Remember The Wedding Poll?

A few weeks ago, I asked you if you'd want to have the Ultimate Female Experience: giving birth.

Last week, I ratcheted it down a bit, into the realm of reality, and asked if you'd like to be a bride.  The idea was to think about the wedding experience ~ how far would you go.

Please Click To Enlarge

Eleven percent said they have no interest.  That's cool.  For some of us, just trying on the gown is at the top of our bucket list.  Some of us just aren't interested.  I can see that.  It's a lot of work.  But even though I'd be happy never wearing a wedding gown I'd be happy to wear one as well.  So that's not my choice.

I'm going to remove those 15 from the total ~ leaving 119 votes ~ and jimmy the percentages to match that new sample size.  The total vote can be seen at the bottom of the poll (for you purists).

Just three of you (about three percent) would just want to try on the dress and stop there.  Again, I'd be happy with that, but I'd go further given the opportunity.

Thirteen readers (about eleven percent) would want to try on the whole outfit ~ shoes and veil and accessories.  And adding these two categories together gives us more ladies than the ones with no interest.

Then there's the full wedding day preparations: makeover, hair styled, get the gown and everything perfect... just stop short of an actual wedding.  That's probably where I'd stop.  And I'd probably regret missing the opportunity to go further.  About an equal number of you would like to try on the full outfit as would like to do the full prep.

And now it gets interesting.

The following options are paired.  How much further would you want to go?  And would you want to go with a male groom or a female groom?

Keep in mind what the bride does at a wedding.  At the ceremony, she kisses the groom, at least once.  At the reception they will dance, kiss, cut the cake together, enter together....  And next up is the wedding night.

Even though I am admittedly straight, I can see the attraction of having a male groom: authenticity.  Consider it a role you're playing while all around are being real.  I could be sold on that, at least through the ceremony.  Maybe through the reception.  Not through the wedding night/honeymoon.

But I'd love to go on with a female "groom."  If it was someone I'd marry with normal roles, that would be even better.  I'm not much of a role player, and I don't like to be the centre of attention, but I'd go as far as the ceremony.  I might do the reception, but that might be too far for me.  And as for wedding night....  It would have to be with the woman I married, or would marry, or married that afternoon.  I'm just old-fashioned that way.

About forty percent of readers who'd like to at least put on a dress would like to go through with the wedding, with a female groom.  Seven would just do the ceremony, another five would do the reception as well, and 36 would like to consummate the marriage.

The male groom results are surprising.  Only one of you would want to walk down the aisle with a male groom.  Only one would want to go through the reception with a male groom.  But 39 more (a total of about 34 percent) would do the whole nine yards with a male groom!  If male was the only groom option, I'd be in the tiniest of minorities!

I'm not even going to guess at the reasons.  The problem with that gay/straight spectrum is, as we know, it doesn't really exist.  And when you through trans into the mix, it gets fuzzier.  Earlier polls revealed those of us who are "clothes straight" for example ~ we love women when in drab, we love men when in drag.  It could be I have more traditional gay readers than I thought.  It could be an experience thing ~ how far can I go in taking the female role?

If any of you would like to share your thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

Next up: I'll tone down the experience a bit.  And again, if anyone has a poll idea, or a female experience idea, please pass it on in comments or e-mail.

A quick summary: 11% no interest in wedding dresses At All.  22% say it's all about the dress.  36% want the wedding (or more) experience with a woman in a tux.  The final 31% want the full experience with a male partner.  What a diverse group you are!

Finally, let's look at the raw results. 

I have no interest in weddings or wedding dresses	15 (11%)
I'd wear the dress	3 (2%)
I'd wear the dress, shoes, etc.	13 (9%)
I'd do the wedding day prep	14 (10%)
I'd like the wedding ceremony with a female groom	7 (5%)
I'd like the wedding ceremony with a male groom	1 (0%)
Ceremony and reception with a female groom	5 (3%)
Ceremony and reception with a male groom	1 (0%)
Ceremony, reception, and wedding night with a female groom	36 (26%)
Ceremony, reception, and wedding night with a male groom	39 (29%)

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Look! A Fire!

I've been sitting on this for over a month now.

In Sedan, Minnesota, there was a St Patrick's Day fundraiser which involved firefighters looking their prettiest for the onlookers.  Then a nearby vehicle caught fire and they went into action.  In my browser, I had to click on the blank space where the second video belonged to get it to appear at all.

Sometimes, Bigger Is Better

(to my helpful anonymous adviser: most thinking people know anonymous advice is worth less than the vice presidency [reference John Nance Garner].  But thanks anyway.)

First, look at panel one of tomorrow's on-line Sherman's Lagoon.

Oddly enough, if I pulled that, it would be my last panel, so to speak.

But context is queen:

Click to enlarge as usual

Opportunity Lost

First, please go back to Friday's post and then take the poll to the right.  Today is the last day of the poll.

Today is also my last day at my current job.

I was filling out required forms for my next job.  The first form (there are over a dozen) was Personal Information.  The first item was Prefix.  It's not mandatory and showing in the pull down list was Select....

I pulled down the list to see:
Dr
Miss
Mr
Mrs
Ms

I thought about it way too long and eventually left it unfilled.  Seriously, it's just a way I like to be addressed.  It's not legally binding or part of my name or anything.  If a married woman can choose Ms or Mrs, and a PhD can choose Dr or another title, why can't I choose Miss?  I mean, other than the obvious fact that I'm married.  For the record, United Airlines lists me as Dr.  Just because I felt like checking that box.  The local public radio station mail comes to Ms {my male name}.

Further down the list was the EEO form, which wants to know my gender (male or female) and ethnicity.  I left that blank as well, although given the choice, I would identify with the female gender.  If I had freedom to dress as I choose, I would not go 24/7 but I'd either be part male/part female or all female.  Even now, some days I'm in all female clothing, although appearing male.

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Therapy the Seventh

First, please go back to Friday's post and then take the poll to the right.  Honestly, I keep changing my mind about what I'd want to do.

Things are happening both within and between sessions.

Story time:
When my first son was a few months old, my wife went back to work.  We "tag teamed" ~ I'd come home, we'd have dinner, she'd go to work.  She'd be gone three or more hours.

I'd hold a screaming baby the entire time.  That was my evening.

I sang, I danced him around, we went for walks (pushes) if the weather was good but he spent his time screaming.  He didn't want dad.  He wanted food.  Dad didn't have any food he wanted.

I held him, he screamed.  (note: our relationship has improved since then.)  My wife would come home, pull out the milk containers she conveniently carried around at all times and he would be happy again.

In hindsight, I see that there were two possible scenarios:
* I could hold a screaming baby whilst trying to calm him down (impossible until he discovered solid food). 
The result: two unhappy people.

* I could put down the screaming baby and do something else, like enjoy life. 
The result: one unhappy person.

There could not be a "two happy people" outcome.  But I never thought of putting him down.  I never had time to think about a solution.  All I had time to do was get screamed at.

Right now, my wife and I have nice chats with my (younger, still at home) son.  He's old enough and smart enough and wise-guy enough to be enjoyable.

Then he leaves the room, and my wife steers the conversation to relationship.  We no longer actually talk; I feel like when he walks out of the room I'm left with the screaming baby.  I can't think, I can't figure out what's wrong and what's right and how to get from wrong to right.  All I get is pummeled with new information, new problems, new issues.

There's no literal screaming, but I'm being screamed at ~ no thinking time.

Last Saturday, my wife suggested she should move out, get an apartment near the kid's school, and leave me in the house.  We have two different ideas though, as came out in therapy: she thinks separating equals end.  I think separating equals time without the screaming baby so I can THINK.

There are two problems though, and if she leaves me in the house only one is solved.  There's still the elephant in the room ~ my dressing.

Even if I'm left alone, I can't dress.  My college son comes and goes as he pleases.  Every time I go out, there's a risk neighbors will see me.  They can't miss my car.  I told my wife if I'm going to stay in the house alone I have to tell my oldest son about Meg.  I don't want him dropping by to what's still his house and getting a surprise.

A better solution would be for me to find an apartment right across from my new job.  There are townhomes and apartment buildings a short walk from the offices.  I can tell or not tell neighbors ~ she's out of the loop so she won't be embarrassed.  I can keep everything contained in one bedroom so when the boy(s) are over they don't see evidence of Meg.

She sees this not as an opportunity to see if I can get back what's been lost, but as an opportunity for her to not have to drive so far to bring our son to school.

I want to work on the relationship, but I don't have time or space.

I don't think things are ending.  I do think things are changing.

Half a solution is no solution.  I think I have the right answer, but I'm not sure she understands that half a solution isn't going to help.

I'm worried about the future.

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I'll Help With The Testing!

First, please go back to Friday's post and then take the poll to the right.  Time's almost up!

My Supersize Me post inspired a reader to share a story.

He wrote about when he took a Mechanical Engineering class, many years ago.  We'll just say his college days go back a few years but probably not as far as mine (class of 1891).  It was in a day when an engineering class was male-dominated, and often male-exclusive.  The professor was trying to explain design tolerances.

This is the lecture, as he remembers it:

I will assume you gentlemen can visualize a ladies brassiere, a device to provide support for the cantilevered portion of a woman's body.  It is held in place mainly by the elasticity of the rubber in the horizontal section.  One edge has a series of metal hooks spaced along the edge.  The opposite end has corresponding columns of metal loops into which the hooks mate.  There are three or four columns of loops.  Each column is spaced about one inch further from the row of loops along the edge.

When the brassiere is new and the elastic is fresh and firm, the design is for the lady to hook into the loops closest to the edge. As the brassiere ages and the rubber loses it's elasticity the lady [ahem] will move the connection to next inward column of loops until the innermost column of loops can no longer obtain the needed tension for support.  At that time the brassiere is worn out and should be replaced.  If properly designed, and used as designed the entire brassiere should be ready for replacement at that time.

Worn out brassieres?  One of the paradoxes of the closet is, clothes get worn out without ever getting worn out. :)

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Don't Quit Your Day Job!

First, please go back to Friday's post and then take the poll to the right.  And thank you to all who responded.  This is really interesting to me!

So I tossed a grenade last Thursday and just left it hanging there.

My position over the past year has morphed.  Yes, it's only been a year.

I joined as chief engineer in what was the final year of a project.  There sounded like enough work that I could make an impact (let's face it ~ there's not a lot to engineer when a project is winding down).

There was also a successor project that was ramping up.  Let's call them Thing 1 (my project) and Thing 2 (the next project).  A few months later, the chief architect left Thing 2 and my manager moved to Thing 2 to take that position and I was moved to de facto technical project manager.  That meant some more paperwork, some more meetings, but still a position where I provide technical direction.

During my last Meg trip to Arizona management announced that the government wanted to stop Thing 1 and go full speed ahead on Thing 2.  I was given a choice of where to go ~ there was more work to do on Thing 1, but with reduced staff and scope; on Thing 2 I would fit in somewhere but they already had a chief engineer.  I opted for Thing 2 since I wasn't sure how long Thing 1 would be supported and they had a senior person who wanted to step into my role.

Bad choice, but the only logical one.

We've all got a mission in life; 
We get into different ruts.  
Some are the cogs on the wheels;  
Others are just plain nuts.

I'm no longer a cog.  Now just one of the nuts.  It looks like I have something lined up with another company, another project, another Government contract.

I'll be doing development, but I'll be doing solo projects.  That's not as good as being in a position where I can leverage what I know and what I do, but it's higher profile, quick turnaround, hopefully more fun.


It looks like there are only a couple of developers and a bunch of intelligence analysts.  I know a lot about intelligence analysis ~ enough to know that their jobs are secure if I'm the competition.  The first blog year, I was working with intel analysts pretty much exclusively.


There's zero travel in this new position, so Meg needs some new outlets.  I'm open to suggestions.

A Little T-Content

I had one interview for this position.  I wore my charm bracelet (although I thought about skipping it), lip gloss, and tights under my suit.  My hands and arms were clean ~ no body hair showing.  I wore Aerosole shoes.


I need to figure out how much Meg will be present in this job.  Certainly the bracelet and socks/tights will continue.  I may make an effort to show no body hair from day one.  I will have a little time between jobs; perhaps I will get my brows trimmed and try to keep them neat and on the femme side.  Maybe I can keep my nails buffed, now that they've grown back after the gel nail fiasco.  If I can find a good brown mascara that won't flake, I may consider adding that.  I don't have a lot of time to decide though.

I do want to start off on the right heel.

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