A Real Transgender Play Date!

Alas, not one of mine.

And not quite "real."

For the first time in years, I sat down with my son and watched Spongebob Squarepants.  I am including a link in case I have readers who have been in a cave on a pacific island since World War II, and just returned to civilisation.

The first episode we saw was called Love That Squid.  In it, Squidward meets a lovely female squid but he hasn't had a date in years so Spongebob offers to help him, with a practice date.

You can see the full cartoon on Nickelodeon, although you'll have to sit through an ad and the show intro.

At least I know how Spongebob and Squidward would answer my dating poll!

I'm still looking for something to do on Tuesday, 9 August.  If anyone has any ideas....  If not, there's always shopping.

Oh....  I extended the poll through today.  Please take the poll if you haven't.  Check more than one answer, as your heart tells you.  Response has been light and time is running out.  Read the overly long introduction which will help you understand the choices. 

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We Have A Go!

I spoke to my wife about the clothing swap, and how I basically need the house to myself on Sunday so I can change, drop by the swap, and change back.

She said little, but agreed to give me this little time out.  Later, she surprised me by asking "so what goes on at these clothing swaps anyway?"  She's never shown any interest in what Meg does.

The swap is on the 7th.  I'm still looking for something to do on the 9th.

Meanwhile, my wife will be out with friends later today, and she'll be taking my youngest to visit a friend at the same time.  This means I have a little free time.  I am going to pull out that device of the Inquisition known as an epilator once again and go over my legs.  I'm also want to try a cap sleeve blouse to see if I can get my arms clean enough to wear it.

I also bought a couple of new things that I want to try on.  I need something for the swap and my other day out!  I am also sorting through Meg's side of the closet.  It's a mess.  I want dresses, tops, skirts, camisoles, separated and I want to put the ones that fit and look best in the front of each group.  And if there are dresses that look horrid or skirts that fall down or won't close...  The swap is on the 7th.  I have a big bag of clothes now, but even bigger is even better.  Kim takes all of the leftovers to a women's shelter or other charity.
 
This Monday, I have an appointment to get my neck and eyebrows waxed and a manicure (alas, no colour).

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Gender Orientation and You ~ Part Three

Please take this week's poll.  Check more than one answer, as your heart tells you.  Response has been light and time is running out.  Read the overly long introduction which will help you understand the choices.  I'm leaving the poll open for a couple of more days.


This is the last planned interpretation of my first poll.

Eliminating "I'm always with a..." and "flexible" and "not interested", there are six "gender orientation" categories, with a total of 28 respondents.

I've split those into "gender straight" (3 categories, 22 responses, one assumption) and "gender gay" (2 categories, 1 response).

And then there's

             If I'm a boy, I'm with a trans; if I'm a girl, I'm with a girl.

which I am at a loss to explain. There were five people who checked this box. It's not a gender orientation ~ as a boy, you appear straight. As a girl, you appear gay. It's not a clear sexual orientation: as a boy, you prefer boys. As a girl, you prefer girls. Even if it was all about the clothes, I'd think it would be a "girl all the way" person. Please, someone let me know why you picked this! I am very interested!

So the final tally for the gender orientation categories:
gender straight: 78.5%
gender gay: 3.5%
I'm at a loss: 18%

And for those who are keeping score, 22% of the total population are gender straight, 1% is gender gay, and 5% I don't get.

Here are the final poll results:

I'm always with a boy.	6
I'm always with a girl.	42
I'm always with someone who's trans.	3
If I'm a boy, I'm with a girl; if I'm a girl, I'm with a boy.	14
If I'm a boy, I'm with a girl; if I'm a girl, I'm with a trans.	6
If I'm a boy, I'm with a boy; if I'm a girl, I'm with a girl.	0
If I'm a boy, I'm with a boy; if I'm a girl, I'm with a trans.	1
If I'm a boy, I'm with a trans; if I'm a girl, I'm with a boy.	2
If I'm a boy, I'm with a trans; if I'm a girl, I'm with a girl.	5
It's not important. I'm pretty flexible.	20
I'm not interested.	1

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Gender Orientation and You ~ Part Two

Please take this week's poll.  Check more than one answer, as your heart tells you.  Response has been light and time is running out.  Read the overly long introduction which will help you understand the choices.  I'm leaving the poll open for a couple of more days.

Twenty eight people responded to the poll with a preference that changes based on their gender appearance.  So we now have two universes: this smaller group and the 100 people who took the poll.

Fourteen percent of the total sample, which is half of the people in this section, responded:

          If I'm a boy, I'm with a girl; if I'm a girl, I'm with a boy

Despite the 23 categories of sexual orientation in the article Sonora Sage pointed me at a few days ago, this isn't there.

We're in the realm of what I call gender orientation now.  I know other people have used "gender orientation" in other senses.  But, like Humpty Dumpty, "When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."

I'm calling the above "gender straight."  I was having a hard time with the rationale, because I saw two possibilities.  The first was more obvious.

It's external: the respondant wants to be seen as straight.  So when he's a he, he would get involved with a woman.  When she's a she, she'd get involved with a man.

But none of this is really external.  None of us are doing any of this for appearances.  And remember, this is a "second base" situation.  It's not just sitting on a park bench or strolling through a museum or having dinner.  If your grabbing and deep kissing, there has to be some internal reason, some degree of turn-on.  OK, a large degree.

So I think it might start as an ostensibly "external" event.  The respondent (like me) might think, "I'd like to experience a date."  Perhaps they're like Z, and it just... happened.  Or like Linda, and it just... didn't happen (but she thought about it).  Linda left a comment on the post linked to above, the one that started my second poll.

The fact that it's really not external is why I said I would answer "girls only."  I could maybe see myself on a date with a man (poll #2) but deep kissing and grabbing?  No.  And third base?  Maybe at gunpoint.

Or maybe not.  I did mention that I say "no" too often.

Also in the "gender straight" category:

          If I'm a boy, I'm with a trans; if I'm a girl, I'm with a boy

(two responses) Which is gender straight with a gay orientation.  This seems more "external" ~ the respondent wants to appear straight, yet be true to herself.  Again, I am guessing.  Without an interview (or at least e-mails from someone saying "I ticked that.  You're wrong") I can't be sure.

Six more readers ticked:

          If I'm a boy, I'm with a girl; if I'm a girl, I'm with a trans

This confuses me, unless they are going out with transmen when they're dressed.  Then it's clearly gender straight.  I'd love to hear from someone who made this choice!

These two choices cover 20% of the total, or about 70% of the "breakout" groups.

While I'm on the subject, there's also "gender gay."  A gender gay person would tick:

          If I'm a boy, I'm with a boy; if I'm a girl, I'm with a girl
or
          If I'm a boy, I'm with a boy; if I'm a girl, I'm with a trans

Exactly one person checked the second option; no-one checked the first.  I think this makes sense; the second option is the inverse of the "gender straight" one: externally, you always appear gay while internally you're true to your gayness.

I'll wrap this up tomorrow, unless I get comments that make me rethink what I wrote here.  My thinking is flexible, even if I'm not particularly flexible in partner choice.

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Gender Orientation and You - Part One

Thank you for responding to my first poll!  99 people answered.  I was not one of them.  In spite of what I wrote to go along with poll #2, I'd answer "Always with a girl."

That makes 100 people, which means the percentages are super easy!


The rest of the week will be devoted to poll interpretation.  All interpretations are, of course, my own.  I welcome comments or e-mails.  Feel free to tell me I'm full of sh*t.

Although a couple of ciswomen may have answered, I'm going to assume there were none.  I know, in a small sample that's a bad idea.  I'm also going to assume there were no civilians among the poll takers.

The results are still visible on the sidebar, below the pictures of y'all.  I'll leave them there for a few days, then summarise them in a post.

So on to the results

Almost half of us (42%) are straight males.  In other polls, in general populations, the number is much larger.

But we're more nuanced here.

6% are gay.  This is probably within norms for the general population.  I really need a larger sample!

3% are "admirers" or "chasers."

For those who haven't heard the last two terms, admirer refers to a male who likes t-gurls.  In a different poll, 3% (but not the same 3%) is probably the number who would answer "the most important feature in a woman is her feet" or "I'm always with someone wearing latex" or some other fetishistic focus.  Please ~ I don't mean "fetish" as a bad word.  It's a descriptive word, an attraction to something "outside the norm."  I'm not assigning right or wrong to any behaviour.  Mensa members are "outside the norm".

Chaser is short for "tranny chaser," which is normally used in a derogatory manner to describe women who like t-gurls.  I think we need a better word, such as "fantastic" or "spectacular."  I've said before, on the classic one-to-ten scale, a women who accepts us automatically gains two or three points.  A woman who prefers us gets at least a five point bonus.  So you women are pretty much off the scale that originally put Bo Derek at the top.

20% identified as "flexible."  Sonora Sage pointed me at a new term (for me, anyway): pansexual.  Bisexuals are attracted to people regardless of sex.  Pansexuals are attracted to people regardless of sex or gender.

I think the 20% here are probably bisexual.  I think the other 28% who chose one the other six options might have answered "pansexual" if there was such a choice.  50% of me thinks I'm wrong.  There are probably respondents  who, when they say flexible, they mean "whether I'm dressed or not, I might be caught necking with a man, woman, or t-gurl."

I was really tempted to leave out the flexible category from my poll and have people focus on their primary fantasy partner.  But it's there and now I'm stuck with it. :)

One percent is asexual.  That, I think, is lower than in the general population, but again, Sage pointed me at the "-romantic" category, people who enjoy the romantic aspect but not the sexual.  That, I think, is another poll, and one for someone else.

That covers about seventy percent of our population.  Most polls would have stopped there, and they'd get 9% gay (because an admirer would check "with a boy"), 20% bisexual, and 71% straight.

We're going deeper.  And now it's getting harder.

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Still Great Timing

Not a lot of you have taken this week's poll.  It was scheduled to close it on Wednesday, but I'm going to leave it open until the end of the week.  Starting tomorrow, I'll have my interpretation of the results of the first poll.  I don't know if you'll agree with me ~ feel free to let me know, whether you do or not!

Anyway, if the long introductory post is what's keeping you from voting, here's the Reader's Digest version: Z wrote to me to say that while she was out, a gentleman chatted her up and they started getting fairly intimate on the spot.  I wrote that, after having "admirers" ask for dates (and turning them down ~ I like girls), I started to think that maybe a date with a guy would be fun (but no funny stuff).  So look at the choices, keeping that in mind, and check as many boxes as are appropriate.

A few days ago, I wrote about going out early next month.  Things have changed a bit, but for the better, I think.  I hope.

The plan, as I wrote, was for my wife and son (and a friend and her son) to go to the beach Sunday through Tuesday.  Sunday is the next clothing swap, which is where I plan to be.  I also plan to take  Monday off and do something.

There are a couple of potential problems:

* my job involves meetings.  The main meeting is Monday morning.  Blowing off that meeting is tricky.
* Sunday is the last day of the 4-H fair.  My kids are always involved.  Sunday is breakdown day.  I can probably get someone to take apart the exhibit for me, but I should pick up my son's entries and such.  I'll be at the clothing swap and I think having Meg go to the fair is a bad idea.  See?  I do have some common sense.

Well, my wife decided my son really needs to be at the fair that day.  She changed the beach trip to Monday through Wednesday.  August 8 through August 10.

A slight change of plans.  I'll be with my son at the fair Friday night.  He's in charge of one of the exhibits and has to register kids and write down the results of the judging.  I'll help, if help is requested.  He's pretty resourceful when he needs to be.  We'll all be at the fair Saturday ~ he has to keep an eye on the exhibits, make sure they don't get damaged or knocked over or anything.

But Sunday, I'll have my wife take him down.  I'll change (no nail polish, alas) and go to the swap.  I'll be back home and changed back before they get back from the fair.

Since they'll go to the beach Monday, I'll work that day and make the meeting members happy.  I'll take off Tuesday and make that a Meg day.  I may even meet with one (or more) of those Classy DC Sisters, if they'd like to meet with me.  Paige wrote to me that one of the ladies (Debbie) likes to go out on Tuesdays and I should contact her.  Maybe I will.

I think this will work.  I just need to make plans for the day on Tuesday.  I'd like to do something other than the usual (shopping), as much fun as that is.

The only problem now is to tell me wife that she needs to keep my son at the fair all day so they don't get a surprise when I come home!

I know some of my readers look out for me.  I want to let y'all know that the beach vacation is not for me.  It's a chance for my wife to spend time with her friend and for the boys to play together.  We'll probably go away as a family later in the month.

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My Dating Poll Answers

Please take this week's poll.  Check more than one answer, as your heart tells you.  Response has been light and time is running out.  Read the overly long introduction which will help you understand the choices.

I received a few "admirer" offers, in the past.  Guys would contact me through URNA and request dates.  I always said no.  But afterward, I started thinking about those offers and thought, it would be a unique girl experience for sure.  This was a few years ago, when Meg was barely out of the house.  I could have contacted the guys; they always left it open in case I changed my mind, but I never did.

It's a more dangerous experience than I'd want to have.  It's not just a comfort zone thing.  I think I could make it fit my comfort zone, once I got over the first "Oh My God I'm Out With A Guy" moment. 

If my "escort" decided to get rough, or have me do things I did not wish to do, I'd have little recourse, really.  I'd be way more vulnerable than a real woman in this situation.

When I first started going out, I would have answered the dating poll "girls all the way."  I'd still rather be out with a girl (or group of women) than one or more guys or t-girls (sorry, ladies).  No doubt about it.  A girls night out would be heaven to me.  I really enjoyed my dinner with Dana.  But as much as I enjoyed that evening, as wonderful a woman as Dana is, I wouldn't trade my Saturday with Sage for that dinner.

But now I'd also check I've had an epiphany like Meg's (obviously), and I'd like to try a date and if I did go out, it would be a "no touching" or maybe ~ maybe ~ a peck on the cheek (no lips!).  I'd also check that I'd go out with a t-girl when I'm in drab and treat her like a lady.  I think it would be a Good Thing if I could help someone who's more closeted than I am.  If that would help her, I'd do it.  And I'd consider a hug and accepting a peck on the cheek.  Mostly for appearances, so we look like a couple, and for her girl experience.

Oddly enough, I don't know how I'd feel about holding hands.  I think I'd take/offer an arm before a hand.

I asked my readers to think about it.  I did as well, and I think it very likely that my answers might change with time.

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A Slight Miscalculation

Time is running out!  Please take this week's poll.  Read the introductory post first, and please take your time and think it through!  Let your imagination guide you if you've never thought about these situations.

A note: for you early readers, I added a photo and blurb to yesterday's post around 10am EDT.

Also: bonus points for anyone who can identify another "Cicely and Gwendolyn" pair, as mentioned in yesterday's post.

In preparation for going out in a couple of weeks, I've been keeping my body hair trimmed.  One day I do arms and hands, one day I do legs and feet, then back again as needed.

I've noticed my toes still have a bit of polish on them from my last pedicure.  No problem.  From a distance, they look fine, if sometimes a tiny bit tinted.  Probably, no-one would notice if I went barefoot.  No-one notices in the house, for sure.

Remember I wrote a while back about my toes and how they cause me problems?  To recap: each of my large toes has a problem.  The left one is split and it sometimes catches on slacks and socks.  Worse, it sometimes catches on hose and then I have to put on a spare pair.  The right one curves in on the left side and digs into my toe.  I've been sort of controlling it by pulling it up and clipping it, which is both difficult and painful.  It's gotten worse and now it curves down and digs in on both the left and right.  Pressure on the top can be very painful.  Women's shoes are flatter than men's and they push the toenail down.  And in.

Last week, I had a call to fix a computer at a foot doctor's office.  I decided it was time to do something about this, so I made an appointment to have him look at/fix my toes.  The last time I had a toe problem fixed, I was off my feet for a week.  Hopefully, lasers have solved those problems and that won't happen.  I made the appointment for Tuesday, after work.

Today is Sunday.  I will not have time to remove the polish.  My foot/leg hair will not grow back by then.

If whoever looks at my feet says "were you wearing polish?"  I will say "I was."  I have no idea what to say next though.  No More Stories though.

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Fringe Benefits

Please take this week's poll.  Read the introductory post first, and please take your time!  The post is long, but it may give you some insight and it will explain a couple of the options.

Before I get to the main topic

A week or so ago, a man in a wedding dress ran onto the field during a Nationals game.  Picture to the right.

The main topic

  
Last weekend, we were in DC to see the Fringe Festival.

I did not know, until a friend from New York told me, that there are Fringe Festivals around the world.

For the uninitiated, the Fringe consists of a great many local shows.  Music, comedy, drama, dance, one person, troupe, offbeat stuff, you name it, it's there.  Here, there are shows with names like Tales of Courage and Poultry, Cecily and Gwendolyn's Fantastical Capital Balloon Ride, Who Killed Captain Kirk and Fat Men in Skirts.  You can sort shows by a small handful of categories, including Jewish and LGBT.

I dropped my son off near DC mid-afternoon and we went in, with time to see two or three shows.  Most are in the same area; most are between 60 and 90 minutes.

The first show was a one-man show.  He spoke about odd events in his life, and focussed a bit on agay black friend he had when going to college in the midwest.  Being either gay or black made him an oddity in this town and this school.  His friend invited him to a hidden, unlabelled club, told him if anyone wants to mess with him that he only dates black men, and then disappeared.  Yes, he reappeared in drag as the star of the show.

OK, the show wasn't very good.  But this was an odd coincidence.

The second show was an ensemble play, six or so characters including one tall young black man who showed up about half-way through.  In a dress and heels.  His claim was that he was protesting the treatment of women and would dress like this 24x7 until women were treated as equals in every way.

OK.  I'm two for two.  I'll be going back today or tomorrow.

The second show was a mile or so from the rest so we drove there and walked to a restaurant before the show.  Walking a bit, we saw what seemed to be shops, walked past a steakhouse to an Italian restaurant in Dupont Circle.

There were about a dozen people in the place, staff and guests, and most were watching the world cup final match.  He sat us at a table near the window.  My wife took a seat looking in, so I had a nice view of the street.  The waiter asked if we wanted to sit where we could see the game.  He put his hand on my back as he asked, which I thought was... noticeable.

As soon as the waiter walked away, my wife said "this is a gay place."  I hadn't noticed.  Those of you who know DC might have figured it out when I mentioned Dupont Circle.  I didn't know, but my wife informed me, that it is a very gay area of DC.  She was the only woman in the place until the end of the meal.  I spent the meal people-watching out the window.  Many women walked by.  Many of them were wearing dresses; I saw a fair number of LBDs.  The men mostly travelled in pairs.  After dinner I said "I want to walk," mostly because I like to walk and it wasn't unbearably hot outside.  More men in pairs.

I think this might be a good place for Meg to dine if she goes to DC in a couple of weeks.

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Classy DC Sisters

Please take this week's poll.  Read the introductory post first, and please take your time!  I know it's long, but I believe it may help you understand yourself.

Before I go on, I want to say I'll be doing regular posts this weekend.  With the polls and going out soon, I have some topics and I don't want to get too far behind.

As I said yesterday, I've belonged to the Classy DC Sisters yahoo group for over a year.  It's for girls who like to go out and be seen.  They mostly go to one of the two local gay clubs and sometimes to t-events in the area.  Sometimes, they go to other friendly clubs or bars.  Generally, they go out Sunday night and that's almost always impossible for me.  Not this year.  The family is scheduled to go away on a Sunday and I'll have to see if the group is going to the club that night.

There are some problems:

I'm not a drinker.
I'm not a dancer.
I'm not a club girl.

I don't know how comfortable I'd be there.  I have problems hearing over background noise, and I suspect the club is noisy.   Weddings and such are bad for me, partly because it's a stretch for a classic introvert to talk to strangers, and partly because I can only hear the person next to me.

The sisters regularly post photos of trips out.  I haven't gone through them all, but from the photos I've seen, they dress Ready To Party.  This is not a criticism ~ they look great!  It's just that they dress sexier than I ever have, even when I was just staying at home. 

So I don't know. 

Plus, if someone saw me come home wearing a skirt, well, that's a bit of a problem.  If someone saw me come home at midnight in a sequined micro-mini skirt and five inch pumps, well....

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Great Timing!

Please take this week's poll.  Read the introductory post first, and please take your time and think it through!  Let your imagination guide you if you've never thought about these situations.

My wife told me she'd like to go to the beach for a couple of overnights with her friend and their two sons.  They do this about once a year.  The one time I joined them, I was a definite third wheel.  I was more hoping to be one of the girls, but....  Besides, I'm not too fond of her friend.  I like almost everybody.  I don't dislike her, but she's not someone I'd like to spend time alone with.

When she told me the date, the first thing I did was check meetup: the next clothing swap is the Sunday she's leaving.  They like to leave really early, so I immediately mapped out my day:

• help them get out as early as possible (pre-dawn would be good, 10 is more likely, 9 is probably the best I can hope for)
• put my car in the garage, put my swap clothes in the car
• try on the clothes I bought two days ago (I'll write about them soon) and any other clothes I buy before the swap
• get dressed for the swap
• get a manicure.  Maybe a pedicure.  They're hard to resist, but they take a while.  So time permitting....
• help Kim set up her swap, look at clothes, have an enjoyable afternoon (hopefully without a flat tire!)
• maybe go out to eat (finally!  As Meg)
• blow off work on Monday
• Monday, Meg does... something.  If you have any suggestions, that would be great.  I was thinking of going into DC and doing something there.  Maybe I'll go back to that gay restaurant for dinner.
• in the evening, remove nail polishes
• be back at work Tuesday as my usual drab self.

I may even join the DC "we go to the local gay bar a couple of times a week" group.  They almost always go out on Sunday night.  I've been a member for over a year and never joined them.

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Poll Vault

I had a follow-up poll planned for this week.  I actually had two polls, aimed at different audience members.

Then I received a note from a reader I shall call Z (not her real initial). She was trying to answer my poll and she wrote a long note, which I edited:

[U]ntil about a month ago I would have said always a girl, now I'm not sure, I had an incident that surprised and confused me, I was dressed, I think nicely but in no way provocatively [she included a picture and looked quite nice].... [I] stopped for a cup of tea at a refreshments stand in a well know public park.   I'm not shy of being seen anymore.


I was surprised when I was approached by a man a bit younger than me, at first I didn't know how to react, but was friendly and pleased for the company and friendly contact.   However as things progressed I soon realised that I was being chatted up - and more surprised to find I rather liked it.   I surprised myself by allowing things to progress, to some -erm - quite intimate physical contact.   Until now I would have expected to be repelled by even the idea of kissing another man, but I found that I was very turned on - indeed I suspect that if time and circumstances had allowed I would have gone a lot further possibly "all the way".   Since then I have had very mixed emotions I am happy with my wife and my marriage and have no intention of risking it, I had always thought that if I would have been tempted it would have been with a woman, I am content that I can deal with that temptation, but this new one is different.   If I had been asked your poll question a month before I would have said it is always a woman, now I think I would say when I'm a boy I'm with a Girl, when I'm a Girl I'm not sure.


I have a suspicion that [my femme self] is still very young, nearly every experience is a fresh one and she simply hasn't learnt yet how to deal with a lot of these new experiences, unfortunately Mother didn't teach Paula how to do her make up, resist men who are chatting her up, and when to leave a situation.


All very confusing....

Z, I never had an experience like yours, but I have had admirers write to me after seeing my profile on urna, and they've tried hard to get me to go on a "date."  It was a few years ago, probably while I was still going out with company only, still to insecure to do my own makeup and such.

I said no, politely at first and more firmly as they got more insistent.  And they all got more insistent.  At the time, my reason was that the idea of going out with a man just didn't interest me.

Afterwards, I started to think that having a "play date" would be a girl experience I should try.

Firsts are hard, especially when they're unexpected.  And I have a tendency to push back at new experiences.  I say "no" way too often.

The first time I was out and my mentor (makeup lady) held a skirt up to me to see how it fit, I thought I'd pass out from embarrassment.  Fortunately, before I hit the floor I realised that, yeah, this is OK.  This was before I'd ever try something like that myself (in drab).  I do hold clothes up to help judge the fit/look now even when in drab ~ sometimes.

The first time I met with a couple of other t-ladies, as I was leaving one came up to hug me.  I hesitated, then thought, "when in Rome, do as the Romans do" and gave her a warm boob-to-boob hug and cheek-to-cheek "air kisses."  (Later, I thought "when in drag, do as the dragons do" :) .)

One of my first makeup ladies told me to use a brush for lipstick.  I drew back and said "why?"  It seemed like too much work, to me.  She said "because it's much more feminine" and you know ~ she was right.  I often take those extra few seconds to brush on lipstick.

My former boss asked if I had any suits.  I told her I did not, and I saw no need for one.  She said "you should try one.  They're sexy."  I thought suits were too expensive and wearing one would put me too far out of the norm when I went out.  Eventually I did buy one.  Now I own a half-dozen or more.

I think I'd like to try a "play date."  I don't know what I'd do if he tried to end it with a kiss.  I really don't.

Please take this week's poll.  Take a few minutes to think about it.  Imagine the situations and how you might feel!  You can come back and change your answers if tomorrow you think, "you know, I can imagine...."

I'm going to use this little siding to give me more time to think about the results of the first poll.  I don't think it's appropriate for gay t-girls, but perhaps you can show me why I'm wrong.  Comments and e-mail are welcome.

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Polls Are Still Open

Thank you for answering.  The poll is still open, but it will close Any Minute Now.  If you haven't, please take the poll.  But the comments are no longer unembargoed.  Go back to my "I Like You" post, if you want to see what people have written.  I commented on some comments as well.  It's getting interesting.

Going Out Note: yesterday, I found out my wife and son will be going away for a couple of days with one of her friends and their son.  As I've mentioned before, she often changes plans.  But I'll be prepping in advance of the date.

The "flexible" answer is the one that I'm personally having problems with.   I don't know if, for instance, readers who are really attracted to women but were with a guy once or twice, just to see what it's like, and really had a good time described themselves as "always with a girl" or "flexible."  The first follow-up poll will address this.

I'll write about the results as I interpret them, over the next few days.  Your arguments/agreements are welcome.  But there are two answers I don't understand yet.

If I'm a boy, I'm with a girl; if I'm a girl, I'm with a trans. (6 responses)
If I'm a boy, I'm with a trans; if I'm a girl, I'm with a girl. (4 responses)

The situation is the same: to the world, you're always with a girl.  But internally... I don't understand.

If anyone can help (especially if you selected one of these answers), I'd love to know.

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Even the Easy Stuff Isn't Easy

The poll is still open.  Please take it ~ it'll only take a minute.  Don't worry about nuances ('it was only once.  Is that still always, or...')  There will be more polls that I hope will clarify the results.  I do want to learn more about you (us).

Even the Easy Stuff Isn't Easy

I need house slippers.  My wife usually gets them for me for a holiday gift.  A year is about all they last, so that works out well.

Last winter, she decided to get me women's slippers.  She picked them up at Marshalls.  I was pleased ~ that was very thoughtful (and maybe she's opening her mind a bit more) of her.

They were too small.  I told her I couldn't wear them and she brought them back.  It is now seven months, my slippers are in awful shape, and no replacement is in sight.

Lacking time to look in stores right now, I went to Zappos and started looking at slippers.  This should not be difficult.  I want basic slippers, something unisex (but from the female side of the store).  This meant a neutral colour and style.  I don't like shoes without a back; I don't like my foot flapping about as I walk.  Around the house, I want quiet shoes.

A search for women's slippers on Zappos reported "We found 633 items!"

Oh.  My.  God.

The fact that there are, for instance, five different Ugg "Ansley" in different colours helped whittle down the choices.  But if each style came in five colours and they were all listed separately, that was 120 or so slippers to look at.

They do sort by styles, among other things.

If it was up to me, I'd probably go with the Ballerina style, or maybe the Mary Janes.  They're quite pretty and defintely girly.  There were almost 200 "Scuff" and I have no idea what they have in common.  Slides and flip-flops, I knew I wasn't interested in.  Moccasins were a definite possible.  Booties ~ no.  I want a slipper I can just kick off.

Then there was an "Other" category (111 styles).

I went through them all.

You can also sort by size and width, but I didn't realise I could choose multiples of each.  I was afraid if I chose 10-1/2 W I'd find nothing, when 11 M might work, and do I choose W or WW or C or D or E?

When I picked both 10-1/2 and 11, and all of the wide sizes I was left with 80 pair only(!).  If I added in mediums (they often work with an 11) there were 290 pair.  131 pair were under $50, which is more than I want to spend for slippers.  Next time I'll know.  This time I went through HUNDREDS of house slippers.

Just to show girls are more interesting than boys, I did a comparison.  (I know you knew that, especially the GGs who are reading).

Styles: six men's, nine women's (add ballerina, mary jane, and slouch for women)

Colours: 28 for women's, two for men.  OK, I'm kidding.  There are actually 15 men's colours, but there are more brown and black (147) than all the other colours added up.  Really, it's about 36% black, 27% brown, and 36% all other colours combined.  No pink, metallic, yellow, mahogany, silver, purple....

Personality: 26 to 18, women win again.  Even in this made up category, they made up more for women than men.  Women have novelty, elegant, 50's retro, athleisure, snowboarding.  Men ~ I think "action sports" is the only one I didn't see in women's style.  Interestingly, both had "Feminine" as a personality!  The men had three styles (all the same UGG in different colours and not particularly feminine).  The women had 265 listed as "Feminine".

Materials: sheepskin or suede were all of the choices for men.  Women have a choice of 29 materials: everything but wood and steel wool.  Want latex or velvet or silk slippers?  Sorry, dude.  Go to the ladies' side.

Pattern: seven for men.  22 for women.  What?  No floral or paisley or embroidery or leopard print for guys?  Bo-ring!

Accents: nine for men.  Contrast stitching was most popular.  Contrast stitching is a pattern?  Come on guys!  You're grasping.  That was followed by bows (little manly laces bows, not little packagy bows).  Women have a couple of dozen accents.  Bows is number one, and there are little laces bows, like the mens' shoes have.  But wait!  There's more!  Laces that match the pink slipper bows.  Big floppy bows.  Little dainty bows.  Bows on the side, bows in the back, bows on the bow.

Heel Height: for men?  HA!

These are house slippers!  HOUSE SLIPPERS!

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Pollar Opposites

Thank you for taking part.  The poll is still open, and will be for a few days.  If you haven't, please take the poll.  Details are here.

Realistically, there should be a grid or a scale or something, which would replace almost all of the answers.

                 0 = always with a boy, 100 = always with a girl
                When I'm a boy, my partner is: [pick 0 to 100]

and so on.

But then how do transgender partners fit in?  This is really a multi-dimentional problem.

In any survey, sexual orientation, to be complete, should have a trans option.  For instance, there are men who swear they are straight but will spend a happy hour with a transvestite prostitute.  They probably need to answer the therapist question I posed the other day.  And there are some unknown number of admirers and chasers.  I'd like to put a number on them.  And I'd like to find a better term than "chaser."

I'm trying to figure out how to follow up with people who enjoy the (sexual) company of trans partners sometimes, and people who answered "flexible."

It's not easy, and I'll probably get it wrong.  I'm open to suggestions.

The next poll will be on Wednesday.  I'll still be writing daily though.

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It Would Be Funnier

if it wasn't on my blog.  A British reader sent me this.

And please take the poll, if you haven't yet.  My poll introduction is here.

And click on the pic to make it more readable!

Poll Position

Thank you for taking part in my first poll.  The poll is still open, and will be for a few days.  If you haven't, please take the poll.

A reader commented that perhaps I should have two questions: "when I'm a boy" and "when I'm a girl" but then if I got results like:

                   BOY:  with a boy, 1; with a girl, 1
                   GIRL: with a boy, 1; with a girl, 1

I wouldn't know if one voter answered always with a boy and the other always with a girl or if they each meant "always with the opposite gender" or "always with the same gender."

It's awkward but it's the best I could come up with.  Bear with me.  I think the results and follow-ups will be interesting.

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Gender Orientation

Thank you for answering. The poll is still open, and will be for a few days. If you haven't, please take the poll.  For more details, see yesterday's post.

If someone is confused about their sexual orientation, or perhaps in denial about a non-conventional orientation, a therapist might ask "when you're having sex and fantasizing, who are you with?"  It's pretty definitive. If a man, for instance, only has sex with women but always imagines he's with a man, well, he's gay.

It's not so clear for us. I don't know if this will add clarity or not.  I'm hopeful.

For the next few posts, I'll be writing about my thought process behind the poll.  Please continue to comment, but I may keep them unpublished for a bit, to not influence the voting.

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I Like You

You're anonymous.  I'm not (not really).  So please answer the anonymous poll and I'll post my answer in a few days.

If you want to be disanonymous (huh?), post a comment under your account as well.  No home phone numbers!

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to phrase the poll choices, and I know I still have it wrong.  If I have it way wrong, post a comment or drop me an e-mail.  This is a learning experience for me.

I'm calling this gender orientation.  I did a quick search ~ others have used the term, but used it interchangeably with sexual orientation.  Sorry.  That's not right.  They use different adjectives for a reason.  I'm commandeering the term.

I want to know if we (and by 'we' I mean 'us') change who we're attracted to based on our appearance.  I know I've read e-mails from readers and posts on other sites from people who have answered this question, but I'd like to investigate it in an organised manner.  I know this poll is far from scientific, but it's the only tool I have at the moment.  I will accept grant money. :)

I apologise for having so many choices.  I really think there are too few choices, but I had to avoid nuances to keep it reasonable.

For the poll:

Ignore current relationships.

If you've transitioned, think back to when your body was of a type that you're not now.

If you're not trans at all, you can still play.  Pick whatever's closest.

By 'trans' I mean transgendered.  You can choose what you want that to mean.

If I get a decent pool size, I have some additional questions.  I'm trying to try to get a better feel for our community.

If I get fifty comments saying (for example) "Always girls.  But there's one guy at work who makes me shiver and I'd...." I'll have a different poll coming up.

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I Promise the Real Poll...

...won't have 38-C as a choice.

I think it's working now, but please let me know if you have any problems.

Unless something interesting happens, look for What I Really Want to Know tomorrow.

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"He Was So Pollish!"

(OK, I made a pun so I could use this movie quote.  Any guesses?)

Update: new poll gadget.  Please try again.

I'm trying a little poll thing over on the right side there.  Please give it a try.  I'm going to ask a real question if this thing works and then write a post that will annoy some percentage of my readers (but I won't know how many until I see the results).

If it doesn't work, please let me know in a comment or an e-mail.  And remember, if you don't want me to know who you are but want to say something, feel free to start your comment with the word Private and I won't post it and you'll be anonymous.

Rubes

I know.  I had some Rubes cartoons back in January.  But they're funny.

Today, At Egalia

Notes From the Weekend

Today I learned I underestimate my readers.  Did anyone not know the "Max" reference?

I behaved around my friend.  We saw a lot of people.  I'm still here, and my status is unchanged.

If you recall, I was wondering if my hairless arms would evoke any comments.  I wore short sleeves, but not shorts, just because I rarely do.  I had the usual visible trappings: flowery or otherwise non-plain socks, charm bracelet, necklace.

My friend P made no comment.  At one point he did ask about my charm bracelet and I told him what each charm meant and why I wear it.  A couple of times, he commented on my "Christine" costume, but it went no further.  For instance, he cut himself shaving (face, for the record) and I said that it really doesn't look good, bleeding all over the metro.  He said "if you weren't embarrassed wearing a dress in DC, I won't be embarrassed bleeding."  I said "half the people riding the train have probably done so in a dress."  I was considering saying, "first of all, it was a suit, not a dress" but I didn't.  I also didn't push the conversation by saying "I really enjoyed going out like that" or something similar.  I was close, but I didn't.  Next time, I may not be able to stop myself.  I'll assume that will be self-correcting and there won't be a next time.

We also had another (female) friend and her son over for dinner on Saturday.  No-one commented on the absence of hair.  Or on my flowery socks, even though we sat down to watch a movie afterwards and I had my socked feet up on a coffee table for all to appreciate (or, apparently, not).

Sunday evening, I came into the kitchen after working with the boys a bit upstairs to find my wife talking to P about her "past life" experiences.  I thought, "this might get interesting," but I didn't join in the conversation.  She didn't invite me in by talking about my experiences ~ I think she was afraid it would get to my most recent one and the disclosure of my crossdressing.  I understand why she didn't want to do that, and I don't think I'll mention it to her.  If she had me join in, I would have ignored the latest event and talked about the first two.  Just to show her I can do it.

Monday, we spent the day at the Vienna fair, working a booth.  There were a dozen kids and almost as many adults there.  No comments.  Well, not from them.  I had fun talking to the vendors, mostly about how I loved their earrings but, alas, don't have pierced ears.  A couple of vendors asked if the jewelry I was looking at was for a wife, or girlfriend, or daughter and I said "it's for me."  One said "we have some men's items" and I said "no, this is what I'm looking for."  One had a variety of charms and I told her I was looking for one for my bracelet, but she didn't have quit what I was looking for (a bird).

Frankly, I am starting to yearn for a matching earring/necklace set, something I've never had.  One vendor did have some clip-ons: nice earrings at a reasonable price.  I bought two pair.  I was also "joking" with one of the women at our booth.  She suggested I get my ears pierced.  I can tell my wife "it was G's idea" but she won't buy that.  So I won't.

Monday, for dinner, we went to a friend's house.  Another family was there.  Total: seven adults, four teenage boys, zero comments.

I think it's safe to shave, epilate, depilitate, wax ~ whatever you want.

Yesterday, I went to a customer's house.  She asked if I could remove my shoes before stepping on her white carpet.  I did.  I doubt she even noticed my socks.

By the way, I always wear some extra-nice socks when going to the airport.  Why the heck not.

And thank you for clicking that button!  It really wasn't important, except it was at 99.  Jeri, Cameron, Mistress Elizabeth...  There were two more, but I have to figure out who they are.  Unless y'all want to drop me a note!  If you're deep in the closet and don't want me to know who you are, well, that's up to you.  I'd like to chat.

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"Push The Button, Max!"

OK, nobody is going to get that reference!  There's a big hint at the end of this short post, so if you want to try, try now.  Read later.

I've mentioned before that I don't like the label on that "followers" widget.  I'm not leading.  I'm trying to run through a maze blindfolded, with my hands tied behind my back.  I'm leading with my nose, or whatever sticks out furthest today.  Well, on good days, it's not my nose.

But I still haven't figured out how to change "followers" and "follow" to something else.

As I write this, there are 99 friends and friends I haven't met yet.  Can someone please make it 100?  If not, I'll have to follow myself from my male persona, just to make it even.  And the metaphysical implications are too enormous to contemplate.  There.  I used all of my sesquipedalian words for the week in that one sentence.

There's a huge prize for number 100.  I haven't figured out what it is yet, but it's... huge. :D

Now Max!  Push the button!

Update: Yay Jeri!  Yay Mistress Elizabeth!  I think Jeri was 100, but she's hiding.  No link, no e-mail.  You can drop me a note.  I'd love to learn more about you (all of you, if you feel like writing).

Here's the big hint: Jack Lemmon said it.  Still stumped?  I'll put a hint most movie fans will get in the comments.

Egalia

Google it.  Here are a couple of starters about this Swedish preschool which has embarked on its own vision of gender neutrality.  I'm sure you'll be seeing more about this, once Jon Stewart or Fox News or one of the other fake news organisations picks up the story.

I wasn't sure what I'd see when I heard about this school.

One person quoted in the first article is particularly idiotic, but I understand.  You have to have balance, even if the other side has nothing intelligent to say:

Jay Belsky, [is] a child psychologist at the University of California, Davis. [....] “The kind of things that boys like to do — run around and turn sticks into swords — will soon be disapproved of,” he said. “So gender neutrality at its worst is emasculating maleness.”

Yes, boys do gravitate toward certain behaviour.  Girls gravitate toward different behaviours.  But some boys and girls, as we know, will yearn to do what is 'inappropriate' for their gender and will be discouraged from doing so.  I think this school will help those girls who want to push trucks down the road as well as boys who want to be princess-for-a-day.  This is a good thing, especially for the boys.  Normally, the girl would be discouraged but tolerated.  The boy will be ridiculed and humiliated.

The rest of the Egalia children just might grow up with a fuller appreciation of people and life in general.  Isn't that the goal of a liberal arts education?  A well-rounded individual?  What's wrong with starting at age one?

But the thing that brands Belsky as completely clueless is the second half of his statement.  He decides what will happen in the future (the boys' behaviour will be disapproved of) and takes this imaginary prescience to what he thinks is its logical conclusion.

I think Belsky formed his opinion after taking Thomas Berger too seriously.

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Not My Blogpost

(first a private note: dianegirl44 ~ please drop me a note before I publish yesterday's comment.  And anyone else who'd like to write me, feel free ~ youCanCallMeMeg@gmail.com )

I'm reaching into my comments and mailbox to pull some relevant links for today's post.

First, this important one.  This was in a comment by Sonora Sage, in response to my post about perceived gender identity.

She linked to this post by a friend of hers, and wrote:

 The "perceived" closes the loophole that would allow someone to discriminate against a straight, cis gender woman because they think she's too butch, and is probably a lesbian. It prevents them later saying "Oh, she's not actually a lesbian, so the policy doesn't apply". There have been several cases that illustrate this. For more interesting reading, try my friend Abby's scholarly article: [link is above]

In my mind, it boils down to the fact that anti-discrimination policies are about the behavior of the person doing the discriminating - which is based on how they perceive the subject of their discrimination. Not about who the subject is (or how they identify.)

I added a comment to Abby's blog.  She followed-up and helped me flesh out a personal conundrum.  Sort of.  I won't repost my comment here; read Abby's post and look for my 29 June comment.

The article is excellent.  I wish I could explain legal issues as well as she does!

On another topic, I received e-mails on the same day from two different readers.  Both relate to flying pretty, in a manner.  One says "go for it", the other says "hold on a minute."

One is about a man flying wearing women's underwear (and little else).

The other is about how the flight crew has too much power and can reject you based on your appearance.  If Meg was flying pretty and that happened, three things would follow: a lot of publicity, a lawsuit, and the need to come out would be moot.

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Meg {heart} NY

After school ended, my new high school graduate drove us up to New York.  I brought a backpack with a toothbrush and a couple of changes of clothing; he brought everything he'd need for the summer.  We spent all of our time in the city, and most of that in Manhattan.  For the unfamiliar, New York City ("the city" ~ we all know what that means) consists of five boroughs.  I grew up in Queens, home of Simon, Garfunkel, Archie Bunker, and George Costanza's parents.  I grew up not far from Shea stadium where we used to go and watch the Mets lose regularly.  Manhattan, ten blocks wide and a hundred and fifty (or so) high is what most people think of when they think of "the city."  South Manhattan is the lower east side, Little Italy, Chinatown, Wall Street, Greenwich Village, SoHo, Tribeca and more.  Midtown is business, segregated by type (somewhat).  If you're looking for electronics, go to 6th avenue.  If you want cameras, go to 34th street.  Fashion?  Seventh avenue is the place.  If you have lots of money to spend, try 5th avenue.  Theatres are still crowded around Broadway, north of Times Square.  Click on the map for a feel for Central Park and south.

Because it was me and my boy (and we were staying at my mother's apartment) I was as drab as I could be.  That means I had male t-shirts, since my sneakers, jeans, undies, socks, and pjs are all women's.

But Meg was nowhere to be seen.  That sucks, because I have some readers I'd like to meet in the New York City area, FemmeFever is on the island (that's Long Island, just to the east of the city), and New York is a great place to be Meg.

Saturday we were in midtown, walking from 34th street up to 59th street, going back and forth between 7th and Lexington avenue.  Yes, we walked a lot.

Sunday we got a taste of downtown, starting at Canal Street, walking down Church to City Hall and further to Wall Street and beyond, across to the east river and back up to South Street Seaport, up the east side past both bridges until we got back to Canal and a late lunch in Chinatown.  No maps, no GPS.  We just walked until we found what we wanted.  I've been there before.  My son has not.  Yes, we walked a lot.

Monday, he showed me he knew how to get to his new job and I wandered around the Madison Square Garden area for about 90 minutes.  In a perfect world, I would have had a much bigger bag, and found a place to change before taking a bus back to Northern Virginia.  Yes, I walked a lot.

But if you want a place to fit in, New York City is IT, and Manhattan is paradise.

I didn't see a lot of women in suits.  Especially on the weekend, I saw pants of every length: full, capri, knee-high, bermuda shorts, short-shorts, extremely short-shorts, and everything in between.  I sincerely believe that women don't care if their pants are too short or too long.  They wear them anyway and call them "the new style."

But on the weekend, longer skirts and dresses were everywhere.  On Monday, shorter dresses ruled.  I saw more dresses than skirts on Monday, always a pleasure.

For shoes, anything worked.  The weekend showcased more casual flip-flops and tennies and flats.  Monday, heels ruled.

It was a non-stop fashion show.  I loved every minute of it.

Except, it hurt that I couldn't join them.  Or at least say "that's beautiful.  Where'd you get that?"

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Wax On, Wax Off

C'mon.  You all get that reference!

I enjoy manicures and pedicures.  I've had both, both in drab and dressed.  Dressed, I admit, is more fun.  Dentistry, dressed, is more fun.

Normally, my fingernail polish comes off at the end of the day.  I've only had toenail polish put on twice, once in drab and once dressed.  I've often considered having my toenails done as Meg, but since I have always worn hose and close-toed shoes it didn't make a lot of sense.

This changed in Arizona.  This was also the first time I had both a manicure and pedicure in a single salon visit.  I've written about the visit; today's post is about the aftermath.

When I first had my toenails painted I left the colour on for weeks, until I had a possible outdoor barefoot activity coming up and I was afraid I'd really have to join in.  This was a few years ago.  I think, if it was today, I'd join in with painted toes and be prepared to answer questions.  The only thing that might have held me back was the presence of customers and the company might have been unhappy with that.

This time, as much as I would have liked to leave on the polish, I was going to be staying in a room with my son right after returning from Arizona and keeping my feet covered all of the time would be impractical.  So the toenail polish had to come off before my trip home from Arizona.

Polish on Friday after work.

Fingernail polish off before returning to work Monday (it turned out it came off on Sunday, as I wrote earlier).

Toenail polish off Tuesday evening, before flying out Wednesday afternoon.

Having nail polish put on is easy.  You go to a nail salon, pick out a colour (that's the hardest part), give some money to a nice nail technician who massages your feet and legs and hands and arms and rubs lotion on them, in addition to cleaning up your nails and cuticles and applying colour.  Even without the colour, it's a pleasant way to pass the time, and inexpensive.  I highly recommend it.  Don't be afraid to insist on the technician with your personal gender preference.  I also way over-tip.

Taking nail polish off isn't quite so easy.  Because I didn't want to carry a bottle with me, I bought a small bottle of polish remover (the acetone type; it works best) in Arizona and I dumped it before returning home.  Fortunately, it's not too expensive.

I brought q-tips with me to assist in the removal.

I fill the cap of the nail polish remover bottle with remover and put my first finger in.  I leave it there for about a minute, then I soak a tissue in the same remover and start to rub.  With luck, it all comes off.  Whether it does or not, I move on to the next finger and repeat.  If I'm feeling daring, I have the next finger soaking while I'm working on the current one.  Be prepared for spills if you try this.  Avoid carpets.

If at the end of ten there are some that didn't clean up well at all, I repeat wforthose fingers.  If there are spots of colour, I soak a q-tip and scrub the spot.  Colour really wants to stay in the cuticles.

Sometimes, a few days later, I'll take a really close look at my nails and see flecks of colour.  Those can usually be scraped off with another nail.

It's normally on for just a couple of hours, but it adds a lot to one's feminine image, I think.

I repeated this with my toes, which is harder because it's difficult to put a toe in a little bottle cap and the big toe is a bit too big for that cap.  I soaked tissues, I used the cap, I spent a bit of time and it still seemed I could see a bit of tint to my toes when I was done.  I had two choices:

* panic and start scrubbing all over again

* take a critical look.  My toes will be several feet (HA!) from anyone's eyes.  The colour could just be... normal.  Without close scrutiny anyway.  And no-one looks at feet anyway.

Besides, I wear flowery socks to the airport, knowing my shoes will come off.  What's a little tint anyway?

I was done.

On Another Topic, an anonymous reader named Bill wrote:

How would you explain hairless arms?
I have seen some male acqaintances with hairless legs and just ignored it. Hairless arms seem harder to ignore.

This is in response to my posting last Thursday where I said I'd answer questions by civilians (specifically, my friend P who came down for Halloween last year) if asked ~ my body hair is mostly gone right now, in the (dashed) hopes that Meg would make an appearance this week. 

And the answer is, I don't know.  P met Meg, without knowing she's more than a one-time thing, last Halloween.  Is saying "I shaved for my Halloween outfit and liked not having hair" a story?  My gut says it is, and I shouldn't offer that as an explanation.

Of course, what if P happens to see inside my closet, or the drawers in my room?  That's probably harder to explain away.

The easiest (and hardest) answer to everything is "Did you think Halloween was a one-time event?"

P often sends out things to everybody, something I never got in the habit of doing.  One of the more recent ones was a cheer for New York for approving gay marriage.  So he's probably open to the idea of Meg.  But he sure didn't act it last Halloween.

Maybe I should ask why he's so pro gay rights.  That might start a discussion that will have a happy ending for Meg.  I don't think it would result in an unhappy ending for a 30-year friendship.

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I'd Be Offended, If It Wasn't So Funny

There will be regular posts throughout the weekend.  Have a safe and happy 4th everyone!

Must.... Maintain.... Control....

Today, I pick up my oldest son and my friend from New York who "met" Meg at the rally last October.  I'm trying to behave myself, but even after nine months I'm still not sure if I want him to really know about Meg, or not.

I often have this problem when faced with two or more choices.  It's not just part of my CD life.  But this should be a simpler choice.

There won't be any dressing up during his visit, but I already reminded him of my last "surprise" by telling him there won't be any surprises this time.

I think I'll behave myself, but sometimes I want to just tell the world.  I maintain a non-Meg webpage and have a non-Meg blog that I barely update.  Some days, I feel like posting something on each pointing people to here.  Some days, I feel like posting all of my pertinent information here.  I have a "scheduled" post that does just that.  I keep changing the scheduled date; it's always at least a month in the future.  Someday, I think I'll change the date to today's date.  Someday, something will happen to me and a month later....

It's hard sometimes.  I think we all can relate to that.  It's hard to keep part of yourself hidden from even those closest to you.

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