Friday, October 8, 2010

More Than All the Facts

Life got in the way Thursday. I did have time to go shopping for some Christine O'Donnell accessories (more later) but I did not have time to go to the thrift shop.

Today, barring interruptions from life, will be the day.

I have been e-mailing my wise and beautiful friend Amanda. She helps me think clearly (that is, "not make an idiot of myself").

I see a few ways this can play out.

First, one of two things can happen:
* I bring in cards and talk to CC briefly about where to leave them, ask her to call me if she needs more or has questions, etc.
* I bring in cards and CC isn't there. I'll talk to an assistant, let her know why I'm dropping them off, and ask her to tell CC to call if she has questions. Tell her I may follow up with CC just to see if they're being taken and such.

I hadn't considered CC not being there before.

Either scenario is OK, but they make the next step different.

If CC isn't there, I'll probably just go and look at clothes and maybe buy some things, without comment. I may say "I'm going to see what you have here" just as a way of saying "I'm done talking now".

Amanda thinks cover stories are a bad idea.

I said she is wise. You'll have to take my word on beautiful.

She is so right. The comments were leaning towards "at least tell her it's for Halloween", but I now see that that is not the right way to go.

We (us gurls) do that too often and I vow to stop now. I mean, google lost bet crossdress and you'll get ten thousand hits (literally) from guys who wanna be gurls who are basically begging someone to tell them what they should wear. The sad part is, they think they're fooling someone other than themselves with the "bet" story.

No more stories. If anyone catches me telling cover stories, remind me that I'm falling into bad habits and I should stop.

Stories are for fictionmania.

No more stories.

I hadn't considered CC not being there until I was writing to Amanda. It's easier if she's off, I suppose. But that would make it harder for me to go back in the future to look around, because I don't know when CC will be there, and it might be awkward. I could say "I bought some clothing last time I was here, and I wanted to see what's new today." I could then let the conversation go where it may (keep reading).

Amanda wrote: "What is your reason to go? Just take cards to her? Buy dresses? Or have her 'know' that you cd?"

Dam good question. It is not my goal to come out to her. But that might be a side effect. But it's also avoidable, without resorting to stories.

And there are good reasons to avoid it. For starters, I’d be completely out to someone I barely know. I try to control this part of my life. If I tell someone, I'm fairly certain they'll keep it close. Or it's to someone who doesn't know anyone I know so no harm can really come of it.

That's not quite true. I've posted pictures. There's that whole six degrees of separation thing. If any of you started sending my picture out with "this is a guy. Does anyone recognise him? Here's what I know...." I'll probably be out.

I don't lose sleep over that possibility. Another tg blogger was always careful with details of her life. In one post, she gave enough details that with only five minutes of research I found her full name and address. I wrote that she might have given out TMI and she said "I don't care". (I paraphrase.)

Maybe at some point I'll out myself. I don't care ~ except there are kids who don't know. So I mostly don't care. Ninety-five percent don't care.

With CC, I don’t know if she’ll tell everyone in the shop and when someone picks up a card say “he shops here. He buys dresses for himself.” Or she might be the model of discretion, and consider the fact that the store is getting money for her charity the overriding issue.

If she outs me, I probably won't be back. If she's careful, I might send gurlfriends.

I don't have to come out to her to look around her store. I can do the same "I'm just going to look around while I'm here".

Maybe she'll assume I'm looking at books or furniture or men's clothing and ignore me. I'm fairly ignorable.

Maybe she'll go back to my comment from my last visit and ask "do you want to see some dresses for yourself?"

I am ready to say "yes. Twelves usually work. And how are your shoes organised?"

Maybe she'll just say "we have a lot of things here. Feel free to look around". Maybe she'll offer a discount or credit, since I did that computer work gratis.

Maybe she'll ask who I'm shopping for. Here, I'm not sure what I'll say. I may 'fess up. I may say "the holidays are coming up" ~ she'll assume I answered her question, but even that's a bit more dishonest than I like. I have been known to do that though, and not just with tg issues. An answer like that will almost always be met with a "let me know if you need any help" from a sales assistant in a shop. But a "who are you shopping for?" leads to outright lies (against my philosophy: see my earliest posts).

No more stories.


  1. There is no way I would disagree with the 'no stories' philosophy. Having said that, I do wonder what I would say to an acquaintance, or (heaven forbid) friend or family member who found me rummaging around in the ladies wear section. Apart from outing myself, or being rude, what else? Oh well, eventually stuff is going to happen and fate will lend a hand!

    Maybe being an amateur thespian might come in handy and I'll just say, 'they are for me' and let whoever figure it out for themselves.

    In your case, your previous ventures into crossdress at parties might have a similar use.


  2. LOL, well duhhh... :P

    Worrying and planning; isn't that what frontal lobes are for??? :D

  3. Based on what you've told us about your initial encounter with CC and her reaction to your "jokes" about looking at dresses, I'd say she knows you crossdress and doesn't really care. Of course, I can't be confident about the "doesn't care" part, but since she said you wouldn't be the first guy looking at dresses for yourself, it does sound like it's not really an issue for her. How many non-crossdressing guys joke about shopping for or wearing women's clothing anyway? Who knows, but I've come to assume that every guy I see in a dress on Halloween and every guy who makes a playful comment about dressing is a member of our little sorority.

    So why not just go back and shop, without excuses or explanations or apologies?

  4. Ha! "Lost dress crossdress" ... I should have known, Meg.. too funny!

  5. Whatever happens, Meg, best of luck! I did the cover story thing for years (they were usually anniversary presents), and I swear some of the indulgent smiles I received were knowing ones.

    We all have that fear of being outed or exposed, but I honestly think most businesses are smart enough to know that you don't embarass a paying customer from ever coming back.

  6. Meg- Anxiously awaiting the outcome here... :)
    Yes, I can see "no stories" really does make sense (at least here!)...
    Look forward to maybe visiting there myself, if it works out for you, hon!

  7. I have done both, cover stories and honesty (or as much as was needed). At the time each seemed right but looking back the cover stories degraded whereas the honesty made me stronger......still in the heat of the moment it's all too easy to say " she's about my size" Courage!


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