Wednesday, May 18, 2011

No, Thanks. I'm Not Hungry

I'm going to skip ahead to my last mall encounter, because my new job is requiring me to come up to speed quickly on the main product and I have a lot of reading to do.  Also, I may be travelling next month which should afford another Meg opportunity (yay!).

Before I left the mall, I made a point to walk back to the food court. I really wasn't hungry, in spite of having had a very light lunch, but I wanted to sit and eat ~ even if it was just in the food court. Sometimes, baby steps are necessary. I did feel, however, that I could have sat in a restaurant that night and had a meal, no problem. I credit Dana.

But I really wasn't hungry.

There were not a lot of people in the food court. There was a Panda Express, perfect for a light meal.

I started looking at the different entrees they offered, and the 20-something Oriental woman behind the counter started asking if I'd like to sample anything. She pulled out long toothpicks and started spearing different items. I said, no thank you, I was just trying to decide which to get ~ the same thing I said when I ate there a few nights ago. She treated me as she would any customer; I treated her as I would any server.  OK, I might have lightly flirted if I was in drab.  Probably not.  So maybe it was the same.  Anyway, I don't really like to sample, even when it's things like Baskin-Robbins flavours.

I bought a single entree bowl: fried rice and sweet-and-sour chicken, and a diet coke, and I sat and people watched and ate. There were some people at other tables. They all made a great efforts to ignore me, and they all did an excellent job. There were a couple of moms and toddlers, and one parents and toddlers. They all went about their business.  I went about mine, which was people watching.

I saw a small group of guys who looked like the gym was their life ~ I avoided them. They weren't my type anyway.

There were a few college-age girls wearing very slinky minidresses and heavy eye makeup. They WERE my type, but I avoided them too. :)

The best part was the girl at the Panda Express. I was another customer, and I noticed no difference between her enthusiastic service for Meg and her enthusiastic service for my drab self earlier in the week.

The second best part was being out, alone with my thoughts, enjoying the feel of my clothes, the feeling of being Meg, the people around me.

The worst part was being out, alone. I wonder what I would have done if someone had asked if they could join me and sat down. I plan everything, but I really don't know. Maybe some day I'll find out.


  1. Homework. I hate homework, but I understand its necessity. I hope its an interesting product at least.

    I love people-watching, too. People are an unlimited source of entertainment. I do prefer a bit more distance, though.

  2. I would consider the encounter with the Panda Express girl as another successful civilian interchange. I would also consider the entire mall trip along with the eating/people watching session in the food court to be a successful civilian encounter.

    Getting out into the public while dressed is exhilirating and affirming while at the same time laden with elements of fear and doubt.

    Is there something in the dual nature of being a CD that finds comfort and solace in the same activities that generate worry and angst?

    Years ago my son had a "No Fear" T-shirt that read "IF YOU ARE NOT LIVING ON THE EDGE YOU ARE TAKING UP TOO MUCH ROOM". I think that there is an adreneline rush that accompanies most of my CD activities and that rush is most pronounced when I get out and about. It is addictive.


    PS: What I wrote above may also apply to Stana's concerns about her upcoming long ride and convention.


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