Thursday, March 8, 2012

Therapy the First

I leave work around the same time most days.  I get on the highway which is designed by maniacs.  The entrance ramp joins with two lanes, which join two other lanes, which join four more lanes.  Then the rightmost five end, one-by-one.  The first exit is at least three miles up the road.

As I committed to the entrance ramp I could see that all nine lanes were completely clogged as far as the eye could see.

When I got to that first exit I took it, but that meant I had to go past some major roads and major backups.  I was about ten minutes late.

My wife was already there and was giving the therapist some background on our families and relationship.

I let her talk, to give the background because I wanted to hear her take on things.  She brought up crossdressing very early on, very matter-of-factly.

We spoke of other issues I won't go into here.  We did keep going back to the dressing, which my wife thinks is key.  Maybe it is.

I did make my point that I would not just like to be more open in my dressing, it's becoming critical to me.  I challenged my wife when she said she understood what it's like.  I said what's becoming a mantra, "closets are for clothes, not for people."  I explained some of what I do ~ going out when on travel and such ~ but only in response to questions.  My wife mentioned my "Christine O'Donnell" costume and said my friend made the comment "he's way too good at this."  I wish I'd heard that before ~ I would have built on that!  And maybe admitted to how I was way too good at this.

My wife also re-asserted that she doesn't want her friends to know.  She told the therapist about her friend, M, who was at the past-life regression where I admitted to being a crossdresser.  I said "and I bet she's never brought it up since."  My wife said "no, but it's awkward."  I think that's in her imagination.

There are a lot of points I did not make.  I will.  Next week, we meet separately: I'll be there Monday, she'll be there Tuesday.  I would have rather reversed that, but this is OK.

At home, my wife was incensed at something the therapist said: she mentioned that we need to examine whether the issues can be worked out or whether it's a dealbreaker.

Frankly, I'm not sure.

Also at home, she asked about how many gg's knew and if I was "attracted" to any of them.  I said "there's always something special about a woman who's accepting, but I'm not planning to jump into bed with any of them, no."

I also straightened out my wife about one thing: I forget the circumstances, (it may have been in relationship to the Sunday school thing) but she said, "well, you're not transgendered!"  I was taken aback, and then interrupted and the conversation ended.  I finally had a chance to explain some terminology to her.  She confused ts with tg.  I would have thought that, as a therapist, she would have the basics down.  She also mentioned not long ago that she thought using "her" for a dressed male was "wrong."

We have far to go.

I need to start making a list of talking points for Monday.


  1. Your wife, as a therapist and because of her living with you and your issues, should know the terminology distinctions between TS and TG. It may be that she has chosen to turn a blind eye into learning too much about TG issues thinking that if she ignores the subject it may go away. That is not going to happen.

    At the same time by announcing that you are not TG she may be trying to expand the field of things you are not. It seems that she has lots of fears relating to your TG issues ~ not the least of which may be how public knowledge about your being TG would reflect on her.

    It seems that by agreeing to joint therapy she is accepting that the dressing is part of who you are. Her fear is that it may take over everything else that you may be.

    From her point of view she married a male and may prefer to be married to a male. As such referring to you in the female gender either by calling you 'Meg' or using a female pronoun when you are dressed may be too much for her to grasp in that it reflects, at least in her view, on her own feminine being.


  2. I said "and I bet she's never brought it up since." My wife said "no, but it's awkward."

    It's obviously awkward for her. And she did invite you to that session, right? I mean did she think it might not come up?

  3. My wife and I have a slightly uncomfortable truce. She is still very worried that I might turn out to be gay or go off with someone else. (It happens) and words do not seem to be enough to reassure.
    I can fully understand her reluctance to use your female name and if I were her I would also be worried about your friendship with other women.
    On the positive side I guess you can show that you have a sensitive nature and that Meg is just one part of that. I'm rooting for you!


My day is brighter when I hear from my friends!