Therapy the Second

Before the session
 
This week, we saw the therapist separately.  I got to go first, just because I was available the first time she was available; my wife was not.  I'm not sure if it's better to go first or second.

I had a list of about a dozen points broken into three categories: sex, marriage, and general.  Trans issues fit into all three categories.  I also decided that I needed to start by asking what she knows about trans.  Although my wife is a therapist, she is woefully mis- or un-informed about trans issues, to the point that she said to me "you're not transgendered!"  My reaction was limited to my jaw dropping.  Later, I asked if she knew what transgendered meant ~ she didn't really.  She equated it with transsexual.

It's going to be a long, uphill fight.

After the session

I didn't get to my points, but I did address some in response to questions.  I didn't know what to expect.  It was, "she asked questions, I answered same."

I answered most, anyway.  There are things I have issues with, within the marriage and I talked about those.  I addressed disagreements, different ways of seeing the same thing.  There were a couple of times I stopped short and didn't say what was on my mind.  I'll admit to you, my friends, that I have some serious issues with the way my wife acts.  I don't criticise my family to strangers.  I may hint to friends.  I think if I said "I can't take it any more" to friends, the general reaction would be "I didn't know anything was wrong!"

T-issues kept coming and going throughout the session.  I asked her, near the start, what she knew about trans stuff.  She said "I know a little.  And I have some clients with crossdressing issues."  Not exactly inspiring but I'll make lemonade.

I knew her knowledge was limited when I was talking about telling the boys.  She tried to tell me about a movie she had seen a couple of years ago about someone who was "changing" and how. ~ I'm still not sure here; she kept jumbling pronouns ~ she dealt with telling family, including children.  I think she considered what happened in the movie to be typical.  I don't know what movie so I don't know for sure, but I do know that there's no typical.  I didn't mention that.

I also let her know that the proper word is "transition."

Later she asked if I wanted to transition.  I said no, and told her the standard joke about the difference between ts and tv.  I told her that didn't apply to me.

She asked if I'd like to go "full time" and I said no ~ and that's true.  It is a LOT of work.  I told her it typically takes me two hours to get ready.  I didn't mention that, when I've changed in mall family restrooms I cut that down to about 20 minutes.  But that means I was already showered and shaved and had some degree of underdressing done.

She asked how often I wanted to dress.  I gave her my golf analogy: ask a guy who golfs twice a year how often he'd like to play if there were no limits.  He probably doesn't know.  Maybe he'd be playing every day.  Maybe twice a month is all he could take.  It's something you really need to try.

I also gave her my criminal analogy, while trying to explain how I want to get out more and how I'm not satisfied with what I was satisfied with a few years ago: criminals get caught because they get away with a small crime and get confident and the rush of it all and they try something bigger and bigger until they get in over their heads and get caught.  She, unfortunately, took this to mean I'm "afraid of getting caught."  I told her I wasn't really, although I'd prefer not to.  I mentioned that my wife is afraid I'll get caught and she does not want me to tell anyone and that she said she would be "embarrassed" if I did (her word).  She asked me what I thought and I said my only problem is, I can't untell someone who doesn't like the concept.

I got the feeling she thinks I should tell the boys.  I also got the feeling that she's not a save-the-marriage-at-all-costs therapist.  She's keeping options open.  Frankly, I think am as well.

My wife went for her private session Tuesday.  I haven't spoken to her about that yet.

Also, the more I think about it, the more I suspect my wife has an agenda that I don't understand.  When I do, I'll share.

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