Friday, October 31, 2014

Timeline II, Part II: No More Support

(I hope you guys are taking advantage of national dressup day!  There's a Halloween bonus at the bottom of the post.)

In November 2011, Penny's wife of 15 years (I did not know her name either; I knew her as Aeify) wrote me and asked me to call.  She wanted to discuss something and not in e-mail.

I called.

Penny had died.

We spoke on the phone briefly, cried briefly, and started exchanging e-mails.  Penny and Aeify had little live involvement in the community and I wanted to be there for anything she wanted to talk about that she couldn't share with family and (civilian) friends.

In early December, Aeify wrote that she was coming to DC with a friend for a day or so.

Prior to this, I would ask my wife before I'd meet with an on-line (female) friend.  She'd come up with rules or need to be present or something for no reason I could ever discern.  How an on-line friend is different from, say, a woman I meet at work is not something I could see.

This time, I told her I would be meeting Aeify in DC for breakfast.  I felt it was the right thing to do to be able to talk with her about trans issues without any civilians present ~ especially one who was borderline hostile, as my wife was.

I wend in drab and met Aeify for breakfast and a little walk and talk around DC.

We walked a lot.  We talked a LOT.  I learned some deep, intimate things about her, like her first name (Charity) and Penny's real name.  We spoke about her marriage, how she felt about trans, what was next in her life....

We talked a LOT.  Her friend finally found us and dragged her away.

 Halloween bonus.  Click to enlarge or zoom in!


I'll wear them!  Pick me!

And a little dressup by Big Nate

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Timeline II, Part I: Penny

(I want to reiterate that the events in Timeline I are not recent, but recent past.  The end was almost exactly two years ago.)

Y'all might notice a change in the subject.  It now refers to Timeline II, and the next four will as well.

Prior to Fall 2011, where my timeline started, I was friends with someone I knew as 'Penny Perfect'.

As with many in the community, I do call her a friend yet we had never met and I did not know her birth name.  Often, I worry that something will happen to an on-line friend, whether in a group or just far away and I'll never know.  That's a problem in need of a solution.

I did know a lot of her story: She lived in Memphis.  She was married to a supportive, even helpful, wife.  She had no children.  She was involved with the community, but on her own terms.

She was also confused about the direction of her life and troubled in other ways.  I tried to be supportive as well, but it's like being friends with someone who's having a rocky relationship.  When they break up, you want to say "good riddance" but they'll be back together in a week and she'll hate you for badmouthing her boyfriend.

It's difficult, but I thought Penny was worth it so I walked on eggshells when necessary and worked with her when I could.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Simple Pleasure: New Quilt

Why not?  Now I need a sheet set that goes better with it.

Laura Ashley

Reversible!  But I'm not a fan of tiny flowers

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Timeline I, Part V: Movin' Out

I was scheduled to move into my two-bedroom apartment at the end of October.

I found an inexpensive mover and my wife was gracious enough to let me take some furniture, which I did.  I bought a new bedroom set but everything else was taken from the house: some living room furniture that was about 25 years old and bookcases from the basement were most of it.  Oh... my office desk and chair.  A card table served as a dining room table, for the moment.  I took Passover dishes (there is special kitchenware only used during that one week; I could promote them to every day and I'd have a few months to replenish before the holiday).

I spent as little as possible.

I still hadn't found a roommate.

For the record, there was never an "I'm free!" moment.  It was extremely bittersweet, even though I initiated the break.  I was worried about the future and about my kids.  Shortly after the move, I was unpacking and listening to old cassettes and David Massengill's "Great American Dream" came up, a song about broken dreams and I stopped what I was doing and cried like I hadn't done since I was a child.  But I had faith I had made the right choice.  I hoped if I hadn't I could undo what I did.

I put my trust in Thalia, and the universe.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Timeline I, Part IV: Step Away

In June, I took my break.  It wasn't as smooth as I had hoped; I had to move back to the house for a few days but I tried to keep my distance and focus during that time.

I did a lot of writing, on a variety of prompts.  More on that shortly.

I stopped the marital therapy, recognising that the therapist was useless and I took advantage of my company Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and found a therapist of my own ~ someone with whom I could talk things through, and who would act as a sanity check (or brake) on my way forward.  (There are a couple of insightful comments on last Thursday's post.)

My writing all converged on the same conclusion.  Working through my thoughts in therapy confirmed the same.

I was unhappy.  I was very unhappy, and that didn't seem to be helpful or healthful for me or my boys.  I needed to consider making this a permanent way forward.

My wife's concern was not for how we could make the marrige work; she focused on when to tell the boys/when to move out.  That kind of confirmed that I was doing the right thing.

Every possible time was wrong (not surprising).  She really wanted me to wait until the youngest left for college (four more years).  Research shows that that is, in fact, the worst time to separate.

I decided that I'd be moving out at the end of October.  I found an apartment close to the house and close to my job and started searching for a roommate, preferably someone in the community.  I think most civilians would have issues with a roommate who dresses regularly.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Sunday Funnies: Divorce Part II

What would divorce be without lawyers?  That's right ~ inexpensive.

PC & Pixel, Sylvia, Shoe, Herman, and 9-5 (new to the blog).

I LOVE the smile!

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Divorce Part I

Divorce is a great source of humour, as a subset of relationships.

Cartoons from Cornered, Working It Out, Flying McCoys, Real Life Adventures, Shoe, The Middletons, and a bonus.

unknown pedigree