Speaking of Games

At one of the first game nights, our (now) friend Star noticed me, noticed Charity was with me, and told her that her partner was trans and asked if we'd like to join her (monthly or so) game days.

At Star's I can show up dressed or drab, and the other members of the group (including kids) don't really care.  There are usually one or more trans members at game days, and by now they mostly know "both of me."

It's a unique experience, and Star and Pooch are unique friends.

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Working Backwards

I've been out a few times, events I haven't written about yet.  I'm going to start with the most recent: last Saturday.

Saturday was Kim's biggest, best clothing swap yet.  It was publicised on the local t-groups.  There were vendors, raffles, food, and 300 or so women there.  I'd say there were maybe eight t's among the g's.

Typical scene (it might be wider than the screen; a click will help):

Anyone see Waldo?

At one point, many of the local girls sat down for a bite:

That's Kelly up front on the right, and Star and Andrea on the left.  I think that's a bit of Steffi behind Kelly, and Stephie is looking at the camera from the back.  I think Sharon was Desperately Seeking a Non-Ham Sandwich. :)

At one point, someone came up to me and told me she was a member of Christine's trans-group but I had no idea who she was: for some reason, she was dressed as a guy.  To each their own.

Alas, I wasn't in the pictures, since someone had to wield the camera.   I wore a blue maxi-dress and slides, and since Charity had to work, I got to practice my own makeup for a change.

I spoke to a number of women there, mostly little things: comments on their haul or what they were looking at.  At one point I said "I was hoping you'd put that down" and I snatched up a top (8P ~ it went down again).

I also spoke to one woman and asked to take her picture ~ I said she had "won first place:" she was carrying three huge bags full of clothing.  She laughed and said "I was trying to keep a low profile."

It was a long walk back to the car and along the way a woman who was just getting there asked where the

entrance was (I told her, and told her it was nearly over ~ she said she was picking up a friend).  In the parking lot, another woman said "how'd you do?" and we briefly compared notes.

I figure either (a) I pass pretty well, or (b) people are fine with how I present.  Either way is fine with me and proved once again that a swap is a great and safe place to go out and mingle with civilians, especially if you're like I was when I started going out: I did not want to interact with men.  Almost no men there, except for one vendor and Kim's husband and he's as accepting as anyone I ever met.  And that girl dressed in guy clothes.

So, how did I do?  I had brought in several very nice dresses, a skirt, and a blouse (none fit well) and I was happy to see that they all found new homes.  I didn't see a lot that I wanted to bring home, but I found a dress that Charity might like and a couple of tank-top-style camis for me.

Star and Andrea had mentioned to Charity that they'd maybe like to get together for dinner that evening.  Steffi was stag (doe?) that weekend and asked if she could come along.  We happily agreed, and the five of us had dinner at a local Tex-Mex restaurant.  Steffi went shopping and on other errands; I wore the same outfit I had to the swap.  It was pretty comfortable and kinda cute.  Alas, I forgot to get pictures of our gang.

For those keeping track, I didn't need to use the ladies' room at either the swap or the restaurant.  Even with a margarita.  (At the restaurant, not the swap.)

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My Second Soiree, Part I

A month or so ago, I finally managed to get out to one of Christine's lovely soirees.

I had limited experience flocking with birds of my particular feather, and didn't quite know what to expect.  It was like an all-girl cocktail hour before a wedding or other catered affair.  What was missing was the cliques.  I've been to many events: weddings, funerals, bnai mitzvahs, business seminars or conferences that have a pre-event shmooze.  They all have something in common: groups that move together.  They might be family or friends or people who are at their ninth user conference and they find familiar faces and they hang together.  Sometimes, I'm the only lone person at an event, or I'm part of a pair that I'm reluctant to let go of.  I'm not anxious to cast off in a gale, so I stay tied to the dock.

There is some anxiety tied to this.  Sometimes, there is a lot of anxiety.  At least once, I fled a "happy hour."  At least once, I skipped the main event in order to escape and calm down.

Most of the girls knew each other.  Some did not.  But random girls came up to me and chatted.  I went up to random girls and did the same.

No sign of cliques.

As I said, I had a good time.  I was looking forward to my second soiree.

"Casual elegance" read the invitation.  If you're like me, you choose clothing differently whether you're going in drab or dressed.  If you're invited to something you're going to attend as a male and you don't know what to wear, you start at the bottom and work up: will a t-shirt and jeans work?  Should I "up" to a polo shirt?  Button down shirt?  Maybe go to khakis?  Are tennis shoes OK?  Maybe work boots or boat shoes.

But I work from the bottom, and suspect most males do the same.

If I'm invited to something as my female self, I work from the top.  I think many of us do the same: can I wear a cocktail dress and my pearls and platform pumps?  Maybe not.  Maybe a party dress and pendant and chandelier earrings, but I can still work those pumps.  Probably too overdressed ~ maybe a sheath and open-toed sandals and that jewelry will still work.

And down to overdressed but not too much.

But girls together are going to dress UP.  I saw everything from minis to gowns.

I don't have a gown I would wear, and I still don't want to be too overdressed.  I have some dresses I would call "party" dresses and I wore one last time.  I wore a different one this time.  This was a new dress, expensive (for me) but it had the price beat out of it at Nordstrom's Rack.

It was cold and I was going to wear tights but Charity talked me into wearing my new patterned hose.  I think it was a good call.  They are pretty.  I had new blue patterned platform pumps that I bought pretty much to wear with this dress, but they didn't fit right and I decided to pass and save them in the hopes I can get them stretched a bit.  Or my feet will shrink a bit.  You never know.

This soiree's first: Andrea and Star and Sharon were going to meet at the apartment and we'd all go together.

I've been here for five months and, other than Charity, I've never had a visitor.  We cleaned the heck out of the place and we were so excited to have guests that we didn't even remember to give a little tour (how long can it take?) and get a picture of the five of us.  Ah well.

More tomorrow.  Here are pictures of the five of us ~ Sharon at the party; the rest pre-party.

Star and Andrea

Sharon

A rare photo of Charity on her phone!

Star Party, Part II

We got to the party and were introduced to the attendees already there.  As I said, I was a bit worried about the children who would be there.

It turned out one girl came to the table where we were playing and I was introduced.  She was fine, once the screaming stopped.  No, I kid.  She treated me like any other woman.  A boy came in later and pretty much ignored the adults.  The adults were old friends of Star and Andrea (who was there in male mode), mostly going back to college days.  We played Power Grid, a new-to-me game, and I misunderstood the rules for the endgame, or I might've won (or at least come very very close!).

But who cares.  We had fun, six of us at one table trying to power different cities and build a contiguous grid more efficiently than the other players.  There were snacks, the players were all fun, and Charity and I teased Star a bit because she kept mixing up our names.

Star told us that a friend of hers, Amanda Simpson, was moving next weekend and asked us if we'd all like to meet for Dim Sum around brunch time and help her move.  I said "of course!"  Most of the other players agreed to at least meet for brunch, even if they couldn't help her move.

I didn't know Amanda, but I knew of Amanda from news stories.  And being a bit of a political junkie, I was thrilled for the opportunity to meet another Obama appointee ~ my first as Meg!

Lesson: I'm learning to be more comfortable in social situations.  Part of that is comfort as Meg.  Part is (finally) understanding my own limitations: introversion, prosopagnosia, problems hearing over background noise.

Realisation: there are more women who accept us (or at least don't mind us) than I thought.

And a moral: you can't go wrong, trusting Star.

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This Is Nice

It's nice to be going out so much that I'm backlogged!  I've had three days out that are noteworthy in just over two weeks.  The common thread was Charity and our new friends, Star and Andrea.

Before going to a gaming party at Star's, I wrote about being a bit apprehensive about going there.  She invited about a dozen people over, including a couple of kids.  That's really all I knew.  I didn't know if they were civilians, t, or a mix.  I didn't know if her partner would be there in male or female mode. 

We went to Star's to game once before.  It was just the four of us, and Charity and I met Andrea for the first time there.  This time, she was going to have several people over.  I didn't know if they'd be civilians, if they were t-friends, or a mix.  I didn't even know if they were new friends, or old friends.  And, although I was told I was welcome as Meg or male, I did not consider drab an option.  I don't like to mix modes, and I won't if I can avoid it.  Note: sometimes, it's not avoidable ~ I'll write about that in a few days.

Plus, I'm never the most socially natural person in the room.  So I was a bit stressed.  Not enough to not go, and since it wasn't a mandatory event that was something.

As I said, I trust Star, which says a lot.  I'm normally suspicious.  On the path from naive to paranoid, I'd position myself at "careful."

Star commented on that post.  She reassured me and wrote, "everyone, including the kids, met both Andrea and his male self.  One gamer is post-op."  I paraphrase.

It turns out she was right. 

Before knowing what I was getting myself in for, I decided that if it was all T, Star wouldn't have suggested I go in drab.  So I went for a casual look.  I figured even a skirt would be a bit much, but, well, I had to be Meg.  I purchased a glittery purple top a while back but I had never worn it out.  The skirt was one I had worn in Arizona last January.  Makeup by Charity, and she gave me a purple palette to go with my top.  I wore a necklace I bought in Old Town Alexandria in December.  I added a couple of bangles and my high-heel patent Maryjanes and I was ready to go.

Charity wore a short denim skirt, a print top and cute boots.  She found a bakery that made the Biggest Twist Pretzel In The World and brought that, along with some homemade dips for it.

And by that time, the calm and pleasure of stepping out into the world again overruled any concerns I had.

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