Mixed Emotions + Update

My friend P and my wife's friend J, both of whom were in our wedding party, will be staying over and going to the rally on Saturday. My wife told J about my costume. I'm trying to decide if I should tell P, or just wait and see what happens.

They've never met Meg and I'd rather they didn't know about her, except as a Halloween costume.

I have asked if people here and others in a local Yahoo t-group are going. So far, I haven't heard from anyone. If several t-folk come over, even if they're well-behaved, it's going to raise suspicions.

Assuming my natural manner and beauty haven't already aroused suspicions. :)

By "well-behaved" I mean not coming over and saying "I read your blog! It's great that you flew to Kansas as Meg!" but by being discreet. I'm really not worried about that. We're all in this together, and I think we're pretty good at imagining life when the pump is on the other foot.

I have other things to worry about.

I'm going to fall back on my new prime directive: No Stories.

I'm not sure how far I'm going to go in coming out. For one thing, my wife will be embarrassed. That is NOT my goal. I don't even want that as a side effect, but if it happens, it happens. I'll face the consequences.

For another, I don't really know how far I want to come out, right now. I really don't. I wish I could say with certainty, here's where I want to be. I can't.

And once the closet door is open, it's open. "Just kidding" only goes so far.

I don't plan to open my closet to show my wardrobe to either friend. I may open my personal closet ~ the one I spend too much time in. Do I open it just a crack, or all the way?

It's a matter of how I answer the question "you've done this before, haven't you?"

I feel comfortable with each friend on a different level, but I have to give the same answers. I can't tell one "it's something I do sometimes" and not the other.

So there are three possible answers, really. And two are "yes":

* "yes, it's something I do sometimes". I Am Out.
* "yes, I did Mardi Gras once". And maybe I'll admit to going to work last Halloween as well.
* "how hard can it be? Twelve year old girls do it". That's taken as a "no", but I didn't answer the question. It borders on story.

Answer one is the best, most honest answer. It's also one I don't think I'm ready to give. I may be wrong. I have a few more days to think about it.

Just to complicate matters: as I said, a client will be there. G (a personal friend) and her husband will be there. S (more of my wife's friend but she knows me) will be there.

If I see them there, they have to get the same answer.

There is a limit on "yes": no-one who knows my wife, can know more than she does. I won't admit to flying nor to the blog in this case. "What's the wildest thing you ever did?" will probably be the clothing swap.

The closet door is open. I'm just not sure how far. Or how far I want to open it.

And an update on getting ready....

Count this as Logistics part 3 of ?.

I picked up a monkey and black t-shirt. The T is from Ann Taylor. A very helpful woman showed me all sorts of inappropriate tops, even though I was very explicit as to what I wanted. When she found one I liked, she said "what size does she wear?" I said "it's for me". She looked shocked so I added "it's for my Halloween costume" and told her what I was going to be. She didn't think I could try it on because there were other women using the dressing area. I didn't push the issue. A medium and large looked about the same across the shoulders, but I'd rather have something loose than tight for this. A tight top will show all the support I need to cram myself into clothes and look like I sort of have a shape. The idea of a shell instead of a tank is, I can take off my jacket if I wish.

I asked for "a plain black shell, the kind that can be worn under a suit" in a few stores, and struck out in each. Not a story ~ if I said "a plain black shell that I can wear under a suit, they'll figure I mean men's suit, since, well, what other type of suit would I wear?

Old Navy was really annoying. They had various combinations of Henley, V, scoop, and crew neck T's. They had long and short sleeves. You could get anything ~ except for a short sleeve scoop which is what I wanted!

$20 was a bit expensive for a t-shirt, but it could have been worse ~ it was marked down from $48, which is probably more than I paid for the suit!

I also got my hair cut and neck waxed. I told the cutter that I wanted my hair neat for an interview and my neck clean for my costume.

She did a good job cropping everything, except a drop of wax got on the front of my shirt somehow. That will never come out. Scratch one shirt. The bad part is, I really like this shirt. The good part is, it wasn't a girl shirt. That would've REALLY made me mad!

My long short list is getting shorter:

* buy a small stuffed Mickey Mouse. I didn't see anything I really wanted at the Disney store, but I may have to settle.
* find everything I need and put it all in one place: suit, bra, panties, hose, shoes (and flats, just in case), cinch, pads, necklace and bracelet and earrings, wig, wig brush, makeup, contacts and contact cleaner, sunglasses, purse.... Is that all? That can't be all!
* call manicurist for an appointment (done ~ it's set for Wednesday) for manicure and eyebrow wax. I'll bring Christine's picture for reference.
* preshave arms, hands, legs, feet, chest. I've started.
* load purse: cash, metro card(s), license, insurance cards, credit cards, glasses case....

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