Saturday, June 12, 2010

Opportunities Lost

I'm a bit peeved at myself. I missed two opportunities to build confidence on this trip.

I dressed on Thursday night, and I think I looked pretty good. The one pair of shoes I had are really sexy and really fit badly. I'm blaming the shoes, but I can't blame them for everything.

My hotel was adjacent to a large mall. I should've walked over to the mall and spent some shopping time there. I did not, and, yes I blame the shoes.

But I did go to the ice machine near the elevator to get some ice. The machine was broken. I considered going up to the next floor to see if I could get ice there, but I didn't want to be in an elevator with a stranger (only a possibility). OK, I'm still planning on flying en femme but I didn't want to be seen in an elevator? I'm kicking myself for that lost opportunity. How am I going to get used to being close to other people if I won't even ride an elevator up one floor? And I could've walked to the stairs at the end of the hall, but I didn't want to walk the length of the floor in case someone was there ~ equally stupid, no?

I did go to two different stores looking for other shoes earlier in the week, without luck.

The second lost opportunity was on the plane. I was sitting next to a very pretty young (early 20s?) lady. She seemed very distressed on takeoff. I could've asked if everything was all right, maybe started a conversation.... I'm normally a shy person but Meg is a bit less shy. I should have tried to put on my "Meg persona" and tried chatting. I did not.

I need to find an opportunity to be out in public at least once before the trip.

I am getting less inhibited about people knowing I have an out-of-the-ordinary hobby. I brought a pair of jeans and two definitely women's tops into a dressing room while in drab. The tops didn't fit right. I bought the jeans and the woman at the cashier surprised me by saying "these are women's. Are they for someone else?" I said "no they're for me." I still wonder if the woman at the dressing room spread the word after I handed her two tops upon leaving the dressing room.

I hope to do some "work from home" this week so I can try on some skirt/top combinations. I also want to get another bottle of foundation; I'd hate to run out on flight day. And I want some more time getting used to the extra weight on my chest.

I'm making a list of everything I need to get together to wear, and to bring in my purse, and to pack for later in the week.

I'm still not sure if I'm going to drive or take a cab to the airport.

And I'm trying to figure out what to bring to do on the trip. Maybe Glamour or some other magazines.

Lots to do.

I didn't like the missed opportunities, and I think the fact that I didn't do what I should have is making me more nervous about the flight (I was calming down), but I still plan to fly.

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