Sometimes, it's kind of a chore. There is a lot of work, a lot of prep. It's like enjoying painting your house but hating the sanding and filling and so on. It's like wanting to fish but hating to clean your tackle and load your reel.
So when I go out, there's around two hours of preparation involved. Sometimes, it's kind of a zen thing, where I just get lost in what I'm doing; more often, not. I still have to think about everything so I don't miss anything. And the prep gets to be more fun, the closer I get to going out.
Shaving or other hair removal can take thirty minutes or more. Including a shower where I do even more shaving brings the total up to 45 minutes to an hour. All chore, most of the time. Sometimes (rarely) I just do it without thinking and that's not bad.Makeup prep is OK. This is where it starts to be enjoyable Every Time. Toner, moisturiser, cover stick mean the best part is starting. Once my contacts are in, I'm out of makeup prep and into the actual makeup phase.
Foundation starts the transformation and once I have it on, I feel like my male self is fading away, to be replaced by the self I want to be, and will be soon.
The colour is hard but that's OK. I'm still not secure in my skills. I too often smear my lipstick into my cupid's bow when I press my lips together. Most of the time, I look at my eyeliner (which I probably had to take a q-tip to, to get rid of smudges or slips) and sigh and decide it's "good enough." I'll never be perfect. One day, I'll get close and that will be as close to heaven on earth as this girl will ever see. Mascara is pure pleasure. I don't know why. I just enjoy the way it goes on, the way it makes my eyes look. Eyeshadow is always a crapshoot. I figure nobody's looking at my eyes as closely as I am, so if I think it's OK then others will think it's OK. I always feel like I have to do my best in every phase of getting ready ~ the better I do, the more passable I am (or at least, I'll avoid the second and third look that will give me away faster than a glance will). That means shave every hair on every bit that might show in the event of a wardrobe malfunction. Long sleeves mean shaving arms to my elbows. Elbow-length sleeves mean shaving to my shoulder. Pads have to look realistic, not overdone. I am neither Dolly Parton nor an 18-year-old girl!
I enjoy clipping on earrings and putting on a necklace and bracelet and rings. I even enjoy filling my purse.
Sliding on a dress or skirt, putting on my heels.... It's ten minutes out of two hours, a tiny percent of the prep but it's just pure joy and makes the rest worthwhile. My wig is always the last thing and I have to smile when I look in the mirror. Meg is looking back, and she deserves a smile.
And when I smile, she smiles back.
Tonight (last Friday, actually), it was casual Meg ~ denim skirt, pretty top, boots. And I don't have to wear my best dress because even though it's still a special occasion when Meg goes out, it's also a chance for her to be more casually femme. Sometimes.
Meg -
ReplyDeleteI like the outfit....
It's amazing how much we get into the process of becoming our feminine selves, isn't it?
After a while, we'll develop habits in preparation, and they will become automatic - things we don't think about. But the end result will always be what pleases us. That will be our new normal - and I bet will be more than acceptable.
Marian
Aren't denim skirts great? It's a go-to for any time of year, looks great on everybody, and good for anything from travel to shopping to dinner out. Every T girl needs one, maybe more than one, just like we all need LBDs and black skirts. Like the top and boots, too.
ReplyDeleteHon, all your work -- and skills -- are so evident!! Rejoice in it! Sar
ReplyDelete