Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Endpoint: Occasional Crossdressing

About five years ago, I was in a meeting with my manager and another consultant (my official title).  One of the other consultants could not visit a certain out-of-town client, and the other two women and I agreed I'd be the best replacement.  My manager said "too bad you're not a woman ~ we could reuse the plane ticket and save some money."  I said "I could pass if I had to" and that was the end of the meeting.

A couple of days later, I caught my manager alone in her office and reminded her of the discussion.  She wasn't sure where the conversation was going and I pulled out a picture of Meg.

She asked "who's that?" and I admitted it was me.  She said "no way!" and "that's your sister, right?" and other things that anyone attempting to pass loves to hear.  When I finally convinced her it was, in fact, me, she said "was this for a costume party or is it something you do, sometimes?"

I really had no plan as to what I was going to say or how or how out I was going to be.  But her question was so perfect that I said "it's something that I do, sometimes."

And I think that still defines my relationship with Meg: it's something that I do, sometimes.

At McKeys: Linda, Charity, Andrea, Star
It's definitely a big part of me.  If I can't dress, I miss it, but now that I have the freedom to dress whenever I want (outside of work and family events), I dress sometimes.  I have more friends who know both my male self and Meg, a relatively new phenomenon.  There are events that I may go to in drab or dressed, and I'm kind of OK with either (although the cliche "anything is better when dressed" certainly describes me).

There are asymmetries: I'm apt to say to a t-friend "I can join you, but I'll be in male mode."  I can't imagine saying that to civilian friends.  If they know Meg (like my games group), they're going to only know Meg, and if I can't dress I ain't going.

I think this is my endpoint.  But there could be reasons to shift my goal.  One possibility: a several day Meg-immersion.  I can cite two readers, one who said "after a few days in female mode, it was a relief to get back to male mode" and one who said "after a few days in female mode, I never want to go back to male mode."

Go figure.


  1. My trip to California early next year, should give me a chance to try least for a few days. I'll give you my impression after I get back!


  2. Meg -

    Being able to go to events in either boy or girl mode is great. But until you have been doing this for a year or two, I wouldn't bet on where you are as an endpoint (even if I think you are right). Instead, I focus on your comment - "there could be reasons to shift my goal." We don't know what the future will bring, and I like the fact that you have acknowledged the possibility that things will change.

    Hopefully, you will get the chance for your several day "Meg-immersion." After I had my full week in "Marian mode", I didn't want to go back to boy mode - even though I am comfortable there. If you had at least one week where you had to go through the headaches of "Meg mode" without being able to switch back to boy mode, I think that you may have an answer to whether your goal will shift.


  3. I think that this would be a fairly comfortable end point for me. I like being a father, husband, uncle, etc. I enjoy my guy buddies and my male pastimes. I am also set in my ways with regard to how I relate to the many people that I encounter on a daily basis.
    At the same time I would like more freedom to dress as I please, when I please and go where I please. It is a bit of a tightrope walk.

  4. This is also my endpoint, or at least what is the closest to what I feel to be. Hugs. Betty.


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