Wednesday, August 18, 2010

If She Doesn't Know, She Suspects

And if she suspects, after tomorrow, she'll know.

OK, I'll back up.

One of the women in the office saw me dressed last Halloween, and said something like "this isn't the first time you've done this, is it"? I admitted it wasn't but I think she took that to mean that I'd been out on Halloween before. She didn't ask, I didn't elaborate. I'm still ambivalent.

I'll write about my Halloween at the office soon. She's a key player.

Since then, she's asked to "see pictures" on occasion. I've joked about it ~ "are you sure? Did you get over the trauma of last time?" and "why? Don't you have enough nightmares?". I take a lot of pictures (yes, that's very unusual, I know) and sometimes one or two look OK. But they're scattered around my disk and although I've cropped and made minor edits to a few, most of them are just there for me to enjoy. Or cringe over. Or laugh at.

Then I told my friend Amanda about Meg by way of sending her an e-mail version of my But I Digress post. Yes, this is the same (gg) Amanda who doubted my pedicure. She was incredibly welcoming and I scoured my disk for pictures to send her. I should have expected her approval because she's not only open-minded but also incredibly intelligent and beautiful.

So now I have a folder with a couple of dozen pictures. If I can figure out how, I'll make a photo gallery here. I put them on a flash drive which I guard with my life, at least from my immediate family.

Once I put this together, I asked if my co-worker was still interested in seeing photos. She said she was, but I took off a few days, and then she went on holiday. She' s back, and I just saw her and she said she wants to see the pictures. I told her I have to run, but will be back tomorrow. Well, I certainly had enough time to show her the photos but I decided this is a "sleep on it" occasion. This is a wrong decision. I will be up all night trying to figure out the consequences of adding one more person to my small circle. She's not the quiet type ~ everyone here may know by the time I get back from Texas. She might even call out to other people nearby to see what's on her computer while I'm there.

Maybe I'll tell her I was just teasing about the pictures.

I'll sleep on it.

In these pictures, I have many different outfits, and some different wigs, accessories, shoes. Most are inside my house, but a couple are not. She's a smart woman and I think she'll have no doubts that this is NOT just a costume thing.

I'll see where it goes from there.

I wonder if I should show her my Firefox "persona" as well.

In an e-mail, Sara asked me "how does it feel to come out to people you work with for the first time?" The short answer is "terrifying".

I'll sleep on it. Or try to.


  1. I would want to have her understand two things.
    1) that this information you are presenting are for her "enjoyment" not ohter in the office etc.
    2) that all crossdressers do not fit in a box as the media shows. You not out for sex, or dates, or illeagal acts. You would never want hurt anybody etc.

  2. Thank you for the comment!

    Look for my 15 June post, "Chris Elucidates". I talk about secrets (I tell no-one) and closely held items (I tell some people). Sharing a secret is giving another a burden. I don't offer burdens. I share something of myself, and that person can do with it as she likes. I prefer she doesn't tell the world, but I won't tell anyone not to. This is why I didn't tell her about the flying. She may find out. ANYBODY might find out. If I didn't want anyone to know, no-one would.

    I do still keep secrets.

    As for #2, I just told her to ask questions if she wishes. I didn't want to put ideas in her head ~ and I doubt people I tell think I'm selling tricks in DC on Saturday nights.

  3. Meg,

    Walk softly and carefully. Providing a photo portfolio is pretty much the same as a full scale outing.

    I will concede that there is something liberating about coming out to individual people but you need to know that you control the information not someone else.

    Since the focus of your discussions has been the 'pictures', and, you have a segregated batch for display, and, you have decided to cave in to her chiding to see the photos, and, you want to bring her into your alternate universe, and you think that she could keep the 'secret' just amongst us girls, then I say go for it.

    I would be reluctant to merely email her the photos. You know that once something hits cyberspace anything can happen. You may consider taking her to lunch and bringing along your laptop. This way you can guage her reaction to the first picture and then decide how many more to show and you will also be in a position to guage her ability to keep what you say and what you show her between you two.

    Not to throw a wet blanket on your ruminations but everything that we do with our CD world has the potential to invade our primary world as a husband, father, employee, etc.

    Good luck and keep up posted.


  4. Meg - thanks.... I can picture terrifying, and I can wonder which coworker I' might tell..
    Yeah, terrifying, lol! :)
    but this about you. And it's something she noticed before, at Halloween, and said something to you.
    Wishing you all good thoughts on this sharing :)


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