Part One ~ To the Mall!

But first....

I was going to preface each post with a "rating" of how I felt on the calm-nervous-anxious-terrified scale, but with a few brief exceptions I was fine. I'll mention those.

I was also going to add a "comfort zone" rating, but, again, with a few exceptions I didn't feel like I was going outside my comfort zone. Starting a conversation with a random stranger is more uncomfortable for me than anything I did on this trip (again, with a few exceptions, and I didn't cross that comfort zone line in those cases).

So no ratings. I'll write about my comfort zone after I write about the trip. And I'll let y'all know when I was feeling less than my cool, calm, collected normal (hah!) self.

And I started with anxious.

I had another mostly sleepless night before going out. I slept for less than two hours, was up for at least two more, and then dozed for the next two or three until it was time to get up. And that was the pattern for at least the previous week or two.

Anyone who's met Meg close-up knows she needs her beauty sleep.

My first morning thought was, should I not do this? I'll be tired and it will be a long day, ending with a long drive. But the day will be the same length, with the same long drive no matter how I'm dressed.

The first step was to shave VERY closely, put on what I could (panties, hose, cinch) and have a cab come by around 9:30. This would get me to the mall around 10, when it opened.

Everyone left around 8:30 so I used the time from 8:30 to 9:00 or so to do the above. I think I did a pretty good job of cleaning off my face: I couldn't feel any whiskers no matter which way I rubbed my hand on my face. My arms looked good; I had shaved them the day before. Shaving arms always leaves little dots of dark hair, but it's not noticeable unless my hand/arm is pretty close to someone's face, which is unlikely. I didn't expect anyone to be kissing my hand, for example (just to remove the suspense, no-one did). I decided, in an effort to minimise my time in the family restroom, I should moisturise at home. I considered maybe putting on foundation since that would be invisible if a neighbor saw me (I didn't care about the cabbie or people in the mall) but remember, there was no alternate plan if there was no family restroom and I didn't want to have to take it off in the men's room.

Everything was packed the night before, with the exception of my top and skirt (I wanted to avoid wrinkles) and breast pads (because I was worried about damaging them in the luggage). I got out those items and opened my suitcase. My makeup was in two baggies. I found the one with the moisturiser in it and wanted to find the other, just to make sure it was all there. Well it wasn't.

I had only one baggie of makeup. I found my purse, jewelry, wig, wig brush, slip, both pairs of shoes, but I was missing one baggie of makeup. I opened the other bag and took inventory. I didn't have my cover stick, eye shadow, brushes, blush, and some other essentials.

It was now after 9. It was still early, but I also had something unexpected to do.

I went back to the closet, and looked in the shopping bag where I keep the rest of my makeup, largely organised by type ~ face, lips, eyes. No extra baggie for the trip. I looked in other places in the closet where I might have put it. It wasn't in the box with my jewelry, or the one with lingerie. It wasn't in my "drag bag", where I keep a complete outfit so I can change quickly if I'm given the chance. I ripped apart the closet, and then had to put everything back. I couldn't leave it all out while I flew off.

It was close to 9:30 now. I hadn't called a cab yet, but I as long as I knew what I was missing I could get them at the mall, at the CVS or Macy's or MAC or Sephora or somewhere. Shopping while dragging a suitcase and laptop bag was not part of the plan but doable. I called the cab.

Then I remembered: to make everything fit in the bag I put the makeup baggie in my purse. Sure enough, that's where it was.

After my shower I was a bit sweaty (even though the house was cool) but not truly nervous or anxious. That was over. I felt good, I felt ready. I felt like I had planned this well enough, I had enough time, I had enough points where I could pull out that I wasn't worried anymore.

The plane didn't leave until after 3pm.

On my first time out, I had a woman come over to do my makeup, and then we went for a brief shopping trip. I had never met this woman before and was nervous both about that and about going out. I tried on several outfits for her and she picked the one I wore out. When we left, she wanted to stop and get cigarettes. She suggested we drive a bit first, so I wouldn't run into anyone I knew. I just went down the street to the 7-11. She got out to get her smokes and I thought "what the heck" and followed her in. She said "you could wait in the car" but I had to get out sooner or later, and that was as good a time as any. There were a few customers in the store, and the people behind the counter. I looked at everyone and noticed no-one noticing me. I felt calm and relaxed when I got out of the car, and even better when I saw that no-one cared.

The photo here is from my first time out ever, in October 2004.

I went to the mall, and headed towards where I remember the family restroom was. The mall website used to mention the family restrooms. It no longer did, and I was worried that it was gone. As I said ~ no alternate plan.

It was right where I left it. :)

There are two adjacent family restrooms; one was unoccupied and that's where I parked myself for the next forty minutes. It looked like Meg was going to Kansas after all!