Monday, February 11, 2013

This Is Different

I'm writing this on Saturday, and you're probably reading this on Monday.  So forgive the future tense for a past event.

In between Saturday and today, I went to a game event that Star hosted.  Charity and I went there once before but that was for just the four of us ~ Star, Andrea (her partner), Charity and me.  Star has only met Meg.

This time, she was going to have several people over.  I don't know if they're civilians, if they're t-friends, or a mix.  I don't know if Andrea will be there as Andrea or her male self.  I don't know if the friends know about Andrea.  I don't know if they all know each other, or are newly meeting.

Each of these unknowns makes me a bit nervous.  Add them up, and I'm not my (now) usual pre-dressing calm self.

And if I add those up, there's one more thing that doubles the anxiety level: there will be a couple of kids there.  I don't know how old (6 months is a lot different from 6 years is a lot different from 16 years).  I don't know what they know about trans ~ see the unknown about the mix of civilians/trans.

I could ask about all of those things.  And I was offered the opportunity to come as Meg or my male self.  I don't plan to introduce myself to the gamers (and she's part of the game group) as anyone but Meg. Plans change, but not tomorrow.

There are a lot of potentially awkward situations.  For instance, a t-parent of a child who doesn't know might start an unwelcome dialogue.  That's not a big worry for me: I trust Star.  She wouldn't put a friend in a situation like that.

It might also be an "outreach" situation for the kids if we're surrounded by civilians.

And, as far as those unknowns go... every time I go out I'm in an unknown situation.  I don't know who I'd meet at the swaps.  I don't know who's in the grocery or mall or restaurant.

So I'll spend the evening (it's around 6) trying to calm myself (writing helps) and picking out clothes for tomorrow.  That's a BIG worry: if they're all trans, I can dress UP.  If they're civilians, my most casual skirt will probably be too much.


  1. Meg -

    Do you have a denim skirt? It pays to have some informal clothes for being en-femme, such as the denim skirt, long sleeve T's, and maybe a comfortable cardigan.

    I hope you had a good time - and I can't wait to hear more.


  2. 1/ I try to keep Paula and Him seperate, I fear that it wil cnfuse people if they know both of us, it can also make it difficult for them to remember which name / pronoun to use, in short (with oe or two long stading excepions) those who meet Paula only meet Paula.
    2/ I have found myself in many much more casual situations recently and have been making much use of jeans, they can still be very feminine, but mean that I am not qite so overdressed at times.

  3. You guessed right; I'm reading this on a Monday. :) I hope it went well, and that your nerves didn't get the best of you. Looking forward to the follow-up post!

  4. Paula -

    First - Do you find it easier to treat your male and female personas as separate entities, like I do with my male and female personas? When in male mode, I refer to "my sister" when dealing with things involving that persona. And in female mode, I refer to "my brother" the same way.... Even doing so, people who know both personas will mix things up. I have yet to figure out a way to politely say something like - "you must be thinking of my brother, as we do have a stong family resemblence...."

    Second - when you're out in more casual situations, you are wearing jeans. How do you deal with the fit? (Natal women have narrower waists than males.) and how well do you tuck? (One doesn't want any trace of "Mr. Happy" to show in the equivalent of a camel toe....)


  5. I know this is actually after the fact, but....
    1. Star invited Meg, along with the others guests.
    2. Star has only met Meg. Is there a reason for her to know you any other way?
    3. Star knows you're T.
    4. Star's probably considered whether the guests would be compatible
    5. Whether Andrea is Andrea or Andrew at the party doesn't matter. Meg is a good friend they met at a gaming group. Doesn't reflect on Andrew/ea either way. It's okay to have T friends if you're married.

    I hope Meg attended. Of course, Annie should have gone out to dinner a couple weeks ago, too. I'm interested to hear how well it turned out.

  6. Hope you had a good time - I didn't read till today - Everyone there except for R has met both Pooch and Andrea, including the kids (5 and 10) as we went to a beach vacation with a subgroup that involved the kids and Pooch was Pooch some of the weekend and Andrea other parts of the weekend so the kids and their parents are all T-friendly, and one of the members of the game group is post-op-T. The only unknown entity was R who has been kewl about other things and I think knows about Andrea (or at least has seen pics) but has not run into her. I would not invite you to anything that you were not welcome to attend as Meg


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