Therapy the Twelfth

These posts are really getting harder to write.  I know what I want to say but Thalia isn't helping me put what's inside into words.

 

When I started therapy, I came to realise that there are problems at home, and I observed that they're not T-related.  I wondered, if things got worse, if this would be a rare T-relationship that failed but not because of T-issues.

I also noted that there is no "not T-related."  It's always there and always big.

I just bounce from wrong to wrong to wrong.

There are problems that have nothing to do with crossdressing.  They have nothing to do with unrealised transsexualism, or unremembered sexual abuse, or my narcissism, or my being ignored by my parents as a child, any of the other nonexistant issues my wife brought up during various sessions.

I think it's really quite simple.  This could be my next wrong.  I don't know yet.

I'm doing quite well, thank you.  I'm not rich, but I make a living.  There is no serious illness in my family; never has been.  My boys are doing fine and have never been in serious trouble (I emphasise "serious").  My job is sort of stable, but even if it wasn't I probably have other opportunities waiting in the wings.

I regularly count my blessings, as corny as that sounds.

I should be happy.

And here's my problem: I'm not.  I'm sad.  I'm sad pretty much all the time.  And I don't want to be sad.

It is, as I said, simple.  I wish I knew the solution.  I think time to think would help.  I know I wrote about this a few weeks ago.  My wife still thinks that's a bad idea.

I really need time to figure this out.  Maybe a year at the top of a mountain in Tibet or somewhere would help.

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