Thursday, June 14, 2012

Therapy the Twelfth

These posts are really getting harder to write.  I know what I want to say but Thalia isn't helping me put what's inside into words.
When I started therapy, I came to realise that there are problems at home, and I observed that they're not T-related.  I wondered, if things got worse, if this would be a rare T-relationship that failed but not because of T-issues.
I also noted that there is no "not T-related."  It's always there and always big.
I just bounce from wrong to wrong to wrong.
There are problems that have nothing to do with crossdressing.  They have nothing to do with unrealised transsexualism, or unremembered sexual abuse, or my narcissism, or my being ignored by my parents as a child, any of the other nonexistant issues my wife brought up during various sessions.
I think it's really quite simple.  This could be my next wrong.  I don't know yet.
I'm doing quite well, thank you.  I'm not rich, but I make a living.  There is no serious illness in my family; never has been.  My boys are doing fine and have never been in serious trouble (I emphasise "serious").  My job is sort of stable, but even if it wasn't I probably have other opportunities waiting in the wings.
I regularly count my blessings, as corny as that sounds.
I should be happy.
And here's my problem: I'm not.  I'm sad.  I'm sad pretty much all the time.  And I don't want to be sad.
It is, as I said, simple.  I wish I knew the solution.  I think time to think would help.  I know I wrote about this a few weeks ago.  My wife still thinks that's a bad idea.
I really need time to figure this out.  Maybe a year at the top of a mountain in Tibet or somewhere would help.


  1. First, you and your wife probably haven't had a vacation in years.. just to relax. Sounds like it's time for the yellow scratch pad. Listing problems, the goods and bads and trying to come up with a work around. If you keep the emotions out of the problems (I love the car, but it's eating me up in costs etc.) you should get a "new" view of life ahead. Please keep in mind we of blogdoam, care support,and love you. You're not alone! If you do decide to try Tibet (I cann't afford the air fare) make sure it's got a good internet connection!!

  2. From what you've described, it sound as though you may be suffering from depression. If you haven't already done so, you might want to discuss this with your GP...

    Of course, a shrink might tell you that your depression comes from feeling guilty about your crossdressing. If that's the case, the first step in resolving it would be to accept that this is who you are and that you have no reason to feel guilty about who you are. That might not be good for your marriage, though...

    (So says someone who's been dealing with depression for over 25 years and dealt with it not through drugs but by indulging in the one activity that relieves the depression ~ going out en femme.)

  3. Perhaps a therapy session on your own, with a therapist who is familiar with gender issues would be good. Hang in there Meg. (And yes, couples with a T partner can indeed break up for non-T related reasons. Been there.)

  4. "Don't Worry ~ Be Happy".

    If the tune from that corny song finds its way into your head as an 'ear worm' then you can be mad.

    You sadness may be a reflection of your level of confusion. You have not reached a resting point regarding either your relationship with your wife or your relationship with whatever your level of GID may be.

    With many, where we sit on the TG spectrum may be in a state of flux. If you were 100% certain that you were TS or CD or pick a flavor, you would have a solid point of reference in dealing with your wife. She may be wondering how far you need to push the CD/TG issues. If you do not know that answer, to a high degree of certainty, you cannot explain it to her.

    With the marital issue unresolved the CD/TG/TS issue will always be the elephant in the room.

    Is therapy helping? If there are unresolved issues then there may be a reason to see a therapist. If all the issues get resolved then the therapist would lose a client. Does the therapist focus on expanding the unresolved issues as part of the business model?

    Good luck. improve your face appeal.


  5. Hi Meg, It is sad when your wife knows you are sad . She can fix this by letting you have some MEG time . It would not hurt anybody . This would make you a complete person again.
    Hugs Diane

  6. Meg -

    I see all these suggestions - and they are good. But might I suggest a different tack?

    Look back on things just before your wife suggested therapy. How were you feeling? How do you think she was feeling, given the way she was acting? Could your state of depression or angst be caused by a therapist who hasn't enough experience with TG's to understand the complex interactions between a private persona, a public persona, and a person who is aware of both personae but not completely comfortable with both? Might it be wise to look for a separate therapist (with TG experience) for you alone to talk about these issues, and then suggest actions for therapy with your wife?



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