They Don't Know It...

Starting back in 2004, I got involved in some political meetups.  I don't think we ever did much good for the candidates but I met quite a number of like-minded people.

I really don't remember what sort of joke I made originally to my friend J, but it might have been a "I should have worn a skirt" and responding to laughter with "hey!  I have really good legs" at a meeting where people attended in a dressy mode.  I joke around like that a lot, often to gauge how they'd respond to an outing.  I was deep in the closet so that wasn't as much a consideration as my enjoyment of getting a laugh.

When J said she was going to throw a Mardi Gras party, and costumes were welcome, I called her and said "I'm not much for costumes.  Do you have any suggestions?"

Meg, E, J and a couple of guys

I guess my joke made a bigger impact on her than me because she said "you said you have great legs.  Why not wear a skirt?"  I said "I just might."

So Mardi Gras was my second makeup lady attempt, my first time out I think, and definitely my first time out among friends.

I also had an opportunity to out myself to a shopkeeper for the first time.  I went into a little Indian-oriented clothing shop and picked out a top and told the woman working there it was for me.  She suggested I try it on (which I did).  I put my male shirt on before leaving the changing room and she was disappointed that I didn't show her how it fit, but I heard voices and wasn't ready to be THAT far out of the closet.  It turns out it was just a radio, but I didn't know that.

When I got to the party, J didn't recognise me but immediately fell into the "new girl here" mode.  E, who I knew fairly well, was talking to someone and as she chatted she kept scanning the room.  Twice she stopped at me but kept going and I finally went up to her and identified myself.

There were a few people who knew me there, including my state representative.  He seemed genuinely surprised when I told him who I was and it was way after he left that it occurred to me that I should have gotten a picture with him.  If this happened today, I probably would have gotten a picture of us with my arm around his waist. :)

But thank you, J and E (and a few others) who let me know that Meg was real, and not just a caricature of my male self.

Meg and a new friend

Mardi Gras 2005 ~ Advise and Consent

The agonising continues. I bet most of you have been there. It's one of the first times you're going out. So far, it's gone well, but there's always something new, something scary. My anonymous friend Pat said that she might go to a costume event in November, but put the chance of going at "less than 10%". Been there. Pat, I want to hear it's up to 50% by the end of September!

Back to the story. I wrote my friend S:

I still can't decide if I should:

* skip it
* wear a skirt, as I had discussed with the hostess
* wear a skirt & blouse
* go all the way. I may even have someone to do my makeup for me.

Yes, I was also still considering skipping a costume altogether. Maybe even skipping the party altogether. I'm not very good at parties. As I mentioned earlier, I am a classic introvert. I'll pass on describing what that means, unless readers want to know more.

Anyway, later that day I wrote:

I know what to do about costume:
* go all the way. I may even have someone to do my makeup for me: this is what I will delude myself into thinking I will do and I'll plan it all week as I completely distract myself working out every detail and buying the missing bits to make it happen

* wear a skirt & blouse (and tights and pumps): I have that very nice blouse I got from that little shop I mentioned. I have a couple of her cards and I'd be happy to give them to anyone who'd like it. This, I will convince myself, is my fallback and I'll even try it to see how I look as in skirt & blouse and maybe convince myself that it's not as extreme as above but I can get away with it. Biggest problem in my mind is, it makes it harder to do the full thing in front of the same crowd. I have two purple skirts, once is long and straight and plain; the other is very light and feminine. So I also need to decide which to wear. With the full outfit I'd probably wear the fem one.

* wear a skirt like I discussed with the hostess (with tights & pumps): the straight one. This is actually pretty safe, but, again, I can't escalate to a full outfit if I get up the nerve next time there's a costume event.

* skip it or go as : where I'll probably end up. Although I think I'd wear the skirt if it came down to this.

I don't expect an answer on that; I have to figure it out for myself. If you have any ideas on the "colours" question I'd love to hear them! I really have no idea, and if I do the full outfit I'd like it to look right, I think. Maybe if it looked wrong there'd be less suspicion.

Last summer I put a query on craigslist.org to look for a makeupper. I found the woman who did me for Meg's First Day Out in October there (another future post), along with some others whom I did not use. I tried re-contacting the others without success so I posted another query. I received 7 responses: a guy who said he has a (male) friend who does makeup; a pro who will do an 8 hour session/lesson/personal shopper for $300; a pro who said "I don't need the money; can I put you in my portfolio?"; someone who said she was "just good" at makeup and that she'd do a session for $50 at my house but we haven't discussed cost for session/shopping (but she's willing); a "what are you willing to pay?" e-mail; someone who is willing to give me some e-mail or phone hints & tips if we can't get together.

A bit of an explanation: the "little shop" is one in Vienna (Virginia, not Austria. Nearby.) that I stumbled upon. I had a client near there and I was early and the weather was nice so I went for a walk. There was a little shop selling Indian clothing. I went in to look at clothes and I ended up talking to the owner. At first I said I was just looking; she said she made all of the clothes there. They were a bit out of my price range (close to $50 for a blouse; a few hundred for a Sari) but there was a LOT of purple and I liked the idea of buying from the designer/creator. I told her I was going to a Mardi Gras party in women's clothing and had pretty much decided on purple. She was very helpful; she even let me try a top on. I was screwing up my courage to come out of the changing room to show her, but I heard her talking so I didn't. It turned out she was on the phone, and I had changed back and missed an opportunity. She said she really wanted to see how I looked in the blouse. But I did buy it. Yes, there Will Be Pictures.

On Wednesday I wrote S:

If I can get the wife to go directly from [my son's] piano [lesson] on Sat I will have enough time to get in a makeup lady (not a pro; she says she's "just good at it") and go to the party Sat eve.

The woman (pro) who I was talking to about Sun makeup and shopping hasn't answered e-mails since very early Mon. The Sat woman may be able to repeat on Sun, but I have good feelings about this other woman and I'd like to try her.

I don't seem able to meet up with the woman who wanted to put me in her portfolio. That seemed like a fun thing -- make me feel like a model! Certainly an experience I never thought I'd have.

I am very worried about how my costume will go down at the party. I am very nervous about going out, maybe getting caught by neighbors, etc. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

On Thursday I wrote S (you can see it's difficult to be a friend of mine, particularly a gg friend):

Right now I have an eclectic purple outfit: a bright purple (lavender? fuchsia? I'm not up on colour names) top, a choice of a medium purple long pleated skirt or a dark purple shorter skirt, lighter purple tights.

The wife had a good idea. She said she'd seen feather boas in a party store. I hope they still have them; I'll try to get a purple one.

I'm trying to decide on my "story". I sort of decided that I'm going to keep changing it, as people ask (even the same people if they say 'no really').

"I do this all the time, I just don't usually go out."
"Sorry. I couldn't think of a costume so all I did was wear this boa and my usual clothes."
"Dems have groups for women, labour, gay, latinos.... They don't have a group for white men and I felt left out."
"J [hostess] suggested I wear a skirt [true]. I got carried away."
"I was going to do the boa and I didn't have anything that looked right with it so I got the skirt. My legs looked funny so I got the tights. My sneakers looked dumb so I got the shoes. Then I noticed that the bottom didn't look good with my shirts so I got the blouse. The blouse didn't fit right so I added padding. Then the face was totally wrong so I did the makeup. That looked stupid with the hair so, well, here I am."
"J suggested I wear a skirt and I thought, might as well go all the way."
"J suggested I wear a skirt and I mentioned it to a friend who suggested I exceed expectations."
"I always dress like this to parties. That's why I never get invited to second parties."
"I went into a store and asked for something in Mardi Gras colours. I thought 'Chico' meant 'boy'."
"Damn. Wrong meeting."
"The hard part was deciding which outfit to wear."

I hope I remember all of these. I'm sure I'll think of some more.

A bit more explanation: yes, I told my wife I'd be going to the party. She slightly knew J, and some of the other people who would be there. I think I mentioned, I tell her everything (with the exception of my flying as Meg).

Mardi Gras 2005 ~ Planting the Seed

My friend J decided to throw a Mardi Gras party for the friends she made while working on the Kerry campaign. The election was long over, she was moving away soon, and she wanted a reunion of sorts. This meant:

1. I'd know some of the people at the party, and
2. This is a costume opportunity.

Other than that skirt, I had never done Halloween or Purim or any other fancy dress event.

On the phone, we spoke a bit about costume ~ I said I didn't know what to wear. Yes I was fishing. I wanted her to come up with the idea. I found reasons to reject each of her suggestions until she said "you said you have nice legs ~ wear a skirt". I had forgotten saying that, but I'm often making clothes or CD jokes. No-one ever takes me seriously and I have a bit of fun too. I said "maybe I will" and left it there. I thought it interesting that she even remembered that comment.

I spent a lot of time agonising over what to do. Dressing was scary enough ~ dressing in front of my friends was borderline terrifying. I had been out only once before, definitely not in front of friends. I couldn't decide if I would just wear a skirt (like that Halloween outing), skip it altogether, do the full makeover, or do something else. I used a makeup lady to help me when I went out previously. I started contacting women I'd talked to for the other time out, and placed another Craigslist ad looking for assistance. Just in case I decided to go for it. But I probably wouldn't. I mean... in front of friends!