Friday, December 17, 2010

Passing Isn't It

It's a lot, but many transgendered males do not and will never pass as women.  It's a fact.  Some I've seen are breathtaking.  Some, not so much.  As Meg, I'm never sure if I'm turning heads, or stomachs.

Passing has been called the "holy grail" of crossdressing.  Pat called it that in a recent comment.  I've called it that myself.

I was wrong.

Passing is wonderful.  Going out and being accepted is wonderful.  Being called "ma'am" is wonderful.

Every artist wants to paint like DaVinci, or Magritte, or Dali, or whoever is the master in her style. 

Every garage band wants to be the next Beatles, or Bieber (seriously ~ follow the link.  Is he one of us too?)

At some point, the artist or musician or skater has two choices: accept that she's never going to be the best there ever was, or be an angry bitter person who rails against the universe.

Accepting yourself doesn't mean you stop trying to improve.  One has nothing to do with the other.

The artist or musician or skater might be very skilled or gifted in her art, but she's handicapped because she lacks the magic spark that makes Michaelangelo, or Dylan.  Or the physical agility of Michelle Kwan.

All of us born male who try to reach for female beauty are handicapped as well, but in different ways.  Our hands are too big, our adam's apple protrudes too much, we have a bass voice, or angular face.

We can all, I think, pass, but many of us only at the fringes.  Maybe our features are more masculine than 99% of women, but there are women who could be our twins.  Maybe being six-foot-four is tall, but some women are taller.  My voice is masculine, but has anyone heard Bea Arthur?

Passing, as I said, is great.  But there's something that is more important, and something that's attainable by every one of us.  I think Stana and Dani are there.  I am not.

I'll finish this Monday.  Please give me your thoughts in the meantime.


  1. Meg,
    I think that you pass too. For me the most important thing to pass is to feel inside as a woman. If you are not confident of yourself, nothing help...Isn't it?
    Maria Victoria

  2. What is most important is that people are happy and that they get to enjoy whatever activity they may be engaged in.

    Getting out and about is an activity that appeals to many of us who enjoy dressing. The reality, however, is that no matter how hard we try we may not always pass.

    It may be better for CDs in general if those who can get out on occasion manage to get out and interface with civilians while doing their best to fit into the scenery and circumstances, regardless of whether they pass or not. Pretty much like you did at the rally.

    Stana has masterfully found several good and justifiable reasons to be out and about and mixing with civilians.

    In addition to her support group outings she has become involved in university outreach programs. Here the goal is to meet students who know her true gender. This type of outreach is wonderful. The more people that get to meet and talk with a cross dressed man the more we can intergrate into society. Her periodic visits to certain art galleries, several stores where she is semi-known, etc. all serve to advance to cause for the rest of us.

    I think that the key is that she is always neat and appropriately dressed, does not call negative attention to herself and has now reached that level of comfort where her inner ( and outer ) beauty shines through.

    The more of us that get out and interact with the civilians the easier the path should become for the rest of us.

    Perhaps being married to me means that my wife's "T-Dar" is more acute than most women but she has told me of several encounters or spottings that she has had with crossdressed men. There seems to be one fellow who frequents one of the supermarkets that she patronizes and she has seen him on several occasions and once while waiting in line made some small talk. She notes that he is far from 'passable'. She actually conceded that I make a much better looking woman than this head is still swollen. He was just a guy with a poor wig, but a decent top and skirt, out doing his shopping. He sort of fit in and was not threatening to anyone...just another regular shopper.

    During the warm weather we like to go to street fairs and food festivals. There is one guy we have seen on several occasions. He tends to travel with a much older woman who could be his mother and a woman who appears to be about his age (approx. 40). She noted that when I dress I look much better than he did and that the women he was with should help him a bit with his hair, clothes style and nails (always a day-glo orange).

    On another occasion she went out to dinner with a few of her girlfriends and reported back that at the next table were four fellows "dressed to the nines" having a nice dinner in a high end restaurant.

    Of course, my wonderful bride is still not ready to be in public with me and is always fearful on those rare occiasions that I do get out but I like to think that with every encounter she (a civilian) has with a non-threatening cross dresser, the better it is for me.

    I agree Meg, passing would be wonderful but as Lincoln said " can't fool all of the people all of the time." The more of us that can get out and about into the civilian population the better it will be for all of us.


  3. I am amazed that you put me in the same category as Stana! Stana goes out regularly in female mode and clearly passes without comment (other than compliments on her legs, that is). I last went out anywhere--and then to a CD event--in my 20s...and since starting dressing again three years ago, have never ventured out in full female mode.

    Oh, I've had a few "adventures" when I wore something femme that passed as male and took a drive or went shopping in some place where I knew I wouldn't see anyone I know. I tried on corsets in a very CD friendly boutique.

    But I'd love to know what attainable quality I have that I share with Stana.


My day is brighter when I hear from my friends!