Not Sure If This Is Positive or Not

There are things you find in newspapers until you don't.

When I was a kid, a New York Times article where sixty-nine people died in an air accident had the headline Nearly 70 Die because they didn't want to put 69 in big bold print.  I remember at one point noticing that there were far fewer "assaults" in the newspaper, but this new crime I was unfamiliar with called "rape" appeared. 

Stories would lead with "two men robbed a bank in midtown today" or "two black men robbed a bank in midtown today."  Replace "black" with whatever the correct term was, but they felt compelled to mention the race if they weren't white.  I never say "two blonde men...".  Then people called them out and that tapered off.  They did fight: there were editorials supporting the practice as helping to identify the criminals but they couldn't justify not giving more details and gave up the battle.

Of course, I don't have those bits of papyrus any longer.

There was a story a couple of days ago about a man who left a foster infant in a car.  He apparently should never have been allowed to watch kids under any circumstances ~ he was watching a Game of Thrones marathon and smoking weed.  When a baby cried on the show, he remembered he left his baby.

In days past the headline would have read Gay Foster Parent Leaves Baby to Die in Hot Car but instead the article focused on the baby reminding him he had left the child, and there was only a reference to "his husband" part way down the article.  The previous headline would generate reams of letters about how this is why gay couples should not have children (ignoring the number of straight criminal idiots there are who caused the same tragedy).  The latter made it an aside.  I'm sure there will still be letters, but not the same volume and vitriol.

So interestingly, there was an article about a guy who would drive his Range Rover in neighborhoods where there were lots of bars and lots of drunk young adults staggering about.  He'd go to a drive-through ATM and ask for their card and PIN "to pay for the ride."  You can guess how it ends.  Rolling drunks is nothing new.

The headline was Driver took drunk people home, and took their credit cards.  He thought it through though ~ he'd use a card until the owner cancelled it then he'd return it to another victim who thought it was his card.  Most victims were too drunk to remember what happened or how they got home.

And he also had a twist: way down in paragraph 6:

When police searched Mitchell’s home in Clinton, Md., in November, they found more than 200 credit cards in a shoe box.

Police also found a wig that Mitchell wore in bank surveillance videos.

In interviews that are recounted in court documents, many of the victims say they do not remember how they got home, or they recall getting into the car of a woman while intoxicated. William Miller, a spokesman for the U.S. Attorney’s Office in D.C., said that victims may have felt more comfortable getting into Mitchell’s car because he appeared to be a woman, with the wig and padded breasts.

Other passengers said they were aware that Mitchell was a man in a wig. Jason Kalafat, Mitchell’s defense attorney, said that Mitchell’s dress was “more of a lifestyle issue” [emphasis mine] and not meant to trick victims into a false sense of security.

I'm interested in what the real story behind the dressup is, but I think making it incidental is better than an article I came across recently about a crook where the headline screamed about his being a "transvestite."

We've come a long way.  We have a long way to go.  And sometimes it's a battle that can't be won.  I still regularly see letters from women saying "why do you have to mention a woman's age?  You don't mention a man's age!" or "why was it important to say what she was wearing?  You don't say what he's wearing!"

Let's see what the next decade brings.

---

I Concur

Yesterday, Stana's Femulate blog entry was entitled Things To Come. 

She wrote about her belief that femulating in public will become more prevalent.  If you haven't read it, take a minute.  I'll wait.

I agree 100% with her first reason, that bloggers like us who have safe, public, frequent forays out are encouraging others to do the same.  I'm no trailblazer.  I started this blog because I thought I was: I wanted to chronicle my femme flight from Dulles, VA to Topeka, Kansas.  I learned that I'm far from the first, but still a rare bird (ha!).  I do have fun, and if I knew what I know now, I would have gone out a long time ago.  I am always thrilled when I hear from someone who said "you encouraged me to walk out that door, high heels clacking on the concrete."

I have a little problem with reason number two: Each year I go to the Transgender Day of

another femulating boy from Youtube

Remembrance and hear about the girls who didn't have fun on their last day femulating.  There's still a lot of hate out there, but I think if you're dressed your chance of being hurt through haters is less than the chance of having car problems.  (Bad: I had a flat while en femme.  Worse: it was one of my first times out.  Good: a guy changed my tire and treated me as I appeared.  That made it a great day.)

For still another reason, well, I guess Stana hangs out with a different crowd than I do.  I don't see men in tights, jewelry, makeup or carrying handbags....  Self excepted.  I can't wait until these things become more commonplace.  Because when they are, I can "up the ante."  Stana has given me an idea thought.... leggings.  Hmmm....

But I definitely concur with her conclusion.  Men are more relaxed about femulating.  When I was young, most guys would rather die than play dress-up.  (Of course, when I was young, it was the guys who wore the powdered wigs and frilly shirts. :) )  Now search for crossdress or crossdress brother or crossdress husband on youtube and there are guys getting pretty by the dozen.

So my question to myself is, how would my crossdressing experience be different if I were college age today?

---

This Was a Surprise

Please take the two polls this week.  An explanation is in yesterday's post.  Thank you.  And I hope you're all enjoying your long weekend (here in the states).

My wife reads a magazine called The Sun.  I have pretty much no idea what it's about.  The little blurb I read says that it doesn't have ads.  I get it.  My favourite newspaper (The Funny TImes) doesn't either (except to push their own t-shirts and stuff).  Nor did my childhood favourite magazine (Mad).

It does appear to have literary items.

My wife pulled out a recent issue and said "read this."  It was from a reader-supplied section.  This month's subject was shoes.  I read the item she suggested and said "OK.  Why?"  It was about some woman and a special pair of shoes that she had.  She said "what do you mean?"  and I said "well, why that one?"  She took the magazine back and looked at it and then started flipping pages until she found the one that I copied here.

Interesting that she'd point out something like that.

She usually does her best to ignore my hobby, except to occasionally take a jab at what I like to do.  Here she is, showing me an article about a boy who bought a pair of heels.  We haven't discussed it yet; I will.  I think she'd appreciate that and maybe she'll point me at more items like this in the future.

I'm sorry about the scan.  They don't have full articles on their website.  Click it to enlarge it so it's readable!

Just an aside: I mentioned to one of my favourite people that my brother-in-law was visiting.  She wrote back and said "what's he like?" which reminded me of one of my favourite jokes:

A little boy is in the shopping mall, crying his eyes out.  An older woman comes out of one of the nearby shops to ask him why he's crying.  He stops long enough to tell her that he was in the mall with his grandfather and now he can't find him anywhere.  The woman says "your grandfather?  What's he like?" and the boy thinks a minute and says "single malt scotch and women with big boobs."

(insert rimshot)

---

If Passing Isn't It...

Accepting yourself as you are, as you appear, is.  That's the crossdresser's holy grail.

If you're a secret dresser, waiting until the house is empty and pulling the shades, you'll probably decide that's not enough at some point.  You'll probably go out, either underdressing or wearing women's clothes that passes for men's, or fully dressed.  I don't know.  It's your journey, and I'm never sure what mine is so I won't even pretend to know yours.

If you're going out, you might get anywhere from nervous to terrified when you step out your front door.  You might look at everyone around you, wondering what they think of you, if they know you're really a guy, if they're going to react to that, either violently or loudly.  I'm somewhere in there.

Or maybe you step out the door and go about your (female) day, even if it is only once a month or twice a year.  Even if it is only grocery shopping or to take a walk in the park or go bowling (remember to ask for a women's shoe size!) or church (why not?) or a transgender support group meeting.

But you go out and it's just the same as if you were wearing a tie and wingtips.

When you do that, when walking out that door in a skirt and makeup is just... natural, two things have happened:
* you have defined yourself.  You are not being defined by others..
* you are passing better.  Confidence is a big part of the game.

And you've reached the real holy grail: peace with yourself, peace with who you are, peace with who you want to be.

I also think this is another reason some men think they've gone from transvestite to transsexual.  I believe they think they're transvestites until they break that self-acceptance barrier.  Then they can look further inward, to see themselves, to understand who they are.  You can't do that when others are defining you and you're trying to meet their expectations.  You just can't.

I'm a transvestite.  I certain of that.  But I also haven't reached the comfort level of many other crossdressers.  I hope to reach that level, and be able to not only walk out that door calmly but to look inward at what I feel and how I feel and who I am.

I'm certain I'm a transvestite.  I hope I reach that "holy grail."

I'm also a little bit afraid.

---

Passing Isn't It

It's a lot, but many transgendered males do not and will never pass as women.  It's a fact.  Some I've seen are breathtaking.  Some, not so much.  As Meg, I'm never sure if I'm turning heads, or stomachs.

Passing has been called the "holy grail" of crossdressing.  Pat called it that in a recent comment.  I've called it that myself.

I was wrong.

Passing is wonderful.  Going out and being accepted is wonderful.  Being called "ma'am" is wonderful.

Every artist wants to paint like DaVinci, or Magritte, or Dali, or whoever is the master in her style. 

Every garage band wants to be the next Beatles, or Bieber (seriously ~ follow the link.  Is he one of us too?)

At some point, the artist or musician or skater has two choices: accept that she's never going to be the best there ever was, or be an angry bitter person who rails against the universe.

Accepting yourself doesn't mean you stop trying to improve.  One has nothing to do with the other.

The artist or musician or skater might be very skilled or gifted in her art, but she's handicapped because she lacks the magic spark that makes Michaelangelo, or Dylan.  Or the physical agility of Michelle Kwan.

All of us born male who try to reach for female beauty are handicapped as well, but in different ways.  Our hands are too big, our adam's apple protrudes too much, we have a bass voice, or angular face.

We can all, I think, pass, but many of us only at the fringes.  Maybe our features are more masculine than 99% of women, but there are women who could be our twins.  Maybe being six-foot-four is tall, but some women are taller.  My voice is masculine, but has anyone heard Bea Arthur?

Passing, as I said, is great.  But there's something that is more important, and something that's attainable by every one of us.  I think Stana and Dani are there.  I am not.

I'll finish this Monday.  Please give me your thoughts in the meantime.

---