Roles Model

To stretch reality, I live two lives.  I phrased it like that because it's not really two lives ~ maybe it's two sides of my life, maybe it's just whichever way I present with different people...  I bet many people show a different side of themselves at work, with friends, alone with their spouse, for instance.  One may show different sides of himself playing golf with his buddies or dining with his minister.

But those "two lives" cause me to live three roles.  I often have to think about who I'm with before I say (or don't say) something.  I've mentioned "don't ask, can't tell" (my male self among civilians) in several posts ~ I often can't talk about what I've done as Meg among people who know my day-to-day self.  I was discussing games with my manager (he's a Diplomacy fan) and I mentioned playing Cards Against Humanity last week at the civilian game night.

I might have said to t-friends, "there were three girls and one guy at the table and on at least one occasion I said 'I really don't want to read this card!' because it was kind of on the raunchy side," suggesting I was embarrassed, as a woman, to read it in front of a guy I just met.

I told my manager about this, but said "I was playing with two women and one guy and on at least one occasion I said 'I really don't want to read this card!' because it was kind of on the raunchy side," suggesting I was embarrassed, to read that in front of two women.

But there's also my "Meg among civilians" role.  I was talking with another Jewish player and started furiously thinking about my "back story" while we were talking.  If he asked about my bat mitzvah, what would I say?  I think if the roles were reversed, I'd avoid that, to avoid hearing a fable.  But I was trying to remember what the state of bat mitzvah was when I was 13, in my denomination.  I remembered that it was allowed, but more discouraged than required.  I could safely say that I wasn't bat mitzvahed, but my brother, of course, was bar mitzvahed.  And I had to remember the proper bar (male) or bat (female) ritual name.

I try to be ready, but there's so much I'd have to invent that I prefer to keep my mouth shut and hope for the best.

And there's also my "Meg among Trans" role, where I'm free to tell "nothing but the truth" at all times.  But not the whole truth.  The quintessential Washington question ("what do you do?") gets a vague response.  So does "where do you work?" and fortunately, we all know to avoid questions that pry too deeply into the male persona.

I just realised there are two sub-roles.  Within the "Meg among Trans" there are differences for girls who've only met Meg and girls who know both of me.  And there's a "Meg among Civilians who know about Meg."

I like to tell the truth in part because it's the easiest path.  Generally, when I can't (shouldn't) tell the truth, I try to change the subject or say nothing.  But the roles remain.

Hmmm....  I may start mixing in "roles" examples with Wednesday's "simple pleasures."

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