Speaking of Speaking of Understanding

I think I need to expand on my comment from yesterday.

When I see a painting, I don't think "that's not very good" or "it would've been better if..." the sky was overcast, the woman was standing, the wall was lower, the colours more vivid. I think "why can't I do that? I can't draw a ruler with a straight line."

I once ad-libbed a role that made my audience cry. I'm still awestruck at how a good actor can whipsaw my feelings.

I don't look at a woman and think "she could've done her makeup better" or "why'd she do that to her hair?" I'm in awe that she can get up every morning and look great in that outfit and put on just that right amount of makeup. I'm enraptured watching a woman tie her hair into a pony tail or something more complex while she's talking, without looking in a mirror, without even checking when she's done.

The confidence amazes me. I mean it ~ I'm in awe.

Now, I'm going to backtrack, but it's not because I'm being critical ~ it's because I'm being selfish.

There are women I look forward to seeing because they always look great and always dress great. Then I go over to say hi and she's decided it's a jeans day and I wish she'd worn that dynamite suit with the pleated skirt she wore last week. Or she decided to tie up that incredible long hair (but I'm still in awe at the skill it takes to hid that much hair!). Or she raced out the door and forgot the wonderful earrings I look forward to seeing.

I'm still in awe. I'm just disappointed.

All women are beautiful. Some in a small way, some in every way (and you know who you are).

I still wish I could paint. I also wish I could get dressed in the morning and go to work and feel like I'm adding a little beauty myself.

Speaking of Understanding...

Also in response to my Civilians post, A Perfect wrote:

I also have it on "good authority" that the harshest critics of women are crossdressers. Where do you stand on that one Meg?

Well, from the other comments I received that day, it seems my anonymous friend Pat agrees with you.

I just stand in awe.

You Just Don't Understand

A certain Miss Randall has pushed an idea for a future post to the front burner. It's not really cd-specific and I've been looking for an link. Dressing is such an integral part of me (us?) that I think there's always a link. It's here, so please bear with me.

Halle wrote: "[I]t seems likely the idea that anyone understands another person's behavior is pretty crazy."

I'll go further.

I don't understand "I understand" as it applies to personal feelings. I never say "I know how you feel" because I know I don't.

"My father died."
"I lost my father last year. I know how you feel."

No. You. Don't.

Maybe she had a horrible relationship with him and she was wishing her father was dead for years and now she feels guilty about thinking like that.
Maybe they had a deep misunderstanding and she was about to seek closure and now she never will.
Maybe she lives 10000 miles away and has to decide between paying the rent or going to the funeral.
Maybe they had a shouting match yesterday and she feels responsible for his heart failure.
Maybe they had a special bond that existed nowhere else.

No. You. Don't.

I've met a lot of gurls here. I've heard some back stories, and some ongoing stories. I wish I could say "I know how you feel" and mean it, but I don't. I wish I did. I can sympathise. I can try to empathise (I've been told I'm fairly empathetic). But I can't put myself in your stilettos, as Halle wrote.

I'll just take one aspect: being a married crossdresser.

She has no clue. Every item of clothes has to be hidden ~ in the attic, in a storage area. You don't know what she'll think if she found out, but you can't take that chance. Maybe she'll love it, or maybe you'll be exposed to all your friends and divorced.
She has a clue, and disapproves. You hinted, you casually watched films like Tootsie and To Wong Foo, you played with her clothes in the bedroom, and she thought it was disgusting. If she finds out, it's just a matter of what she'll do after the marriage ends.
She knows and disapproves strongly. You had to swear you'd never do it again, and you're back to hiding everything. Because you can't quit.
She knows and disapproves slightly. I'm here, but that doesn't mean I understand the other women who are in the same little pigeonhole.
She knows and doesn't mind. You can dress in the house, but she'll not only won't help, she'll ignore you.
She knows and shares your enthusiasm. 'Nuff said. The holy grail.

In truth, I'm not dumb enough to believe my "holy grail" statement. That's the theory ~ the crossdresser's Eden. But when there are two or more people interacting, it's never that simple. Your wife might be more into it than you are, and you're going further than you ever wanted to. Maybe she thinks there's a "submissive" component, and for you, there's not. Maybe she doesn't understand that you have a lifetime of shame about dressing to get over. Maybe she tries to understand, thinks she understands but she doesn't and it's hard to tell her that.

I can imagine how people in each category feel. I can't know how they feel.

Each of those categories has sub-categories and that's another part of the problem. I'm in category 3.1.2.2 and you're in category 3.1.2.1 and we're that close and I still don't know how you feel. There's a level of understanding of course. But if someone is opening her heart to you, you want that full understanding that really can't exist. It doesn't mean I won't stop trying. It doesn't mean you should stop trying. We're all in this together, and sharing is important.

I hope you all understand how I feel.