Friday, March 20, 2015

No Dress Code (Thesis Part II)

Yesterday, I finished by mentioning that I dress as Meg when I have either a reason or an urge.

Reasons are meeting with a group who only know Meg, going to a girl-centric event, or doing something Meg has never done before and I'd like to add that to my experience list.

The group thing used to trump everything else, and only Meg will go to the Meetup gamer group.  Charity and I often went together.  One woman works in a shop in Alexandria, and we chatted with her there once when Meg was in the area.  But another time, Charity and non-Meg went in and I was OK with that.  But I didn't introduce myself as Meg; I left it up to her identify me (or not, which was the case).

If I went to a new group as Meg, I would probably only go as Meg from that point on, even if I had gone as non-Meg before.  I find the idea of switching back-and-forth odd ~ I think it would be disruptive to others if I did that.  I like to think I'm considerate of others' feelings.

A new group example might be a political group.  I know a lot of the local progressives, although I haven't been involved in a while.

If I started going to a, say, Jim Webb meetup group, I'd probably see people who knew non-Meg.  That opens some options:
  • I may say "we've met.  Remember {male name}?"  Or not.
  • If I did, I'd probably stick to Meg from then on.
  • If I didn't, I'd have to consider how big the group is and how many people I spoke to.
  • If it's a big group and I was ignored as an individual, I'd have to decide how to present next time.
  • If it's a big group and I spoke to a number of people, it would probably become Meg's group.
  • If it's a small group, it would probably become Meg's group.
I used to go to the annual cardmodel convention as non-Meg (with my kids), then I didn't go for a few years.  In that time, non-Meg quietly left the on-line discussion group and Meg joined.  Meg then started going to the convention.  Last year, someone remembered me from the previous year (I'm guessing it's because not a lot of women go there), and I saw several people non-Meg had met before.  I didn't say "hi! Remember (non-Meg)?  That's me."  I did talk to them each year, and I suspect if non-Meg went next year no-one would know we were the same person.

I've been to a handful of houses of worship as Meg and wouldn't have a problem going back as non-Meg.  These are cases where I've been once, been in a large group, and it's unlikely anyone would make a connection unless I said "hi.  Remember Meg?  That's me."

I wouldn't go to my "home" synagogue as Meg only once unless she was clearly ignored (large group, no interaction).  If people I knew said "aren't you non-Meg?" I'd feel like I had to either make up a story (no stories!) or go as Meg from that point on and be prepared to answer questions or put up with gossip.

I'd like to take a class as Meg.  I'd like to take (another) trip as Meg.  I'd like to do outreach, like Stana does.

I can think of things Meg has never done but wouldn't do because it's impractical.  A massage or facial, for instance.

Shopping for a wedding gown would be fun but I'd be wasting someone else's time, when that time could be used to earn a commission (see considerate, above).

Offhand, I can't think of any other things that Meg has not done that she would enjoy.  Or should do, just because.

Oh... scheduled T events are also reasons.

Urges will be presented Monday.


  1. I have done 3 talks at colleges as Diane. With our group in San Jose

  2. I did outreach as Sharon at a school in Arlington Va. That was maybe 9 or 10 years ago.


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