Things I Don't Do

I don't sing.  I don't use firearms.  I don't juggle.  I don't box or wrestle.  I don't follow soccer.

The list goes on and on.

Meg has a list too, and one of my goals is to shorten it.  Every time I remove an item it means I've stepped out of my comfort zone at least a tiny bit and stepped into my Meg role.  At least a tiny bit.

Last Saturday morning, in Tucson, I had breakfast with Liz and Erin.  Afterwards, we went to the Pima Air Museum.  Before leaving the restaurant, I thought it would probably be wise to use the ladies' room.  This is something I have feared, and therefore avoided, so far.  The only time I had used the ladies' room before was (coincidentally) with Liz, and she steered me towards a little-used restroom that time.

I didn't do anything stupid, like head towards the wrong door.  The room was empty the entire time I was in there, which was longer than I expected.  Trying to organise my cinch and camisole and skirt and skirt lining to sit down was a challenge.  Trying to make sure everything was organised correctly before opening the stall door was the second challenge.  I thought there should be a mirror in the stall, but who'd want to be looking at themselves at that particular moment?

One taboo down.  I touched up my lipstick using a small mirror, in the stall.  Next time, I'll use the mirror on the wall.  That's the next push to expand my self-imposed bubble.

What's left?  Puh-lenty.

* I own some very feminine articles of clothing.  Lace, ruffles, sequins, embroidery, and so on.  I avoid them.  I know I'm being read.  I don't know what that has to do with my not dressing very femininely.  I don't know if women would look at me and say "well, he's not afraid to dress UP" or if they would look at me and say "it's bad enough that he's dressing, but that's WAY over the top!"  Or if they'd care at all.  I love feminine clothes, and I'm getting there a bit, with brighter colours and swingier skirts, but I have limits and they're keeping Me from becoming Meg.

* I still haven't eaten alone in a restaurant.  I'd feel boxed in.  If people want to hassle me, I can be stuck in a booth and I wouldn't be able to get up to leave easily.  I've never had a problem, so maybe this fits under the "maintain vigilance" heading, but it makes me nervous and I try to trust my gut.  I mean, it IS much larger than my brain (and I'm working on that).  There's also that ladies' room thing, although I'll have to go whether I'm eating alone or with friends.  I have eaten alone in a food court.  I have ordered takeaway at a restaurant.  I have yet to sit down to a meal alone.

* I haven't worn any kind-of-short skirts.  I think just above the knee is the highest I've tried.

* I haven't worn platform/very high heel shoes.  This is probably due to lack of finding them in my size more than anything else.

* I haven't worn stockings and a garter belt.  Oh wait, I did that Saturday, although I hadn't planned on it.

In the past six months,
* I have gone out barelegged, although I think this is A Bad Idea.

* I have worn open-toed shoes (since I was barelegged, why not).

* I have worn long skirts.  I think my legs are OK and why not show them off?  But to me, long skirts mean more formal and a bit more blending in with the other ladies.

* I have worn stockings and a garter belt. :)

* I introduced Meg and my male self to a relative stranger.

* I made a transsexual friend.  Well, I hope she's my friend.  Maybe I should just say "I met a transsexual."

* I shaved my underarms and shoulders enough that I could wear a tank top (which I haven't) or at least cap sleeves (which I have).

I'm missing things in both categories, I'm sure.  I would LOVE to hear about your comfort zones and how you've been breaching the self-imposed cage and what's left.  Anything from "I wear glossy chapstick as a guy" to "I came out to a friend" to "I went to a club" to "I shave my arms and legs now" to "I hope to go on my porch" to "I want to take a two-week vacation" to ... well, you tell me.  You can e-mail me, of course, or comment or comment and put PRIVATE at the top and it'll never get published.

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