Therapy the Seventh

First, please go back to Friday's post and then take the poll to the right.  Honestly, I keep changing my mind about what I'd want to do.

Things are happening both within and between sessions.

Story time:
When my first son was a few months old, my wife went back to work.  We "tag teamed" ~ I'd come home, we'd have dinner, she'd go to work.  She'd be gone three or more hours.

I'd hold a screaming baby the entire time.  That was my evening.

I sang, I danced him around, we went for walks (pushes) if the weather was good but he spent his time screaming.  He didn't want dad.  He wanted food.  Dad didn't have any food he wanted.

I held him, he screamed.  (note: our relationship has improved since then.)  My wife would come home, pull out the milk containers she conveniently carried around at all times and he would be happy again.

In hindsight, I see that there were two possible scenarios:
* I could hold a screaming baby whilst trying to calm him down (impossible until he discovered solid food). 
The result: two unhappy people.

* I could put down the screaming baby and do something else, like enjoy life. 
The result: one unhappy person.

There could not be a "two happy people" outcome.  But I never thought of putting him down.  I never had time to think about a solution.  All I had time to do was get screamed at.

Right now, my wife and I have nice chats with my (younger, still at home) son.  He's old enough and smart enough and wise-guy enough to be enjoyable.

Then he leaves the room, and my wife steers the conversation to relationship.  We no longer actually talk; I feel like when he walks out of the room I'm left with the screaming baby.  I can't think, I can't figure out what's wrong and what's right and how to get from wrong to right.  All I get is pummeled with new information, new problems, new issues.

There's no literal screaming, but I'm being screamed at ~ no thinking time.

Last Saturday, my wife suggested she should move out, get an apartment near the kid's school, and leave me in the house.  We have two different ideas though, as came out in therapy: she thinks separating equals end.  I think separating equals time without the screaming baby so I can THINK.

There are two problems though, and if she leaves me in the house only one is solved.  There's still the elephant in the room ~ my dressing.

Even if I'm left alone, I can't dress.  My college son comes and goes as he pleases.  Every time I go out, there's a risk neighbors will see me.  They can't miss my car.  I told my wife if I'm going to stay in the house alone I have to tell my oldest son about Meg.  I don't want him dropping by to what's still his house and getting a surprise.

A better solution would be for me to find an apartment right across from my new job.  There are townhomes and apartment buildings a short walk from the offices.  I can tell or not tell neighbors ~ she's out of the loop so she won't be embarrassed.  I can keep everything contained in one bedroom so when the boy(s) are over they don't see evidence of Meg.

She sees this not as an opportunity to see if I can get back what's been lost, but as an opportunity for her to not have to drive so far to bring our son to school.

I want to work on the relationship, but I don't have time or space.

I don't think things are ending.  I do think things are changing.

Half a solution is no solution.  I think I have the right answer, but I'm not sure she understands that half a solution isn't going to help.

I'm worried about the future.

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