(and NOBODY is going to get THAT reference!)
Please take my little poll. Charity and I will be going to a t-event this coming weekend. Should we repeat the matching dress routine?
My Birchmere Epilogue prompted a comment from Marian (whose post inspired my post). She wrote about the dressing euphoria wearing off and dressing being 'normal;' I said, for me, it's still both euphoric AND normal.
In her comment, Marian said being Marian "would always be special, and better than being in drab. But I'm not sure if it would be as much of a high as it was when new."
I wonder if it ever reaches that point. I wonder if I'd just not bother dressing if there wasn't the rush I feel now ~ but I think I would. And I think I'd go further to keep that high.
That's why I'm looking for new venues and experiences. I have limits to what I'll do (sorry, gentlemen! :D ) but I will keep crossing the great wall that surrounds my comfort zone.
I've mentioned before that wearing panties under my "normal" clothing was difficult the first time. I checked my pants several times a day to make sure I didn't split a seam and someone could see (gasp!) panties under my pants! Now it's normal. At first when I'd wearing pantyhose, I wore socks over them, until I realised that if anyone could see over my sock they'd see I was wearing something hard-to-explain on my leg. Tights are a several-times-a-week item now, in a variety of colours and patterns. I always wear a cami under my shirt. If my shirt will support it, I'll wear a thin-strap and/or lace cami. If my shirt and cami will support it, I'll wear a bra under everything. Today I'm wearing purple except for my black slacks and sneakers, beige cinch, and white bra: tights, lace cami with thin adjustable straps, panties, shirt. Only the shirt comes from the men's department.
And by "support it," I mean I take a critical look at my shirt in the mirror and ensure I can't (or can barely) see my undergarments. I make no effort to hide my tights.
Marian wrote, "[r]ight now, everything is new." I try to keep everything new by doing something I hadn't done before. Sometimes I wonder if I should go slower with new things so I can wait for the "normal" mindset to appear and then find something newer but I don't really control the rate of change. I do things when they occur to me. Well, that's not really accurate. I do things some indeterminate amount of time after they occur to me. Sometimes, I have to mull over whether my new idea is a good one, or at least a safe one.
I had a great time at the Birchmere. I have an opportunity to go out this Sunday and next weekend, meeting new groups of people each time. I'll impose on Charity to help with my makeup and wardrobe choices and I'm sure when I'm out it'll feel "normal."
And euphoric.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
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Meg -
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I provoked introspective thought.... It's important that we understand the paths we are on, and know that we have friends supporting us along the way.
Like you, I'm trying to do new things as Marian whenever possible. But I'm also trying to be with my friends in Marian mode as often as possible, doing the same things we would have done with me in my male presentation. But it's interesting to see how our approaches differ - you're bringing Meg into your male persona by subtle inclusion of female garb and grooming, where I'm developing the female persona as a separate entity from my male persona, seeing how it develops. And it's nice getting out in the world, doing things both old and new.
Euphoria? I'm not sure if that's the right word for me. But what I'm doing is very comfortable and natural for me. However, it's important that you feel euphoric, given your path - which may be a harder one, with the complications you have that I don't have. Being Meg for you, and being Marian for me is an essential part of our natures, and the pleasures we gain from being our true selves may be proportional to the degree these selves were repressed and inhibited throughout our lives.
People like you and I are much further along the paths we are going than many of our readers may go on their paths. But it's important that they know that there are things to learn from our experiences that they can use while traveling on their paths. We pave the way for the people that follow us, and as you have been an inspiration to me, I try to be that to others....
Marian
Meg,
ReplyDeleteThe feeling of “normal” will inevitably come as you do more and more as Meg. The thrill will be gone but the sense of contentment will still be there. This has happened to me. What doesn’t change is the need to dress, go out into the world and do everyday things as the women we are. This comes from our need to validate our femininity. Most of us find that the validation doesn’t come from looking at pictures of ourselves (which many of us often did early on) but by having the rest of society see us and accept us as women. I had a conversation this last weekend with a TS friend of mine about this. She needed surgery to achieve her validation. I, on the other hand, while I am content to live in both the male and female worlds, need the world’s agreement that I am at least partially woman.
Leann
Perry Como fan, huh? ;)
ReplyDeleteLetters: Perry Como Show. You're way too young (attractive also) to remember that.
ReplyDeleteYou've forgotten how old some of your fans are (ahem!). Your title is a reference to the old Perry Como variety show, which had a segment that began with a chorus singing those words, where Perry would read letters from viewers, usually requesting a particular song or topic.
ReplyDeleteDear Perry, would you be so kind... :)
ReplyDeleteMeg,
ReplyDeleteI voted "Sure...it will be fun" because my basic approach to dressing is that it should be fun. Relish the freedom of choice and selection that you now enjoy. Each of us crosses new bridges every time we 'stretch the envelop'.
If you recall, the term 'stretching the envelop' was coined by the test pilots of the 1950s as we evolved into breaking the sound barrier, flying higher and faster and eventually leaving the earth behind as the envelop stretched to include outer space.
There are similarities that many of us encounter every time we set a heeled and hosed foot into a new environment. There is the excitement and the fear of failure/disclosure. There are also the subsequent stages. I think you commit a slight 'misnomer' when you say that parts of you 'do not care'. I think that you care greatly but your pleasure and affirmance in the correctness of what you do outweigh the negatives of fear. It is a wonderful place that you, I, Marian, and many others reach every time we 'press the dressing envelop'.
It is hard to explain to civilians the pleasure that many of us get from doing simple acts. How many others would appreciate the incongruent pleasure of sitting home watching the BCS game while painting my toenails a bright red. Either you get it or you just cannot explain it to others.
My wish is that you just keep on 'not caring' and 'stretching the envelop.
Regards,
Pat
Perry Como! God, I'm old :(
ReplyDeletePerry Como? I know what you mean it's nice when you feel normal, but yes still euphoric, and it is always sad to dress back down to drab, on the other hand some of the excitement diminishes, the combination of fear of being exposed along with the knowledge of the sheer outrageousness of what we are doing.
ReplyDeleteAh, Perry Como! Loved the singers (all woman of course) singing
ReplyDelete"Sing to me,
Mr. C,
Sing to me..... "