Forward, Into the Past ~ Jewelry and Civilians

The roll ring: I am getting more comfortable dealing with guys as Meg, again, as long as I'm prepared for it. 

We stopped at one jewelry booth and they sold, among other items, "roll rings" ~ thin bands of silver that rolled onto your finger to form a tight shape.

I looked at those, and other rings I liked.  That took a while, but I tried on different rings and looked at styles I kind of liked but decided against, with help from the man behind the counter.  He showed me how to wear the roll rings and how to get the right size.  I rolled them on and kept them on as we were looking at other jewelry.

The salesman started a discussion with one of the women who work there and ignored us.

As we were about to leave I waved my beringed hand and said to the man "I'll just be stealing these.  Bye now."  He said "I can catch you" and I said "but I have a head start."

I paid for the rings and he shook our hands.  I didn't remember to offer my hand in a gender-appropriate manner, but I just did it properly and in retrospect, I was quite happy with that.
As I said, I also purchased a bodice.  That's a story for another day.

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Civilan Games Night ~ At the Games

This week's poll: would you meet someone who only knows you as a female, when you are in drab?  For instance, a t-friend you met as part of a group, or the woman who does your mani-pedi.  Assume they know you're trans.  The choices are:
* yes, if s/he's trans too
* yes, if  s/he's a civilian only
* unqualified yes
* no

This one's important.  And the results so far have surprised the heck out of me!


At the start of the evening, we all sat around and introduced ourselves and talked. 

Who's imitating whom?

I'm starting to introduce myself as simply "I'm Meg" instead of "call me Meg."  As I go out more, I feel like Meg is more a part of me.  A couple of players use nicknames; I think I can honestly consider this mine.

There weren't any new players, I think, but there were some who I've never run into before.  Meg was as welcome as anyone.

Eventually I said "why isn't anyone playing games?" and we split into tables.  Some people played hearts, some played King of Tokyo, a

We're green ~ one square from the endgame!  W00T!

Blokus game started up.  I'm starting to know many of these games.

I played two games, both of the party variety.  One was Cranium, which I had played before.

Cranium is kind of a cross between Trivial Pursuit and Pictionary, with Charades thrown in.  You might have to act out something (either vocally or mime or charades), or hum or whistle a song, or draw something (sometimes with eyes closed) or make something out of clay.  There are also word questions (definitions, unscramble, spell backwards) and trivia questions.  Due to the fact that my team was able to avoid most of those categories except trivia (until the end when you need to answer one question from each category), we eked out a victory!

Havin' a good time.

I avoided things where I may have to speak up.  When we did ones where you could act as a person, I passed to my partner (she did an amazing "Kramer).  When there were mime or charades act outs, I took the lead.  Each turn someone not on the team of the player has to read a card.  I tried to not do that, but if I was closest and no-one reached, or someone said "Meg?  Do you want to read?" I always agreed to do so.

I'm often at a disadvantage when we get to the geek stuff.  I think geek is generational, like other trivia.  One of our questions was about cloning a Wooly Mammoth that was thawed which led to me making a comment about "using frog DNA to fill in the missing bits" and that led to a series of Jurassic Park references.  I assessed the table and said "I bet I'm the only person who saw Jurassic Park on opening day."  One of the guys sitting across from me shook his head.  I said "what were you?  Four?"  He said "how old do you think I am?"

King of Tokyo at the rear table.  Pandemic in the foreground
Me ready for a round of sleep.

He has very long straight hair (he should try dressing, if he hasn't) and I would have thought 24 would be about right (Jurassic Park came out 20 years ago on my birthday).  But I did some quick math and figured the youngest a kid would probably get to see that (on opening day: parents couldn't check it out first) would be ten.  So I said "thirty."  He looked surprised and said "that's exactly right."

Six of us went downstairs to play Catch Phrase, where you split into teams and pass a gadget that has a card with words or phrases in it and you have to give clues that your teammates can use to figure it out.  You need to do this quickly.  The game is fast, and we played three rounds.  And that meant I did a LOT of talking ~ describing the word(s) or trying to guess.

The fun thing about party games is, people get excited and blurt things out.  On different occasions, from different people I heard exclamations such as "how did she know that?" or "it's her turn" directed at me.

They're a good bunch of guys and I had a great time.  Sometimes, I think the games are getting boring and maybe I'd like to do something else, but this is becoming comfortable.   They're having a Halloween thing this coming weekend, and I'm thinking of going (the t-group is also doing a restaurant/bar hop that same night) if I can think of a costume.  So far, I haven't.

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Jewelry Show ~ At The Show

It was drizzling a bit when I got to the show, but not enough to require an umbrella.  There was also a line that stretched outside the building and not many parking spots available.  Parking got worse.  When I left, someone followed me to my car so she could snatch my spot.

There were three types of exhibits: open stands, where you could examine and touch the jewelry, closed

click to enlarge

cases where you needed to ask the person running the booth to show you items, and mixed, like at a typical department store jewelry department.  As you can imagine, expensive items were in the closed cabinets.  This meant I didn't have to look at all 350 or so exhibits ~ just the open ones.  Behind glass meant out of my budget.
There was also a section where a serious-looking man blocked the entrance: wholesale only.  Glancing in, it looked to be about a quarter of the size of the retail section.

From purchasing my ticket (with a coupon!) to buying a snack to leaving, it was all "ladies" with four exceptions: there was one "ma'am" (not unexpected), one "you guys" (acceptable), one no-title-at-all (that's OK too), and one "girls"(!).  And that was unexpected!

It was almost all jewelry.  There were some booths with other accessories.  Scarves were common.  There was one guy selling dresses.  (more on him in a moment)

I was looking at framed stamps at one booth.  The woman said "the stamps are $10."  I said "but... it says thirty-two cents."  She gave me this wide grin and kept it up, staring at me for several seconds.  I'd love to know what was going through her mind.

Vendor to my left

I was pretty dressed up, but hey, it's Sunday and women go to church and then to the jewelry show, right?  I wasn't the dressiest.  I saw at least one woman in a suit and some of the saleswomen were nicely dressed.  Perhaps other shoppers figured I was taking a break from a booth.  Perhaps I don't care what they thought, as long as they kept it to themselves and treated me cordially.

The show had an Indian slant, with heavy, brightly coloured jewelry.  The patrons leaned Indian too, with many older women in saris and many younger ones in dresses over leggings or pants. 

The guy was selling dresses was sure I was buying.  He explained that the style is to wear them over leggings.  I really liked the dress style and some had very vibrant colours and patterns.  They looked well-made; they came from India and had European sizing.  I think he said I was a 38.

I asked why they wore them over leggings/pants since the skirts were not very short and lined.  He said it was very stylish.  He held one up to me and I called for Charity to take a picture.  He then grabbed another and held that up.  I took that one too and Charity took another picture.  (They did not allow pictures so I didn't take others; just these few I could sneak in.)  I readily admit they were very pretty (there was a royal blue dress that looked fantastic) and very well made and reasonably priced, but still outside of my current budget.  He worked hard to sell me a dress and I hated to leave empty-handed.

I'd guess 95% of the visitors were women.  A few guys were wandering on their own; a few were dragged along by their SOs.  There were very few kids there (under 8 were discouraged).

I had some coffee and considered using the ladies' but decided against it due to the constant stream of women going in and out of each restroom.  Don't get me wrong ~ no-one gave the slightest hint of discomfort or even an odd glance.  I was just another woman enjoying the show but I do like to not make others uncomfortable if I can help it ~ even if that discomfort is only in my own mind.

So I waited.

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Civilian Game Night ~ Playing Around

C and D from last game night came in and we played together again.  A joined us.  She saw a game called "Scotland Yard" which she said she last played when she was 7 and liked.  The game was made for six, so two of us played two "hands."  When a new guy, Al, and a very nice girl, T, wanted to join we gave up our extra hands.  It was an OK game; I'd maybe play it once or twice more ~ there are two roles, and I'd like to try the other role at least once.  A said it was more interesting when she was 7, and I could see that.

We were joined by Charity, L, a woman we met a few weeks ago, and two other guys I didn't know, S and R.  T liked Cranium which some of the gamers had played before; I had not.  It involves trivia, acting, charades, wordplay, drawing, and clay sculpting.  Charity, D, and I made up one team; L, T, and A made up a girls-only team, and Al, R, and C were the other mixed team.

clockwise from left: R, C, Al, D, Meg, and L

I kind of loosened up playing the game.  I generally don't get involved in roles where I'm the center of attention in either drab or dressed, but I shy away from attention more as Meg ~ first off, there's a lot of talking and since there's a lot of noise coming from other games, it means I have to speak louder than I am comfortable as Meg.  I avoided picking cards and reading them, leaving that to other players but when there was a lull and no-one picked a card, I grabbed the next one and used my best Meg voice (still not nearly as good as I'd like it) to read it loudly.

Actions speak louder than silence.  I know people might be being "polite" or PC and feel like it's a personal virtue to treat that clear difference like it doesn't matter and then they can go home and pat themselves on the back.  But C and D sought me out to play a game, after our previous game night and the other players stuck around to play a second game after Scotland Yard was over.  When I was offered to be a "puppetmaster" for our team (some of the Cranium turns involved manipulating another person to mime the answer), L jumped up to volunteer to be the puppet.  And everyone stuck around to play Telestrations after that.  As we were leaving, I saw P who I was supposed to play chess with ~ she said she was sorry we didn't get to play and Next Time For Sure.  She was playing hearts with a guy, J, our host, and a woman who introduced herself to me as R (different R).  R asked if I played hearts, and I said I knew how to play and J said it was good to have another Hearts player.  So next time, I might try to play some traditional games.  A couple of people were playing backgammon as well, one of my favourite games.

And when I got home, I had six "good to see you" e-mails from different players!

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Civilian Game Night ~ Something Old Is Something New

Click to enlarge, please

I have a folder with one full-length picture of Meg for each of the civilian game nights so I can try to not repeat outfits.  July's always a difficult month for my side job, which is where most of my spending money comes from, so I'm on kind of a tight budget.  NO new clothes, at least until things loosen up a bit.  And I do have things I like to do that don't involve Meg and they have to fit into that budget too.

So I dug into the closet and found a top and skirt that I had never worn before.  The skirt had a basic brown motif, and the top was solid brown with cap sleeves with elastic at the ends.  That was a new style for me, and once I got over the feeling that my straps were falling down (it was the elastic) it was fine.  I considered a shrug to cover that razor burn I wrote about the other day, but looking in the mirror I could see it was not very visible ~ certainly not compared to that Veet burn which I could explain away if anyone asked about.  I didn't think about what I would say.  Sometimes, it's more fun to ad lib.  (NB: no-one asked.)

I also had a pair of brown wedges I had never worn out before.  They have a wide ribbon that is supposed to be tied around the leg. I tried, once before, to wrap it up on my leg and tie a bow near my knee, but it didn't stay.  This time I wrapped it around my ankle a couple of times and tied the bow over my anklebone so each bow was on the outside of my leg.  I liked the look, but the shoes are of a material that does not breathe and were not my best choice for a summer (90+ degree ~ 32+ for my international readers) evening.  BUT my other brown shoes had high heels and seemed a bit dressy for game night.  These were clothing swap shoes, by the way. Best Price Ever.

Almost 30 people were signed up for game night, and I now knew several of them.  Last time, people sat around talking movies before settling down to games, so getting there a bit late would be OK.

Instead, we arrived early and parked on the street instead of in the development.  We crossed and walked through the parking area, past other people standing outside neighboring houses and chatting.  We and they kept top ourselves.

When we walked in, one person I didn't know was sitting at the dining room table while the host did some last minute cleanup.  We learned the other guest was J, and he wasn't interested in talking to new people.  He even said this was his "forced socialisation, otherwise I'd never go out of the house."  So we sat and waited a few minutes for other players.

S came in with "We Didn't Playtest This At All" which was just weird.  A slow round lasted a minute.  People would get cards that say "you win" and the game was over.  Or "everyone show from one to five fingers."  We would and the player read the rest of the card: "if you show an odd number of fingers, you lose."  Or it might say "odd... you win."  Or "match the player... you win."  Or some variation, so you couldn't think "I saw that card... odd it is."  Funniest play: one guy had a "show fingers" card, showed two, then read the rest "if you show an even number of fingers you lose" and he said "why did I do that?"

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Roles Model

To stretch reality, I live two lives.  I phrased it like that because it's not really two lives ~ maybe it's two sides of my life, maybe it's just whichever way I present with different people...  I bet many people show a different side of themselves at work, with friends, alone with their spouse, for instance.  One may show different sides of himself playing golf with his buddies or dining with his minister.

But those "two lives" cause me to live three roles.  I often have to think about who I'm with before I say (or don't say) something.  I've mentioned "don't ask, can't tell" (my male self among civilians) in several posts ~ I often can't talk about what I've done as Meg among people who know my day-to-day self.  I was discussing games with my manager (he's a Diplomacy fan) and I mentioned playing Cards Against Humanity last week at the civilian game night.

I might have said to t-friends, "there were three girls and one guy at the table and on at least one occasion I said 'I really don't want to read this card!' because it was kind of on the raunchy side," suggesting I was embarrassed, as a woman, to read it in front of a guy I just met.

I told my manager about this, but said "I was playing with two women and one guy and on at least one occasion I said 'I really don't want to read this card!' because it was kind of on the raunchy side," suggesting I was embarrassed, to read that in front of two women.

But there's also my "Meg among civilians" role.  I was talking with another Jewish player and started furiously thinking about my "back story" while we were talking.  If he asked about my bat mitzvah, what would I say?  I think if the roles were reversed, I'd avoid that, to avoid hearing a fable.  But I was trying to remember what the state of bat mitzvah was when I was 13, in my denomination.  I remembered that it was allowed, but more discouraged than required.  I could safely say that I wasn't bat mitzvahed, but my brother, of course, was bar mitzvahed.  And I had to remember the proper bar (male) or bat (female) ritual name.

I try to be ready, but there's so much I'd have to invent that I prefer to keep my mouth shut and hope for the best.

And there's also my "Meg among Trans" role, where I'm free to tell "nothing but the truth" at all times.  But not the whole truth.  The quintessential Washington question ("what do you do?") gets a vague response.  So does "where do you work?" and fortunately, we all know to avoid questions that pry too deeply into the male persona.

I just realised there are two sub-roles.  Within the "Meg among Trans" there are differences for girls who've only met Meg and girls who know both of me.  And there's a "Meg among Civilians who know about Meg."

I like to tell the truth in part because it's the easiest path.  Generally, when I can't (shouldn't) tell the truth, I try to change the subject or say nothing.  But the roles remain.

Hmmm....  I may start mixing in "roles" examples with Wednesday's "simple pleasures."

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