bought it for me [or it was on the men's rack].  It looks like a man's shirt."  Note: this means you can't wear women's shirts to wherever you were caught anymore.  Also note: I once pointed out to a woman that she was wearing a man's shirt and she got very flustered then angry.  I pointed out that it buttoned the wrong way.  She went off and the conversation was over.  I was wearing a women's shirt at the time.

Bra: "um, er, uh, well, LOOK AT THE TIME!  I HAVE TO RUN!"  Maybe "HEY!  MY EYES ARE UP HERE!" :D

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Travel Day!

Yesterday, I flew out to Tucson again for a few days at Sierra Vista, AZ.  Before returning home, I'll spend a day in Tucson, yes, as Meg.  I have a couple of ideas, but I'm going to keep them to myself right now.

As usual, I not only overpacked for Meg, but I added some last-minute things as well.  To make room, I didn't bring regular camisoles for work, and I skipped one regular shirt.  I'll have to double up or buy a polo (women's?) shirt before I go home.  I also skipped on contact solution, shaving gel, and Nair.  I picked those things up in Arizona, and they'll stay here when I go home, unless I miraculously find room.

The last-minute extras included another lipgloss, some new eyeshadows, an eyeliner pencil (my old one was getting small), and my watch (yay!  I thought I misplaced it!)  This is on top of jewelry for at least three outings, lipsticks for at least four sets of lips, too much gloss, a variety of eye shadows, two pairs of shoes....  I think I need to have a locker here with an extra set of my clothes and stuff.  Maybe I can leave some things with a Tucson friend and pick everything up when I arrive here.

For one evening and one day, I have two skirts, two tops, and a dress.  Friday night, if all goes as planned, will be a dress event.  And I may check out the thrift and inexpensive clothing shops, looking for alternatives.  And maybe I'll check out Dillard's too.

I was a little nervous yesterday.  Not because I wore flowery socks, which I always do on travel days (hey, if I'm taking my shoes off I want my socks to look good!).  Not because I wore a lacy camisole under my (women's denim) shirt.

I've been wearing clear lip gloss.  Before I left the house, I put on a non-clear lip gloss.  MAC "Viva Glam V," which is close to my natural lip colour but definitely glossy.  Glossy glossy.  More glossy than what I've been wearing.  I figured, I'm on a plane with strangers.  I'm in an office I haven't been to in three months.  People will not even notice.  I checked in at my hotel before going to the office and touched up the gloss.  And I got nervous again.  I think I was nervous because I wasn't ready for what I was going to say:

major story: "It's a new chapstick thing.  I don't think I'll use THAT again!"
minor story: "Really?  Glossy?  Really?"
no story: "It's lipgloss.  I think it looks good."

I think I have to go with no story.  It's the only way I can look at myself in the mirror.  And admire my glossy lips.

By the way, nobody noticed.  So far.

I'm afraid I'm going to escalate this to the point where I'm coming to the office wearing fishnets under my pants, an unpadded bra, and lipstick, blush, and mascara.

That's a lie.  I'm not really afraid.  I'm just wondering where it's going to go from here.

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Land of Shopportunities!

I hope you all are taking advantage of the season.  There's only one week left and you can buy anything you want from the women's side of the store.

Go when you feel most comfortable.

Go on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon or any evening and you'll find the cover of other shoppers and everyone is rushed and they won't even notice a man buying a bra or makeup remover or a dress that happens to be in your size.

If the crowds intimidate you, or you're afraid you'll run into friends and neighbors, take a break from work and go to the mall during the day and you'll find quiet stores and helpful sales associates.

And you can buy anything with the right story, if coming out, even a bit, to a pretty stranger in a random store makes you uncomfortable.

You know my "no stories" philosophy.  When I bought a bra, tights, and a slimming camisole last week the woman said "I hope she likes them!" and I said "she?  They're for me!"  She laughed and said something about "whatever works for you" and we had a nice little chat about tolerance for dressing and such.  When I left, I think she was still trying to decide if I was joking or not.

But you can cover anything with a story, if you feel the need.  And I have felt the need.  "I hope my wife likes it."  "What's your return policy, if it doesn't fit her?"  "Can I return this?  I know she likes this style but she might have an identical one."

Jewelry is easy.

Clothing is harder, because you're likely to be the only guy in the department. 

Intimate apparel is tricky ~ it's easier to buy the really sexy things than the more practical things you need day-to-day because that's what other guys would buy.  Sexy nightie: a snap.  A Bali Passion for Comfort Pretty Underwire bra... not so much.

Makeup can require a bit of finesse.  Shoes, well,....

But there are a couple of tricks.  Feel free to supply others in the comments.

Bring a list.  Or a picture from an ad or a website.  If there's a specific item you want, have that item on a printed list, or grab a photo and you can say "this is what she wants" or for items like panties, bras, hose, and other items a woman would have many of, "I saw this in her drawer.  I know she likes this style and I know what she has is getting worn out."

Bring a scribbled note.  If you're intent on getting some unspecified bra or panties, scribble a little note like "bra: 44D" or "undies: 7 or 8" and you can proudly show off that you were clever enough to dig around, figure out "her" size and you're ready to shop!

Get gift sizes.  If you want eye shadows, you can get a big selection of shadows.  That looks more like a gift.  If you buy a single shadow, or a targeted pair or trio, well, not so much.  But if you have a list or scribbled note ("she's almost out and she loves this stuff")....

Be creative.  Shoes are tricky.  Does anyone buy shoes as a gift?  No.  So buy a pair and ask about returns.  "I've never bought here before.  She likes my taste in shoes so what I do is buy a pair I like in what I hope will fit.  She generally brings them back for a pair that fits better.  It's almost a tradition."

Know who you're shopping for.  If you're buying makeup basics, it's for your daughter.  It's just you and her, and you're trying hard and "what did you need when you just started wearing makeup?"  You'll get a little sympathy from a young lady as well as help.  The "daughter" is also useful if you really want some clothing that's kind of young for you.  If you're looking for cheap jewelry (guilty) say it's a gift for your wife... from your young child.  "She" asked you to "get a nice bracelet for mommy but not too expensive."

I'll be buying some items from Ulta today and I'll probably see what's on sale at Penneys (I have a 15% off one-day pass) later in the week, but it's for me ~ and that's my story.

One final note: no matter what your story is, or how good an actor you are, or how you present yourself, on some level she'll know it's for you.  And that's OK.

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