Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Maybe I DO Pass

After the show, I headed for the stage, along with many in the crowd.  Tom had said that if you buy a
My friend Mandy at the park
CD it needs to be autographed "to unlock the CD."

I first met Tom at the Newport Folk Festival, where we spoke briefly while he was signing autographs.  Many years later, he was doing a show at a town event in Herndon (I think) and I was wandering around, as is my wont.  There, behind the stage, was Tom and I said hi and asked him about one of his songs.

A few years ago, I had a call from someone who said his name was "Tom Paxton" and he wanted help moving files from his old Mac to his new Mac.  I told him I could help with that, and at the end of the call I said "I have a question.  Are you THE Tom Paxton?"  He asserted that, if I meant the folk singer, yes, that was he.

When I arrived at his house, I was greeted by Tom holding his newest CD out for me.  He also offered me and my son (who came along) free tickets to his upcoming Wolf Trap performance.  It was a superb show, by the way.

But every time I was in drab, and he didn't really seem to remember previous meetings at each event.  That's understandable ~ he meets a LOT of people, I am sure.

This time was a bit different.  I went up, bought a copy of the CD re-release of his first album, thanked him for signing it, and left.

No I didn't.  I should have ~ it would have been the smart thing to do.

Instead I said "you probably don't remember me."  He agreed that he did not.  I told him I came by his house to transfer files to his new computer a few years ago but that didn't ring a bell.  I mentioned that, a couple of years prior, I brought a vinyl album for him to sign.  No recognition.

I figured those would be pretty unique events.  My guess is, either I was wrong and these sorts of things happen all the time, or I pass better than I think.

I mean, if someone transgendered came up to me and said "remember me?  We met at..." I'd try to remember where I met such a person before.  I'd think that the other events would stand out if the person talking to you stood out as well.

But maybe he was thinking "I don't remember a woman fixing my computer.  Maybe she's mistaken" and "I get so many people asking me to sign old albums, why would I remember her?"

I did everything but pull off my wig and say "I'm a man."  It was a good ending to Some Like It Hot (and Bosom Buddies (from around 14:30) but I thought it would be wrong in real life.
Sometimes, you can't come out if you WANT to!

There's one more event I haven't mentioned here.  It may take a week or two to come out (so to speak) and I want to wait until it does to post.


  1. Context is the key. You know who you are regardless of your attire. You meet yourself every day. Not only does Paxton see plenty of people his frame of mind from your past encounters was with you as a man, not dressed and presenting as a woman. Backstage at a concert in the park the typical person does not have his 'T-dar' activated. You and Mandy can go all over the DC area to parks, markets and restaurants and you will not be made in part because people are not alert and sensitive and on the lookout for men dressed as women. The same may also apply to me if I were to join you in such day to day venues BUT if I go to an LGBT bar or club where people have their 'Gay-dar' and 'T-dar' activated I will be made much more quickly, especially the moment I speak.

  2. Meg -

    Is the reason you want to wait a week because you're not sure if the person recognized you en-femme?



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