(since several of you have asked, let me say that I am a government contractor, my building is closed, all of my government counterparts are home but I'm still slaving away on my project and will probably even get paid on time for my toil. Don't ask what I think about the whole closure thing ~ my blood pressure can't take it anymore.)
I want to follow up on last Wednesday's "don't adjust your strap; people will notice" post. By the way, check out the comments for that post. You guys had good suggestions.
I enjoy underdressing. It brings a bit of my hobby into every day life, and I find that relaxing.
Today's hint: don't push it.
I had my charm bracelet for quite a while before I decided it was either OK for me to wear it out, or I didn't care if anyone noticed. Remember that care-don't care spectrum I've written about many times. If you're not there today, you'll get there soon. If you care what people think today, you'll get over that and wear what you want, what you're comfortable with.
There's no point in wearing bright pink undies if you're going to spend all day checking to make sure the inseam on your pants didn't split. They didn't, and you look silly. So if you notice you keep reaching for your buttseam, wait a bit.
Same thing with pulling your pants down so no-one notices your hose or tights or cute socks, or anything else you decide to wear.
You'll be ready soon enough. Wait until you can cherish the experience instead of spending a day in constant panic.
Showing posts with label I don't care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I don't care. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Don't ask. Just don't.
I've been a member of a "men with breasts" list for a while. I joined when I was thinking that it might be nice to join those ranks. I'm still uncertain, but that's another post altogether. Many members talk about how large their breasts are, and how they got them that way. They also talk about comfort levels at showing them off, wearing bras to hide or expose them as they prefer.
They also mention that "no-one notices."
Yes They Do.
What they don't do is mention it to you.
From an early age, we're told not to stare at the man in the wheelchair/goth girl/guy with colourful tattoos/woman in burqa/man with mohawk/woman with mohawk/etc. "It's rude," we're told. And we're certainly discouraged from asking about any differences we notice.
Frankly, I believe that discussing differences is a way of understanding those differences. But I still Don't Ask.
Everybody's different, everyone reacts differently. People notice people who don't fit the norm, except when they don't notice. Many people don't expect to see breasts on a man (for example) but some notice everything. They look at you, they shake your hand, they make eye contact, they greet you, and say nothing. To you. Later, they say to their friend/coworker "did you see the boobs on Fred?" Their friend may not have noticed. But they'll notice next time.
And they'll say nothing.
We learned not to talk about differences.
This never happens:
We don't ask the pirate on the next stool what happened, even if he'd love to talk about it. Look at it from a child's point of view. Many people would be happy to enlighten a child as to why they're wearing a turban or sari. Maybe there's a wondrous story behind the tattoo or a war story behind the wheelchair.
I had a friend who had hair she could sit on. When I commented on her beautiful hair, she told me that her brother, who died in a car accident a few years earlier, loved her long hair and she promised him she wouldn't cut it. But a third party would think me rude, even if I said to her "your hair is magnificent! Why do you let it grow so long?"
I'm not sure I'd like someone to ask me about my tights or ring or bracelet or flowery socks. I'm on the "don't care" cusp, I think. But without a story (and I have one for the bracelet that's not really a story), it's hard to get around. And I think right now I'm comfortable with "I like femme things and I wear them when I have the chance."
They also mention that "no-one notices."
Yes They Do.
What they don't do is mention it to you.
From an early age, we're told not to stare at the man in the wheelchair/goth girl/guy with colourful tattoos/woman in burqa/man with mohawk/woman with mohawk/etc. "It's rude," we're told. And we're certainly discouraged from asking about any differences we notice.
Frankly, I believe that discussing differences is a way of understanding those differences. But I still Don't Ask.
Everybody's different, everyone reacts differently. People notice people who don't fit the norm, except when they don't notice. Many people don't expect to see breasts on a man (for example) but some notice everything. They look at you, they shake your hand, they make eye contact, they greet you, and say nothing. To you. Later, they say to their friend/coworker "did you see the boobs on Fred?" Their friend may not have noticed. But they'll notice next time.
And they'll say nothing.
We learned not to talk about differences.
This never happens:
A man is drinking at a bar, and he strikes up a conversation with the guy next to him, who happens to be a pirate.
He says "I hope you don't mind my asking, but I notice you have a peg leg. May I ask how you lost your leg?"
The pirate says "During a raging storm I was thrown overboard and a shark took off my leg. I was lucky to be alive."
The man says "wow. So, what's the story behind the hook?"
The pirate says "we had a fierce battle on deck. While I was engaged with one man another came up behind me with a scimitar and took my hand clean off."
The man is amazed and says "how about the eye patch? How did you lose your eye?"
The pirate says "a bird pooped in it."
The man looks surprised and says "how did you lose an eye from bird poop?"
The pirate says "well, it was my first day with the hook."We don't ask the pirate on the next stool what happened, even if he'd love to talk about it. Look at it from a child's point of view. Many people would be happy to enlighten a child as to why they're wearing a turban or sari. Maybe there's a wondrous story behind the tattoo or a war story behind the wheelchair.
I had a friend who had hair she could sit on. When I commented on her beautiful hair, she told me that her brother, who died in a car accident a few years earlier, loved her long hair and she promised him she wouldn't cut it. But a third party would think me rude, even if I said to her "your hair is magnificent! Why do you let it grow so long?"
I'm not sure I'd like someone to ask me about my tights or ring or bracelet or flowery socks. I'm on the "don't care" cusp, I think. But without a story (and I have one for the bracelet that's not really a story), it's hard to get around. And I think right now I'm comfortable with "I like femme things and I wear them when I have the chance."
Thursday, September 13, 2012
More On Lips
This is not a thorough research project, but I've noted some advantages of the different lip coverings I've been playing with:
nothing: easy, but not very femme nor protective of your lips, especially if it's the air is dry, or it's excessively sunny outside
balm alone: easy, you can put it on anywhere (as long as you don't use a brush, I guess) but not very femme
clear/your colour gloss alone: in my experience, it kind of seeps into your lips and isn't as shiny as it could be. But your lips feel nice and silky. The amount of gloss varies widely ~ you'll have to give yourself a critical look (if you're in the "care" zone)
your colour gloss over balm: shinier, probably more protection, ranks higher on the femme-o-meter
clear gloss over balm: even shinier than your colour, generally
lipstick: looks good. It smooths out your lips but it has no real shine by itself
gloss over lipstick: it's shiny, it looks good. The femme-o-meter pegs at a 10, but it can be very noticeable. If that bothers you, avoid!
I'm writing this during a work break. Someone from IT just came by and said they'd have to do a "makeup day" to set up a new laptop for me. I said "I don't usually wear makeup, but that's fine." She called out to her assistant "he needs a makeup day but he says he doesn't wear makeup" and she turned back to me and said "how about a reschedule day?" I said "I'll go with the makeup if it'll get me a computer." She laughed.
I was wearing apricot gloss over lip balm at the time.
Well, of course, there are disadvantages too:
your lip colour gloss: may come off on glasses, napkins. Some do, some don't
high gloss: noticeable. Both of these might not be disadvantages; how much do you care?
lipstick: you need to be careful putting it on. Gloss can go "outside the lines" and you can wipe away a bit with a finger or fingernail. Lipstick won't wipe as easily and if it is your lip colour it is NOT your face colour. I often put on my gloss in the men's room. If someone comes in, I'm done. I put it away and rub my lips together to spread the gloss, if needed. If I mess up my lipstick and someone comes in, I have to clean up, maybe blot, and that's kind of obvious. So where are you on the care/don't care scale? Lipstick will ALWAYS come off on a glass rim, or a napkin, or a straw, or a boy or girlfriend, or whatever else touches your lips. Again, do you care?
nothing: easy, but not very femme nor protective of your lips, especially if it's the air is dry, or it's excessively sunny outside
balm alone: easy, you can put it on anywhere (as long as you don't use a brush, I guess) but not very femme
clear/your colour gloss alone: in my experience, it kind of seeps into your lips and isn't as shiny as it could be. But your lips feel nice and silky. The amount of gloss varies widely ~ you'll have to give yourself a critical look (if you're in the "care" zone)
your colour gloss over balm: shinier, probably more protection, ranks higher on the femme-o-meter
clear gloss over balm: even shinier than your colour, generally
lipstick: looks good. It smooths out your lips but it has no real shine by itself
gloss over lipstick: it's shiny, it looks good. The femme-o-meter pegs at a 10, but it can be very noticeable. If that bothers you, avoid!
I'm writing this during a work break. Someone from IT just came by and said they'd have to do a "makeup day" to set up a new laptop for me. I said "I don't usually wear makeup, but that's fine." She called out to her assistant "he needs a makeup day but he says he doesn't wear makeup" and she turned back to me and said "how about a reschedule day?" I said "I'll go with the makeup if it'll get me a computer." She laughed.
I was wearing apricot gloss over lip balm at the time.
Well, of course, there are disadvantages too:
your lip colour gloss: may come off on glasses, napkins. Some do, some don't
high gloss: noticeable. Both of these might not be disadvantages; how much do you care?
lipstick: you need to be careful putting it on. Gloss can go "outside the lines" and you can wipe away a bit with a finger or fingernail. Lipstick won't wipe as easily and if it is your lip colour it is NOT your face colour. I often put on my gloss in the men's room. If someone comes in, I'm done. I put it away and rub my lips together to spread the gloss, if needed. If I mess up my lipstick and someone comes in, I have to clean up, maybe blot, and that's kind of obvious. So where are you on the care/don't care scale? Lipstick will ALWAYS come off on a glass rim, or a napkin, or a straw, or a boy or girlfriend, or whatever else touches your lips. Again, do you care?
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Drab Lips
When I'm in drab now, I have something on my lips. I've mentioned some of this in different posts before.
It used to be a lip balm that was a bit shiny (such as Nivea "A Kiss of Shimmer"). These are just a tiny bit shiny, really. I wonder if it will shine more over lipstick, but I haven't tried that experiment. Does lip balm go over or under lipstick?
A few months ago, I decided I would switch to a clear lip gloss. I tried a variety, and got a variety of levels of shine.
For the next stup, I upped the ante a bit and bought some gloss in my lip colour. That's not hard to do; glosses are mostly translucent bordering on transparent ~ the idea is for your lipstick to shine through, after all ~ and they added shine without adding noticeable colour. That is, until you sip out of a glass or white cup. Then you get that familiar lipstick mark on the rim.
I'm never satisfied, I guess. I've been using lip balm under lip gloss in my colour at work. I get a noticeable shine, softer lips, and the enjoyment of wearing one more girl item on a regular basis. This is now my normal work wear. I have coffee during my drive to work. If I finish in the car, I park and put on my balm and gloss. If not, I go up to the men's room which is hopefully empty enough that I can put them on there. I renew after I eat or drink during the day, And now....
I've added lipstick. During work, I keep the same combination as above. But when I leave work to run errands or see after-work clients, I take off my gloss and put on a lipstick in what I think is close to my natural colour. Even though it mostly seems not-noticeable, it smooths out the imperfections in my lips and makes them look nicer. And all this time, I thought the only idea was to add colour.
But wait! There's more!
Lipstick does add something to your lips, but not shine. I now put a light layer of clear gloss over the lipstick. I had noticed that my lipgloss is glossier when it's put over my lip balm. I wondered if it's glossier over lipstick ~ and it definitely is. I will emphasise "light layer." Either be careful or blot off the excess or your lips may end up glossier than you'd like. Depending on where I'm going, I change the amount of gloss. Warning: this combination is noticeable ~ I've caught (invariably) women look at my lips and smile and look away. No-one has said anything. That doesn't mean people don't notice. In the several years now that I've worn my charm bracelet, I've only had a handful of comments. I'm sure people notice.
And you know what... if it bothers anyone, I don't care. If it inspires some men to do the same, or some women to try that look on their guys, well, that I do care about. Excelsior!
It used to be a lip balm that was a bit shiny (such as Nivea "A Kiss of Shimmer"). These are just a tiny bit shiny, really. I wonder if it will shine more over lipstick, but I haven't tried that experiment. Does lip balm go over or under lipstick?
A few months ago, I decided I would switch to a clear lip gloss. I tried a variety, and got a variety of levels of shine.
For the next stup, I upped the ante a bit and bought some gloss in my lip colour. That's not hard to do; glosses are mostly translucent bordering on transparent ~ the idea is for your lipstick to shine through, after all ~ and they added shine without adding noticeable colour. That is, until you sip out of a glass or white cup. Then you get that familiar lipstick mark on the rim.
I'm never satisfied, I guess. I've been using lip balm under lip gloss in my colour at work. I get a noticeable shine, softer lips, and the enjoyment of wearing one more girl item on a regular basis. This is now my normal work wear. I have coffee during my drive to work. If I finish in the car, I park and put on my balm and gloss. If not, I go up to the men's room which is hopefully empty enough that I can put them on there. I renew after I eat or drink during the day, And now....
I've added lipstick. During work, I keep the same combination as above. But when I leave work to run errands or see after-work clients, I take off my gloss and put on a lipstick in what I think is close to my natural colour. Even though it mostly seems not-noticeable, it smooths out the imperfections in my lips and makes them look nicer. And all this time, I thought the only idea was to add colour.
But wait! There's more!
Lipstick does add something to your lips, but not shine. I now put a light layer of clear gloss over the lipstick. I had noticed that my lipgloss is glossier when it's put over my lip balm. I wondered if it's glossier over lipstick ~ and it definitely is. I will emphasise "light layer." Either be careful or blot off the excess or your lips may end up glossier than you'd like. Depending on where I'm going, I change the amount of gloss. Warning: this combination is noticeable ~ I've caught (invariably) women look at my lips and smile and look away. No-one has said anything. That doesn't mean people don't notice. In the several years now that I've worn my charm bracelet, I've only had a handful of comments. I'm sure people notice.
And you know what... if it bothers anyone, I don't care. If it inspires some men to do the same, or some women to try that look on their guys, well, that I do care about. Excelsior!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Stuff Happens...
...but whether it bothers one or not depends on how far you are on the "don't care" spectrum.
I've been wearing nice camisoles under my shirt for the past few weeks. Normally, I wear a tank top under my shirt, or maybe something silky but in tank-top style so if it shows, it looks mostly normal.
But lately, I've been wearing newer, more opaque shirts and camisoles with thin adjustable straps in a variety of materials and colours and lacy flourishes.
A couple of Fridays ago, I was wearing a blue denim (women's) shirt with a pink lace camisole underneath. One of the women in the office was behind me and she said "I think there's a hole in your shirt." And she decided to manually check it out, trying to grab the material so she could see if it was, in fact, a hole. It was actually a 7-shape cut, about 3/4 inch on each side and I was wondering if she'd see the cami underneath as I was saying "I believe you! I'll check it later!" It was low enough that, if my shirt was tucked in, it would have been hidden. I prefer to leave casual shirts out.
If she did see it, she said nothing.
A few days later, I was walking out of the office, past the kitchen area. My manager was talking to another techie and he was trying to make a point. As I walked by, he said to me "isn't that right?" Going along, I said "Absolutely. I couldn't have said it better myself." He laughed and put his hand on my back as I walked past. Right on the adjuster on my camisole strap.
Again, if he felt something odd, he said nothing. I almost hope there's some undercurrent about my underdressing. I'd welcome coming out.
I think.
And in the self-immolation category, a friend started a political blog. He's not getting a lot of eyes but he is getting a lot of spam comments. I showed him how to limit that, and he did.
Then I posted a comment as "Meg." He hasn't approved it, because he's not 100% sure it's legit. He thinks there's some sort of spam comment he's still letting through.
I'm tempted to mention to my wife that he's being a dope, that I posted a comment under my "girl name" but this all falls under the Don't Ask, Can't Tell category.
I've been wearing nice camisoles under my shirt for the past few weeks. Normally, I wear a tank top under my shirt, or maybe something silky but in tank-top style so if it shows, it looks mostly normal.
But lately, I've been wearing newer, more opaque shirts and camisoles with thin adjustable straps in a variety of materials and colours and lacy flourishes.
A couple of Fridays ago, I was wearing a blue denim (women's) shirt with a pink lace camisole underneath. One of the women in the office was behind me and she said "I think there's a hole in your shirt." And she decided to manually check it out, trying to grab the material so she could see if it was, in fact, a hole. It was actually a 7-shape cut, about 3/4 inch on each side and I was wondering if she'd see the cami underneath as I was saying "I believe you! I'll check it later!" It was low enough that, if my shirt was tucked in, it would have been hidden. I prefer to leave casual shirts out.
If she did see it, she said nothing.
A few days later, I was walking out of the office, past the kitchen area. My manager was talking to another techie and he was trying to make a point. As I walked by, he said to me "isn't that right?" Going along, I said "Absolutely. I couldn't have said it better myself." He laughed and put his hand on my back as I walked past. Right on the adjuster on my camisole strap.
Again, if he felt something odd, he said nothing. I almost hope there's some undercurrent about my underdressing. I'd welcome coming out.
I think.
And in the self-immolation category, a friend started a political blog. He's not getting a lot of eyes but he is getting a lot of spam comments. I showed him how to limit that, and he did.
Then I posted a comment as "Meg." He hasn't approved it, because he's not 100% sure it's legit. He thinks there's some sort of spam comment he's still letting through.
I'm tempted to mention to my wife that he's being a dope, that I posted a comment under my "girl name" but this all falls under the Don't Ask, Can't Tell category.
Monday, November 21, 2011
It Goes Both Ways
I was in Ulta a couple of weeks ago. I wrote about my shopping experience that day. I never said "they're for me" but I kind of made it clear they were. The saleslady and I were both fine with it.
A few days ago, I went back to the same Ulta to buy a curling iron for my wife. I know she needs one, and holidays are coming up so....
I am gender-enhanced but follicle-impaired. If I just let my hair grow, I'd look like the Klingon woman here, only with a lot more forehead. I haven't let my hair grow in a long time ~ shorter hair hides better under a wig. In fact, in my younger days I used to get a haircut roughly twice a year. Now I get my haircut before each crossdressing opportunity.
So I went into the Ulta, looked around a bit and then a young lady asked me if she could help me. I told her what I want and she became my personal shopper. While we were looking, I said "Can I tell you a secret?" She said "sure!" and I leaned close and stage-whispered "it's not for me." I enjoy making people laugh and I got a few seconds of enjoyment.
Unfortunately, I won't remember her next time I'm in there, when I probably will be buying something for me. But if she remembers me (possible, though unlikely) I'll say "can I tell you a secret?" and "it's for me."
And an open note to SometimesSpanked: c'mon local girl ~ don't hide. Drop me a note.
A few days ago, I went back to the same Ulta to buy a curling iron for my wife. I know she needs one, and holidays are coming up so....
So I went into the Ulta, looked around a bit and then a young lady asked me if she could help me. I told her what I want and she became my personal shopper. While we were looking, I said "Can I tell you a secret?" She said "sure!" and I leaned close and stage-whispered "it's not for me." I enjoy making people laugh and I got a few seconds of enjoyment.
Unfortunately, I won't remember her next time I'm in there, when I probably will be buying something for me. But if she remembers me (possible, though unlikely) I'll say "can I tell you a secret?" and "it's for me."
And an open note to SometimesSpanked: c'mon local girl ~ don't hide. Drop me a note.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Me Neither
Stana and I are on the same page.
I believe, no matter what our destination might be, we all are following the same path from "I care" to "I don't care."
I've written about this before. I think it's important.
Think about where you are on your trans-journey. Now think about where you've been, not where you're going.
I go out dressed, too occasionally. The first step out the door, or the first step beyond my comfort zone, is always a little anxiety-producing. Maybe some day that will stop. Maybe not. That's the way forward.
But I can still remember the first time I went out by myself. I went to the mall, and other shoppers probably thought I was an escaped prisoner. I watched everyone, to see if I knew someone. I kept to myself. I didn't interact with shopkeepers... in fact, I only went into department stores where it was unlikely a salesperson would say hi to me. I cared what everyone thought about me... even people I didn't care about at all! It took me ages to step out of my car. Care, in this context, translates to fear.
My goal is to not care. I've had a few small, almost accidental, frontal attacks on changing "care" to "don't care."
One was when I showed a picture of Meg to my manager and she asked if it was for a party or "something that you do, sometimes?" and I admitted it was the latter. In the post I mentioned this (one of my first posts!) that that was incredibly liberating. Instead of going a single step on the "I don't care" path I took a football-field sized leap.
Another was when I had my past-life regression and, when the hypnotist prodded me about ever wearing costumes, I admitted to him and the ten women in the room (including one friend) that I crossdressed. And that's another early early post!
I think going with my friend from New York to the Jon Stewart rally last year was another big jump, although he just assumed it was for Halloween, and my wife's friend who was with us assumed the same, even though I made hinting jokes every time I spoke to her for weeks afterwards.
A number of years ago, I was in a K-Mart buying some panties and possibly women's socks ~ I don't recall the details. I had left the cart for a moment to look at something else and I ran into a friend and her kids. We chatted, I made some lame excuse for looking for a computer or similar thing and I abandoned the cart. I cared and I didn't buy something I wanted.
Once, I was walking towards a Marshall's and I ran into two sisters I worked with years earlier. They had just come out of the Marshall's. We chatted, we caught up a bit, and I continued walking... towards the nearby CompUSA. I cared and missed a shopportunity.
A couple of days ago, I was in an Ulta. I wanted to get an eyelash serum (more in another post) and an eyeliner pencil. A young lady said "can I help you?" The I care me would have said "no, I'm just looking around." Instead, I said, "yes. I'm looking for the L'Oreal eyelash serum." She helped me find it and I said "I'm also looking for a decent eyeliner pencil." She pulled out one she liked and said "you just twist it... you never need to sharpen it." I said "I've never had luck with those. It seems the tip just breaks off." She found me a regular pencil, which I bought. I chatted with the cashier, but not about makeup, exactly. She did ask me if I wanted to join whatever Ulta club there is and I declined. But I don't care.
When I was in Sierra Vista, I walked into a wig shop next door to my hotel and made clear that I was looking for a wig for myself. I don't care.
After I assembled my charm bracelet, it sat on my dresser for a couple of weeks before I wore it. That was a quick trip from I care to I don't care.
I think I care comes from the peer pressure that started when you started going to school. I also think we should outgrow that need to fit in. I think it's not only liberating, it helps you get what you want and what you need. "Um, it's for my sister. She's about my size" gets you an ill-fitting dress. "Can I try this on?" gets you the dress you want, in your size.
I haven't reached "I don't care" all of the time, even with strangers. I still glance around before I hold up a skirt to see if the length is what I want. I still look down the aisle before I peruse the women's shoes in Payless, but that might be habit. I now go into various women's shoe stores such as DSW without much thought. Baby steps on the path.
I'd love to know what your biggest leap from I care to I don't care was.
Care for people. Care for animals. Care for those in need. Care for the ones you love. As for what the people around me think? I don't care.
And make your own priorities. My wife would be upset if I was out... sometimes I think that's the only thing that keeps me as far in the closet as I am. But if it came out (like at the hypnotist)... I don't care.
And happy 11/11/11 everyone! That's a once-in-a-lifetime.
I'll be writing about Erin and Liz and my fantastic Saturday starting Monday. Cartoons for the weekend.
I believe, no matter what our destination might be, we all are following the same path from "I care" to "I don't care."
I've written about this before. I think it's important.
Think about where you are on your trans-journey. Now think about where you've been, not where you're going.
I go out dressed, too occasionally. The first step out the door, or the first step beyond my comfort zone, is always a little anxiety-producing. Maybe some day that will stop. Maybe not. That's the way forward.
But I can still remember the first time I went out by myself. I went to the mall, and other shoppers probably thought I was an escaped prisoner. I watched everyone, to see if I knew someone. I kept to myself. I didn't interact with shopkeepers... in fact, I only went into department stores where it was unlikely a salesperson would say hi to me. I cared what everyone thought about me... even people I didn't care about at all! It took me ages to step out of my car. Care, in this context, translates to fear.
My goal is to not care. I've had a few small, almost accidental, frontal attacks on changing "care" to "don't care."
One was when I showed a picture of Meg to my manager and she asked if it was for a party or "something that you do, sometimes?" and I admitted it was the latter. In the post I mentioned this (one of my first posts!) that that was incredibly liberating. Instead of going a single step on the "I don't care" path I took a football-field sized leap.
Another was when I had my past-life regression and, when the hypnotist prodded me about ever wearing costumes, I admitted to him and the ten women in the room (including one friend) that I crossdressed. And that's another early early post!
I think going with my friend from New York to the Jon Stewart rally last year was another big jump, although he just assumed it was for Halloween, and my wife's friend who was with us assumed the same, even though I made hinting jokes every time I spoke to her for weeks afterwards.
A number of years ago, I was in a K-Mart buying some panties and possibly women's socks ~ I don't recall the details. I had left the cart for a moment to look at something else and I ran into a friend and her kids. We chatted, I made some lame excuse for looking for a computer or similar thing and I abandoned the cart. I cared and I didn't buy something I wanted.
Once, I was walking towards a Marshall's and I ran into two sisters I worked with years earlier. They had just come out of the Marshall's. We chatted, we caught up a bit, and I continued walking... towards the nearby CompUSA. I cared and missed a shopportunity.
A couple of days ago, I was in an Ulta. I wanted to get an eyelash serum (more in another post) and an eyeliner pencil. A young lady said "can I help you?" The I care me would have said "no, I'm just looking around." Instead, I said, "yes. I'm looking for the L'Oreal eyelash serum." She helped me find it and I said "I'm also looking for a decent eyeliner pencil." She pulled out one she liked and said "you just twist it... you never need to sharpen it." I said "I've never had luck with those. It seems the tip just breaks off." She found me a regular pencil, which I bought. I chatted with the cashier, but not about makeup, exactly. She did ask me if I wanted to join whatever Ulta club there is and I declined. But I don't care.
When I was in Sierra Vista, I walked into a wig shop next door to my hotel and made clear that I was looking for a wig for myself. I don't care.
After I assembled my charm bracelet, it sat on my dresser for a couple of weeks before I wore it. That was a quick trip from I care to I don't care.
I think I care comes from the peer pressure that started when you started going to school. I also think we should outgrow that need to fit in. I think it's not only liberating, it helps you get what you want and what you need. "Um, it's for my sister. She's about my size" gets you an ill-fitting dress. "Can I try this on?" gets you the dress you want, in your size.
I haven't reached "I don't care" all of the time, even with strangers. I still glance around before I hold up a skirt to see if the length is what I want. I still look down the aisle before I peruse the women's shoes in Payless, but that might be habit. I now go into various women's shoe stores such as DSW without much thought. Baby steps on the path.
I'd love to know what your biggest leap from I care to I don't care was.
Care for people. Care for animals. Care for those in need. Care for the ones you love. As for what the people around me think? I don't care.
And make your own priorities. My wife would be upset if I was out... sometimes I think that's the only thing that keeps me as far in the closet as I am. But if it came out (like at the hypnotist)... I don't care.
And happy 11/11/11 everyone! That's a once-in-a-lifetime.
I'll be writing about Erin and Liz and my fantastic Saturday starting Monday. Cartoons for the weekend.
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