12-13-14: Anti-Climax

After the ceremony, we decided to grab a bite to eat.  Unfortunately, the minister and her wife had already left so it was just the four of us.  Star knew a place that had a nice brunch and was only two or three blocks away.

So we walked in our wedding finery to the restaurant.

Star was right: brunch was very good.  And in spite of it being kind of crowded with families and couples, no-one paid any attention to the overdressed happy couple at the corner table.

Oh... I've noticed a change in myself over the long years.  When I was in high school, photography was my hobby.  I'd roll my own film which I'd develop and print.  I'd get proof sheets of color work so I could just print the few (if any) pictures I liked from a roll.  I took a lot of pictures.

Now, I'm taking fewer pictures, even when Meg is out.  Sometimes, I'll get a picture before leaving the apartment and completely forget while I'm out.

I only have this from the restaurant, which Star was nice enough to take.

I took off my veil; Charity kept her tiara.

I Meant to Take This Picture at the Park!

Can it be a wedding dress without this?

It's Official Now! The Lady in the Robe Said So!

You may now kiss

or anything else that feels right

Can we go home now?

Simple Pleasure: New "Do"

A few weeks ago, I bought a new wig.  Until the wedding, I hadn't worn it out.  What do you think?

Veil not included

12-13-14: Almost There!

Simple is good.  Different from last time is also good.

We had no flower girl and no ring bearer.  We turned each other's ring around (as I wrote last week). 

Charity made our bouquets, her sister made announcements, we picked dresses and shoes together, I bought us matching necklaces (silver with "Mrs") to wear.

From Shabby Apple

Our attendants wore what they wanted.

No rehearsal dinner (we both know how to eat), no rehearsal, no "giving away."

No processional, no recessional.

No throwing bouquets.  No flinging garters.

Two brides, no bridezillas.

I was happy with everything.  Charity was happy with everything.

And I've been happy ever since.

Today is our first memeversary, and the third anniversary of our spending some time together.

Our wedding, in a nutshell.  Pics below

I "rotated" her ring...

...she "re-oriented" mine.

12-13-14: Getting Started

It was cold but not horribly so on 12-13-14.  Standing in front of the Potomac River for a half-hour was tolerable, and the reward at the end made any discomfort worth it.

Our guests included the minister and her wife, and our friends Star and Pooch ~ our oldest friends in this area.  In a new look for her, Star wore a dress (over trousers).  Pooch aka Andrea, I think would self-describe as "gender fluid" and I never know how they will present.  For the wedding, Pooch went classy and wore a tuxedo.  When some joggers yelled out "congratulations" I wondered if they knew when the happy couple were.  There were options, although only one of the small group presented male.

Both manned cameras, so the minister's wife filled a most important role, for me: guest.  And I'd rather have one guest than a roomful.

The reverend, who I knew from my neighborhood was ordained as a Unitarian Universalist minister was wonderful.  Her wife (they wed last Valentine's Day) was there and she also came to the Transgender Day of Remembrance where she met Meg.  This was the minister's first encounter.

As part of the ceremony, we did a brief reading.

Virginia law does not require a witness nor anything other than a licensed officiant to pronounce us married.  Except one thing.  The officiant has to administer a "willingness" statement.  No shotgun weddings in Virginia!  At least, any more

The minister had an outline for a ceremony and she worked hard to ensure it was gender-neutral (yes same sex marriages are now legal in Virginia!).  The original wording of the willingness statement from her outline said "[Name], do you wish for this man or woman to be your spouse?"  The idea is to strike one out, but we left it as written for Charity, and struck "man or" for the query to me.

The happy brides and our minister.  Charity made the bouquets.

I didn't know the bow should face out!

Around 11 on 12-13-14

I posted a picture a while back of my new ring.  It's a variation on a Claddagh ring, which we purchased at the Renaissance Faire in October.  A Claddagh ring has a heart, hands, and crown.  The artisan replace the hands with swans, which mate for life.  I bought one for Charity; she bought one for me.  We put them on in the "engaged" position (keep reading).

Charity and I were looking for an interesting looking ring at the Renaissance Faire.  I was thinking

My ring in "engaged" position

about an infinity motif but didn't see anything I really liked, then this caught my eye.

 The Claddagh is worn in one of four positions, with four meanings:

• right hand, base of the heart away from you: looking for love
• right hand, base of the heart towards you: dating
• left hand, base of the heart away from you: engaged
• left hand, base of the heart towards you: married

kind of what I was looking for

If you look at the picture I posted earlier (copied here) the ring is in the "engaged" position.  My divorce was finalised a few weeks earlier.

At around 11am, on 12-13-14, Charity and I had a small ceremony in which we reversed each other's rings.

On facebook, I changed my status and someone asked "who's the lucky lady?"  I said "clearly, I am."  I meant it.

I'll have more photos next week.

I SAID I should do something unique or interesting on that date.  This covers both. :)

OK, Bob.  I WILL

Annnnnd.... The Answer

I said it wasn't difficult, didn't I?

First comes love, then comes...

I do.  She does.  We did!

You're Invited (Results)

In my most recent poll, I asked if you'd like to participate in a wedding.

I would, and surprisingly, I fit in with the majority (well, the largest plurality if you want to get technical).

Out of 86 respondents, only 4 said they'd skip the wedding if they were invited in any capacity.

About a quarter of you would be a guest at a wedding.  I'd do that, and since I have more girl friends than Really Close girl friends, that's realistically the best I can hope for.

Almost a half would accept the honour of being a bridesmaid, and I think I would as well.  As a bridesmaid, you have support: other bridesmaids.  You have a group of women in the same situation as you, and probably some who have done this before.  And that's the problem with being the maid of homour.

About one-in-five would accept a request to be maid of honour.  I wouldn't, mostly because I'd start be being completely lost and probably finish by screwing everything up.  There will still be support, but not direct support.  I'd be way too afraid of forgetting something vital.

I also asked about your escort.  Although only four said "not interested" to being at the wedding, an additional two said they're not interested in response to this question.  Another four didn't answer.  I'm guessing they responded this way to say "I will NOT be bringing an escort!"

I tossed in a female escort dressed as a male, but in a regular wedding I think that would be seen as the "freak" couple, not as a male who likes to experience the softer side of life.  Only four of you chose this option.  A bit over a quarter wanted to being a male escort.  That's not my choice, but if I was told I could attend (or be a bridesmaid) only if I brought a male escort, or if a male friend invited me as his (female) guest, I would do it, no doubt.

But almost sixty percent said they'd go as a female couple.  My first choice as well.  I don't think there's anything extremely unusual about a female couple.  There are enough boyfriends/husbands who just don't want to go to a wedding that the female partner would bring a friend.  Add in the always-female-couples and I don't think two women attending will stand out.  Two men would look a little suspect, but, of course, it shouldn't.

Look for the next poll next week some time.  I'm still trying to figure out work and my work schedule right now.

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Next Up: Bridesmaid Poll

Last week's poll was on whether you'd like to be a bride.
 Being a bride would mean starring in your own wedding.  That's a lot of expense, a lot of "being out," a lot of... well, there's a lot.  It means an incredible amount of comfort with your friends and family, once you get to the "let's do a ceremony" phase.

So let's step back a bit.

How about being a bridesmaid (or maid of honour) in the wedding of your friend the bride?

Your good friend is getting married and she asks you to attend as your female self in some capacity.  This is going to be a standard, real, civilian wedding.  Please choose the level you'd be comfortable with.  Your options are:

Attend as a guest.  Pick a party dress and shoes and gift.  Your invitation says "and guest."  Male guest or female guest?  There will be dancing and schmoozing and an attempt to catch the bouquet.   There is a second poll for you to choose whether you'd want a male escort, a female escort dressed as a male, or a female dressed as a female).

Be a bridesmaid.  The bride, of course, selects your gown.  You will attend dress fittings, the bridal shower, and the pre-wedding dinner.  This not a simple one-day thing.  You'll be dressed (and undressed and redressed) quite a bit.  You'll need to get outfits for the pre-wedding events.  You'll be paired with an usher and there will be more interaction with the guests, as a member of the wedding party.

Be the maid of honour.  You have all of the bridesmaid duties and more: you have to arrange a lot of the pre-wedding activities and support the bride.

And a little second mini-poll: Whatever role you choose, the expectation is that you should be escorted.  Will your escort be a male guest, a female dressed as a male, or a female dressed as a female?
Do you have any ideas for other female experiences I can add?  I have a couple of ideas.

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Remember The Wedding Poll?

A few weeks ago, I asked you if you'd want to have the Ultimate Female Experience: giving birth.

Last week, I ratcheted it down a bit, into the realm of reality, and asked if you'd like to be a bride.  The idea was to think about the wedding experience ~ how far would you go.

Please Click To Enlarge

Eleven percent said they have no interest.  That's cool.  For some of us, just trying on the gown is at the top of our bucket list.  Some of us just aren't interested.  I can see that.  It's a lot of work.  But even though I'd be happy never wearing a wedding gown I'd be happy to wear one as well.  So that's not my choice.

I'm going to remove those 15 from the total ~ leaving 119 votes ~ and jimmy the percentages to match that new sample size.  The total vote can be seen at the bottom of the poll (for you purists).

Just three of you (about three percent) would just want to try on the dress and stop there.  Again, I'd be happy with that, but I'd go further given the opportunity.

Thirteen readers (about eleven percent) would want to try on the whole outfit ~ shoes and veil and accessories.  And adding these two categories together gives us more ladies than the ones with no interest.

Then there's the full wedding day preparations: makeover, hair styled, get the gown and everything perfect... just stop short of an actual wedding.  That's probably where I'd stop.  And I'd probably regret missing the opportunity to go further.  About an equal number of you would like to try on the full outfit as would like to do the full prep.

And now it gets interesting.

The following options are paired.  How much further would you want to go?  And would you want to go with a male groom or a female groom?

Keep in mind what the bride does at a wedding.  At the ceremony, she kisses the groom, at least once.  At the reception they will dance, kiss, cut the cake together, enter together....  And next up is the wedding night.

Even though I am admittedly straight, I can see the attraction of having a male groom: authenticity.  Consider it a role you're playing while all around are being real.  I could be sold on that, at least through the ceremony.  Maybe through the reception.  Not through the wedding night/honeymoon.

But I'd love to go on with a female "groom."  If it was someone I'd marry with normal roles, that would be even better.  I'm not much of a role player, and I don't like to be the centre of attention, but I'd go as far as the ceremony.  I might do the reception, but that might be too far for me.  And as for wedding night....  It would have to be with the woman I married, or would marry, or married that afternoon.  I'm just old-fashioned that way.

About forty percent of readers who'd like to at least put on a dress would like to go through with the wedding, with a female groom.  Seven would just do the ceremony, another five would do the reception as well, and 36 would like to consummate the marriage.

The male groom results are surprising.  Only one of you would want to walk down the aisle with a male groom.  Only one would want to go through the reception with a male groom.  But 39 more (a total of about 34 percent) would do the whole nine yards with a male groom!  If male was the only groom option, I'd be in the tiniest of minorities!

I'm not even going to guess at the reasons.  The problem with that gay/straight spectrum is, as we know, it doesn't really exist.  And when you through trans into the mix, it gets fuzzier.  Earlier polls revealed those of us who are "clothes straight" for example ~ we love women when in drab, we love men when in drag.  It could be I have more traditional gay readers than I thought.  It could be an experience thing ~ how far can I go in taking the female role?

If any of you would like to share your thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

Next up: I'll tone down the experience a bit.  And again, if anyone has a poll idea, or a female experience idea, please pass it on in comments or e-mail.

A quick summary: 11% no interest in wedding dresses At All.  22% say it's all about the dress.  36% want the wedding (or more) experience with a woman in a tux.  The final 31% want the full experience with a male partner.  What a diverse group you are!

Finally, let's look at the raw results. 

I have no interest in weddings or wedding dresses	15 (11%)
I'd wear the dress	3 (2%)
I'd wear the dress, shoes, etc.	13 (9%)
I'd do the wedding day prep	14 (10%)
I'd like the wedding ceremony with a female groom	7 (5%)
I'd like the wedding ceremony with a male groom	1 (0%)
Ceremony and reception with a female groom	5 (3%)
Ceremony and reception with a male groom	1 (0%)
Ceremony, reception, and wedding night with a female groom	36 (26%)
Ceremony, reception, and wedding night with a male groom	39 (29%)

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Yet Another Female Experience Poll

(private note to Lisa: your e-mail's been hacked.  Sorry)

Last time, I did the "would you want to give birth" poll.  I think that's the ultimate female experience, one that no-one born with an XY can experience.  I did include breastfeeding, and there is anecdotal evidence that men can wet nurse.  I've never met one who claims to have done so, but I don't get out much.

This week, I want to focus on an experience we can have, but rarely do.  I know (again, anecdotally but I find it credible) that couples have done this.

It involves being a bride.

I'll go from the lightest wedding experience up to Xtreme Xdress Wedding.  I know this is a lot for one poll, and I hope you'll think about this (if you haven't already ~ and I know many of you have) and choose the best option.

Try on a wedding dress.  This is pretty straightforward.  You can shop or try one on at home, as your comfort level allows.
Try on a wedding dress and all of the accessories.  The shoes, the veil, hold the flowers, gloves if that's part of it.  And the garter, of course.
Get ready for wedding day.  This has to be an out-of-house experience.  Get your hair (wig) styled (while you're wearing it.  Get your makeup done.  Wear everything as if you're about to walk down the aisle.
Wedding ceremony with a female partner.  She'd be playing the male role.  Two brides is silly.  Since you're dressed as a bride, a civil ceremony is out.  You'd walk down the aisle, be given away (not necessarily by your dad), clergy will ask you to exchange rings and vows and a kiss.  Photographs and/or video will be taken.  Bridesmaids and ushers (or at least a best mand and maid of honour) will be present.  A flower girl and ring bearer are optional ~ you decide how big your wedding will be.  You're the bride.  It's your day.  Don't forget the receiving line and guests (yes!  There will be guests!) tossing rice or bird seed or blowing bubbles at you as you leave.
Wedding ceremony with a male partner.  Same as above but with a male groom.  I'm not going to differentiate between straight and gay readers.  Life isn't that simple and we all know it.
Wedding and reception with a female partner.  After the wedding there's a large reception or an intimate dinner for the party and a few guests.  It's up to you, but we're adding more pictures/video, cutting the cake, dancing with a variety of guests and wedding party members, and kissing when the guests tap their glasses.  And a few more hours in that dress.
Wedding and reception with a male partner.  You know the drill.
Wedding, reception, and wedding night with a female partner.  All of the above and you consummate your new relationship.  Honeymoon optional, but if you go, you stick to your roles.
Wedding, reception, and wedding night with a male partner.  I think unless we continue on to a honeymoon, moving in together, and living happily ever after this is the ultimate experience.

What do you think?  How far would you go?

The poll closes just about the same time I leave this job.

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Foe Pa

A faux pas from my trip to New York. I packed everything I needed for a conference call, for down time, for the wedding.

I forgot pajamas.

I only own panties. Some are white, in a brief style that look like regular tightie-whities except the fabric is a bit thinner and, of course, they lack a fly.

I often wear those with jeans, or if I have a medical appointment.

The rest are not. They are nylon or cotton or some percentage of spandex in a variety of colours and patterns. Generally, I wear these. If I'm forced into presentation drab (suit/tie) I always wear these. It's just a nice I'd-rather-be reminder.

In the room in New York were my wife, my oldest son, and me. Remembering that he would be in the room and thinking I may be in just underwear at some point, I only brought white cotton with a plain waistband.

No pajamas means this would have been hard to explain. Of course, when I'm traveling on my own, nightgowns are standard. I bring one long and one short. And my pajamas are all women's, in "unisex" styles. Have you noticed that "unisex" almost always means "men's clothes women don't mind wearing?" The only time men have ever reached over to the women's side, that I can think of, is long hair. And that has always had serious limits.

I'm back in Virginia now, working on my last rally report. I've been showing pictures to different people over the last two weeks, and I think I've shown them to everyone I planned to. My final report(s) will be a summary of reactions.

I had no objection to mentioning the rally and my costume to the (wife's) relatives in NY, but it just never came up. It never feels right to force it.

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