Understanding Transgender, Part III

After the event, I spoke with a couple of the speakers.  I know they have a hard job ~ it's hard to imagine what it really feels like to be trans.  The talks were geared towards what they called "gender variant" youth, and if they made parents of such children feel better or at least not alone, then they did a service.

I also chatted with Donna and Diane and Steve.  I didn't mingle a lot, because I'm not much of a mingler.  It's part of my coping strategy that resulted in my putting that asterisk on the "recognise anyone" comment.  In hindsight, I should have said hi to more people.  Civilians and trans alike.

Now, I've mentioned "prosopagnosia" on more than one occasion.  I thought I went into a bit of detail, but I was looking back through posts and don't believe I ever did.

On the scale of "I know I've never seen you before" to "I bumped into you at O'Hare airport eighteen years ago.  You dropped your bag on my toe," I'm at "are you sure you're my mother?"

I don't recognise faces.  For the job I had when I started this blog, I travelled to many cities for a day or a week that would start with a requirements meeting.  I would scribble notes on the participants on the corner of the front sheet.  (Actually, I always left the front sheet blank, and started on the second sheet for two reasons: one, the material was sometimes classified, and two, I didn't want people to see my people notes.)  I'd scan the table and write down a name, what the person's role is, and a visual clue: "short brown hair," "tall, black frame glasses," "beard," "woman."  Stuff like that.  If it was a one-day affair I'd just make notes on what they wore.

I love the soirees ~ Christine hands out name tags.

I once went to a friend's house and walked into an adjacent room while my wife stayed behind to speak with the host.  There was a couple there.  We spoke briefly and I introduced myself.  He introduced himself and I felt like an idiot ~ I had met them at least a half-dozen times, spoken with them at length.

It gets worse.

Once when I was a kid, I was walking down a street near my home (Flushing, NY).  A woman I just passed calls out and says "you just walk past me?" and it took me a moment to realise that she was my mother.  No, I wasn't exaggerating earlier in this post.

Old radio shows never had solo characters because they'd end up talking the whole time to describe the action and scene.  They always worked in pairs (at least) so they could sort of describe the action and scene to each other (while we eavesdrop).  I rely on others to help me out.  Suppose I'm with Charity.  If someone starts to talk to me, I will come off as rude or inconsiderate or lost because I won't introduce her.  Instead, she knows if she doesn't get an introduction quickly she says "hi, I'm Charity" and the other person says "hi, I'm Barack" and I know who I'm talking to.  Or she'll softly say, as we approach someone "that's your kid."  Or she'll say to her, "hi, Madonna!  How are you?"

For the record, I haven't not identified my kid yet.  I have not recognised my wife on at least one occasion.

And I do remember some people, but I don't know why.  And it's also what I call "positional:"  I'll recognise my manager in the office but if I see him in the cafeteria... who knows.  I've had people chat with me in the supermarket and I have no idea who they are.

I'll leave this topic with one other story: I brought my youngest to a Tai Kwan Do place where we were supposed to meet a friend of his.  A very pretty woman came up to me and started talking.  After a couple of minute she said "you have no idea who I am, do you?"  I said "sure I do."  She said "where do you know me from?"  Well, lots of kids there, so I bluffed: "my kid's school."

No.  We worked together, in daily contact, for several years.  Until just a couple of years earlier.

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That Clothing Swap III

Lynda and Shannon

As an aside, twice in the past couple of weeks I wrote a post and forgot to actually post it, which is why you early birds and Brits and Ozzies didn't see a post on time.  I'm in the midst of a cold right now, and I'm gonna use that as an excuse for my latest error.  No excuse for the other one, but I'll think of something.  Probably after I'm through with this cold!

Another aside: my toenail looks horrid, but it doesn't hurt to put pressure on it.  I tried on some shoes the other day, and they felt OK.  Since I still have exposed under-toenail-skin I don't think I can get a pedicure but...

So I pulled out of the garage and no-one was around.  I drove the same way as I do to work, because the Shoppers Food Warehouse where I was going to buy soda and ice is less than a ten-minute walk from my office.  I was mildly worried that someone from the office might see me, but that's always a possibility and I live with it.  Sometimes, I hope I'll see someone.  Other times, not.  Still others, I don't really think about it at all.

Stylish Swappers I didn't chat with :(

At the supermarket, I got a couple of smiles and I smiled back.  Does that mean I was read?  I don't really care.  I'd rather not be read.  I think they enjoyed my outfit and how stylish I looked.

Read or not, to me I was just another woman shopping that day.  And most shoppers, as usual, ignored me.  The cashier was helpful, getting the ice out of my cart for me, which was nice.  I did notice he refrained from saying "ma'am" or that other gender-specific word.  Maybe he always does that.

Someday, I hope to get a "Miss."  I'm not hopeful though.

By the time I got to the swap I was already sweaty.  Kim had just arrived and her husband was unloading the car.  I took out my stuff, making several trips with the soda and ice and getting wetter each time.  The air conditioner inside was either off or really weak ~ it was hot, and as women arrived in waves it just got hotter.

Before I went to the swap, I challenged myself: I was going to speak with random people at the swap.  I didn't set a goal, but I was going to start conversations with strangers.  This is harder than going out dressed, for me.

I did it.

As I wrote earlier, I told the woman with the polka dot shoes that she had the best shoes at the swap.  I commented on clothing women picked off the tables or racks, if I was nearby: "that's beautiful!"  "I wish I could find something like that in my size" "that would look great on you!"  "I love your earrings."

And so on.

Sometimes I got a small smile and nothing else in return.  Sometimes I got a warm welcome and some nice conversation.  Shannon and Lynda, pictured here, were friends who came together and Shannon, in particular, was gregarious and friendly and treated me like any other lady.  They posed for this picture.  Lynda is a swap member and she brought her friend with her ~ I'm glad she did.  I think whenever Meg is out and feeling good she meets at least one woman like that.  And at the swaps, if no-one else is around I know Kim will be, and she's one of the most outgoing women I know.

One funny thing: one woman approached me and asked me to delete her photo.  We chatted a bit; she doesn't like her picture taken.  I don't know why she wouldn't.  She's a nice looking woman, in her 40s maybe.  I deleted her picture and later told her that I was carefully watching for her and ensuring she wasn't in any pictures.  She apologised for her "quirk" and I said I'm glad she told me.  Oh... for those who were wondering, when we first spoke I carefully noted what she was wearing so I could find her later.  You know I'd never recognise her after that first encounter otherwise!  And that's my quirk!

There was only one other t-girl there and we spoke a tiny bit and I asked her if she wanted her picture taken; she said no, so I avoided her too.

I respect all comfort levels, even as I encourage people to step out of theirs and I step out of mine.

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Halloween Logistics, Part 2 of ?

Major Problem!

But not a showstopper. I just got an e-mail from a very good friend in New York. He's coming down for the rally too. He has not met Meg. I am now officially more nervous than I've ever been prior to going out.

So guess what? He'll be meeting Meg this weekend. I need to decide if I should give him a heads-up first. I'm thinking... no.

Also, my wife told me that a couple of couples we know through our kids' school will be there as well.

Me: then we'll see them there.
She: they won't recognise you.
Me: they'll recognise you.

Back to Logistics....

After work today, I'll get my haircut. I don't want strays peeking through under my wig. And I hate wig caps!

I have printed business cards to hand out. I printed name tags including extras in case one falls off, or someone wants one.

Sorry, no previews.

OK, one preview, but just because Petra had such a great idea!

She wrote: I suppose, btw, that you will be representing the T-Party at the rally?

So in addition to the name tags I was going to put on my jacket, I'm going to add a Proud Member of the T-Party tag. I wonder if my wife knows what I mean. I bet there are some people who will. I wonder if they'll identify themselves. Non-identification is a whole 'nother post.

So.... Are any of you guys coming? So far, I've heard nothing. One of my clients said her church is sending a bus. I'll have to look for her. She might have trouble finding me. But with my prosopagnosia, I'm pretty sure I won't recognise her either. And I will NOT go up to people I (think I) know and say "do I know you? I'm ". For the rally, I'm only answering to Christine.

I'm wondering if my costume will get a lot of attention or be roundly ignored.

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