Simple Pleasure I'll Never Have

I'm Jealous.

My friend Andrea went to a hair stylist last weekend.  As Andrea, not as her male self.

She's part-time and she works in male mode.  She has long wavy hair, similar to what I had long ago.  Hers is much longer, but we were similar in wave.

I'd love to get my hair styled in a feminine or "either way" cut.  The closest I ever came was almost thirty years ago when my hair was brown, as well as long and wavy.  I went to the same stylist to get my haircut.  For a few appointments, she said I should get a permanent "because it's easier."  A few appointments back then was a long time span.  I regularly got my hair cut twice a year.

I got my hair permed.  Rollers, smelly stuff, long periods of waiting while it set or burned in or whatever.  Arguments over the true meaning of "permanent."  I wanted to bring in my camera to get a picture of my with the rollers (curlers?) but never did.  My camera was my prized possession and I didn't trust it to be out of my grasp.

After she was done, I said "what did you mean this is 'easier?'"  She said "easier for me."

Funny story: I got my first perm on a Friday night.  I was promised if I didn't like it I could wash it out within a day or so.
I wasn't sure if I liked it.  Around midnight I was going to go to bed when the phone rang.  It was Larry, who I worked with at the time.  He was stuck on a software problem and needed to finish and deliver this Monday.  He needed me to come in.  I told him "I'll be there in twenty minutes but if you say one word, I'm leaving."  He said "one word about what?"  I said "you'll know" and hung up.

I walked into the empty (except for Larry) building and he stared at me and said... nothing.  We worked on the problem for a bit, I found the bug, we were doing some testing when our manager (Ed) walked in.  Larry had called him in as backup.  Ed wasn't a software guy, but he was responsible for the project going out on time so he wanted to check progress.

Ed looked at me and said "what the hell happened to you?  Did you stick your finger in a light socket?  You look like Chico Marx."  Larry said "Thank you!  I wanted to say something since he came in and was told not to."

I kept the permanent for a couple of years.

Alas, I wasn't yet dressing in the mid-80s.

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Hair and Thair ~ Is There a Doctor in the House?

This may sound silly.  I often ask questions others don't seem to think about.  For instance, if a dog has black fur it's called a "black dog."  Why isn't a person has black hair called a "black person?"

That's just an aside.

I think too much about hair.  It's one of the big differences between the genders.  A woman trying to pass as male might want to add sideburns or facial hair and lament that her arm hair is thin.  A man trying to pass as a woman will work hard to remove or bleach body hair and shave facial hair as close as possible.

Let's consider arm hair.  (Most body hair works the same way, for this thought exercise.)  It grows to, say, an inch long, and then stops.  Just let it sit there and it just... sits there.

I know hair has a lifetime and it will eventually fall out and be replaced, but it's not a very short lifetime.  It's weeks or months, not days.

Yet if you shave it off, it will grow back pretty much immediately.

Shaving is not particularly intrusive.  It's not like epilating or tweezing or using chemicals to remove the hair or otherwise irritate the follicles.  It's simply cutting off the dead part above the skin.  But if you shave it will grow back quickly and stop at the same length as before.

Why does it do that?  How does it know that it's been shorn and needs to grow back?

Is there anyone who understands the biology involved and can explain this to me?

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Disguises

In response to my post about my wayward contact, two readers pointed out that wearing contacts in one mode, and glasses in the other assist the disguise.

I've often thought about long hair.  I have several friends who wear their natural, long hair when dressed.

Back in my teens and twenties, my hair was quite long ~ definitely girl length.  It was never super long.  It did go below my shoulders, and I had my hair permed for a couple of years.  Sometimes, I wish I had a full head of hair now.  I'd probably let it grow as long as it wanted to, and try to style it so I could wear it in a male or female manner.

But when I get dressed, my wig is the final component.  Often, I look in the mirror and think I see my male self looking back, even with contacts.  But once I put on my hair and smile on, that changes.  Different hair is definitely a key part of the transformation.

Obviously, the body changes but people don't identify other people via body shape.  Well, I do sometimes, but I'm a special case.  I see three facial areas that help to keep people from realising that Bonnie and Ben are the same person.  (Voice is important, but I'm not going into that now.)

contacts vs glasses: people may not notice if you get new glasses; they will if you put on glasses for the first time, or take them off for the first time.  It makes a difference.

makeup: makeup can contour your face and change the shape, but even basic makeup can make a huge change.  Like glasses, eye shadow and liner make your eyes look different.  Lipstick causes focus to shift when viewing a face, which can result in looking at the target differently and not making the connection.

hair: play with one of the on-line hair styling programs and your photo.  Or look at a photo shoot in a woman's fashion magazine.  You'll see the same woman a dozen times, except each time she's transformed from who she was before.

The odd part is, I can't figure out which of those three are key.  I certainly don't look female if I put on contacts; I still look mostly like myself, whether male or female.  It's a small change that can change the opinion of the viewer, if she knows your male self and just met your female one.

Sometimes makeup makes me look female, sometimes not.  Putting on a wig first... well, if you squint and stand far enough away, maybe. 

There's an old Who song called "Disguises."  Since I started thinking about this post, I've been thinking about this song and hearing it a different way.  The chorus:

You're wearing disguises
Occasionally a girl surprises me
When she turns out to be you
Wearing disguises

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Maybe Just a Tad Extreme?

Although if I were a different species, I'd probably want to be male.  We're the only ones who screwed it up!

I would just like to say that it is my conviction
That longer hair and other flamboyant affectations
Of appearance are nothing more
Than the male's emergence from his drab camouflage
Into the gaudy plumage
Which is the birthright of his sex

There is a peculiar notion that elegant plumage
And fine feathers are not proper for the male
When ac---tually
That is the way things are
In most species

Anyone recognise the lyrics (without googling)?

The Play's the Thing

(an aside: we had a rare earthquake here yesterday.  5.9, nothing to you California Girls, but the largest in over 110 years here.  And the first one I ever felt!)

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, we went to the DC Fringe Festival.

The follow-up post was about our first visit, when we saw two shows.  One was a one-man show where he talked about his experience with a drag queen; the other was a play with  a crossdressing character.

The following weekend we saw three more fringe shows.  One had a flamboyant gay character (and they denied he was gay), and one was a boy-gets-girl musical.  At the end of the second play, everyone, it seemed, paired up, including two guys who didn't seem to know they were gay until they found each other.

The last one had no gay or trans character, but I'm pretty sure one of the guys (and possibly both) was gay.

A few days later, we saw a play called "Birds of a Feather" about a pair of male penguins which bonded, hatched an egg and raised the chick together.

I'm not sure what this means.  Is gay/trans still so shocking that it finds a place in theatre so much?  I would've thought gay would have made more progress than that.  Trans, alas, I could understand.  Or are they all trying to make a "we area everywhere" statement?

A few months ago, I saw a revival of the iconic '60s musical "Hair."  They talked about gay sex (and other sexual variations) because it was shocking then.  No mention of anything trans At All.

Sodomy, from the muscial Hair:

Sodomy
Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Pederasty
Father, why do these words sound so nasty?
Masturbation
Can be fun
Join the holy orgy
Kama Sutra
Everyone!

Ugh. Hair. And a Follow-Up

update:  the end was messed up.   I fixed it.

My family and I are going away for the long weekend.  There will be sun and water and probable shirtlessness.

So my plan, which was: when trips are close, keep everything trimmed in between, is on pause.

After going back-and-forth on whether I should trim my brows or get them waxed right before I go, I have decided to keep plucking and trimming them myself.

But body hair is growing wild.  My chest looks practically untrimmed already.  My arms and legs are kind of sparse, but definitely not passable.

I don't like it.  Not At All.

Remember the Floaters?

Remember, when I was in Dallas, I said I had a floater problem?  Generally, it's benign and it was.  I went to an eye doctor in Dallas, because it was worrisome.  I went on the day I was going out as Meg.

Possible mistake.  The first thing he did was put various drops in my eyes and when he was done, I looked like this:

You can't hardly see my baby blues at all.  I was afraid if I tried to put in a contact it would fall right into my head.  The doc said it might last as much as six hours, because my eyes were so light.

I thought Meg was staying home.

As you all know, it had a happy ending.  I just never followed up with the diagnosis and I had to show my readers what big eyes you have, grandmaw.

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Rally Report Part II: Where to Begin?

'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'

We say a darn good performance of "Hair" at the Kennedy Center Friday night. The only thing that spoiled it was some idiot singing all of the songs with the cast... never mind. That was me.

Manchester England England, across the Atlantic Sea, and I'm a genius genius. I believe in God, and I believe that God believes in Claude ~ That's me!

It ended at 10, but good ol' Washington construction meant it took close to an hour to travel the quarter mile to the bridge to get to Virginia. Our friends were there, we spent some time catching up, and bedtime came well after midnight. I know you can't tell, but I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP. I set my alarm for 5:45, figuring if I rush I can be ready in 90 minutes and we can get out at 7:15.

Not unexpectedly, I woke up early. I've been doing that every night for the past couple of weeks. This is normal pre-outing jitters, at least for me. (If anyone wants to share what's normal for them, y'all know how to reach me.) My hands looked pretty good from the waxing a few days earlier. I shaved close ~ close enough that I could feel only smoothness no matter which way I rubbed my hand on my face and neck. I touched up my chest and back of neck, and went over my arms again. My legs were good enough, behind tights.

Quick shower, then on to the makeup.

You know, it seems easy, unless you're doing it. My wife was doing hers and she'd keep saying "you're doing that the hard way. Watch" and she'd pull out a trowel and spackle and put on her foundation in about a second.

She doesn't understand: there are conflicting goals. I'd like to do it quickly, but putting on makeup is kind of zen. It's calming. It's relaxing. I focus totally on what I'm doing. Generally, no matter how nervous I am at the beginning, by the time I get to my mascara I'm calm and steady.

One other thing. I know some of my readers are where I was a few years ago: putting on makeup used to cause, um, a noticeable reaction. Heck, putting on ANYTHING femme used to do that. But that's a big part of why we do this, true?

I did say it was "generally" calming, didn't I? Saturday was a bit different, probably because of the opening audience. This was friends ~ pretty new and a bit scary. Somewhat scary. Mildly terrifying, and considering that, I was calm-ish.

My hands were steady when I got to my eyes. Since she was still there, I asked my wife to do my liner. She kind of slapped it on, but it looked OK. I did the bottom ~ she said "doing the bottom makes your eyes look smaller". I have two reasons for doing the bottom (about 2/3 of the outside, not all of the way around). First, I love that look. Second, Christine O'Donnell lines her eyes like that. I offered my wife the second reason.

She was done and left.

You'll be surprised to know that I look a bit different when I'm not Meg. To get from Me to Meg requires following my shave with:

Putting in contact lenses.
Moisturiser. This helps the foundation go on smoother. I NEVER skip this step, now that I discovered it.
Cover stick. Under eyes, above lips. Blend with finger.
Primer. This is new. The woman at Sephora gave me two samples ~ one for face but not eyes; one for eyes. I like it. I shall buy more.
Foundation. Apply with fingers or sponge. I think I get more control with fingers.
Brow pencil. Yes, I need to learn how to brush on brow colour. Pencil isn't ideal.
Eye liner.
Mascara. Usually two coats, then curl lashes. Some books say curl first. I need a quality curler.
Eye shadow. The Sephora lady drew a picture to show where I should use each colour. Very handy.
Blush. I know this can be used to contour your face, but I don't know how. Ditto for bronzer.
Lipstick and lip gloss. No liner today. Apply lipstick with a brush. Gurls, if you haven't done that, TRY IT. Tell me what you think.
Powder.

Before I did all the makeup I had put a band-aid on each little toe, to inhibit the blisters I get with some shoes. Then I put on panties and tights.

Now I was *finally* ready to get dressed.

Cinch, bra, pads. Someday, I'll shave my chest and try to glue the pads on. Just to try it. Maybe I can see how I look braless.
Full slip. I didn't need it; the suit was lined. I wore it because I wanted to add a layer, even though it was a light layer, and I Like Slips.
T-shirt and skirt.
Small silver hoop earrings, pearl necklace and bracelet. Christine always seems to wear pearls and hoops. I have never seen her wearing a ring. Too bad. I like rings.

Let me pause for a second and simply say I LIKE ALL OF IT. OK? I admit it.

Brush out wig. Someone gave me a tip: hold the wig against the wall and brush it that way. Layer the brushing. Start at the ends and do a few inches. When the tangles are gone, move up a few more inches. This prevents trying to yank out long tangles.
Jacket and my name tags.
Shoes!

Almost ready to go....

Make sure my glasses (in a case), a contact case, drivers license, cash, credit card, a metro fare card for each of us, lipstick, lip gloss, powder, and my cel phone are all in my purse.

Take purse. Check mirror. Take deep breath, hold doorknob until breathing is normal.

I need to add: after I put on my wig I looked in the mirror and said "no." I didn't look femme enough. I looked like a guy with makeup on.

If I was alone, planning an outing, I might have said "no" and stayed home. I didn't have that choice today.

One more deep breath. Open door.

It's time for my entrance!

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