Wednesday, June 9, 2010

You Can Call Me Meg?

Why did I pick that name for this blog? It's very simple.

When I'm out, I'm not very comfortable meeting and chatting with others. I'm not secure enough, I think EVERYONE knows I'm male, and I'm fairly paranoid about it. Sometimes I do chat with people, usually sales people or women giving me a makeover (I've had makeovers in a couple of different salons, plus Macy's, plus MAC). But I sort of control that situation. If I don't want to have to chat, I don't have to walk into a fairly empty store, for example. Even then, a saleswoman will say "Hi! How are you?" from across the store and I'll just move my mouth and smile and she'll figure she can't hear me over the music.

I'd love to ask each person to tell me if I'm passing or not, or when they knew. I've said something a couple of times and was assured that I'm perfect and they only knew when I mentioned it, or when I started to talk, but they're usually trying to sell me something so I don't believe it.

If I was filling out a personality profile and I was asked for three adjectives describing myself, I'd put funny and honest on the list, for sure. Honesty is important to me.

I don't consider being Meg dishonest ~ it's a role, an illusion, a femulation. But what do I do when someone says "Hi, I'm Susie?" I could say "Hi Susie. I'm " but that would be weird. I could say "Hi Susie. I'm Meg" or "my name is Meg" but that would be lying ~ I'm not Meg. Instead I say "Hi Susie. You can call me Meg."

That's honest.

In real life encounters, I strive to always be honest. In on-line ones, not always. I'm old enough to remember the cartoon "on the internet, nobody knows you're a dog". I've posted my picture or profile on sites where I claim to be a woman, and make up a back story to go with that. Why? Not to deceive, but for affirmation. I want to see if people will accept me as a woman, and generally they do, which is euphoric.

Here, I will strive to be 100% honest, but there are things I will not say (yet). I may, depending on my audience.

Oh.... I do sometimes say "Call me Meg" but that was taken for a blog name, believe it or not. And the name Meg itself came from a past-life regression. My first girlname was Kim, I went to Marcia for a few years, tried Jill for a bit, but Meg seems to have stuck. I'm still not sure I love it.

Did I say it was simple? I meant complicated.

1 comment:

  1. Welcome to the blogoslhpere. I think that you are a refreshing and on target addition to the folks I like to read.

    Stick with the "honesty" and sense of humor traits. If you make the plane trip I would add 'courage' to the list. It's a little old fashioned, but that's wear it well.

    Femulate has been great to follow. I am in the same club aothough my history, while really close to Stana's may be even closer to yours. Late 50's...wife knows but tolerates and fears it...Two sons do not know. Want to get out but limited in the extreme. I have 4 inches and 40 lbs on you so I have to deal with the 'size does matter' issue.

    Keep posting. I like your writing style and your candor and sense of self as well as your sense of humor.

    Lets hope your courage holds and you join the CD version of the mile high club. I hope your blog continues longer than three weeks. I think it would provide a good source of therapy not only for you but for your readers.


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