Monday, January 20, 2014

The Agony of De Veet

The combination of short memory and a common sense deficiency caused me to try Veet again.

I was going to shave my stomach.  My first thought was "hey, it's a jungle down there."  My second thought was "stomach skin is pretty tough.  Maybe I can try the Veet."

I had been looking for a replacement but hadn't gotten to a drug store yet.  At the supermarkets, my choices were home waxing kits, Veet, and Veet home waxing kits.

I decided to be careful and attentive (memory not that short).

I put Veet on my stomach only and cleaned my hands immediately.  I started a timer.  I paid attention to possible reactions.  At one time, the underside of my wrist touched my stomach and it started to burn, almost immediately.  Actually, that happened twice.  Short memory strikes again!

But at the end of the proscribed (maximum) time my stomach was fine.  I removed the Veet and the hair with it.

I wonder if hair removal creams are catalysts.  I mean, can I treat an area for the required number of minutes, scoop it off and place it on another area for the proper time, scoop it off....

There are three problems with that experiment.  One, you'll be putting loose hair on the new part.  Yuck.  Two, each area will have to be smaller ~ you'll always lose some.  And three, how do you completely remove the chemical and wash the area without messing up the new area?  You'd have to do, say, legs and transfer it to chest, then transfer it to...  what?  Back?  I dunno.

My favourite short memory joke: a (pick stupid stereotype group) guy goes to work with bandages on both ears.  A friend says "what happened?" and he says "I was ironing.  Someone called and I accidentally put the iron to my ear."  His friend says "what happened to the other ear?" and he replies "the jerk called back."

My favourite lack of common sense joke: An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are each sentenced to die by the guillotine. As the physicist is led to the guillotine, he decides that he'd like to observe the blade as it falls, and he requests to be strapped in face up. The executioner agrees (why not? it all pays the same...), and straps him in. As the blade falls, it sticks about two thirds of the way down. Seeing this, the crowd cheers - the physicist must be innocent! So the executioner unstraps him and sets him free.
The mathematician is next. Being well versed in matters statistical (perhaps she is an actuary), she quickly asks to be placed face up as well - after all, the odds of it happening again are pretty good, especially if the initial conditions are similar. So the executioner obliges, and once again, the blade sticks about two thirds of the way down. Again the crowd cheers, and the mathematician is also set free.
Finally, the engineer.He, too, requests to be placed face up. As the executioner is strapping him in, he's looking up at the blade and studying the track in which it slides.  He calls out to the executioner, "I think I see what your problem is...."


  1. You seem to be set on convincing me that shaving is still best

  2. Comment: Be careful with Veet or Nair when you do your legs. I went too high on my inner thighs with Nair once, and some of the chemical on my inner thighs rubbed off on my scrotum I didn't notice the problem until it was too late, i.e., when I started to notice a serious burning sensation. I was hurting for 24 hours afterwards, and nothing, including cortaid, cocoa butter, or even sunburn lotion with xylocaine helped.
    p.s. good joke about the malfunctioning guillotine


My day is brighter when I hear from my friends!