Friday, May 3, 2013

Dilemma

Charity plans to go downtown on Saturday.  She asked if I'd like to come along and since it's to a part of Washington I've never been, I tentatively agreed.  I wasn't sure if I'd be in drab or dressed though.
 

Advantage of dressing: everything is more fun in dresses.  It's going to be a beautiful, warm day and I can eschew coats or sweaters and just wear a casual dress or skirt.  It's an eclectic part of town where Meg should fit right in.

Advantage of drab: we'd be going early in the morning so I'd have to get up early early.
 

Then she came home with the news that a friend from work and her SO wanted to go as well.
 

This changes the calculus.
 

Charity has no preference as to how I present.  Her friend doesn't know about Meg, and it's possible she'll meet my male self in the future.
 

At this point in time, I'm not comfortable meeting someone as Meg who will most likely get to know my male self at some other, future point.  In some cases, I can stretch that comfort zone and meet people either way, but that's mostly t-friends or people in another t-circle.
 

I've met a couple of t-girls as my male self.  I've met Star's friends in both modes, but Star has a circle of friends who've met her SO, Andrea, in both male and female presentation.  Yes, I don't know what they whisper to their friends after they leave.  Yes, I don't know if they mind their own business regarding their friend, but not regarding a friend-of-a-friend.  There's a level of trust here.  I don't know if it's warranted but I grant that trust.
 

I've been to swaps in both modes, but the only person who has met both is Kim and her husband.  I trust both.  Kim is wonderful and her husband seems like a very live-and-let-live kind of guy.
 

But I don't know Charity's co-worker.  I do know that there seem to be few secrets at work, and I don't know her other co-workers.
 

I could join them in drab, but I'd feel locked in and unable to "upgrade" later.  I could join them dressed, but eventually they'll learn my birth name (if they don't know it already) and that might cause issues.  Probably not, and maybe I'll be over that "I don't care" hump by then, but I have a poor record at predicting the future.
 

Besides, I have some things I need to do at home.
 

"So, do you have any plans for the weekend?"  "Um..."  Yes, this is definitely a "don't ask, can't tell" situation.




4 comments:

  1. Meg -

    That's the advantage of my approach... By being as open as possible, knowing that no one hands out pictures of friends once removed, I have relative safety when I go out both ways.

    Yet, I was scared when I first decided to take this approach. And for some, the risk of being exposed is way too much.... So I figure that you should be OK going as Meg, but use your judgement....

    M

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  2. Joanie in DenverMay 3, 2013 at 3:11 PM

    Meg-

    A beautiful day ahead ahead of you... Have fun and go out dressed in a beautiful flower dress or skirt! Damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead! (Well... just secure them torpedoes in a lace Marilyn bra) ;-)

    Seriously - if it is more fun in dresses, then indulge! Maybe you can describe to them who you really are - all of you - so that in the end, what you are wearing matters to YOU, not them.

    If (perchance) they see you some later time Not Wearing Meg clothes, is it really a problem for you? A trust issue? Maybe it is no problem at all. Ask Charity about it further - are they 'cool' with TG folks? Are you over analyzing the situation?

    There are always things to be done at home. In many cases, those things can wait, rather than be used as an excuse.

    Sincerely,
    Joanie

    (PS - hope to visit DC again this summer)

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  3. It is time to push the envelope, Girlfriend!

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  4. If there was going to be a problem, it would be for Charity. It sounds like Charity's not concerned with any particular problems at work. If you are up for the early rise, I'd say go for it. If the weather in DC is about like Louisville was Friday, well, there's nothing like the feel of a warm breeze on the legs and through the hair, right?

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