Thursday, November 3, 2011

Things I Don't Do

I don't sing.  I don't use firearms.  I don't juggle.  I don't box or wrestle.  I don't follow soccer.

The list goes on and on.

Meg has a list too, and one of my goals is to shorten it.  Every time I remove an item it means I've stepped out of my comfort zone at least a tiny bit and stepped into my Meg role.  At least a tiny bit.

Last Saturday morning, in Tucson, I had breakfast with Liz and Erin.  Afterwards, we went to the Pima Air Museum.  Before leaving the restaurant, I thought it would probably be wise to use the ladies' room.  This is something I have feared, and therefore avoided, so far.  The only time I had used the ladies' room before was (coincidentally) with Liz, and she steered me towards a little-used restroom that time.

I didn't do anything stupid, like head towards the wrong door.  The room was empty the entire time I was in there, which was longer than I expected.  Trying to organise my cinch and camisole and skirt and skirt lining to sit down was a challenge.  Trying to make sure everything was organised correctly before opening the stall door was the second challenge.  I thought there should be a mirror in the stall, but who'd want to be looking at themselves at that particular moment?

One taboo down.  I touched up my lipstick using a small mirror, in the stall.  Next time, I'll use the mirror on the wall.  That's the next push to expand my self-imposed bubble.

What's left?  Puh-lenty.

* I own some very feminine articles of clothing.  Lace, ruffles, sequins, embroidery, and so on.  I avoid them.  I know I'm being read.  I don't know what that has to do with my not dressing very femininely.  I don't know if women would look at me and say "well, he's not afraid to dress UP" or if they would look at me and say "it's bad enough that he's dressing, but that's WAY over the top!"  Or if they'd care at all.  I love feminine clothes, and I'm getting there a bit, with brighter colours and swingier skirts, but I have limits and they're keeping Me from becoming Meg.

* I still haven't eaten alone in a restaurant.  I'd feel boxed in.  If people want to hassle me, I can be stuck in a booth and I wouldn't be able to get up to leave easily.  I've never had a problem, so maybe this fits under the "maintain vigilance" heading, but it makes me nervous and I try to trust my gut.  I mean, it IS much larger than my brain (and I'm working on that).  There's also that ladies' room thing, although I'll have to go whether I'm eating alone or with friends.  I have eaten alone in a food court.  I have ordered takeaway at a restaurant.  I have yet to sit down to a meal alone.

* I haven't worn any kind-of-short skirts.  I think just above the knee is the highest I've tried.

* I haven't worn platform/very high heel shoes.  This is probably due to lack of finding them in my size more than anything else.

* I haven't worn stockings and a garter belt.  Oh wait, I did that Saturday, although I hadn't planned on it.

In the past six months,
* I have gone out barelegged, although I think this is A Bad Idea.

* I have worn open-toed shoes (since I was barelegged, why not).

* I have worn long skirts.  I think my legs are OK and why not show them off?  But to me, long skirts mean more formal and a bit more blending in with the other ladies.

* I have worn stockings and a garter belt. :)

* I introduced Meg and my male self to a relative stranger.

* I made a transsexual friend.  Well, I hope she's my friend.  Maybe I should just say "I met a transsexual."

* I shaved my underarms and shoulders enough that I could wear a tank top (which I haven't) or at least cap sleeves (which I have).

I'm missing things in both categories, I'm sure.  I would LOVE to hear about your comfort zones and how you've been breaching the self-imposed cage and what's left.  Anything from "I wear glossy chapstick as a guy" to "I came out to a friend" to "I went to a club" to "I shave my arms and legs now" to "I hope to go on my porch" to "I want to take a two-week vacation" to ... well, you tell me.  You can e-mail me, of course, or comment or comment and put PRIVATE at the top and it'll never get published.


  1. The late great Sir Thomas Beacham said "You should try everything in life at least once except Incest and Morris Dancing" I suspect we can all add a few items to that, but when you have to use the ladies room, you have to use the ladies room! I know for many this feels like a big taboo but think how you would feel if you were in the Men's room and Meg walked in.
    As for eating in a resturant alone, I am diesing for the opportunity not to be alone, I am impressed how many friends you are making where ever you go. When will your Company send you to London?

  2. Great post.
    A common theme for many of us CDs who live the bulk of our time in guy mode is 'stretching the envelop'. Simple stuff at some point in time seemed like walls that could never be scaled.
    Woven in your post is the makings of the next great Meg survey/questionaire. Pulling it together may be hard.
    How many CD walls have you scaled.
    Have you...
    Partially dressed in female clothes
    Fully dressed in female clothes
    Partial makeup
    Full makeup.
    Stockings and Garter.
    Have you left the house.
    Driven a car while dressed
    Used Public transportation
    Gone into a GLBT friendly place
    Gone to a totally straight place
    Gone shopping,
    Dept. Store
    (ladies room while dressed)
    (mens room while dressed)
    I still have plenty of walls to scale. Some are within reach of Pat Scales...some, I know, will never be scaled.
    I think that this is part of the excitement of being CD.
    Sorry for the ramble.

  3. I called them way-points in a post of mine.

    I ...

    keep my underarms shaved
    keep my legs shaved
    keep my eyebrows shaped
    keep my fingernails a bit long
    am working on a masculine/feminine

    I have ...

    shopped at a department store
    tried on clothing there
    ordered from a drive through window
    pumped gas
    sat out at a highway rest stop, reading
    worn tank tops
    worn a fairly short-ish skirt
    worn sandals with of course open toed
    gone out bare-legged
    used a family (unisex) restroom

    I haven't ...

    eaten alone in a restaurant
    eaten with others in a restaurant
    worn very high heels out (my feet have
    problems, I may never get the chance)
    used a gendered (womens) rest-room

    Regarding the latter, I think we need to be careful. Anti-crossdressing laws are pretty much over, but a lot of jurisdictions have laws against males using female restrooms, and after some research, I discovered they are a patchwork, and you can't just go to one place in any given state to find out.

  4. I think friend works quite well, though for sure, I ain't very new.

    It was fun sharing the day with you.

  5. Very nice post, love the way you write. Well, my list:
    - I never went full dressed (as girl) in an airplane (but even so I was many times assimilated with a girl)
    - I never dressed with real long skirt/dress
    - only once (this summer) I stayed on the beach as a girl, in a thong and a bra - nobody observed
    - since 2-3 years I only have female clothes, and I wear it as a boy too
    - I attract much more views as a boy than as a girl, so it's more convenient for me to dress feminine
    - I never went to a gay bar, but I'm used to go to lesbians clubs
    - I'm always introducing myself as a male, I never try to change my voice


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