Tuesday, June 17, 2014


Broadly speaking, there are four endpoints for transpeople:
  • ♥ Occasional crossdressing
  • ♥ Full-Time crossdressing
  • ♥ Full Gender reassignment
  • ♥ Gender fluid

I know the last category sounds like "something else" but it's not really.  It is an endpoint.

The old joke

    "What's the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual?" "Five years."

can make some in or near the community say "that's funny because it's true" but I don't think it is.  I think there are some (many?) transgendered people who are having problems coming to grips with the fact that their happiness depends on aligning their external appearance with what they're wearing under their clothing.

I truly do not believe that there are men who say "I love the way I look as a woman, but now it's time to go further and go the GRS route."  I do believe there are men who say "I love the way I look as a woman.  It feels right and the male body is... wrong," and GRS is the next step.

To rephrase, I think there are two distinct classes of transgenderism: ones who say "it's important to my happiness to present as a woman" and "it's important to my happiness to be a woman."

The fourth category, above, is "it's important to my happiness to be who I want to be.  And that is subject to change from day to day."

I do see people moving from category to category.  I feel like I should draw a state diagram here, but the causes of the state changes are many.  For example:
  • ♥ Occasional to full-time: I really don't like presenting as a male.  I'm more comfortable as a woman, I'd like to get a job as a woman and live as such day-to-day. 
  • ♥ Full-time to reassignment: I feel like this is a lie to myself, and that has to end.
  • ♥ Occasional to fluid: I want to make this more a part of my life.  I don't see why I can't wear a skirt to shop if I find it more comfortable, or wear a nice blouse instead of a shirt-and-tie to work, or patent Mary Janes if they're comfortable.
  • ♥ Full time to occasional: I love presenting as a woman but it's taking too much of my daily life.  Maybe I should make it a weekend thing.  Or a work-only thing.
  • ♥ Full time to fluid: I kind of miss some of the male casual.  As a woman, I can wear them but once I skip my makeup the "ma'am" becomes less reliable.  But that's OK.
  • ♥ Post-surgery to any of the other categories: I enjoy the freedom of presentation I now have as a woman and I don't see why I can't take advantage of that as I see fit.
I'm kind of expecting arguments in the comments and/or e-mail.  I welcome any feedback, and I'll have more to say about this Thursday.


  1. Oh dear, here goes Halle...LOL

    Meg, it doesn't seem possible to me that anyone who frequents your lovely establishment here could have the nerve to suggest "there is only one sort of..." followed by any sort of human category.

    Beside that, these patrons have to be among the most caring and inclusive folk who have ever existed.

    We might not count a member of each of you categories as a friend yet, but in my opinion, we are willing to believe in and accept them all.
    Lovely post. Looking forward to Thursday Hon!

  2. Interesting. For me the last part was hard to follow. Being a retired computer geek, a state diagram might actually be helpful.

    Erica Fremont

  3. Meg -

    You make a lot of sense here, If you read my blog, you'd have a good idea of where I am on your state diagram. It's not an erotic thrill for me to get dressed as a woman. Instead, it's more of a statement of who I am inside.

    My question is - where do you see yourself on this state diagram, and which path do you think you'd be on next? (And if you want to respond, it might be easier to use direct email - if only for privacy purposes.)


  4. Thanks for helping my head explode. Do you remember Pete Seeger's old ditty "Little Boxes". I tend to have a reaction to efforts to catagorize things. I do not like class segregation and while I recognize the purposes for having classifications I find that squeezing people into those little boxes often does more harm than good.
    I will say that I admire your efforts to come up with some workable end game descriptors and I applaud you for understanding that many of us would fit between catagories.



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