Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Rally Report Part I: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

I'm behind on life right now, but it was worth it. What it means to you is I'm going to be a bit slow writing about the rally. I've been scribbling notes, but they all have to come together. I am not a natural writer, so I can't just dash off a post, or a work document, or (much as I'd like) a book quickly and easily. I write, read, re-write, re-read, re-write. That's the minimum.

So I may have some filler (cartoons I like) over the next few days, but I'd also like to get the rally report underway.

This blog centers around two major events in my life. Many of you have similar events and understand that each can be exciting, fun, invigorating, life-changing, and scary as hell.

I'm talking about going out and coming out.

Even while I was putting my makeup on Saturday morning, I was thinking, "maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe I shouldn't do this" and I almost stopped and removed what I had on. I could have said "it just didn't come together." I got the feeling from J that she didn't really know what I had planned, although my wife had mentioned it to her. I think she expected it more to be signage or a witch's hat or something subtle. I'm not known for theatrics.

And although I felt I should have given P and J a heads-up, the conversation never went there. This meant I got to do An Entrance. That's for another day. This is a coming out post.

They were both surprised. Each commented separately about how comfortable I was. J mentioned my ease walking in heels a couple of times.

My wife's been surprisingly good about this. I owe her extra consideration in exchange. I didn't say "I go out a few times a year" mostly out of that consideration. The rest is because I didn't want to make this a day about me.

I did say "my balance is pretty good. I've done some yoga and standing on the toes of one foot with my eyes closed was easy. Besides, the heels are kinda chunky and not that high." J, who teaches yoga, was satisfied.

P would have gone to DC if I said "nothing's going on, but there will be lots of women there." It's kind of a hobby with him. OK, it's kind of an obsession with him. He's with the majority of the readers here, I'm sure.

Let me just say, it took P a while to get used to me.

He wasn't hostile. He wasn't indifferent. He wasn't comfortable.

P's normal mode is a mixture of mellow and anxious and one never knows which is going to take over. For instance, we were in a hurry to get out of the house ~ he took his time. After we got off the train, he rushed ahead to see where we were going (which gave me a chance to say "don't you hate it when the guys race ahead and leave us women behind?").

I'll get more into details over the next rally posts.

The key here is, neither asked. I didn't tell.

No-one said "have you done this before?" J assumed my wife did my makeup and commented on what a good job she did. I didn't correct her, although I considered it. P glumly asked if I "had stuff" in my purse. When I asked "like what?" He said "lipstick." I said "yes." He said "tampons." I said "at my age?" He proceeded to tell me J's bag opened yesterday and he proceeded to go through what fell out.

The way he said "lipstick" made me think "OK. Unless he gets more used to this idea, I am not going to touch up my lipstick/gloss later. I could feel the gloss wanted refreshing later, but it didn't get it. That's a small pleasure I passed by ~ I enjoy touching up my makeup.

It doesn't mean this won't get revisited, through e-mail or a phone call, but I consider it over.


  1. Mazel tov.
    It seems like you survived the day, the event and the company. That would be more than enough to fly the "Mission Accomplished" banner.
    I am an early riser but I have never dressed in the AM and the idea of putting on makeup, in and of itself, at that time of day would feel odd. Marry that with the need to make an entrance before old friends who are mostly in the dark about 'Meg' had to take tremendous courage. I suspect that at the crack of dawn your adreneline was pumping full bore.
    I would wonder what the impact was of your having blogged about your plans. Was your courage to proceed with the plan boosted by the knowledge that you did not want to let your fans down.
    It seems as if you and your wife handled things with J and P about as well as possible. Your wife deserves more than special consideration. It would seem that she knew that doing this was important to you and that she was more than willing to go along. You should make a point of doing something special for her so that she really knows how much you appreciate her for waht she did for you Saturday.

  2. Although I live on the other side of the Atlantic from you, the feeling of what you were going through came over very well and I think that it must have taken guts to be seen by friends, even if they were not sure what they were really seeing. I dress rarely and go out even less as my wife does not even know about my feminine side. She is away at present so I have just had two days out clothes shopping and walking in public as Louise which brings me even closer to your feelings right now. Even if I could find a reason to dress in the company of people I know, I doubt that I could as I would always think that they might suspect that I did this on a more regular basis.

    However, I think that if I ever found the right time and place and made that start towards coming out then I don't think that I could stop. Meg, now that you have made a start I don't think that you really want to stop and nor do I think that you should. Only you know how your wife would react to you being more open but I say, give it a try. Treat her with consideration, but you have a life to lead too as the female side to our life is oh so important.

    Love from Louise

  3. P's demeanor makes me laugh! I've done things that were "en femme" and had guy friends say "oh! I didn't know you that way" I never have had time to find out what they meant. Not all guy all the time? Maybe it's a defensive move to hide their shock and surprise. At leased he (P) didn't refuse to go on with the day, so he accepted you.
    At best your wife accepted this outing as something guys just do, so you will not feel you need to hide everything as much as in the past. Sharing life with your wife is the best part of marriage.


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