Monday, September 9, 2013

Concerns About Outing

I'm sure I'm not alone on this.  I'm sure everyone who's gone out with a close friend or SO has this problem.  And maybe this concern.

There are two ways to come out.  One is, well, you come out.  The other is, you're outed.

Coming out is good.  Being outed, not so much.

I never went out with my wife, but Meg has gone to several events, both t and civilian, with Charity.  But I also go out in drab with Charity ~ grocery shopping for example.

On my own, I don't worry.  I doubt anyone will look at me and Meg and think, "that's the same person."  But someone will look at Charity and put two and two together.  Right now, the real problem is going out in drab.  There are very few people who know me (drab) and Charity.  There are many more who know Meg and Charity.

One day, someone is going to come up to Charity, someone who knows Meg, while I'm there in drab.  If enough people see Clark Kent and Superman hanging around Lois Lane, they're gonna figure out they're the same person, in spite of that elaborate disguise (glasses).  Disclaimer: I'm not comparing myself to Clark Kent.

Maybe Lois Lane.

I'm not sure what action I'll take when someone says "wait a second...."  I suppose the first issue is whether it's a civilian or t acquaintance.  But I really haven't thought of a response, other than "yes."

And I'll have a different perspective tomorrow.


  1. These are the risks we take every time we go out, sometimes I think life would be simpler, if I was just out to everybody, at least then no one would be able to claim to be surprised ~ but then I don't have an employer to worry about.

  2. Meg -

    I doubt very much that alone, anyone would put 2 and 2 together and associate you and your male identity with each other. Your appearance is different enough in both modes to make that association very difficult.

    But, you may be right when it comes to having Charity as a reference point to connect you and your male self. Even then, I doubt it - people see what they are expecting to see. And in one experiment, people were told to watch a video that had performers in black and white doing some sort of contorted dance - they didn't notice a person in a gorilla suit entering the picture and leaving. All I think people will see is Meg with Charity - two girlfriends, or your male self with Charity - two room mates going shopping (or another activity).



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