Friday, October 19, 2012

Comfort Level

Last Sunday, my first day in the new apartment, I put on a skirt and top and a little girlpadding and I did a good day's work.  I spent some introspective time, thinking about my present and future.  I emptied boxes, trying to split evenly between putting and throwing things away (or freecycling).  I watched the news, made my meals, listened to some music, answered e-mails, checked my daily web sites, and so on.  Other than how I was dressed, it was a typical day-in-the-life.

It wasn't always thus.

Many years ago, before I started going out, I would dress around the house.  My goal: change into women's clothing and either do a specific task that needed doing, or just do my normal routine. 

It never worked out.

I would dress and be distracted by the clothes, by the feel, by the hair, and I would do pretty much... nothing, except be dressed.  This happened many times: I would tell myself, I'm going to change and then work on a software project, or do some cleaning, or catch up on my reading, and I'd do...

It was weird.  I'm not self-unaware.  I knew what I did last time and said, by golly, it'll be different this time!  Except it wasn't.  It was always the same.

I don't know when it changed.  I think it was after I started going out.  At some point, a switch was thrown and I went from guy-in-drag to guy-who-happens-to-be-in-drag.

I like this better.  I mean, it's more comfortable AND more productive.

Have any of you had similar experiences?  I wonder if this is common, like purging.


  1. Your story is common, to me anyway and being (more) productive is certainly something I do value, as I have to go on bringing home some bread. And yes, the (part time) practice of a woman’s life is doing me good and causing a normal feel, which allows me to work and participate socially as I should be.

  2. Too long really since my last comment Meg. I think that with NPR pledge drive week being on I am feeling a little more inclined to contribute :)

    Similar experiences? Heck yes. I am at a place where for my couple of home office days a week I am able to dress head to toe, and still manage the con calls, programs and data models I do in butch mode without dithering and checking the mirror every 5 minutes or so. I feel very good and competent on these days.

    Bigger picture stuff now. I am amazed at all the change you have so bravely taken on board in recent months. I wish you nothing but exciting new frontiers of discovery.

    Respectfully yours,

  3. Hi

    I agree - this non-productive thing while dressed may be like the purging, and certainly is a big factor for me. In my case (50 years xd-ing)it's the sexual tension of the clothes fetish thing - once relief has been obtained, then I can get to work as planned. (Hormones?)

    as regards your plan to open the door to kid's trick-or-treating, dressed as Meg on Halloween, only a CD'er would understand. And the social risk is massive. Much as as we'd like it otherwise the CD genie really is best left in the bottle.

    (My wife, who is mostly relaxed living with me and my peccadilloes and unsurprised by almost anything, is appalled at the risk for you.)

  4. Meg -

    I'm not sure... But I think it's a function of having accepted these clothes as a NORMAL part of your wardrobe, instead of something which is a variant.... Couple that with the wig - when that becomes as natural and normal as not wearing it was before.... Only then do i think that the change you noticed takes place.

    With this being said, going out has to be the key to it. This presentation is no longer something you hide, but something that you enjoy and share with the world by being out in it....


  5. I've had days when both have happened. But usually my time as Dani is limited enough that I have other plans--like photography--that take precedence.

  6. A comment to Anonymous....

    The question is - which social risks are acceptable? On Halloween, a cross dresser can easily say that s/he is in a costume. But on other days of the year, this would not be a safe statement. Can a person say that s/he is willing to risk the ostracism of neighbors? For a person in a new community, this may pose no risk. For an old timer with close ties, it might be less of a risk than thought. I recently met a transwoman from Canada who transitioned in middle age, and regularly goes to her curling (think 10 kg stones sliding on ice - a winter shuffleboard like sport) events, and when on the ice, the former masculine voice comes out when shouting....Her club kept her feeling welcome throughout her transition process....

    So, what does this mean for Meg's risks? I don't think she'll be risking much by answering the door on Halloween in female garb. The more people see Meg blurring the lines between the genders, the more they will feel comfortable over time. Life is much different now than in the 1950's and 1960's, when Christine Jorgensen was a big news item.... Today, transgendered people are out and about - and just have to use common sense in their lifes, just like the rest of the population at large....


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