Thursday, March 28, 2013

Girls Do It (But I Don't) ~ It's Becoming A Series

Last week, I wrote about perfume as a Girls Do It (but I don't).

It's not the only one.  There are many, and I have a partial list and I've sort of sorted them into why I'll pass on these particular experiences.  I know, it sounds unfair.  I mean, women don't get that choice, really.  But girls definitely have more freedoms than guys do, and I have other impediments to getting to the girl baseline.  I think it all averages out.

I'm Not Interested In Guys

I wrote about this quite a while ago.

I might like to try a 'date:' go out to dinner and a movie perhaps with an attentive male companion.  Be with someone who'll treat me like a woman from start to finish.  But there are problems.

There are also 'admirers,' guys who'd like to go out with a girl like me (us).  But like any girl going on a date with a stranger, there are dangers.  And they might be multiplied for someone like us ~ if your date gets out-of-hand or downright nasty, are you really going to go to the police to report what happened?  Almost definitely not, and your date knows that.  And if you did report it, the police might look at it as "he tried to deceive the other guy by wearing a dress and boobs ~ he's probably lying about what happened."

And it might not even be as overt as a sexual assault ~ it might be inappropriate touch or good night hug that becomes a kiss or good night peck on the cheek that becomes a more intimate kiss.  And I don't think we have as much experience at saying 'no' as born women do.  And, as mentioned above, the power differential is clearly there.

Alternatively, perhaps a friend says "I know you like the girl role.  How about I take you out on a 'date?'" there are still problems.  Conversation will probably be awkward, because your date will be unsure of what is expected.  He might not be as comfortable as he thinks, and feel odd, say, holding hands (if that's where you want to go) or just being in close proximity ~ I think I have a tendency to invade personal space more as Meg then when in drab, where I notice if others invade my space.  I think girls do that in general.  Notice the way that pointing a camera at two women makes their heads tilt towards each other.  Men, not so much.

He also might be unsure all evening as to where the boundaries are.  There will be ones he might be uncomfortable with, but push himself because he thinks you expect it.  And then he might second-guess himself and think "but 'she' wouldn't expect me to do that because 'she' knows me and it might make 'her' uncomfortable if I do that."

Even if you decide ahead of time what the parameters are and write them down and agree to them (take arm ~ OK.  hold hands ~ not OK.  hand on arm ~ OK.  hand on thigh ~ not OK) things might change and it's kind of a mood- and scene-breaker to say "I know we agreed that eating from each other's plate is out-of-bounds, but I'd like to grab a forkful of your fish ~ it looks yummy and I think that's what your date might do.  It seems like a cute and feminine thing.  How about it?"

Also, there are two ways people might say your name: one flows, and the other you can hear the quotes.  There's a world of difference between "you look lovely, Meg" and "you look lovely 'Meg'".  (Actual dialogue is fictitious.)  One is not-so-nice.  The other is, well, lovely.

So dressing up nice for a date with someone who will hold doors and pick up the cheque and compliment your looks and try to impress you over dinner would be an interesting experience, but... it has to stay in the realm of play-acting.  I'm not into guys.


  1. Meg,

    I see things the same way. I have no interest in any form of intimate encounter with anyone, especially a guy. I like to get out and about and merely interact with others. I think what I look to do is to blend and be accepted as just another person and whether the people I interact with see me as a woman or as a man in a dress is not an issue for me.

    A few weeks ago I went out to a somewhat local bar (22 miles away). I have been there several times. It is primarily an LGBT place but neat, clean and somewhat upscale. The clientele includes people from all age groups.

    Often I will go on the nights that they have Drag Bingo or Karaoke (I do better at Bingo than Karaoke) but on a slow midweek night a guy did try to pick me up. I was flattered, happy to accept the free drinks, enjoyed the conversation but firmly and politely explained my situation and made it clear that I was not looking for any type of action other than friendly conversation.

    I can understand that there are situations that may be uncomfortable and possibly dangerous. As for me I do not live in 'fools paradise'. I do not delude myself into thinking that my presentation is foolproof.

    I will leave you with one of my favorite Lincoln quotes, "You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time." As for me I make little to no effort to fool anyone. Our life style is complicated enough under the best of circumstances.


  2. Meg -

    Your post illustrates why I won't go for a "date" while en-femme. However, if a woman were to ask me out, knowing my characteristics, I'd consider it.... Since I don't have better words for it, I'll have to use inelegant substitutes for what I want to say - I could be "the woman" in a lesbian date.... At least that way, if things got hot between us, we'd both feel comfortable with the natural progression of things.

    This is one of the few times where it would be better to be "Bi" in terms of preference instead of presentation....


  3. I did go on a date once, as Annie, some years ago when I looked a lot better than I do now. I knew the guy, and he knew I was T. Dinner and an orchestra concert, and the whole prep of salon, nails, a couple hours putting on makeup, new dress and shoes, etc. was wonderful. I had a great time that night, and he was a perfect gentleman in every way, but I ended up being only a tease when the time came, I found I didn't like being kissed, and couldn't bring myself to go any further south. That night proved to me that I like girls only, and I was able to honestly assure my wife before we married that I wasn't gay.


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