Sunday, September 19, 2010

Freecycle Dilemma

I want to respond to this, but I don't know how.

This was on the local freecycle group a week ago:

I have a 3 year old who enjoys dress up. He would especially like to dress like a princess or ballerina, but we aren't sure how long that phase will last since he is getting to an age where he is picking up on social norms. So, if your little princess or ballerina is done with her dress up clothes, we would give it a great home and then pass it on again when we're done.

Thanks for considering!


I don't even know why I opened this. I generally only open items like BAG OF WOMEN'S CLOTHES (M). Did I mention I scored a half-dozen skirts in 8-10 a few weeks ago? Four fit. I like three. One that's too big I love, but it'll go to the next clothing swap.

I considered picking up a princess or ballerina costume for a 3 year old, and offering it with a note that my young one wanted it, but never used it and she's welcome to it.

I considered dropping her a note saying what a wonderful mom she is and how I wish I had a mom with her empathy when I was a boy. I wasn't sure if I should send it from a generic (more androgynous) account or from my Meg account.

I considered dropping her a note saying that I hope if he does decide that girl dress-up is what he wants to do she'll be good with that. I'd include a thumbnail of my story and tell her I'd be happy to be a resource if she needs one in the future.

I considered dropping her a note saying that I'm a mom who's son went through the same thing and never outgrew it and that it's cool ~ but that would be so wrong on so many levels I can't even begin to count them.

So far, I've done nothing, except think about it and wonder what her husband thinks about it.

It's still sitting in my inbox ~ eight days and counting.


  1. Oh yes, I would be going through all of the same mental gyrations about this. I can come up with another scenario or two if you'd like to add to your confusion, Meg.

    A wonderful mom like that deserves to be given some positive feedback and encouragement. You can't help but wonder how open-minded she is and how far along she would be willing to support a trans child. Maybe a note to say you know something about these sort of 'issues' and would be willing to talk.

    You don't want to spook her... arghh!

    I know, this isn't helping, but a lot of us are hoping that what you do ends up being something that helps that family, and that you will never regret.

    Big Hug

  2. First of all, wonderful story . . . it certainly brings a smile to my heart.

    I can understand your dilemma. I'd love nothing more to offer my support and encouragement, but I'd definitely be afraid of scaring her away. Seems like the mom is cool enough to entertain the thought (at least, for now), so I think I'd be content to leave it at that.

    Picking up a princess or ballerina costume and offering it with a note sound great, but why not take that 1 small step further. Tell her your son wore it last Halloween and you both had great fun trick-or-treating together.

    Call it subtle encouragement. :)

  3. That is an ethical dilemma!

    I really wouldn't know what to do about that one. Is the article even real? If it is real, is it morally okay to simply ignore the post? I think contacting is better than not contacting...always. I don't think it's unethical to send it from a more anonymous account, though. :) Just my thoughts.


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