Monday, October 27, 2014

Timeline I, Part IV: Step Away

In June, I took my break.  It wasn't as smooth as I had hoped; I had to move back to the house for a few days but I tried to keep my distance and focus during that time.

I did a lot of writing, on a variety of prompts.  More on that shortly.

I stopped the marital therapy, recognising that the therapist was useless and I took advantage of my company Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and found a therapist of my own ~ someone with whom I could talk things through, and who would act as a sanity check (or brake) on my way forward.  (There are a couple of insightful comments on last Thursday's post.)

My writing all converged on the same conclusion.  Working through my thoughts in therapy confirmed the same.

I was unhappy.  I was very unhappy, and that didn't seem to be helpful or healthful for me or my boys.  I needed to consider making this a permanent way forward.

My wife's concern was not for how we could make the marrige work; she focused on when to tell the boys/when to move out.  That kind of confirmed that I was doing the right thing.

Every possible time was wrong (not surprising).  She really wanted me to wait until the youngest left for college (four more years).  Research shows that that is, in fact, the worst time to separate.

I decided that I'd be moving out at the end of October.  I found an apartment close to the house and close to my job and started searching for a roommate, preferably someone in the community.  I think most civilians would have issues with a roommate who dresses regularly.

1 comment:

  1. Meg -

    I have an idea where you're going, but it's your story, not mine, you're telling....

    But you note a good point - how many "civilians" would be comfortable with a cross dresser / transgender person in the house?

    I'm very glad that you got your own therapist - a former coworker of mine also had troubles with a marriage councilor/therapist. In his case, like yours, it was the wife's problem. (However, the marriage councilor in their case realized that his wife was totally nuts (she is an unreformed alcoholic), and that there was nothing to be done except dissolve the marriage.) His personal therapist helped keep him sane through the whole ordeal....



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