tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post4521288018841421950..comments2023-09-24T16:20:50.493-04:00Comments on Call Me Meg: Therapy the ThirdCallMeMeghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14184763491635476887noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post-78247735523421086722012-03-23T16:09:41.863-04:002012-03-23T16:09:41.863-04:00Meg,
I think you are right to be very concerned. ...Meg,<br /><br />I think you are right to be very concerned. Your wife is drawing a line in the sand, and I echo what some other folks here are saying --- this sounds like she's creating a paper trail. Rightly or wrongly (and I have no idea what her side of this is), she is strongly opposed to your crossdressing, and if she simply cannot tolerate it, then I don't know what a "compromise" is going to look like. (I'm not saying whether she should or shouldn't be expected to accommodate a crossdressing spouse, simply that she isn't.)<br /><br />I wish I had something kind or more hopeful to say. I don't know you, but I feel terrible about this.<br /><br />Also, not sure what the rules are for therapists in Virginia, but here in Pennsylvania practically anyone can hang out a shingle and do "family counseling." I was victimized by a quack back when I was a teen-ager and was being used as a pawn in my parents' divorce. <br /><br />You definitely have the right to find someone who's neutral and impartial ... that's a perfectly reasonable request, and I would hope your wife would be OK with that. <br /><br />I like what Leslie and Leann have to say --- it seems reasonable compromise for you both to see a couples therapist together, and for her to see an individual therapist whom she trusts and respects.<br /><br />TrishTrish Mifflinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09034929459225141253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post-40797537335655182622012-03-23T04:07:28.767-04:002012-03-23T04:07:28.767-04:00Your suspicions were rightly raised when your wife...Your suspicions were rightly raised when your wife suggested this endeavor, and the evidence keeps piling up that this game is rigged. As a therapist herself, she is an insider. She is having secret "ex parte" communications with the therapist. She has reached massively wrong conclusions about you motivation, and has indoctrinated the therapist in these wildly misguided ideas.<br /><br />Your Twilight Zone metaphor is quite apt, and your guess about this being used in an evidenciary fashion down the road is chilling, but not unfounded.<br /><br />If you feel there is any good coming from this, you have to insist on choosing another therapist. They are in cahoots, and that is beyond the pale ethically. As professionals in the field, they should both be aware of this.<br /><br />And I agree with Leann that the same therapist should not be doing both the individual and couples sessions. <br /><br />I am a big advocate for therapy. I wish I had something positive to say about your situation, Meg. You need to take a stand for yourself before this goes much further.Leslie Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15373261212549008939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post-27576089628738603692012-03-22T20:27:00.912-04:002012-03-22T20:27:00.912-04:00I can't tell from this post but are you seeing...I can't tell from this post but are you seeing this specific therapist as a couple's therapy session or are you see the therapist in both individual and couple mode? If you are doing the latter, I would suggest that you need to separate the two. Both need to be gender therapist. You may also want to find a seperate therapist (gender issue expert) for your wife to discuss her issues without you present. This would direct the conversation away from you and towards her issues with her situation.<br /><br />Also, I would suggest that her insistance that you were abused might be her way of saying your TGism isn't your fault and that the image of the wonderful man she married can remain intact.<br /><br />Good luck,<br />LeannLeannnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post-77975842138413506122012-03-22T18:37:08.668-04:002012-03-22T18:37:08.668-04:00This is all well beyond my understanding, I expect...This is all well beyond my understanding, I expect that this is all good advise, all I can do is assure you of my empathy, consideration and what ever virtual support I can offer.Paulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12577631984995202146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post-40303664999420249512012-03-22T14:42:48.536-04:002012-03-22T14:42:48.536-04:00I agree with what others have posted. I would lik...I agree with what others have posted. I would like to add two points. First, there are a number of therapists in DC/NoVa who either specialize in, or have significant experience with, persons dealing with LGBT issues. These include Eleanor Criswell, Martha Harris, and Rusty Lynn. If you are not happy you can always switch. Second, going slow may help reassure your spouse. And you may wish to negotiate any major life changes rather than announce them as a given. I am not saying you are doing the latter, I just want to point out that taking the slow approach and with some give and take, you may end up in the same place, but your spouse will have more time to adjust to the changes and will feel like she is part of the decision process.Sharon Rosenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post-83689033425840965902012-03-22T09:11:16.451-04:002012-03-22T09:11:16.451-04:00Also - being charitable to your wife here - she ma...Also - being charitable to your wife here - she may just be going through a denial phase. From what you have shared it sounds like she *does* want you to be happy, but she is so stressed over the implications of your T to her that she is trying to find a reasonable way to envision a happy ending (in her terms, anyway). This is most likely *not* because she directly wants to prevent you from moving more fully into your own perceived social identity, but because, for her, losing you - as a male companion - hurts too much for her to consider anything else. As you well know, inner pain is a powerful force.<br /><br />You are in the midst of a very delicate negotiation between desires that both of you have. Patience and emotional charity are key enabling factors if you want the relationship to continue or find a renewal with a different gender/social model. None of it is very easy - and of course both of you have to play.Dayita Angelishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11213449961161861092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post-60097359470637529252012-03-22T08:30:17.398-04:002012-03-22T08:30:17.398-04:00I think Pretty Sissy Dani summed it up very well. ...I think Pretty Sissy Dani summed it up very well. This doesn't sound like therapy as much as it sounds like an ambush. Based on your descriptions, I'm concerned about the choice of therapist as well. I think it's important to see the therapist alone and make your own determination about her suitability-and to make those things Dani mentioned clear.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post-79240718447011498702012-03-22T07:44:54.077-04:002012-03-22T07:44:54.077-04:00You need to have a separate session with the thera...You need to have a separate session with the therapist and make it abundantly clear that there is no sexual abuse in your history, that humiliation is not part of your dressing, and--most importantly, IMO--that having your wife do the "diagnosis" in this process is inappropriate.Pretty Sissy Danihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14649369360851086155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3383236105308499589.post-6155992165389937042012-03-22T07:42:29.513-04:002012-03-22T07:42:29.513-04:00I have been by your blog a couple times, and I emp...I have been by your blog a couple times, and I empathize with you. Some people, want an explanation of the why, to hear that we like to dress, or enjoy the clothes is simply to simple an explanation. I think it is good that you are trying to keep the communication lines open and trying to keep the relationship alive, I do hope you are able to and your wife moves closer to you as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com