Call Me Meg

Sometimes, It Just Feels That Way

2012-02-14T07:24:00.002-05:00

My Dinner With Andre(a). And More

2012-02-13T07:52:00.002-05:00

There's not much to say, other than it's nice to spend time with someone who knows about Meg.

Afterwards, I spent a lot of time thinking about how nice it was to spend time and have a nice dinner together, and how sad it was that there is only a small circle of friends I can do this with.

I think I need to expand that circle, but I'm also keenly aware of the problem Pandora had. I don't consider crossdressing an evil let out on the world, but I do know it won't go back in the box once released.

I think I've reached the point where, if it ever came up, I would 'fess up. For instance, on Friday I left the house without taking a critical look at how I looked. Later, in front of the restroom mirror at work I did. I was wearing a camisole under a polo shirt and although you couldn't see the green-blue lace trim on the front of the turquoise cami, you could easily see the thin straps and adjusters from the back. It was early in the day and I thought of taking it off, but I went through a couple of quick scenarios instead: they started with a variation of "what are you wearing under your shirt?" and the best response would be "a camisole. I usually wear one under my shirt." Any follow-up questions could be answered honestly and move the conversation forward to a possibly uncomfortable but definitely open conclusion. ("Why?" "Because I like the feel.")

Any near-open response could lead to follow-up questions that are not only confrontational instead of conversational, but would make it seem I was hiding something. My "something to keep me warm" could provoke a "what, exactly?" or "I've never seen an undershirt with straps like that." It's hard to follow up without challenging back or seeming embarrassed at being "caught." I'm not interested in challenge; I'm interested in enlightenment. And I'm through hiding.

I'm just through.

This Week Only!

2012-02-12T10:24:00.002-05:00

My Sunday cartoon will appear on Tuesday. :)

Play Ball!

2012-02-11T07:16:00.006-05:00

Speedbump again. I think this is the eighth appearance. I'm starting to get suspicious.

The joke's kind of forced, but a lot of our fiction is, isn't it?

You Can Get Anything You Want at Alice Rae's

2012-02-10T07:52:00.001-05:00

Dorothy has been telling me to visit Alice Rae Fine Intimate Apparel since my first trip to Tucson. I finally made it, although in drab.

My problem with intimate apparel shops is, they're usually outside my price range. I know quality lingerie, like quality wigs, is expensive. I just hate going into a shop where I know I'm out of my price range.

I was looking for serious shapewear. They seem to focus on bras; more on that in a moment.

I made it clear I was looking for items for myself. Terry, who was behind the counter, had no problem with that at all.

I saw one interesting corset ~ it was a heavy material, the better to swear off the inches, and could be put on by one person. There were two rows of eyes for the heavy-duty hooks so as you shrunk your waist you could go to the second set. Terry offered to let me try it on, so I did. She suggested a small might work.

It didn't. I could close one hook on the bottom and that was IT. They had no larger sizes at the moment.

I also tried a shaping camisole, so tight that it had to be pulled up instead of over my head. It did a good job of pulling in my tummy but it also emphasised the fact that I have NO hips at all. Without a bust, I looked like I was stuffed into a sausage wrapping.

Camisoles and shapewear where on racks in the front of the store. As I was looking around I did notice one padded panty, but I forgot to follow up on that. I have one, but it's kind of unsatisfactory and I'd like to try something else, maybe with hip pads as well as butt pads.

I mentioned that I'd like to look for a bra, but I'd need my forms. She pointed out a series of bras that all have pockets for pads. I told her Victoria's Secret measured me and said I was a 42-B but I generally wore a 38-C and closed it to the smallest band I could. She measured me and suggested I might even be a 36, but in that case I'd need a D. (Victoria's Secret doesn't even carry 40 and above and the saleslady tried to sell me a 38, even though she just told me I was a 42.)

Bras seemed to be in the $50 range, which I think is reasonable, even though it's probably twice what I normally pay. I get the double advantage of personal service and helping a small business. I'd rather shop at an Alice Rae than a Victoria's Secret.

It was now approaching closing time and I still had to check in and locate Crossroads, where I had agreed to meet Andrea.

And after I left, I realised I did something really stupid.

Since I hadn't checked in yet, my pads and everything else were in the car. I probably wouldn't try the dress over the pads and new bra (in the shop) but I could have tried on the bra and pads and seen how they fit and how it looked. The store was mostly devoid of customers; it wouldn't have been a big deal since I hadn't hidden what I wanted at all.

Stupid stupid stupid.

Next trip, I'll stop by before I dress if after I dress it'll be too late, and I'll have my pads with me.

Not to Be, It Seems

2012-02-09T07:20:00.027-05:00

As I said, I went to bed around 11. I proceeded to wake up around 1 and could NOT fall back to sleep. I finally did, shortly before my alarm went off. That's one strike against Meg going out.

At work, we are in a crunch situation. My staff is expected to put in sixty hour weeks, 10 hours a day, six days a week, for the next couple of weeks. What I didn't know is, I was expected to do the same. On the east coast, they decided our "core hours," when everyone had to be in the office, was from 9 to 5. Well, I have some leeway so I decided the Arizona core hours were 7 to 3. That was better, but I had after-work deadlines:

to get to dinner or services dressed, I had to leave by 3.
to do some shopping (Alice Rae) dressed, I had to leave by 1.

There was no way I could leave before 3. Or at 3. Strike two.

I did get out around 3:30.

Earlier in the day, I decided that services were out (too tired) so I e-mailed Andrea and told her I could meet her around 6:30. I figured anything later and I'd fall asleep at dinner.

On my drive up, I decided that I was just too tired to dress. I could make it to Alice Rae's if I went straight there. I really wanted to go dressed, but I did want to check out this little intimate apparel shop.

On my fourth trip, I finally made it.

Travelling Again

2012-02-08T07:39:00.026-05:00

As I mentioned, I had another trip to Arizona. It was my shortest trip yet: due to other considerations at work I couldn't go until Wednesday, and due to the fact that I was spending my Meg budget on hotels and meals, I couldn't stay until Sunday.

My suitcase wasn't quite as full as usual. Realistically, the difference between four work overnights and two work overnights is just a shirt and a pair of pants. But Meg's breastforms take up almost half of my case. Add a pair of shoes (two for two days as Meg) and it's easily half. Makeup, jewelry, wig, brush.... It takes a lot of real estate. I think if I was packing for my drab self for those three nights I could have packed in a bowling bag instead of a suitcase that would have to go in the overhead. I check my bag anyway. I don't want to worry about my makeup remover being over three ounces. And I hate lugging a suitcase through the airport.

My plan, as I mentioned a few days ago, was to get out of the office on Friday, drive to Tucson, change, probably go to synagogue again, and meet one of my friends for dinner. I was also eying the casino that was not too far from the hotel. And if could get out early enough, I'd go to Alice Rae's Intimate Apparel. Dorothy has been egging me on ever since we met. Alice Rae's closes at 5:30 which meant an hour before services but I'm sure I could find some additional shopping.

By Thursday night I had gotten rid of my body hair, I tried out (and liked) the lipstick/gloss I brought, and I was ready for Friday night. Since I had to check out in the morning, I packed everything carefully, with my day clothes out and my Meg clothes at the top of the case, and went to bed at around 11 Arizona time. Oddly, I wasn't that tired, even though that was 1am Eastern.

Then things started to fall apart.

After Dinner

2012-02-07T07:36:00.008-05:00

As it turns out, I didn't get to bed as early as I had hoped. I had my usual after-dressing rush, and rather than aimlessly expend energy in my room while putting off changing, I changed quickly and Aeify and I met to chat some more. For the record, she's very nice and I like her a lot. Aeify, if you're reading, skip that last sentence! :)

Way too early the next morning Aeify and I headed to the airport. We both had flights that connected in Dallas, but hers was somewhat later than mine. I convinced her to change to my flight and we sat together and had another couple of hours of chat and coffee. Time flew while the airplane did the same. The only way it could have been better is if I was dressed. You know what I mean!

But this was good. If I can't spend time as Meg, time with women who know Meg is second best. T-girls are next, very close behind. Guys who know Meg would probably be the next people I'd like to spend time with, but I don't really know any. Then civilians. :)

So I'm still writing about my last trip and I already had another (very short) trip to Arizona. I also have to work ten hour days, six days a week for the next two weeks; we have a hard deadline. I'll do my best to keep writing. I hate missing a day. I like the writing habit, and I hope my muse keeps helping me out.

I thank her every day.

Girls' Night Out

2012-02-06T07:37:00.000-05:00

Liz caught Dorothy, Meg, and Aeify

We went from the mall to the hotel to a nice Chinese restaurant. Stopping at the hotel to freshen up meant no ladies' room challenges for me this day. I don't know if that's good or bad. I need to do that more, but it makes me really nervous.

We had five for dinner. Liz asked some friends if they could join us, but no-one could. Maybe next time. I wanted to limit the dinner to eight. I really would prefer to meet each person individually first ~ I can't hear well over background noise so it's hard to follow dinner party conversations unless I'm sitting right next to someone. But if I know something about the other people I can maybe figure out what I couldn't hear and enjoy it more. And, even though Meg isn't quite the introvert I am, she's more comfortable with fewer strangers.

So we had Liz, Dorothy, Andrea (from the hotel), Aeify, and me. And a great time. If you stood us in a line we were gg, tg, gg, tg, gg. That's better than boy-girl-boy-girl any day!

The food was OK, but I didn't really care. I had fun; I hope we all did. Liz sat on my right hand, Aeify on my left. I am now trying very hard not to say how hard it was to eat with someone sitting on each of my hands.

We talked abaout work, and people, and our own little kinks (Liz seemed immune), and a little of everything.

Aeify, Liz, Meg, Dorothy. Andrea didn't want to be seen.

After dinner, we adjourned to the parking lot where we talked some more. I finally had to break it up so I could get changed and to bed ~ Aeify and I had to get to the airport early. Although Aeify's flight was at least an hour later than mine, I talked her into coming down with me so we could say goodbye.

Placeholder

2012-02-05T10:37:00.000-05:00

Hi, friends.

I'm back in Virginia and have a bit to write about (plus what I owe you from the last trip) but I'm recovering for travel, odd schedule, not enough sleep, and a minor car accident.

I'll be back tomorrow, I promise. Enjoy the game tonight, if that's your idea of a good time. :)

Friday Night Plans

2012-02-03T08:44:00.001-05:00

are completely up in the air.

One thing I understand is having expectations leads to disappointment.

Right now, it seems a perfect storm to keep me in drab tonight.

I went to bed late for Arizona time. I woke early for eastern time, so I'm running on less than five hours of sleep (and caffeine).

Candi, a new friend I just started chatting with, is busy tonight. I haven't heard back from Dorothy. I don't want to bother Liz ~ I feel I take up too much of her time. I'd like to get together with Andrea again, but I think I can do that dressed or drab. I was hoping for t-company tonight.

And work is crazy. We're supposed to be on ten hour days, six days a week, for the next few weeks. My responsibilities changed from getting direction for different stakeholders on up to eight different projects to getting direction from one person and leading a team of five. It does sound easier, but I am now a chokepoint in a project I don't understand yet.

So I don't know if I'm going to get out before two, which is my target for dressing for dinner. I did my preliminaries ~ all body hair that needs to go is gone, nails are trimmed and buffed, I checked that I brought everything with me and my contacts are still under solution. I also spent a bit of time carefully shaping and trimming my brows. Since it was only a few weeks since my last trip I didn't have my "pro" do it. I think I may have overdone it ~ another reason to go out!

Even a 7:00 dinner means I need to be out by 3:30 or so.

I expect a quiet evening catching up on some reading I brought with me and early sleep for an early plane.

At least I have my nightie. And my expectations. I may avoid disappointment yet!

Tight Schedule

2012-02-02T07:47:00.021-05:00

Between travel and work my writing time is limited. I know I owe you some story. But here's an observation I made a short while ago and haven't shared yet.

I've mentioned that I've been wearing tights pretty regularly this winter.

One thing I noticed is, they are NOT particularly warm. But I wear them under pants daily and when the wind, or just cold air, sweeps past your ankles it feels indescribably nice. It's just unexpected and pleasant.

The other thing, and this might just be me, is the tights become all that is there. This seems to happen on the third day of wearing them ~ I don't have the opportunity on the weekend so that would be Wednesday ~ the pants seem to disappear. I think what happens is, I just lose awareness of the pants rubbing against the tights and it feels like I'm just wearing tights. It feels like when I wear a skirt over tights. The skirt is kind of separate from what you're wearing against your body.

Again, your mileage may vary.

But for me, I like it. It's the next best thing to wearing a skirt to work!

Majority Rules

2012-02-01T07:16:00.036-05:00

Right now I'm swamped and don't have time to do my next "trip" post, which is dinner with the ladies. There are still two posts for that trip, and today I'm heading back to Arizona.

I'll be in the office this afternoon, putting in a full day tomorrow, and hopefully getting out midday on Friday. My plan: drive to Tucson, change, shop, synagogue (why not?), dinner with someone, I hope, and back to Virginia Saturday morning. I can't spend an extra day in Arizona this time: it's taking a toll on my "Meg" budget.

Anyway, I've packed light ~ well relatively light. Meg still takes most of my luggage space. The breast forms, properly packed, and shoes take half of my bag. I'm bringing only the makeup I need ~ not like last time. And just two pair of earrings and bracelets, just because I haven't made up my mind and they don't take a lot of space really. I do have two pair of tights, because they're different enough that I need to decide what to wear. One is grey with a pattern; the other is black with vertical stripes. The stripe pair are not for work: the non-black part is mesh, not material.

And my only outfit is the black and white dress. My readers have spoken! I actually like the block one best, but I have little sense of style.

While I'm rambling, I'll leave you with a lesson learned:

I have decided I like lip gloss, and it is now part of my daily routine.

I switched from "clear" lip gloss to gloss that is basically my colour.

The picture here was taken in the little cafe across from my hotel in Sierra Vista. I put on my gloss before breakfast, and expected to freshen it after I went back to my room, before heading to the office.

When I looked at the cup ~ surprise!

Before I finished my meal, I wiped off the cup. I didn't want the staff to think I had been given a cup with lipstick on it!

At work in Arizona, I use a styrofoam cup. Yes, I leave lip marks on it. No, I don't much care. I also stopped cleaning the mugs at the restaurant. If anyone looks and says anything, I'll say "it's OK. It's mine."

Why the heck not.

Time Well Spent

2012-01-31T07:07:00.007-05:00

Motherhood Maternity? Oh, Come On!

After Aeify and I left Liz and the museum, we headed over to the Tucson Mall. The mall wasn't anything special ~ it had the usual chains with the usual stuff. We didn't really look at clothes, which is definitely the first thing I look for at a mall, especially when dressed. Second is probably jewelry, followed by shoes and cosmetics.

Instead we just... walked and talked. We looked at some things, we went into a couple of stores but it was a walking-talking day.

I did my other favourite dressed thing: I forgot I was dressed. I was Meg, hanging with her new girlfriend. I didn't even think to ask Aeify to take a picture until we were ready to leave and would you look at the choice of store in the background! That's one store I'll never shop at!

I was at peace. I think Aeify was having a pretty good time too.

I thought it was... I'm missing a word here. Not "odd" or "strange." "Unexpected," yes, but that's not the word I want. I'll try to explain.

When I said I was going out to Arizona and I'd get to spend one "Meg" day, Aeify said she wanted to come out too. I could not imagine why. She lost Penny less than two months earlier. She wanted to go to Tucson, of all places, and spend a bit of treasure for a one-day trip.

But as we chatted I learned that the furthest she had been from home was Orlando, and that was the only time she had ever flown. She wanted to do what I do as Meg: step outside her comfort zone.

The same way I always have "firsts" as Meg, she wanted some "firsts" as an adult on her own.

Then I understood.

I Just Have to Share

2012-01-30T07:02:00.000-05:00

These are a few pictures from the raptor free flight at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, as I wrote about yesterday. There's no t-content except the photographer (me) was wearing a skirt and scoop-neck top and mid-heels. Remember to click to enlarge! My day in Tucson continues tomorrow.

I forgot to mention that last week's picture was taken in the Hummingbird aviary, another spectacular exhibit. Most of us have rarely or never seen a hummingbird. Here you can take a pleasant walk around while a dozen or more fly around you.

My favourite, the great horned owl

Monty by Jim Meddick

2012-01-29T07:24:00.003-05:00

The poll's still open but I think You Have Spoken. Scroll back a few days to see the dresses.

The strip Monty was originally known as Robotman. I didn't know the early history; I think I want to find some of those earlier strips and catch up. I've been reading it for at least ten years ~ I started when it was called "Robotman and Monty." In that time, they added a time traveler named "Doc" (the old man) and a robot called "EB-3" (the robot), who's the focus of this little sequence. Monty's the other guy. You can catch up with them right here. Click to make each easy-to-read. And it might help to know that EB is in love with Monty's vacuum cleaner and apparently has quite a thing for them.

I LOVE This One!

Me! I'm Herman!

2012-01-28T07:22:00.001-05:00

(Please vote in yesterday's poll, if you haven't yet. I noticed you don't like the print dress, but I wonder if that's because of the poor picture. A better one is here.)

Posted without comment. Click or it's wasted.

Won't You Please, Please Help Me

2012-01-26T20:05:00.001-05:00

I just found out that I'll be taking a quick trip to AZ again next week. I hope to meet someone for dinner, and I want to visit Alice Rae's (and I bet Stana will love the picture on their home page!) if I can get there early enough. I'm losing a day to training, so I may not be able to.

I will try to get to services again. That was pleasant.

Earlier today, I had a chance to try on three possible dresses. Please let me know which you like the best. My apologies for the cel phone pictures. I hate them, but time was limited. It gave me two choices: grainy or a flash in the middle of the photo. I took the best of a poor few.

Please vote for your favourite in the little poll to the right.

The Black-and-white and block print are both poly with a bit of spandex so they're light and stretchy. The purple is heavier, and has a short zip in the back. It's all solid except for the sleeve detail.

I'll wrap up my last trip to AZ next week, just in time for my next trip!

Update: Ten votes in. I don't want to influence anyone, but last time I wore a different black-and-white to the same place. If y'all think that's cool, keep on voting for it!

I'm Stunned

2012-01-26T07:32:00.046-05:00

The Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum is stunning. Even the drive is spectacular. Aeify, who has never been to this part of the country, was suitably impressed. When she came to DC, she told me about every plant in front of every house and on every street. Here, she couldn't identify a single one and it really threw her.

Liz led us into the museum and we wandered a bit, looking at big cats and other native specimens as we walked towards the raptor free-flight which would begin at 10.

I had the same shoes I wore last time when we went to the Pima air museum. They're amazingly comfortable, but walking over stones and such they were a bit less so. I felt comfortable in my top and skirt, and enjoyed the tour and the company.

Aeify, Liz, and some guy in a skirt

When I was here in June, I praised the museum and it turns out I had missed the best exhibit.

(Keep in mind, when I say "exhibit" I don't mean a stuffed animal in a setting. This is a living museum. The big cats, the bears, the prarie dogs and so on are all live exhibits. Believe it or not, the most fake thing about the museum is the rocks. They make them themselves.)

(While I'm doing asides, you know how authors will say someone "squealed with delight" but no-one ever really does that? When the prarie dog hills popped into view, Aeify literally squealed with delight.)

At 10 and 2 each day ~ Liz will correct me if it's not ~ they have a trainer talk to the crowd as they allow some of the birds of prey to fly free for a little bit. The trainers have done their job: the birds do return.

While out, they fly back and forth practically touching the heads of the visitors. One thing I've always found sad about zoos is, no matter how big the enclosures are the raptors can't really fly, and they need to. Even my little cockatiel will beat his wings furiously a couple of times a day if she isn't let out of her cage.

They bill it as a raptor free-flight, but the first birds out were ravens ~ predators but not raptors. It didn't matter. It was spectacular, and I saw an owl in flight for the very first time. It was worth the trip. In fact, if you ever find yourself within a few hundred miles of Tucson, go out of your way to see this!

Liz spoke to Larisa, the trainer, after the flight was over. She introduced us and asked if we could go and see the back room where they have some of the other birds. She readily agreed, and we met a scarlet macaw, and several other raptors. We each got to pet the barn owl (named Ty) and chat with some of the people working there. Larisa and Ty are in the picture from last Friday.

We saw incredible plants, amazing animals, and chatted together all morning. Alas, I didn't see anything jump out at me in the gift shop, but shopping without buying is nice too.

Liz would meet us for dinner later, but we let her go salvage some of her Saturday and Aeify and I went to do a little window shopping at a mall.

Just the one picture of the ladies I was with and some random stranger. Apparently, utilikilts are big in Tucson. Click to see the big picture.

I Like Breakfast at Todd's

2012-01-25T07:36:00.027-05:00

The half-hour or so drive to Todd's was unevenful and scenic. Aeify enjoyed seeing new plants, architecture, roads. I did too. I wondered if one cactus evolved spikes and the other plants said "hey! We better do that too or we're gonna get et!"

We pulled into the parking lot just ahead of Liz and we all had a nice breakfast. The restaurant wasn't crowded. Some small planes landed at the tiny airport right outside and the passengers and crew came in to eat. (Pssst... order some bread so you can try the prickly pear jelly.)

The meal was totally uneventful, which is a good thing. We were just three ladies having breakfast and I wasn't sure which made my smile broader: that the people around us treated us as three women, or that my two companions accepted me as one of them. It doesn't matter ~ if they enjoyed breakfast, I savored every second. Time spent with the ladies is heaven. And Liz and Aeify are wonderful company.

My order was taken, I was served, I was asked if I wanted more coffee. I paid the bill. I was accepted as what I appeared, what I wanted to be that day. It's an incomparable feeling, and readers who've been out know what I mean. I hope the rest of you get to know it some day soon.

The drive to the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum (Liz corrected me on the name) is pretty straight-forward. Go down one street, turn left, go down that street. Liz wanted to take the more scenic route so we followed her. We followed her past rows of fifteen foot Saguaro cactus: some were straight stalks, some had two or four or more arms, looking like a Vishnu or Kali or Shiva turned to vegetation. There were clumps of prickly pear cactus near the side of the road, and countless barrel cactus scattered among various tough-skinned desert plants. Other than a hawk or two we didn't see any animal life, but we saw plenty of that later in the day.

It was already a great day, and it was just starting.

Making Up

2012-01-24T07:07:00.003-05:00

Saturday morning, I planned to take Aeify to Liz's favourite breakfast place where we'd all meet up and then head to the Sonora Desert Museum, my favourite place in Tucson.

After I showered and put on my cover stick and foundation (and clothes!), I called Aeify and asked her to come down and do my eyes.

I've had a few women do my makeup before, and there's always a problem. The same problem. They want to do something "subtle," like most women would like. I need a plasterer. Many of us do. I'd love to learn how to do more contouring with blush and bronzer and powder. I'd like to try to minimise my nose and change the shape of my face somewhat. Teddy, who did my makeup twice, was a whiz at this. I'd look in the mirror after she did my makeup and I'd see an almost-pretty stranger looking back.

Aeify has some experience with girls like me. She had a little heavier hand, and she knew what she was doing. She had a palette for blue eyes which she left for me as a gift. My eyes looked great when she was done. She used a lighter eyeliner than I do, and used less. The shadow colours looked superb. And, idiot that I am, I didn't think to get a closeup of my eyes. As I said, I hardly have any pictures from Saturday.

She did my blush as well, and used a light hand because she said she usually uses too much.

Shhh.... Don't tell her, but I added a coat of mascara and a little more blush, because, well, I like a bit more colour (since I put powder over my face) and I love mascara.

I did my lips in the same combinaation of colour and gloss as the night before, put on my wig and shoes and we were off with about fifteen minutes to spare.

What Was I Thinking?

2012-01-23T07:32:00.009-05:00

The drive back to the hotel was much better than the drive to the synagogue. The road does some funky things, but it was pretty easy. Although I'm starting to know my way around Tucson a bit, I did follow the GPS when it told me to turn off of Valencia, even though I knew it's only one more turn to the hotel. The GPS way would mean I end up on the right side of the road, instead of a weird sort of u-turn, which I prefer.

Instead it put me onto two unfamiliar and completely unlit roads. I think the lady in the GPS is jealous because I look so fine and she's just a little square box. :D

I stopped in my room for a moment, and made sure Aeify was in the hotel and ready to go.

She was overdressed for dinner as well ~ she did that deliberately, knowing that t-girls often overdress. That was a pleasant surprise.

We had a nice chat on the way to the restaurant. Actually we had a long chat ~ I was sure I knew which street the restaurant was on, but I was wrong. We had to drive around a bit until I finally found it.

I had been to this steakhouse once before, and had a good meal (in drab).

Aeify and I were treated like girlfriends. Someone was asked to show "these ladies" to their table, and "ladies" was the word of the night when they were addressing us.

The second pleasant surprise was when a random waitress came over to our table. She looked at us and said how nice we looked and asked if we were going out. I gave her an expansive hand motion and said "we're here." Then she said we should definitely go out.

I don't know if she was trying to see if we were what we appeared to be. I really don't care. What I DO care about is, I didn't think to pick up my camera at the room and ask this nice waitress if she'd take a picture of us. In fact, I kind of forgot about pictures this trip. I took a lot of animal shots at the museum, but I didn't get many of Meg or Aeify or Liz or Andrea or Dorothy or all of us together, except for some posed restaurant shots. I think I was just enjoying being a girl too much to think about it.

I also think it's too soon to be too relaxed. I need to pay more attention to how I move and how I speak and how I react and I think I'm letting that go somewhat. I have to remember not to do that! And I have to remember to bring my camera and ask for pictures.

Dinner was uneventful. Families and couples sat nearby and I looked at them more than they looked at us. Aeify had the country fried steak, I had the fish and chips (at a steakhouse? What was I thinking?). The dinner portions were huge, and we both left most of our dinner. I'm not sure if I left mine because I was in "girl mode" (I did eat my salad!) or because I was too busy chatting with Aeify. The waitress never slipped; there was no difference between Aeify and me as far as she was concerned. ("Did you ladies leave room for dessert?")

It was late when we got back to the hotel and we went to our respective rooms, but Aeify promised to help me with my makeup the next morning. Saturday was to be breakfast, the Sonora Desert Museum, a little shopping, and dinner with the girls and I could hardly wait!

Altogether Ooky

2012-01-22T07:46:00.026-05:00

There might be some people out there who don't know Charles Addams. He used to do cartoons for The New Yorker, and the old 60s show "The Addams Family" was based on his characters. The tv family looked remarkably like the family he drew.

The writers were clearly fans. There was a single cartoon of a disembodied hand ~ I think it was delivering mail to the Morticia character who was saying "Thank you, Thing." That became a recurring character in the show.

Another had her introducing a hairy midget with a hat and glasses with "This is my cousin Itt."

These are a few cartoons I picked off the internet ~ I didn't have time to scan anything from the many books I own. Fortunately, there are a few choice cartoons out there.

The first is the quintessential Addams. The second is one of my favourites; he also did an opposite cartoon with everyone laughing and one man crying. He liked crowds: one cartoon featured a horse race and a crowd of kings watching it.

I had a Christmas card with number three on it. I also had one with the family sitting around and Morticia saying "suddenly, I have a dreadful urge to be merry."

The last cartoon always makes me laugh. I hope they make you laugh too. Buy a book and laugh some more. There are lots of used editions out there.

Don't Forget the Bra!

2012-01-21T07:33:00.002-05:00

Sorry McPherson. You've been in The Post for a long time and I have yet to see one funny strip. The only reason you made the blog is the little t-connection.

I hate it when a newspaper wastes valuable comic page real estate with something like this.

OK, I Screwed Up

2012-01-20T07:46:00.010-05:00

This post was supposed to appear yesterday, and this one today. I haven't blogged the rest of my weekend so right now... I got nothin'.

Please read both in order. I'll leave you with a picture of Aeify petting a barn owl (honest!). That's me, looking on.

"Gee, You Have Lovely Eyes"

2012-01-19T07:46:00.024-05:00

Note: this was supposed to post tomorrow, and I put in the wrong date. Oh well....

I followed the sound of singing until I found the sanctuary. By the door a man was handing out spiral bound books that were the synagogue's own prayer book. I took one, thanked him, and looked inside the room. There were a couple of hundred people in folding chairs, a small dais for the clergy, and a choir at the far left (that's another difference ~ reform may have a choir; the other flavours of Judaism do not). I peered around and saw a few scattered empty seats but there were two mostly empty rows in the back at the far side of the sanctuary. I asked the man if there was another entrance there; he said yes and I walked out and across the building so I wouldn't disturb the people inside. The penultimate row had a gentleman of about 70 sitting alone near the end of the row. I sat in the last (empty) row right behind him.

I arrived right before V'Shamru, a prayer I like. The tune was the same as back home, and I joined in (quietly).

I noticed a couple of women in the choir looking at me and smiling. My first thought was: "read. I was right. Something's off."

But I also looked around the room. Unexpectedly, I was overdressed. There were lots of women in pants; the men mostly wore open collars; ties were rare, jackets rarer. Plus, as the service went on I realised the members knew each other, for the most part. I was unfamiliar and overdressed. My confidence level went up.

The first big surprise was the healing prayer. The tune was familiar; there was an extra bit but it was all in the prayer book. That was good. But the rabbi said we should all hold hands. This was new and unexpected.

I stepped forward so I was standing next to the man in front of me and took his hand. I dropped my prayer book into an empty seat in front of me so I could see the words, which was good because of that extra bit. I was now standing pretty close to the choir and as I looked up, two women who were holding hands raised their joined hands toward me and I put my free hand on theirs.

This was nice. This was very nice. Yes, I'd prefer to hold women's hands only, but even if I was in drab I'd be holding the gentleman's hand, so... so what. And here I was, dressed, and just another congregant. I was in heaven, if I can use that phrase in this setting. :)

After the prayer the man turned to me and said "your hands are awfully cold." I smiled and said "it's pretty cold out there." It was getting colder, and the door behind me was open. Actually, my hands and feet are always cold but I wasn't going to get into that. I need to embrace my role more. If I was my male self and a female friend commented on my cold hands I probably would take the coldest side of my coldest hand and touch it to her face or neck or arm or some other exposed sensitive spot. Here, roles were reversed ~ I should have done the same thing to him. The worst that could happen is he'd pull back, but I guess I was passing so why not?

The sermon convinced me I was there for the wrong week. He was pushing an upcoming congregational meeting and asking members what they liked best, or didn't like, or what should be done differently. I yawned through his talk.

At the end they threw two more curves: the rabbi asked first time visitors to stand up and introduce themselves. I did not. Three other people did. Maybe next time, I will raise my voice.

One more final prayer and we were done ~ almost. Another tradition with a twist. They say a prayer over bread. That's normal but here while someone says the prayer over the bread one person touches the bread and everyone one else has to be touching someone who's touching someone who's... eventually touching the bread person.

As I stood up, my new friend turned to me and said, "gee. You have lovely eyes."

If the holding hands was nice, this was wonderful. I never felt more like a woman than I did at that moment. I was glad I didn't raise my voice earlier; I might have spoiled the illusion and lost that moment.

I gave him a huge smile, and I thanked him. I almost felt like I was blushing. I realised that, while I was looking at the dais and my book, he was looking at me!

I think he was embarrassed by his comment. As I was trying to figure out what to do next he turned to me again and said, "I'm sorry. My wife had blue eyes and..." I smiled and cut him off and said "it's all right. Thank you." and I continued heading for the door. I should have done something more ~ maybe put my hand on his arm as I spoke ~ but I didn't. Again, I need to embrace the role.

I walked along the back until I was close to someone touching someone touching someone touching... you get the idea. I was part of the chain now. I put my hand on the shoulder of the woman in front of me and she gave me a big smile. I smiled back, but I didn't speak to anyone except to say "excuse me" and make my way towards the doors.

I was one of the first people out; I didn't want to explain why I was skipping the oneg, even though I had a ready and honest response. I didn't want to get into a "come in for just a minute" because I'd find it rude to refuse and Aeify would be waiting.

I walked back to my car. There was an older couple in front of me; it turned out their car was parked right by mine and they weren't sticking around for nosh either. They were talking but at one point they turned around to see who's heels were clacking along behind them. We didn't exchange words and it was pretty dark. I pass best in the dark.

That man in front of me doesn't know it, but he made this my best solo outing ever!

Or What?

2012-01-19T07:30:00.028-05:00

So it's Friday night and I'm in a strange town and I'm looking for a dressy Meg activity.

I can dress like I just got off work and stop at the mall ~ that's always a possibility, but I don't really need to mingle with the teens who are hanging at the mall.

I could do dinner, but my plans were for a later dinner with Aeify (her blog is here) when she arrives.

So I checked the local synagogues. I go to services occasionally, more often when my boys were younger than now; this year, I haven't been since October.

For those unfamiliar, there are three main branches of Judaism:

* Orthodox, where men and women sit separately and there are three services a day. I wasn't sure where I'd sit so that's out.
* Conservative, which is more egalitarian but they usually focus on the Saturday morning service. This is where I grew up.
* Reform, which I usually attend. There's more of a Hebrew/English mix and the tunes would be more familiar to me. Friday night is the big service of the week, with Saturday morning a close second.
* (and Reconstructionist, which is more fringe and I've never been)

So I looked for reform synagogues and found Or Chadash, which billed itself as "A warm and welcoming community where all can experience God." I looked at their calendar and found a discrepancy so I sent an e-mail asking which time was right. The woman who wrote back said I'd be "welcome at any service" and told me the main service starts at 6:30.

It was also the closest to my hotel, a plus for me. Google maps said it was about 20 minutes away. It looked pretty straightforward: turn right, turn left and that's the road it's on.

I got out of work a bit later than I wanted and people were still trying to get last minute advice. My 2:00 leave turned into 2:25 and I headed for Tucson.

Andrea was off; there were a couple of guys behind the desk. I checked in, carrying three bags: computer, suitcase, and a smaller bag with Meg stuff. Not all of Meg's stuff, but the bag was crammed,

Earlier in the week I did a dry run. I tried my makeup and decided I didn't like either mascara so I bought a new one. I tried an eyeshadow that looked too dark so I switched to a lighter blue for my lids. I tried each of the lipsticks and glosses and found a combination I liked (but didn't love). I tried different jewelry combinations until I found the one I like best. I wanted to video chat with a friend or two, but the wifi at this hotel is pathetic. Regular web pages would time out. I passed on that potential frustration.

So I had sorted everything I was going to wear and put the makeup and jewelry together with undergarments and such in that bulging bag.

I was at the hotel with plenty of time for a leisurely shower and thorough shave and to correct any mistakes I might make while doing my face. I didn't do anything that needed repair, but I wasn't really thrilled with the final product. Something didn't look quite right to my eyes.

I wanted to leave at 6. Any earlier and I'd have too much time before the service started. The time before Jewish services is a social time, and although meeting people is bothering me less, I didn't want to be the only person who knew no-one and I'd be staring at my hands. I didn't want to be late, but if I had to sit in the car for a couple of minutes to be just about on time, that would be OK. Since the ride was straightforward and google said 20 minutes, I figure a couple of minutes after six would be fine.

As I said, google said it was a straightforward trip. My GPS had other ideas.

It said it was a 30 minute drive, not 20, said the GPS. OK, I did leave at 6 and I'd be about on time, even if google was wrong. No worries.

As I drove down Alvernon, the long street that the synagogue was on, my GPS decided I needed to turn, that Alvernon did not continue. I dutifully (stupidly) turned.

It had me make a couple of more turns, then wanted me to go onto a street clearly labelled "No Outlet." I declined, and turned in what I thought was the right direction to rejoin Alvernon.

When I finally caught up with it, I ignored the lady's voice and just kept driving. The GPS started showing no road, only green fields and she was silent.

Eventually, I was back on what the device thought was a road. It told me to turn and I did not ~ no fooling me again! Alas, now I was on a different road: Alvernon made a right turn and continued. I went back past the turn and back again before I did make that turn. Alvernon fooled me once more with another left and I went past it, turned around and went back.

I considered taking this as a sign and giving up... that's the funny thing about signs. I was very late, but was it a sign that I should go home, or maybe I was supposed to avoid a problem at the start of the service, or maybe it was a test to see how committed I was to going to services that night. Or maybe no-one was paying attention and I just went on aimlessly. Or everyone was paying attention and they had bets on how late I'd be.

By the way, driving an hour in high-heels isn't bad at all. Getting up is, since it puts more strain on your calf muscles as you're pressing the pedals and your foot has to straighten more. I had an uncomfortable few steps until my legs settled down.

Or Chadash is a campus of several connected or nearly connected buildings. I parked at the closest spot to the entrance where I saw cars, which meant it was furthest from where I wanted to be.

It was dark, but not yet cold. I didn't have a coat but I felt fine. My heels seemed to make a LOT of noise on the sidewalk and I walked past the office which was well lit and occupied and I'm sure people inside were wondering why some woman (hey, I was far away and it was dark) was walking to the services a half-hour late.

Oh... typical Friday night services are 60-90 minutes with an "oneg" afterwards: wine, bread, other assorted fruits, cake, cookies, coffee. So I missed somewhere between a third and a half of the service. And I planned to skip the Oneg ~ Aeify would be waiting.

This is getting kind of long, so I'll finish this up tomorrow.

Picture Only

2012-01-18T07:06:00.000-05:00

I'll have time to write today, but for now a shot of temple-ready Meg.

I Know What You Did Last Weekend

2012-01-17T07:24:00.023-05:00

This is just a "Oh My God! I ran out of time unpacking, running around, getting my expense report ready" preview of Tucson.

Friday night, I put on the dress I packed and went to services at a local reform synagogue. I then went back to the hotel where I went dinner with Aeify, who flew in from Memphis to get away from the place for a tiny bit.

Saturday morning, I put on a more casual top and skirt and went to breakfast with Aeify and Liz. Liz (Sonora Sage) showed us around the Sonora Desert Museum, including the raptor free flight, which was incredible, but hopefully not indescribable.

Aeify and I headed over to the Tucson mall to do a little window shopping before going to a Chinese restaurant with Liz, Andrea, and Dorothy.

All of the players were mentioned in previous posts, but I'll point you at them or remind you as I write about a wonderful weekend over the next few days.

There Will Be Pictures.

100% Truthful

2012-01-16T08:36:00.000-05:00

This is an actual restroom conversation at work.

We had just come back from a meeting at the customer. B, a customer-related contractor was being a major pain; this is normal but only peripheral to the topic.

Unexpectedly, J said "do you know what I hate?" I said "B." He said "besides that. I hate it when I get dressed in the dark and put on my boxers backwards and don't realise it until I go to the bathroom at work."

I thought of a hundred things to say. "I have to be careful with my panties because the back is always roomier than the front and it would be really uncomfortable." Or "I just go over the top anyway." Or "boxers? I've never worn boxers. Briefs, hipsters, bikini..."

But instead I said "I can honestly say that's never happened to me."

Don't Watch!

2012-01-15T07:21:00.008-05:00

Don't wear a watch when you're in drab. You're going to have an untan mark where you used to wear your watch and no woman's watch is going to cover that. You're going to need to wear one of those big wide clunky bracelets or long sleeves and often neither are appropriate.

I Think I Know His Dad

2012-01-14T07:37:00.017-05:00

This is from the strip One Big Happy. It's a pretty funny strip and one that got a lot funnier once it was no longer in the Washington Post. Lots of mediocre strips become funnier after the Post drops them.

The joke is old, but done well. Remember to click to enlarge.

Friday and Saturday OUT

2012-01-13T07:13:00.002-05:00

I'll be leaving Sierra Vista today around 2pm. From there I'll drive up to Tucson and if all goes well, Meg will be out at 6pm.

I'm just going to tease this morning.

If all goes well, Friday I'll be doing something I've never done before and then going to dinner with someone very special. She'll be with me until we head to our respective homes Sunday morning.

This requires me to get out of my office on time. So far this week, that has not happened once. Not even close.

Saturday, I'll be meeting a local lady for breakfast and some sightseeing. I hope to have dinner with a crowd of ladies ~ I'm still trying to work out the details.

And please read next week.... I hope I'll have a lot to write about!

Since Sunday is a travel day, there may not be a Sunday morning post.

I Brought WHAT?

2012-01-12T07:21:00.048-05:00

I opened my little cosmetics bag last night, hoping to do a "dry run" for the weekend, or at least organise my choices. Instead, big things are happening at work and the entire project is being thrown into chaos. So I had homework.

But I did, as I said, open my little cosmetics bag to see what my choices were.

Did I ever mention that I overpack?

I have some bandaids for my li'l toes, which sometimes get blisters and really keep me from enjoying my Megtime.

I have a cover stick, and an eyeshadow primer, and some blush.

I have an eyelash curler and eyelash/eyebrow brush. I don't see my other brushes! Dam! I may pick something up, or I may just make do.

I have a small scissor and special brush to help trim brows. I also have a brow pencil and a lip liner and a sharpener and a lipstick brush. I have an eyeliner pencil ~ two actually, because the one I usually use is getting short.

I have foundation and powder (both Clinique. I think they're the best variety and value in any department store!).

I have makeup remover, and three different lip balms (I didn't notice! Honest!)

I have two mascaras, by design. I never know when one is going to be a bit old and cake or clump or be dry or run out so I take a second. I also checked my foundation to make sure I had enough or I would have taken a second bottle.

(By the way, I tried both mascaras to see which I prefer ~ both have problems. The top looks OK but not great and they both seem to clump on the bottom. Back to the CVS or Dillards.)

Now it gets weird.

I have three lipsticks and five (!) lip glosses.

I have a purple eye shadow. I have a buttercream eyeshadow. I have a palette of four, two palettes of three, and a matched pair of palettes (3 colours).

Apparently, I don't make decisions as much as I defer them.

And while I'm at it.... Why the heck did I bring NINE pairs of earrings, a watch, a black bead necklace and FIVE matching bracelets, a "pearl" necklace and bracelet, a lapus necklace and bracelet, two other necklaces and two other bracelets, and exactly ONE RING (a fairly plain band)?

Part of the problem is, even though I take my time, I pack in haste. I have to grab things while the family is otherwise occupied and I don't have time to see what I'm bringing, or to just lay everything out like I did just now to decide what goes with which outfits. I'm tired of carrying excess items. I'll try to use this as a "lesson learned" and next time put out each outfit and one, maybe two sets of jewelry that I think will complement it.

Tights or Pantyhose?

2012-01-11T07:51:00.000-05:00

Can someone tell me what women are wearing? I see a LOT of black-clad legs and I'm not sure if they're hose or tights.

I know if there are patterns, they're pretty much tights. If they're odd colours, they're tights.

I'm guessing tights are "in" this season.

I need to know soon. I'll be out and about Friday night and Saturday and I don't want to make a fashion faux pas.

Travel Day!

2012-01-10T07:17:00.040-05:00

Yesterday, I flew out to Tucson again for a few days at Sierra Vista, AZ. Before returning home, I'll spend a day in Tucson, yes, as Meg. I have a couple of ideas, but I'm going to keep them to myself right now.

As usual, I not only overpacked for Meg, but I added some last-minute things as well. To make room, I didn't bring regular camisoles for work, and I skipped one regular shirt. I'll have to double up or buy a polo (women's?) shirt before I go home. I also skipped on contact solution, shaving gel, and Nair. I picked those things up in Arizona, and they'll stay here when I go home, unless I miraculously find room.

The last-minute extras included another lipgloss, some new eyeshadows, an eyeliner pencil (my old one was getting small), and my watch (yay! I thought I misplaced it!) This is on top of jewelry for at least three outings, lipsticks for at least four sets of lips, too much gloss, a variety of eye shadows, two pairs of shoes.... I think I need to have a locker here with an extra set of my clothes and stuff. Maybe I can leave some things with a Tucson friend and pick everything up when I arrive here.

For one evening and one day, I have two skirts, two tops, and a dress. Friday night, if all goes as planned, will be a dress event. And I may check out the thrift and inexpensive clothing shops, looking for alternatives. And maybe I'll check out Dillard's too.

I was a little nervous yesterday. Not because I wore flowery socks, which I always do on travel days (hey, if I'm taking my shoes off I want my socks to look good!). Not because I wore a lacy camisole under my (women's denim) shirt.

I've been wearing clear lip gloss. Before I left the house, I put on a non-clear lip gloss. MAC "Viva Glam V," which is close to my natural lip colour but definitely glossy. Glossy glossy. More glossy than what I've been wearing. I figured, I'm on a plane with strangers. I'm in an office I haven't been to in three months. People will not even notice. I checked in at my hotel before going to the office and touched up the gloss. And I got nervous again. I think I was nervous because I wasn't ready for what I was going to say:

major story: "It's a new chapstick thing. I don't think I'll use THAT again!"
minor story: "Really? Glossy? Really?"
no story: "It's lipgloss. I think it looks good."

I think I have to go with no story. It's the only way I can look at myself in the mirror. And admire my glossy lips.

By the way, nobody noticed. So far.

I'm afraid I'm going to escalate this to the point where I'm coming to the office wearing fishnets under my pants, an unpadded bra, and lipstick, blush, and mascara.

That's a lie. I'm not really afraid. I'm just wondering where it's going to go from here.

Underdressing: Bad for the Environment!

2012-01-09T07:04:00.001-05:00

I've been pushing the limit on underdressing for the past few weeks. I think the poll results have inspired me.

As I've mentioned before, I always wear panties. I've been wearing a camisole every day now, in a variety of styles. Instead of the plain tank type I've been wearing more feminine styles, or "slimming" ones.

I've also tossed my women's socks, which is one of my visible-yet-underdressing items. But instead, I've been wearing tights. I had to purchase a couple of more pairs so I can have a week's worth.

Tights cause a little problem.

When I'm wearing tights and the camisole it's kind of imperative that I use a stall. I really need to organise everything after I'm done with the bathroom. I have to pull up my cami, so I can adjust the tights, which usually have a control top feature so they have to be just right or they're quite uncomfortable. And I hate when the waistband rolls up!

And here's the problem: I get in the stall, get rid of my last cup of coffee, and the automatic toilet we have at work flushes. And no matter how I stand, it decides it needs to acknowledge my feminine underwear by flushing again. And then it flushes again when I'm ready to leave the stall! I feel like I'm going to lose my conservation creds if I keep wasting water like that, but I don't want to give up my cd activities.

I can only think of one solution.

I need to figure out how to disable the auto feature.

Warning! Rated R

2012-01-08T07:12:00.001-05:00

This was published yesterday and I just had to share.

By the way, I'll be in Arizona next week which means some Meg time. Stay tuned!

There's Something About Ralph

2012-01-07T07:34:00.033-05:00

Pulitzer prize winning artist Mike Peters has been producing Mother Goose and Grimm since 1984. Peter's editorial cartoons are outstanding, and Grimm never gets old. Yes there are books (and if you follow the magic link and buy anything on Amazon, I get a rupee). And yes, I have a couple of badly dogeared (sorry) books. I always mark the best cartoons.

Ralph, the pooch featured in these cartoons has done the dress-up bit before; he was in my blog once before.

This time, it looks like an excuse. Which reminds me... I need to try to catch the bouquet at the next wedding.

I apologise for the captions. My muse made me.

See? He knew. It was a plan to get into the dress.

Reminds me of my own wedding.

And he still fits into the dress!

Duh. You look too eager.

There's Something About Mark Trail, Too!

And Another Tactcial Error

2012-01-06T07:41:00.022-05:00

(update to yesterday: I didn't beep)

(dact [don't ask, can't tell] note: in the bathroom, one of my coworkers said "do you know what I hate? I hate when I dress in the dark and I put on my boxers backwards and don't realise it until I go to the bathroom later." All I could say was "that's never happened to me" instead of "I wear panties. I know when they're on backwards because the roomy side is on the wrong side. And I never worry about the fly.")

At night, I get my clothes for the next day and I hang them in the spare bedroom. I used to hang them in the bathroom, but I share that with the boys and with the camisoles and tights I've been wearing.... Let's say it's better to keep everything out of sight.

Last night, I put aside a silky (well, polyester, the poor girl's silk) camisole with lace trim around the neck. I put that on the hanger with my shirt. I also pulled out plain black tights, which I stuff into my shirt sleeve.

I used to change in the bathroom but it's more comfortable to change on the bed in the guest room ~ it's easier to put on the hose.

Today, well, it's hard to tell, but I think I'm wearing black pantyhose instead of tights. I have a hard time telling them apart sometimes, but they don't seem as opaque or heavy, and the panty part seems thinner.

Standing up in my hose, they definitely look more like hose than tights but I noticed something: the part around the ankle and bottom of the leg is more opaque than the rest of the leg or the foot itself.

It seems to me that that's the way it stretches and that works out great. I don't expect a problem today and now I have more choices. I do have to experiment though ~ I have some pretty sheer black hose.

Tactical Error

2012-01-05T07:16:00.000-05:00

I have to go to the customer today. I don't like going partly because of traffic, partly because of security. For a fifteen minute drive we need to allow 45 minutes so we can go through metal detectors and x-rays and sign in. Computers have to be signed in separately.

Three facts:
1. If you set off the metal detector, they don't send you back through. They wand you and check you head-to-toe, including having men pull their pants legs up to above the top of their socks.
2. I rarely set off metal detectors. There's a trick, which I'm not at liberty to share.
3. Recently I've been wearing tights.

If I set of that alarm they're going to need me to raise my pants legs over my head. I'll be with four or five co-workers.

I sure hope this doesn't make us late for the meeting!

Stuff Happens...

2012-01-04T07:25:00.000-05:00

...but whether it bothers one or not depends on how far you are on the "don't care" spectrum.

I've been wearing nice camisoles under my shirt for the past few weeks. Normally, I wear a tank top under my shirt, or maybe something silky but in tank-top style so if it shows, it looks mostly normal.
But lately, I've been wearing newer, more opaque shirts and camisoles with thin adjustable straps in a variety of materials and colours and lacy flourishes.

A couple of Fridays ago, I was wearing a blue denim (women's) shirt with a pink lace camisole underneath. One of the women in the office was behind me and she said "I think there's a hole in your shirt." And she decided to manually check it out, trying to grab the material so she could see if it was, in fact, a hole. It was actually a 7-shape cut, about 3/4 inch on each side and I was wondering if she'd see the cami underneath as I was saying "I believe you! I'll check it later!" It was low enough that, if my shirt was tucked in, it would have been hidden. I prefer to leave casual shirts out.

If she did see it, she said nothing.

A few days later, I was walking out of the office, past the kitchen area. My manager was talking to another techie and he was trying to make a point. As I walked by, he said to me "isn't that right?" Going along, I said "Absolutely. I couldn't have said it better myself." He laughed and put his hand on my back as I walked past. Right on the adjuster on my camisole strap.

Again, if he felt something odd, he said nothing. I almost hope there's some undercurrent about my underdressing. I'd welcome coming out.

I think.

And in the self-immolation category, a friend started a political blog. He's not getting a lot of eyes but he is getting a lot of spam comments. I showed him how to limit that, and he did.

Then I posted a comment as "Meg." He hasn't approved it, because he's not 100% sure it's legit. He thinks there's some sort of spam comment he's still letting through.

I'm tempted to mention to my wife that he's being a dope, that I posted a comment under my "girl name" but this all falls under the Don't Ask, Can't Tell category.

What I Didn't Do

2012-01-03T07:29:00.000-05:00

Blues for Challah. As Meg. It's a weekend Jewish workshop with a Grateful Dead twist.

I went to a Jewish meditation and Kabbalah-oriented workshop a number of years ago and had a good time and learned a lot. I did not attend that weekend as Meg.

I seriously considered it. I worked out the expenses so I could get a private room with a bath, and how to get up there via train or car.

I'm not a religious person; I'm more spiritual and this seemed to combine two things that would interest me:

- spirituality
- The Grateful Dead

I think I'm ready for a weekend. I think I'd be OK talking to people and interacting as needed and I might even enjoy it more as Meg. Plus, everyone I talk to would have two things in common: the religion and the music.

But in the end, there were too many problems. My work responsibilities have changed and I need to get some reports out now ~ reports that are due at the end of the week and must contain up-to-the-minute information. Taking off Friday would be difficult.

Plus, it's a long trip. I thought it was in the Pennsylvania Berkshires, but it's in Connecticut. It would be about a six hour drive, or a long DC-to-New York train, plus another train to CT, plus an hour or so cab ride.

And it would be cold. Meg's wardrobe isn't very cold-weather friendly. I don't even own a coat, and I don't want one. My closet it quite full already and coats take a LOT of room.

So, in the end, there were too many excuses.

Yes, I know I changed a word. No, I'm not sure which word is correct.

Too Much Time?

2011-12-30T07:25:00.000-05:00

After I explained my holiday picture, Paula commented that I have "too much spare time."

I know she was joking, but it caused me to look at how much time being trans takes.

Just going out shopping dressed is a full day affair. I allow two hours to get ready, and another hour or so to take off the makeup and become my old drab self and put away all of my clothes for next time. Two hours of shopping becomes a five hour event. For my readers who prefer to go far from home for fear of being seen, it's a seven or eight hour commitment. And that doesn't count the prep work (for me, anyway): body shaving earlier in the week so it's not such a chore on going-out day, getting my haircut and eyebrows waxed and maybe some other body waxing.... And special shopping trips for a new dress or other outfit. If it wasn't for my girl clothes, I'd probably never set foot in a department store.

I generally spend at least an hour reading other blogs and articles. More time is spent writing to t-friends. I spend a tiny amount of time on facebook and have been afraid to learn more about google+ just because I don't have the time!

The picture took the better part of a day. I had to change outfits and hair and make sure everything was positioned just right as I took several pictures of each "woman" to ensure I could create what I envisioned. It's not quite what I hoped for ~ The "blonde" was wearing really cute boots that I couldn't get into the montage. And I wanted "her" turned so a bit of face showed, but not enough to identify. And my photoshop (actually, Paint Shop Pro) skills are not very good so there was a lot of guesswork.

But that was a one-of.

I spend at least 30 minutes writing each blog post, even if it's just a cartoon. Some posts take a couple of hours. (That horrible story wrote itself.)

So the big question isn't if I have "too much spare time." The big question is, is it worth the time I spend dressing up, learning about it, writing about it, sharing experiences with and encouraging others like me, and so on.

The big question is, is this a good way to spend a big slice of a short lifetime?

That Flurry of Polls ~ What Else?

2011-12-29T07:20:00.014-05:00

When in drab, I also wear women's... (60 votes)
pierced earrings	11 (18%)
other visible jewelry	16 (26%)
shirts, if they pass	24 (40%)
slacks, if they pass	14 (23%)
jeans	44 (73%)
shoes	22 (36%)
sneakers	15 (25%)

This is just a little catchall. I'm sure I missed some things, and there's one thing I wish we did wear (more at the end).

Many of you are wearing women's shirts. I know shirts are difficult. In a dress shirt, darts may appear where they shouldn't. While men's shirts have a uniform collar, women's shirts are all over the place in terms of size, shape, and buttons (or lack thereof). No complaints: that's a large part of what makes it so much fun to buy and wear women's clothing. But it's hard to buy a shirt. You need to look at the collar size and shape; the buttons, including size; sleeve length, since men have two sizes and women have an infinite range of sizes; cuff size; length, since some shirts are barely waist length; darts; and so on. Sometimes colour is the big showstopper. Pink is OK, bright pink or salmon, maybe not so much. Blue is good, but teal is right out.

But 40% of you manage. I wear a women's shirt one or two days a week and always on (casual) Friday.

Almost a quarter wear women's slacks, which are also difficult: pockets, belt loops, zipper, length, cuffs can all differ on women's slacks in subtle ways. There may be a perfect pair of pants but the pockets are tiny or vertically slit or way too high, or there are no belt loops or the loops are skinny and definitely femme.

I'm guessing that the slacks wearers are a subset of the jeans wearers (three quarters of you!). Jeans are easier, and a bit of flair is allowed. When I started wearing women's jeans, the first non-plain pair had a rivet pattern, like one of those cause ribbons, on the back pockets. My wife said "well, everyone will know they're women's jeans." Since then, I've seen men wearing jeans with rivet patterns on the pockets. The same thing happened with embroidery: white stitching is kind of mainstream now. But those pretty bright butterflies on the legs are still off limits.

About a third wear women's shoes (I wear Aerosoles) and another quarter wear women's sneakers (mine are from New Balance). I'm still considering ballet flats for the airport. Loafers are not hard to find. My next pair of sneakers will have a little bright colour ~ some electric green or blue maybe.

A quarter wear some women's jewelry. I always have my charm bracelet and a necklace (which is under my shirt, generally). I'd love to expand my repertoire, if anyone has any suggestions!

And almost one in five wear pierced earrings! I have often considered having my ears pierced, but always change my mind. Someday, I need to figure out what the hang-up is and go for it.

What I wish we wore: something that was kind of a secret sign that says "hey, I'm a crossdresser." I don't know what it might be ~ a pin, a bracelet (maybe one of those rubber band things), a thumb ring, a pink shirt every Tuesday... something so we could identify our sisters and feel less alone.

That Flurry of Polls ~ Support

2011-12-28T07:12:00.009-05:00

My support garment of choice is... (71 votes)
a panty girdle	12 (16%)
a full girdle, like grandma wore	6 (8%)
a waist cinch	19 (26%)
a corset	10 (14%)
a spanx-type camisole	11 (15%)
I don't need no stinkin' girdle!	13 (18%)

Yay to the one-in-six who don't need any waist assist. Or who don't care. :)

For me, it's about the external, not the internal: I want to present as the best woman I can, but I don't need to feel I am a woman inside and out.

Before I went out, I didn't bother with any support at all. When I first started thinking about going out the door, I found a woman who helped other men dress. She told me what to bring, and among the items was a corset or waist cinch or whatever I use. I told her I didn't use anything.

But I started thinking, and when I tried on clothes the next time... well, there was a little tummy I would prefer to not have. So I bought a waist cinch, probably mail order although I don't remember.

To finish the story: she had to cancel at the last minute, leaving me stuck at home. The next time I had an opportunity, I wrote to her and she said she was in the process of moving out of state.

Someday, I hope to save my money and get a corset but that's kind of scary to me. The thought of improving my figure isn't scary ~ my habit of overbuying is. I'm afraid I'll have a thousand dollars worth of corsets in my closet!

I bought a couple of "slimming" camisoles and the one I tried in Arizona really seemed to work well. I haven't tried the other in "battle conditions" so no report yet. Under one form-fitting dress, the camisole alone gave me the best shape. Under the skirts/tops I wore in Arizona, a cinch and slimming cami worked best. I'll just have to experiment. And probably overpack.

Girdles don't interest me. They're female, of course, but just not feminine. My opinion.

About a quarter of you use a cinch as your waistmaker of choice. Another quarter like girdles. Fourteen percent go for the corset.... How do you like it?

And fifteen percent like the power of the camisole. If you have a favourite brand or style, I'd love to get some recommendations!

That Flurry of Polls ~ Bras

2011-12-27T07:22:00.003-05:00

When in drab, I wear a bra... (80 votes)
never	23 (28%)
if I'm sure it won't show	23 (28%)
if I think it won't show	22 (27%)
I don't care if it shows ~ I like it	8 (10%)
I don't care if it shows ~ I need one	2 (2%)
I need one and I try my best to hide it	2 (2%)

I admit that, as much as I'd like to, I have rarely worn a bra unless fully dressed. There are just too many ways to get called out, and I'm not ready for that at this point in my life. If the shoulder or back strap don't show through (and they often do) the saggy cups are a sure giveaway. I'd get a bra with a cup that "fits" but they don't seem to make AA in my size. There are some sports bras I could try, but they don't seem all that feminine, and that, for me, is a big part of the attraction.

I think I'm pretty far along the "don't care" scale.

So I was surprised that almost two thirds of you wear bras! And, of those, for more than half of you it's OK if it's seen.

I'm sure most of us agree that a bra is the ultimate feminine item, but it's also the hardest to explain, if you need to explain it. "I need one," as 4% of you said, is a good explanation.

I need to see if I have any unpadded bras handy. Friday, I'll probably wear a denim shirt and that covers almost anything. Almost anything.

That Flurry of Polls ~ Hosiery, Part II

2011-12-26T07:31:00.013-05:00

When in drab, with women's hose, I prefer... (80 votes)
stockings with garters	14 (17%)
thigh-highs	14 (17%)
pantyhose	34 (42%)
tights	15 (18%)
women's socks	3 (3%)

Pantyhose seems to be the choice of women everywhere!

42% wear pantyhose and about one in six of you each wear tights, thigh-highs, or stockings with garters.

I bet if I did a gg poll, it would be mostly pantyhose with tights in second place ~ tights and black hose seem to be the 2011 winter fashion statement, at least around here.

For me, as I mentioned, I've skipped the women's socks, and am all tights now. That's my new winter legwear. I made an interesting discovery about tights and I'll share that in a future post. I will be visiting family in New York next week and, I'll be back in my girl socks. And I hope to meet one of my readers (alas, in drab) next week too!

Closed for Christmas

2011-12-25T07:17:00.000-05:00

Have a safe and healthy and happy holiday, whether you're celebrating something specific, or just enjoying the light traffic or time with your family or almost-empty-offices.

My Sentiments Exactly

2011-12-24T07:07:00.013-05:00

It's not exactly a CD cartoon, but I can see me having this conversation. Click to improve readability, although the lettering is always hard to see. This is yesterday's Sylvia strip, by Nicole Hollander. Her Bad Girl Chats is a fun place to hang out.

That Flurry of Polls ~ Hosiery, Part I

2011-12-23T07:33:00.015-05:00

When in drab, if I'm wearing stockings, pantyhose, or tights... (74 votes)
I show the world	15 (20%)
I show the world, but only if they're passable, like opaque tights	23 (31%)
I wear socks over them	30 (40%)
I wear women's socks over them	6 (8%)

Seventy-four votes here. The cool thing is, that means that 3/4 of my readers wear some sort of women's hosiery when presenting as a male. I would have guessed a much lower figure.

I am now in the "show if they're passable" slot, along with about a third of you. In fact, I'm wearing patterned black tights today. There seem to be two types of patterned tights: ones that are different threads to make up the pattern and ones that are an open weave, kind of like fishnet stockings. I wear the former. Showing skin is sort of a giveaway.

I'd love to give a big cheer to the "show the world" group and if you'd like to drop me a note I'd like to know more. Do you wear regular sheer stockings, coloured hose, fishnets, what? and not mind if people see? I'd like to get to that level and I'd like to know what you do. (I feel like I'm asking for a game cheat, here.)

As for the almost-half of you who wear socks or women's socks with their hose, I used to do that. Then I thought about it. Sometimes, you can see over the top of my socks, depending on how I'm sitting. I don't think I want people to see stockings over the top of my socks. I think I might look into getting some patterned knee-highs or very long socks so I can wear my garters and stocking and not get too many odd looks. I need to think this through.

That Flurry of Polls ~ Panties

2011-12-22T07:27:00.028-05:00

When in drab, I wear panties... (93 votes)
never	10 (10%)
when the mood strikes	21 (22%)
as often as I can	28 (30%)
always	34 (36%)

Almost 100 of you voted on the first poll. Ten of you are purists ~ no panties when presenting as male. I know I have a couple of non-dressers on the site, and I don't know if they voted but if I say 10% separate male and female completely, it's probably pretty close to reality.

And I feel safe in saying that if one doesn't wear panties when presenting as a male, one is wearing all male clothing. I don't think there is a significant number of dressers who wear other female clothing while in drab, and not panties. I didn't ask, and I could be wrong.

About a third always wear panties (as do I), and another near-third wear "as often as I can", which I take to mean "not when I have a doctor's appointment, or I'm going to the gym, or I'm getting a massage, or not while I'm deployed in Afghanistan." So I'll read that as almost 2/3 of us would wear panties all the time, if it was possible.

There is a good reason for the "as often" and "always" split: if I'm going to the gym or doctor or for a massage I'm wearing panties. I do have some fairly plain white cotton briefs, but no men's underwear. If you want a story, "they're imported. In most countries, underwear doesn't have a fly." Lace, of, course, is trickier to explain. :) You can always go with the typical tv-porn "I ran out and this was the only thing my wife had that would fit me." Keep in mind that your audience is almost certainly to consist of people who've never read Fictionmania.

My story? If someone asks "are those women's panties?" I will answer "no, they're mine," which is absolutely true. If pressed, I'll say they come from the women's department, and I prefer them to men's underwear.

Mostly, people don't see my underwear.

Don't Dream It, Be It

2011-12-21T07:18:00.059-05:00

I've been talking a lot about underdressing. The polls have also been about stretching the envelope a bit, and for the past few weeks I've been trying to do just that.

Because I'll wear men's clothes until they're threadbare, I normally wear a plain white cotton tank-style camisole under my shirt. Since the tank is plainly visible, it took a step "outside the box" to wear that instead of a more traditional male t-shirt. But now they're the most "masculine" item I wear underneath a shirt.

When I wear heavier shirts, like polos or denim, I wear a regular camisole underneath. I try to match the colour to the shirt colour, but that's just for me. No-one should see the cami. There's always a chance: I generally don't tuck casual shirts into my pants but the cami is tucked in. If the shirt shifts, the cami doesn't. I've decided that's less of a problem than, say, wearing a too-short skirt and giving a show.

But for the past three weeks now, I've been wearing whatever cami I feel like under whatever shirt I'm going to wear. I haven't worn a plain white cotton tank during that time. I've worn a plain white silky tank, or a white or beige "control" camisole under a shirt that's a bit thin, but that's as close as I've gotten. Other than that, I've been trying to wear a different cami each day (and I have way too many of them). Most have thin straps or thin straps with adjusters. Many have patterns or lace or other details. Some have "built-in bra support" which is a bit uncomfortable without a bra. Some feel great, some tug a bit, But I enjoy the feeling and I'll keep on doing this.

Normally, I wear women's socks. If anyone cared to look, they'd see flowers or patterns or some pinks or purples or bright blues ~ some unexpected colour. I have solid pink socks I wear with pink shirts, and solid green socks to wear with a green shirt. I try to have some sock colour match some other colour I'm wearing.

But not for the past almost-two-weeks now. In the past I've worn black pantyhose or stockings under (plain) black socks. I haven't done that for a couple of years. I think I stopped because it's just too much work to go to the bathroom, or maybe I was concerned that people would notice the sock end and the hose continue on, or maybe I stopped when I switched to women's socks. I'm not really sure.

What I decided to do was skip the socks and just wear dark tights. So far, it's been black or brown or grey, matching what shirt or pants I'm wearing, but I wore white instead of white socks one day and I have a pink pair that I may wear next time I put on a pink shirt.

It feels weird to be wearing plain coloured "socks" after wearing flowers and such but it's nice to be wearing hose, and it feels nice on my legs. And I have a couple of pair of textured tights and I'm looking for more. Today I have vertical stripe tights ~ grey and black.

I've also been wearing lip gloss. It's a clear gloss and not very glossy, but it's definitely there and when I use it up I will get another that's a bit glossier.

It's far from what I want, but it's a step away from dream it towards be it.

Christmas Is Coming!

2011-12-20T07:25:00.001-05:00

I know, you've been wondering what you can get your favourite blogger this year. Well, keep your jewelry and clothes and all. There's only one thing I want....

(and you can find this on youtube, right here. It's sing along time!)

I Want a Boob-job for Christmas {by Virginia Kegel}

Every Christmas morning, underneath the tree
Lots of lovely presents, are waiting there for me
And though I'm quite delighted, it's hard to get excited
Who needs another sweater? Hey Santa
There is something that I'd like a whole lot better!
Are you listening, Santa?
I've been a good girl this year
And there's only one thing that I want…

I want a boob job for Christmas, big old knockers out to here
It would make me proud to be endowed like the Playmate of the Year
I want a boob job for Christmas, make them big and make them wide
The only blimps as big as these say "Goodyear" on the side

(chorus)
Heaving hefty happy hooters
Squishy gushy lactic shooters
Loads of curvy cleavage on display

Woo!

(chorus)
Lusty busty watermelons
Each as big as Mount Saint Helens
That is what she wants this holiday

Santa, give me this one gift.
It's not my spirits that are sagging, it's my boobs that need a lift!
Oh Santa, you know this Christmas season, give me a pair of juicy jugs
And you can be the first to squeeze em!

I want a boob job for Christmas, spongy silicone balloons
Who needs a boat? I can stay afloat
With my bulging chest pontoons.

(chorus)
Bursting beeping bouncing bozos
Wild and wiggly whopping waldos
Nestled in a cup that's Double D

Yee hoo!

(chorus)
Massive milky meaty mammaries
Big enough to feed two families
Santa won't you listen to her pleas?

Santa, please!
I want a boob job for Christmas
And when you've done that Santa dear
If it's okay, send my way
A nose job round next year.

Land of Shopportunities!

2011-12-19T07:10:00.000-05:00

I hope you all are taking advantage of the season. There's only one week left and you can buy anything you want from the women's side of the store.

Go when you feel most comfortable.

Go on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon or any evening and you'll find the cover of other shoppers and everyone is rushed and they won't even notice a man buying a bra or makeup remover or a dress that happens to be in your size.

If the crowds intimidate you, or you're afraid you'll run into friends and neighbors, take a break from work and go to the mall during the day and you'll find quiet stores and helpful sales associates.

And you can buy anything with the right story, if coming out, even a bit, to a pretty stranger in a random store makes you uncomfortable.

You know my "no stories" philosophy. When I bought a bra, tights, and a slimming camisole last week the woman said "I hope she likes them!" and I said "she? They're for me!" She laughed and said something about "whatever works for you" and we had a nice little chat about tolerance for dressing and such. When I left, I think she was still trying to decide if I was joking or not.

But you can cover anything with a story, if you feel the need. And I have felt the need. "I hope my wife likes it." "What's your return policy, if it doesn't fit her?" "Can I return this? I know she likes this style but she might have an identical one."

Jewelry is easy.

Clothing is harder, because you're likely to be the only guy in the department.

Intimate apparel is tricky ~ it's easier to buy the really sexy things than the more practical things you need day-to-day because that's what other guys would buy. Sexy nightie: a snap. A Bali Passion for Comfort Pretty Underwire bra... not so much.

Makeup can require a bit of finesse. Shoes, well,....

But there are a couple of tricks. Feel free to supply others in the comments.

Bring a list. Or a picture from an ad or a website. If there's a specific item you want, have that item on a printed list, or grab a photo and you can say "this is what she wants" or for items like panties, bras, hose, and other items a woman would have many of, "I saw this in her drawer. I know she likes this style and I know what she has is getting worn out."

Bring a scribbled note. If you're intent on getting some unspecified bra or panties, scribble a little note like "bra: 44D" or "undies: 7 or 8" and you can proudly show off that you were clever enough to dig around, figure out "her" size and you're ready to shop!

Get gift sizes. If you want eye shadows, you can get a big selection of shadows. That looks more like a gift. If you buy a single shadow, or a targeted pair or trio, well, not so much. But if you have a list or scribbled note ("she's almost out and she loves this stuff")....

Be creative. Shoes are tricky. Does anyone buy shoes as a gift? No. So buy a pair and ask about returns. "I've never bought here before. She likes my taste in shoes so what I do is buy a pair I like in what I hope will fit. She generally brings them back for a pair that fits better. It's almost a tradition."

Know who you're shopping for. If you're buying makeup basics, it's for your daughter. It's just you and her, and you're trying hard and "what did you need when you just started wearing makeup?" You'll get a little sympathy from a young lady as well as help. The "daughter" is also useful if you really want some clothing that's kind of young for you. If you're looking for cheap jewelry (guilty) say it's a gift for your wife... from your young child. "She" asked you to "get a nice bracelet for mommy but not too expensive."

I'll be buying some items from Ulta today and I'll probably see what's on sale at Penneys (I have a 15% off one-day pass) later in the week, but it's for me ~ and that's my story.

One final note: no matter what your story is, or how good an actor you are, or how you present yourself, on some level she'll know it's for you. And that's OK.

Music!

2011-12-18T07:36:00.000-05:00

No cartoons today, but I want to mention a couple of sites I've been enjoying. And they're as "t" as you want them to be.

AllSongsBy.com lets you name an artist and it will create a playlist for that artist. They seem to have a lot of songs, mostly live performances, and they have video along with the song! I was pleasantly surprised and then disappointed with my first attempt to "stump the site." I asked for Spike Jones and the first thing was a video of the City Slickers playing Cocktails for Two! It's fun and if you know Spike Jones it's worth doing. If you don't, it'll be fun ~ do it anyway! For those who think they never heard of Spike, well, I bet you know "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth." But the rest of the songs were just accompanied by a still of a record cover.

The other is Grooveshark.com. Grooveshark is an iPod on your computer. Search for a song and it'll give you a list of songs, or similar songs, and you can pick one (or all) and add them to your current songs or to a playlist. Pretty cool.

And if you want to just know about songs try allmusic.com. They have details about songs, artists, discographies and more. It's my go-to place for music information.

You've probably played with pandora.com. Pandora's cool because it will give you similar songs, but if you know what you want, or if you just want to see what an artist you know has done, AllSongsBy is the place to be. And if you just want to hear That One Song (I'm listening to A Quick One while I'm typing today) Grooveshark is, um, groovy. And yes, I'm old.

And if you want to pull up the New York Dolls or Walk On The Wild Side or Lola or Arnold Layne or The Go-Gos to enjoy some "t" or girl sounds....

Scrappy, Isn't She?

2011-12-17T14:36:00.000-05:00

I like Big Top, but I was mixed on this one. (Catch the strip daily here.) Background: The action all takes place in a circus. People and animals mix freely. Sometimes the animals are just other characters; sometimes they exhibit their animal behaviours. I do enjoy the artwork a lot, and although it's not a guaranteed laugh a day, it is pretty darn funny. I like it enough that when it moved from my "aggregate" page where I grab forty or so strips every day, I opened the GoComics page and I've been catching up.

On the one hand, it kind of makes fun of what the poodle (Dusty) sees as "sissy" behaviour in his friend (Wink, the bear).

On the other hand, it's pretty funny. And it's a bit of a shout-out to my new friend Aeify. She scrapbooks. :)

Click to enjoy the artwork

The Vote Is In!

2011-12-16T07:14:00.003-05:00

I listen to my readers. I saw your reactions to my little story attempt last Sunday.

I promise it won't happen again.

Aeify

2011-12-15T07:30:00.031-05:00

Last Saturday, Aeify Perfect came to the Washington area for a very brief visit. Aeify is the recent widow of Penny; I wrote about that here.

We spoke on the phone a couple of times since the event, and I was kind of worried about her.

Now I'm not so worried.

She lives about 14 hours from here by highway. A friend wanted to come here, and decided it would be good if she came along, so she did. They arrived just after midnight, early Saturday morning. We met for breakfast and spent about an hour chatting and eating and another hour chatting and walking around Dupont Circle before her friend whisked her away. The two hours just sped by, at least for me. I can be kind of tedious, so I won't speak for her. I had the best time I could, without being Meg.

Aeify is a sweet young Southern gal. She's smart and articulate and knows a lot more about the local flora than I do. We talked about t-life, and living with someone who's trans, and I learned a lot about her and Penny. We touched some high points of their fifteen year marriage, and some low points. We talked about the past and the present and the future, and now, as I said, I'm not so worried.

She's working hard to get her life back on track and I have no doubt that she'll be on top of the world by this time next year.

The picture is Aeify and Penny. I have no idea why Penny is dressed like a guy, except maybe Aeify asked her to, and she'd do anything for her.

I hope our paths will cross again. She's adorable.

Some Like It How?

2011-12-14T07:34:00.009-05:00

I'm not a close follower of entertainment news, but I hear Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law do a bit of crossdressing in the new Sherlock Holmes movie, coming out soon.

I also heard the pair will be starring in a remake of Some Like It Hot, but they're having trouble finding the right actress to play Sugar.

Hollywood rumours? Facts? I dunno. I'm just the messenger. And I'm still not sure how I feel about comic drag. I've been trying to figure it out for about a year, so I could write something.

Not Many Guesses

2011-12-13T07:12:00.009-05:00

(check yesterday's post about the poll and please enter today!)

A bit over a week ago, I posted this picture:

click to enlarge

and asked if anyone knew who the ladies in the picture are and what the situation is.

Not many of you made a guess.

Anyway, it's a picture of me and the situation is, I had a couple of hours and access to Photoshop. :)

You Wear WHAT?

2011-12-12T07:18:00.022-05:00

I would like to dig a little bit deeper into my underwear poll. I wanted you ladies to be able to select only one answer in some groups, so there is a little group of polls instead of one.

Most of you wore panties. I wanted to know a bit more. Just a little detail. "Always" means "always, every day, all the time. I wouldn't know what to do with undies with a fly."

A bit over half wear some sort of hose. I wear women's socks over my hose, unless they're at least close to passable. Does it make sense to wear flowery socks over hose? Probably not. And I have to be careful that the socks don't fall down, or my pants go up too much. Yes, it's better to skip the socks. Maybe this winter.

Continuing on the hose theme, I was wondering what you wear. I love the idea of thigh-highs, but they fall down. I think if they're under pants, every step you take grabs and tugs them down a tiny bit more until your hose are around your ankles and you look like an idiot.

Almost a third wear a bra and I'm intrigued. Tell me more.

I wear a waist cinch as a support garment but I tried a shaping camisole and loved it. And someday, I hope to spring for a corset. It's a lot of money and I'm trying to decide if I want one with a bra or not. With a bra is probably best for full figure control, but it means I'll wear the same bra every day. And if I don't like the bra, well, it's all a waste of money then.

In the last poll you can choose one or more. I'd check everything but pierced earrings.

As always, you can expound on your choices in comments or e-mail. Mark comments PRIVATE and I won't post them.

Wait Until Tomorrow!

2011-12-11T18:10:00.000-05:00

If you see the polls there to the right, you have a choice:

you can answer now, before I explain them tomorrow morning, or

you can wait until my morning post in case I confused anyone, or

you can drop by http://diaryofaproudtranny.blogspot.com/ and see what Janet is up to. She has a new blog and not enough readers. Yet.

Now I Get It!

2011-12-11T07:05:00.044-05:00

Check out yesterday's cartoon.

I said it doesn't work as a normal joke. But now I can see where he's going with this.

It works as the start of a story.

"And those were my last pair! Damn!"
"Don't worry, Leon, we can go to the store and get some more."
"I don't think we'll find any clothing stores open on this island this early on a Saturday. Damn! I don't want to go out to breakfast 'commando' ~ it's so uncomfortable."
"I have an idea. Let's go back to the room."
...
"This is your idea, Betty? I'm supposed to wear your panties?"
"It's only until the stores open. And I don't want to hear that these disappeared!"
"But panties?"
"It's only until the shops open. Two or three hours, tops. Or you can sit in the room and starve until then."
"Fine. But I'll feel ridiculous."
...
"Don't laugh!"
"Why would I laugh? Do you think I can see your pink undies right through your shorts?"
"Well, no, but I feel silly."
"You shouldn't feel silly. You should feel sexy. And now you owe me a new pair of panties."
"Why?"
"I don't want to wear them after you've worn them! They're yours now."
"I don't need panties."
"Well, you do right now, Leon. Stop complaining and enjoy it."
"They do feel kind of... DAMN!"
"What, Leon?"
"They're gone."
"They can't be gone. Do your shorts eat them or something?"
"Say.... This has never happened until we got down here, and then it keeps on happening. And I never wore this type of shorts before. I bet there's a connection. Look, give me another pair of panties and we can go to breakfast."
"Oh no. I'm not taking any chances. I know it sounds crazy, but just in case it IS the shorts, put on something else."
"That's all I have. I picked up a bunch of Bermuda shorts in my size and that's all I brought."
"Well that's not all I have. Here."
"Clamdiggers? Are you joking?"
"They're called capris, and no, I'm not joking. I have a few casual skirts if you prefer."
"You don't really think it's the shorts, do you Betty?"
"I'm not taking any chances with my... well, now your panties. You owe me two pair now. So do you want the pants, or a skirt?"
...
"Let's go. I'm starving."
"I don't think so. I look stupid. Everyone will stare at me."
"Why on earth would they do that?"
"Oh, come on, Betty! Wouldn't you stare at a man wearing women's pants?"
"I think I can fix that so no-one will stare at you."
"What are you going to do? Go out naked so no-one will look at me?"
"I have an idea. Promise you'll let me do everything I want without complaining first."
"I don't know. What do you want to do?"
"You don't trust me."
"Of course I do! But... I just want to know what you have in mind."
"I guarantee it's nothing dangerous. You won't get hurt. But you have to trust me and let me do what I want."
"Well...."
"Forget it. Let's go eat."
"No! Do what you want."
"No complaints?"
"No complaints."
"No backing out now."
"Well, this is starting to sound scary."
"I swear, if we get started and you try to change your mind I'll push you out of the room and lock the door!"
*sigh* "OK, Betty. What do I need to do?"
"You need to take off those panties..."
"Thank heavens!"
"...And get into the shower. I'll join you."
"Well, this is starting to sound like fun."
"We'll see. This is the easiest way to shave you."
"I already shaved today!"
"Not nearly enough, sweetie."
...
"You're clean, and smooth all over, and moisturised. Now put the panties back on."
"Betty, I know what you're planning, and I don't like it."
"That's fine. Remember what I said. Out."
"What?! Like this? No!"
"Remember what I said, Leon! Either get out, or stop complaining. And don't even think about changing your mind!"
"I'm sorry, Betty. If I don't like what you did when you're done, can we stop and do something else?"
"No. Now shut up and do what I say. Panties ON! NOW!"
"Yes, Betty."
"Now the capris. Wait. I changed my mind. Pull up this skirt instead."
"Betty..."
"I swear. This is your last warning."
"Yes, Betty."
"OK, Leon, bring the chair over here. The light's best here and I need good light to do your makeup. Have you ever worn makeup, Leon?"
"Betty! You know I haven't."
"I was just wondering if you had any secrets I should know about. Maybe something you did with a girlfriend, or your sister. Hmmm.... I think you need a little concealer under your foundation. Now a little natural eye shadow.... Lisa, do you like eye liner?"
"I do on women. I... did you just call me Lisa?"
"I said I'd make sure no-one stared at you. If I call you Leon, people will stare. I better get used to your new name. You too."
"Temporary name, you mean."
"If that will make you feel better, OK."
"So, eyeliner it is. And some mascara. And a little more mascara. You have nice lashes, Lisa. They need a little curl though. Sit still. It won't hurt you. You act like you've never had your lashes curled before, Lisa."
"I have never..."
"You have never enjoyed having a makeover as much as this? That's nice of you to say. A little blush, and now pay attention. You might have to touch up your lipstick and gloss so watch carefully...."
...
"Well, Lisa, with that tank top and skirt and flip-flops you look simply fabulous! I wish I had a wig, but who knew? The headscarf will work, I think. Stop tugging at your bra! You know, if you had a little more boob it'd stay down better. Extra undies just don't make for real good padding. Here. Put on this bracelet and ring and I'll add a necklace and... you're good to go. Look in the mirror. Tell me you're not adorable."
"Betty, I can assure you I am not... bad. I'm not bad. Wow. I thought I'd look stupid. But now people WILL stare at me!"
"HA! No-one notices a woman after she gets to a certain age. And you, honey, are beyond that age. Now grab that purse and let's get breakfast!"
...
"Put the bags on the bed, Lisa. So, what did you think? Did you have a good time today?"
"I never would have thought I'd enjoy being out dressed like a girl. Yes, I kind of liked it."
"HA! I KNEW you would. I know you LOVED it. I didn't know you enjoyed shopping so much!"
"Well, you know I don't. But there are so many different things to buy, if you're a girl. It was fun."
"Once you started to relax, you LOVED it."
"Well, yes, that... what did you call it?"
"'Spa day.'"
"Yeah. I didn't know getting your fingernails and toenails done felt so nice. The facial... well, parts were nice and parts were not-so-nice, but I'd do it again. And you! You told me that I was drinking 'sparkling orange juice!' Why didn't you tell me the sparkle came from champagne?"
"You sure did take to those Mimosas. And you did relax, didn't you? Let's get our new goodies out of the bags before they wrinkle and then you can shower and we'll do you up right for an evening out."
"I think you went way overboard today. You bought yourself a lot of things!"
"Think back. I didn't buy ANYTHING for myself."
"That can't all be for me! If I wore something different every day for the rest of the trip, I'd still have clothes left over!"
"Silly... that's why women pack so much. We can't always know what's going to come up and we may need an extra nice outfit or some spare casual clothes. And...
"...And we can return whatever I don't wear."
"Why? We'll probably have to get you more things when we get home. I was goingto say, And you did need some 'special things', didn't you?"
"I've been meaning to ask... How did you know where to find wigs? And those pads?..."
"'Breast forms,' Lisa."
"...And shoes in larger sizes?"
"Sit down Lisa. I have a confession to make. I KNEW you'd like to be dressed as a woman. I KNEW I'd enjoy having a girlfriend with me on this trip. So I kind of tricked you. Just a little."
"What did you do, Betty?"
"There was nothing odd about your shorts. It was your underwear. They were made out of a special material that dissolves into pretty much nothing once they're wet. It's hot outside. We go out. You perspire. Your underwear vanishes."
"And the panties?"
"Made especially for you. They are ~ well, were ~ made of the same stuff."
"That's your idea of tricking me 'just a little.' Suppose I just said 'OK, I'll wear the panties and capris' and maybe rolled them up a bit so they'd look like shorts. Then what would you have done?"
"You'd still be wearing a skirt. Give me that skirt. I'll hold it up, here. See? It's two sizes too big for me. The pants I brought would never close for you. Did you think we were the same size? I bought that skirt for you days before we left."
"..."
"Honey? You're not mad at me, are you?"
"No, I guess I'm not. Why didn't you just ask me?"
"Because you wouldn't have said yes!"
"I might have! You're right. I wouldn't have. You know me pretty well, don't you Betty?"
"Yes I do. And I know you want to be Lisa until we get back to the states."
"You mean 'until we leave for the states.'"
"No. I plan to fly back home with Lisa. What do you say to that?"
"..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm sorry. For any of you who read this far, I'm not very good at this.

It Doesn't Make Sense

2011-12-10T07:23:00.007-05:00

Lots of times, you'll see a cartoon where two phrases are connected and the cartoon illustrates the joining.
Like "candy corn flakes" or "guinea pig latin" or "clay pigeon toed" or "jumping jack in the box." Some, unlike my examples, are quite clever.

But this one, "bermuda triangle shorts" doesn't work. The joke is cute ~ his underwear disappears when it's inside his bermuda triangle shorts ~ but the phrase is wrong. It has to be "word" "keyword" "word" like "box office building."

So it doesn't work as a normal joke.

But I still like Speedbump. And it's my Saturday t-cartoon for a reason which I shall reveal tomorrow. Stay tooned!

Walking Round in Women's Underwear

2011-12-09T07:26:00.077-05:00

If you're my one reader who hasn't heard this Bob Rivers song, google it. I think there are some youtube videos out, in addition to the lyrics.

Now, about that underdressing poll....

132 of you answered the poll. I'm guessing my GG readers passed, just to avoid the monotony. Yes, I wear panties. Yes, I wear girls' socks. Yes, I wear hose. Yes....

Twelve percent (16 ladies) compartmentalise: when male, you only wear male clothing. When female, it's all girl. I really can't remember, but I think from the time it occurred to me that I could wear women's clothing under my regular clothing, I started to do so ~ when I could. Mostly, I couldn't, because of other people in my life. Which leads to:

Sixteen percent (22 of you) would like to underdress, but circumstances don't allow. I'm surprised this is that low. I'm happy that most of you who want to underdress can underdress.

A good majority of you, like me, prefer panties and wear them at least half of the time. I think I mentioned that I tossed all of my male underwear. If someone sees my underwear, well I really don't care.

A quarter of you wear girls' socks. I always do, and I wonder why it's so low. It could be just the difficulty in getting large socks (there are some, and some stretchy socks). Or it could be that there's so little difference that it's not worth the trouble. Maybe they cross the line between under and outer wear and many feel uncomfortable if the socks are overtly feminine, and if they're not, well, why bother?

I think I answered my own question. I bet most don't wear socks because you'd rather wear the more feminine stockings, pantyhose, or tights. Almost two thirds of you wear them! Plus, it's easier to get stockings that fit no matter how masculine your feet are. I think, with the cooler weather, I'll make a point of wearing them more too.

Almost forty percent wear camisoles. I love them. I think, for me, it's a slip substitute. I've noticed a lot of us like slips.

One in six wears a support garment. I normally don't, but I almost always do when dressed.

This was the most surprising to me: Almost a third of you wear a bra! I'd love to know more. I would if I could, but it never seems practical.

And I guess I missed some options: fifteen percent said "something else." I also had some private e-mails where you said you where some light makeup and maybe that's what readers had in mind, but that's not really "underdressing," is it?

But you also inspired me, and for the past week I've been wearing Cover Girl Wetslicks lip gloss over my regular lip balm (which isn't so regular ~ right now I'm using Softlips Wildberry. And for those who don't know, I try to link to Amazon because if anyone follows any of these links and buys anything from Amazon, I get a shekel. The lip gloss is somewhat subtle (although you can see the "wet lips" look) and doesn't last as long as I'd like, but it's a step towards I don't care, and next time I think I'll get something glossier. So thank you for the idea.

Update: I wrote It's follow-up time! There are four mini-polls on the right. Please answer as appropriate. I apologise to my cisgender readers. You might enjoy ~ or be surprised ~ by the results. but the mini-polls won't be up until Monday morning. Thanks for catching my oops, Ralph!

Here are the complete poll results:

No. Male is male, and female is female	16 (12%)
No, but I would if I could	22 (16%)
I wear panties more often than not	84 (63%)
I wear girls' socks	34 (25%)
I wear stockings, pantyhose, or tights	69 (52%)
I wear a camisole when I can	52 (39%)
I wear a bra. Shhhh....	41 (31%)
I wear a support undergarment	24 (18%)
I wear something else	20 (15%)

I Think I Need A Day Off

2011-12-08T07:26:00.001-05:00

I'll be back tomorrow.

It's Hard

2011-12-07T07:15:00.001-05:00

Any soul can sleep - few can die
Any wimp can weep - few can cry
Everyone complains - few can state
Anyone can stop - few can wait
It's hard - It's very very very very hard - so hard

A cross gender life can be a burden. Life, under the apparently best of circumstances can be scary and difficult and feel out of control. Being trans, even if you have a loving and supportive partner, can add to the confused mess we call life.

I was devastated to learn that one of my readers, who I knew as Penny Perfect, took her own life about ten days ago. I only knew Penny through my blog and her blog and her other writings, which is to say I didn't really know her at all. And devastated is the right word. I cried on the phone with that supportive partner, Aeify when she told me the news.

Anyone can do anything if they hold the right card
So I'm thinking about my life now
I'm thinking very hard
Deal me another hand Lord, this one's very hard
Deal me another hand Lord, this one's very hard

My wish is next time, dear Penny, you'll be dealt a straight. You were already all heart ~ that makes a straight flush.

I hope we meet next time around. I'll look for you. Maybe we'll be in the same sorority, or we'll be BFFs. We'll giggle together and have slumber parties and all the things we didn't do in this life.

I'll miss you.

(Aeify can be found here)

What I Missed

2011-12-06T07:04:00.000-05:00

While I was in Arizona late last month, I missed a Halloween party thrown by my state senator. He met "Meg" once before, and I would have welcomed the chance to introduce her again ~ and this time Get Pictures!

But for the past several years, I've read about the Dupont Circle (a neighrborhood in DC) High Heel race, usually after it's over. I've wanted to attend for a number of years, but logistics are hard. I have a choice of the "perfect" shoes ~ platforms I can barely walk in or pumps I can run in. I just need to figure out my goal.

Read about the 2011 race here.

The Floor Is Open

2011-12-05T07:19:00.001-05:00

Until a couple of days ago, this picture has been sitting on my hard drive, unshared. I wonder if anyone can make a guess as to who these ladies are and what the situation is. Click to enlarge.

Send your guesses in comments or e-mail!

An aside: I know I'm going to have many new readers today because I was mentioned by Stana. I hope y'all come back every day, and read some of the archives, but please please come back Wednesday. Thank you.

A Classic

2011-12-04T07:29:00.015-05:00

(Poll's almost closed! Vote today if you haven't!)

Maybe you've have heard of this, or seen it long ago and wondered where you could find it again. Maybe you've never heard about it. It is a classic, probably from the late 50s or early 60s. Walt Kelly was a genius of a cartoonist. I remember when I was young, I used to skip over Pogo. The typeface was just too much work for a young reader to work through. When I got a bit older, I decided that since I read every other strip in the paper, I should read Pogo too. After a few weeks, I was kicking myself for skipping it all those years.

Like Lil Abner, Pogo could be very political, using clever satire and analogies. But it was also fun at a just-look-at-the-pictures-and-enjoy-the-punchline level. His artwork was wonderful, so be sure to click and enlarge.

Walt's children tried to revive Pogo, but decided that the strips had shrunk too much to do justice to the art their father made famous.

Femaelstrom! Great Name

2011-12-03T07:04:00.002-05:00

The perfect excuse to go full time. Alas, it was just a one-off instead.

I've Never Done THAT Before!

2011-12-02T07:15:00.013-05:00

My voice is not a girl's voice. I listen to women all the time, and wish I could sound like them. I can look like them, if the viewer is nearsighted and not looking to closely and easily fooled, but my voice fools no-one. On the phone, I can do my best "Meg" voice and get "sir'd" from the other party.

I do try though. I practice when I'm walking by myself, I practice in the car. I've tried the femme voice websites, but I've not been able to get my voice where I want it. Not ever. I just use a quiet, slightly higher tone and hope the listener is the equivalent of nearsighted and not listening too closely (and still easily fooled). I do try.

The first time I was out, I was in my car with my makeup lady and she said "say something in your girl voice." I shook my head and said "I can't do that!" Looking back, I can't believe I was presenting to the world as a girl for the first time, all made up, in a wig, blouse, skirt, and heels and I was embarrassed to try to speak like a woman!

But I didn't do it. I let her talk whenever I needed to say something. I might smile or nod, but not talking except to whisper to her.

Fast forward.

A couple of weeks ago, we had a few friends over. I don't recall the details, but I was relating an event with a verbal content. When I got to "and she said..." I used my Meg voice.

I didn't even think about it. I just did it. While I was talking I remember thinking "hey... that's my girl voice I hear!" but I didn't hesitate or switch back.

One other time, I surprised myself by realising I was speaking in my girl voice: before my trip to Richmond, I got dressed and said goodbye to my wife. We spoke a couple of sentences, and I also noticed I was speaking in MegTones. My wife said nothing. But that time, I was dressed. This is the first time I wasn't dressed yet getting into femme mode without thinking. I've got a long way to go, but I've come a long way, baby!

Oh The Irony!

2011-12-01T07:47:00.001-05:00

This is old news, but sometimes I'm behind the times.

From the Concord (NH) Monitor, April 8 2009:

Men in kilts to debate rights of men in skirts

By Lauren R. Dorgan / Monitor staff

April 8, 2009

Today is Tartan Day in the New Hampshire House, the annual holiday when House members of Scottish heritage and sympathies bust out their plaids, and many men sport kilts.

The day begins with a re-vote on the transgender rights bill.

The bill, which opponents have dubbed the "bathroom bill, " failed two weeks ago. It would ban discrimination by landlords, employers and others against individuals who were born into one sex but who identify as the other.

Yes, that's right: Today, a proud tribe that some deride as men in skirts just might debate the rights of a proud tribe that critics decry as . . . men in skirts.

The Monitor checked in with Gerri Cannon, a Merrimack carpenter who has become one of the chief lobbyists for House Bill 415 and who was at the State House yesterday making the rounds. Born male, Cannon identifies as a woman, takes hormones to soften her features and hopes to have surgery one day.
Cannon had a good long laugh at the coincidence. "What a great day to vote on this!" Cannon said. She said she'd check her closet to see if she has any plaid to wear for the occasion.

Rep. Ed Butler, the sponsor of HB 415, chuckled.

"All I can say is that there will be men in skirts, or if you will, kilts, waiting in the wings!" he said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Daily Kos article can be found here.

Two final comments:
* I seem to remember something in Femulate from around then, so I checked. Stana was writing about a CT bill at the same time.
* Good news: the bill passed by ONE VOTE 188-187. Bad news: 187 of New Hampshire's best and brightest thought discriminating against some of their citizens was a good idea.

Occupy DC

2011-11-30T07:41:00.006-05:00

(remember the poll.... If you want to see the background, it's here.)

Just a quick note: I went to Occupy DC last weekend, to look around. One tent in particular caught my eye, and I didn't take a picture, dammit.

Outside the tent were three pairs of high heels I would have grabbed if I had been in a shoe store. Above them was a sign: "Camp Sexy."

A Recap

2011-11-29T07:18:00.083-05:00

This is a love letter to my good friends.

Six hundred posts in about eighteen months ~ a little under six hundred days.

What started as a way to tell about my upcoming "flying pretty" episode has gone on for a bit longer than I expected. I've made a few friends and picked up a few readers. I found an outlet for my urge to write.

And I've enjoyed every minute of it.

Where else did I stray to? There was my first clothing swap, dressed. My obsessive overplanning and obstinate underdressing. There were various Halloweens and one Mardi Gras. I wrote a few polls, which I haven't yet thanked you for: the polls are important to me. Growing up as a budding crossdresser, yet certain I was alone in this... it helps to see that there are others who are so like me that it's scary. And I find it really interesting to see what other paths my peers have taken. And I hope it helped others the same way.

I've talked about shopping, makeup, shoes, shopping, manicures, pedicures, jewelry, shopping, and fashion (see sense, fashion: has none). I've waxed philosophical about waxing. Did I mention shopping?

I've talked about my friends: my female friends and my t-male friends.

I've covered hinting at and teasing civilians and their (non-)reactions. I wrote about two Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies.

I've lamented that I am a current crossdresser (because I'd like to see how it feels for the first time).

I've written about going out and coming out and being outed.

I've covered stories and no more stories. I've gone from I care to I don't care. I think both of these are life-changing events and I shared them with you pretty much in real-time, as they happened; as they are happening. And I'm glad I had y'all to talk to. You are my therapists and my sounding boards. And your (over 1200) comments make me think, smile, and cheer.

I've shared some reader thoughts and influences readers have had on me.

I've talked about (and shared pictures of) my panties, socks, and camisoles. I still owe you some cami pictures, I think. I posted cartoons, and talked about them ~ and that's about as far off-topic as I've ever strayed!

I've met some readers and other t-gals and shared those experiences with you.

I covered my travels to and in Topeka, Dallas, Richmond, Tucson, Sierra Vista, Colorado Springs, Las Vegas, and I'm sure I'm missing somewhere. And there was a second clothing swap.

I talked about plans that were made and (sigh) never became reality.

I've told you more than I've told anyone else in my entire life. You know more about me than my closest family members.

Did I mention I've enjoyed every minute of it? It bears repeating.

I've been re-reading this, looking for a close, and I just realised it sounds more like a suicide note than a love letter. It's not. A long time ago, I looked at the number of visitors per day. I chose a round number a bit below that number and decided that if the readership went below that number for a week, or if I couldn't think of anything to write about for a week, I will shut down the blog. Since then I doubled the number and as long as all eight of you stick around, I'll keep writing. All seriousness aside, I hope to double it again someday. I know, it's hard to spread the word when most of my readers only know a few potential readers, but I seem to be doing OK, although nowhere near the Stana Stratosphere (did she say 6000 a day?).

I'll admit that I'm not sure what my next post will be about, but I have a big box of muse food ready and I know she'll come through. She gets her energy from you, and turns them into ideas and prose for me.

And while you're here, I know my muse would love it if you took the poll. After all, it was her idea!

Don't Ask, Can't Tell

2011-11-28T07:58:00.000-05:00

(this is it: my 600th post!)

"So, what did you do last weekend?" "Saturday, we had some friends over for a barbeque. And Sunday, I went to a Transgender Day of Remembrance" event at a little church in Fairfax." "Really? Why?" "Well, I'm transgendered, and it's sad and scary how many other transgendered women have been assaulted or killed or lost their livelihoods just because of how they dress and who they are."

Yeah, right. Like that water cooler conversation is ever going to happen.

Often I chat about a variety of things with friends or co-workers. I'm sure you do as well. And I'm sure we have the same problem.

We have to filter.

The other day, we were talking about airport security and problems we had going through. I could top them all, but I couldn't say "I went through security dressed as a girl." I couldn't even say "I have a better story than any of you but, alas, I can't tell it."

There are lots of thing I can't, or at least shouldn't, talk about. Even simple things like "I always read (whatever) blog." "Well, my day isn't complete if I don't catch up on Femulate." Not gonna happen.

Sometimes, I talk fashion, or women's clothing, when the topic comes up. When someone (invariably male) says "you know an awful lot about that" I say "it's a hobby." I think they assume learning about women is my hobby. Well, it is. If this ever goes further, I'll write about it here. I suspect ANYTHING I say would be considered a joke, and laughed off.

But I can't really talk about the clothing swaps. We were talking about car problems and I told about my tire blowing up and me calling Geico and the manufacturer refusing to honour the warranty. I didn't mention that I didn't change the tire myself because I was wearing a nice dress and I didn't want to mess it up. That really makes the story, I think, but... can't tell.

I was talking to K, who works in my office, a few days ago and after we were done talking shop, I commented on her shoes. Snakeskin, very high heel, very pointy toe. She said they were very comfortable. I said they wouldn't be for me; my feet are VERY wide. She said her toes stopped here and she touched a point before the skinny part started. She said she used to be a tomboy and she had to change just three or four years ago, when she took this job. I told her that I thought that was scary, because it means I could become a girly girl in just a few years, if I had a mind to. I know, I said "scary," but I meant "exciting." Can't tell. Must filter.

She said that the hardest thing of changing her wardrobe was having to wear heels to work. I said I wore heels to work once. She assumed I meant like boots with heels and started describing what she thought and I interrupted and said "no, shoes like yours." She gave me an odd look and I said "it was Halloween." She asked no questions, and changed the discussion to how she takes Halloween off, because traffic is always horrible that day.

A few days ago, I noticed she was wearing a Jockey camisole, under her shirt. I recognised the lace pattern; I have a few just like it. I really wanted to say something, but... well, even as just a guy commenting on clothes commenting on what's really underclothes is sort of off-limits. And to say "isn't that a Jockey cami?" is definitely in the can't tell category.

Stana posted my picture on Femulate recently. I felt like a celebrity, except it's more like I committed a horrible crime. I had something to brag about, and couldn't.

I mentioned not long ago that I wanted to get something from Freecycle, but didn't request it because my wife and I knew the offerer. It would have been wonderful to say "if you have any more castoffs in my size, let me know! And I may have some things you'd like."

I typed my real surname into Facebook. There were a bunch of people I'm somehow related to but have never met. I was mulling how stupid it would be to join the group and say "my last name used to be *****" when I saw my wife's picture with a "I married a *****" next to it. Heavy sigh.

I'm sure you all have similar stories: things that were funnier, stranger, more surreal because you were dressed when it happened. And now you can't tell anyone, outside of our little circle.

Think About It

2011-11-27T07:35:00.003-05:00

(one day to go)

Brewster Rockit, like the Stargate shows, takes place today but with a twist. That has nothing to do with what I'm posting today, but it means they can incorporate current events into the strip ~ one of the things that makes it funner. Tim Rickard is a funny guy, and I love his art: I'd call it "lazy superhero comics." It seems like the images are cookie-cutter, but it works and it works well.

Oh.... Ensign Kenny is the equivalent of the "Star Trek" ensign who you know will not make it back to the Enterprise.

I had to read this one twice before I got it, but it was worth it! Click to make it large enough to enjoy.

I Just KNOW He's Looking for an Excuse

2011-11-26T07:29:00.018-05:00

(two days to go)

Lio (with a little bar over the i) is a very strange boy. He's kind of Calvin, if Hobbes was a giant squid.

He never talks, he loves odd animals, and I am always amazed that Mark Tatulli also draws Heart of the City, which I featured once when he had Dean dressing as Heart for Halloween. Heart is a little girl, Dean is her nerdy boyfriend and they are as different from Lio as night is from cucumbers. Or something. It's like finding out that Charles Addams did The Family Circus. And if you don't know Charles Addams, google some of his cartoons and prepare to be amused.

Anyway, here's Lio. (That's him in the first and last panels)

Underdressing?

2011-11-25T07:21:00.027-05:00

(three days to go)

OK, new poll. I thought I hid it yesterday but seven of you found it anyway!

I underdress. I don't mean that I wear shorts to jeans occasions, or I wear jeans to dinner parties (although I sort of do that too, when I'm in drab). I mean I crossdress, underneath.

As my male socks tear, they are replaced by women's socks. I no longer own any male underwear. I sometimes, especially in colder weather, wear pantyhose or tights under my slacks. Although I usually wear socks over pantyhose, I usually wear black tights without socks.

I own no male undershirts. I do own a number of camisoles and under a heavier shirt I'll wear a lacy one with thin straps. Under a lighter shirt, I wear a more "tank top" type of camisole.

I have worn a waist cinch under my shirt/pants. I don't do that often though. On rare occasions, I've worn a bra under my clothes.

I know that some of us never underdress. I know that some of us overdress ~ we wear "passable" female clothes. I have a few shirts that button on "the wrong side," most of my jeans are women's jeans, and my shoes are from Aerosoles; my casual shoes are women's New Balance. Some of us wear a bit of makeup all or some of the time.

But that's another poll for another day. Please take my "underdressing" poll. I'm curious. And feel free to e-mail me or drop a comment if you checked "something else."

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2011

2011-11-24T07:20:00.065-05:00

(four days to go)

Last year, I had a heckuva time finding the little Metropolitcan Community Church of Northern Virginia. This year it was easier. I parked a few doors down (it's in a row of connected commercial buildings) and walked around a bit. When I saw a car that seemed to be cruising and looking for something I'd walk up, ask if they were looking for the church and point them in the right direction. Last year, I was late because I was looking. I wanted to help other (literally) lost souls.

I'll be skipping the clothing swap this weekend. For the TDoR service, they requested canned goods or clothing for TransGender Health Empowerment (THE) in DC and I had a nice blouse and two really nice skirts (that, alas, didn't quite fit) put away for the swap ~ they came with me to the church instead.

Before the event, I spoke to the reverend I spoke to last year after the event ~ she remembered me; not surprisingly, I didn't remember her.

I sat at the end of a row with a seat between me and the woman to my left. We didn't chat; our only interactions were a nod when I sat down and, for the final song, we all held hands. While standing and singing and holding her hand, I felt a nudge from the other side and a man from the chorus was standing next to me, smiling, and holding out his hand. A row came out of somewhere ~ I don't know if this was choreographed, but it seemed like everyone had two partners by the time the song ended. The woman on my left squeezed my hand and we smiled at each other.

Afterwards, there were snacks and coffee and I didn't stick around. I couldn't see myself socialising, although I did seek out a couple of choir members to tell them their singing was magnificent. There was a woman from THE who made a rambling, emotional speech ~ she knew some women who were the victims of violence in DC ~ who I wanted to seek out after the service, but I didn't see her. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to her. Maybe I was just going to give her a hug and leave.

I sent an e-mail to the reverend after the service, which I'll echo here:

Reverend,

It was nice to see you again. My prayer is always that next year, there will be no need for a service like this but when I saw there was an update [in addition to the list of women murdered, there was an "additions" sheet], well, my heart sank again.

I planned to stay for snacks and coffee afterwards, but could not. In many ways, it's easier for me to be out as Meg than it is to be around crowds, even crowds of people I have much in common with ~ potential friends.

I have a couple of questions: is there an agenda or topic for your Friday night trans session? About how many people attend? [They list a "T Peer Led Support Group" in their calendar, and the reverend mentioned it to me that evening but there are no details on the website]

The music was powerful, the choir was fantastic, and I had the same experience as last time. Afterwards, I was energised. I can't think of another word. It's similar to how I feel when I return home after time out as Meg: I have a lot of energy, I feel like I can do anything. It seems strange that I would feel like that after a remembrance service but...

I've been encouraging my readers to go to a service or ceremony every day this week. One of my readers, got up in her church and mentioned TDoR. My synagogue has an e-mail list, but I don't think I could show the same level of courage that she did. I have given myself an action item: next August (so there's plenty of time) I will meet with my rabbi. I will tell her about Meg and what the TDoR is (if she doesn't know) and ask that it be mentioned for the congregation. Two years ago the synagogue had a booth at the gay pride events in DC. I was out of town but if I was here I had planned to join them. If they can sanction and put some gold behind reaching out to the gay community, I think they'd be open to the transgendered community. I keep hoping we're the "next frontier" in the struggle for equality. I keep hoping it's our turn.

Again, thank you for hosting this powerful service, and giving those we lost a voice one more time.

I do hope next year I learn TDoR has been cancelled due to lack of need.

I hope I never see the name of a friend (and that's every one of you) on the TDoR program.

I'll see if I can scan in parts of the program next week.

Breast Poll Part Two

2011-11-23T07:23:00.016-05:00

(five days to go)

The second poll was for those of us who aren't planning on going a more permanent route.

But for now...

I use water/jello/other liquid	7 (6%)
I use rice/polyfil/other particles	8 (7%)
Silicon forms for me	50 (49%)
Foam forms are fine	10 (9%)
Other padding (write and tell me what)	4 (3%)
It's all me, all natural	22 (21%)

In the second poll, the eight responders who said their bust is natural somehow jumped to 22. This is what has been giving me so much trouble. I don't see how this could be, but I really want to be one of those 22!

Half of you (like me) use silicon forms. I think they can't be beat, if you need help. And lord knows I need help. Lots of help. I sometimes put something behind the form just because the form back is concave and I am not convex.

Way behind are foam forms (too light, no bounce) then liquids or granules of some sort. Four of you said "other" but no-one enlightened me. Socks? Hose? Tissues? Styrofoam molds? Nuts and bolts? I haven't a clue.

This Has Gone On Long Enough

2011-11-22T07:32:00.031-05:00

That poll has just been sitting there for a long long time. It should have been a pretty simple poll, but something doesn't add up. But I've thought about it long enough.

There were two parts:

Breasts: I want them

I've had/want implants	7 (6%)
I'd consider implants	16 (14%)
I'm on/I'd consider hormones	31 (27%)
I'm taking/I'd consider herbals	10 (9%)
I've tried/I'd try hypnosis	2 (1%)
Padding is just fine, thank you	37 (33%)
It's all me, all natural	8 (7%)

About a third of you are perfectly happy with padding. I am too, I think. The most important thing is they can be put away if necessary. Growing my own ~ well, not so much. I think I have to be further on the "I don't care" path for that. That's not to say I'd never be there.

I think I've taken a big step down that path, at least internally. At least when talking about who I am and what I do.

But maybe not. I decided if anyone asks me if any item I'm wearing is women's clothing, I'll say yes and say that I enjoy women's clothes. A caveat: it does depend on the audience. If it's the guys from the weekly poker game, probably not. If it's at our weekly meeting with the customer, no. If it's a couple of co-workers, yes. If it's one or more friends of mine (not friends of my wife) then yes.

A few months ago, I would have sidestepped that question. It has, however, never come up, even when I'm joking about a woman wearing men's clothing, or talking about how women can wear anything but men are limited. And at the same time, I'm wearing a women's shirt or slacks or flowery socks.

Another seven percent are sufficiently endowed to not need or want any artificial enhancement. I envy you.

But that leaves an amazing 60% who'd like breasts full-time! I really find that surprising. I may, at some time, revisit this and break the I may/I have questions into an either-or situation. I mean, I'd consider hormones, but probably reject the idea. That's a lot different from someone who's on them now. It's like the difference between involved and committed: in a ham and eggs breakfast, the chicken is involved; the pig is committed.

Six percent had or want implants. A couple of you would consider hypnosis ~ it might work, and there are actually programs you can buy or download to give it a try.

And almost 40% of you would take or are on hormones or herbals.

For me, it's a hard question. Hormones will work, but there are side effects. Herbals *may* work, but there are the same side effects. There are so many estrogen impersonators out there and so much anecdotal evidence of their feminising capabilities that I won't say they're a fraud. I think it depends on the particular woman.

Implants work, but I've heard that they're not really permanent. They'll certainly give you breasts, but if you're interested in adding to your hips and butt, well, no.

But hormones are not "breast pills." They're "girl pills" and there are psychological changes as well as physical ones.

If someone passed sentence and said "you can stop dressing forever, or ramp it up a notch with implants or hormones..." I'm not sure which I'd do. I'm really not sure.

But I do know "stop dressing" is off the table. And maybe that's another poll someday.

It Goes Both Ways

2011-11-21T07:27:00.018-05:00

I was in Ulta a couple of weeks ago. I wrote about my shopping experience that day. I never said "they're for me" but I kind of made it clear they were. The saleslady and I were both fine with it.

A few days ago, I went back to the same Ulta to buy a curling iron for my wife. I know she needs one, and holidays are coming up so....

I am gender-enhanced but follicle-impaired. If I just let my hair grow, I'd look like the Klingon woman here, only with a lot more forehead. I haven't let my hair grow in a long time ~ shorter hair hides better under a wig. In fact, in my younger days I used to get a haircut roughly twice a year. Now I get my haircut before each crossdressing opportunity.

So I went into the Ulta, looked around a bit and then a young lady asked me if she could help me. I told her what I want and she became my personal shopper. While we were looking, I said "Can I tell you a secret?" She said "sure!" and I leaned close and stage-whispered "it's not for me." I enjoy making people laugh and I got a few seconds of enjoyment.

Unfortunately, I won't remember her next time I'm in there, when I probably will be buying something for me. But if she remembers me (possible, though unlikely) I'll say "can I tell you a secret?" and "it's for me."

And an open note to SometimesSpanked: c'mon local girl ~ don't hide. Drop me a note.

The Duplex

2011-11-20T07:22:00.025-05:00

It's Sunday Funnies Day. It's also the Transgender Day of Remembrance. If anyone goes to a local event, please let me know what you thought of it, comment or e-mail.

I was going to grab more Lila, but all of the ones I save are sort of T-related. If not directly, they have to do with fashion, or how women behave, or something relevant. So I'll hold on to those.

My second thought was to just go through my collection and post the few that made me laugh the hardest. But ~ I ran into a bunch of The Duplex and decided to share.

Glenn McCoy authors The Duplex. With his brother Gary he also does The Flying McCoys. Both are funny. The Duplex is sort of about two apartments (duh). One is occupied by a guy (Eno) and his dog (Fang); the other is a woman and her dog. It seems like there used to be a lot more dichotomy cartoons, showing how the bachelor and bachelorette behave differently, but now it's mostly about Eno.

I trimmed the best down to just a half-dozen or so. Enjoy!

Lila's Back

2011-11-19T07:32:00.025-05:00

I've been chatting with John Forgetta, the writer of The Meaning of Lila. I featured Lila last Saturday. Lila, as I mentioned to John, is both the woman I want and the woman I want to be. There are a few of those that I've met, but I think Lila's the only one in the funny pages.

I'm not sure how eyeballs translate to earnings in the on-line comics world, but would you mind just checking out today's strip and asking your friends to check it out? The worst that could happen is you spend a couple of minutes ogling Lila and her friends. The best is you could have a good laugh as well. I haven't seen today's comics yet, but odds are it'll be good. And tell your friends and let's see if we can make a noticeable bump in his numbers. And if you enjoy it, keep reading and let your local paper know it's worth having. I have.

This is a sequence from September. A quick synopsis: Lila is single. Her mom wants her to stop being single, preferably with the help of a doctor (during my chats with John I found out Lila's mother is Jewish. It all makes sense now). Lila is seeing a doctor (who she finds really boring and who calls his mom "mommy") but that's enough to get Lila's mother in wedding mode.

Read and enjoy and click to enlarge so you can enjoy the artwork. And, can I have the dress after Boyd's through with it?

Girls' Day Out - All Good Things Must End

2011-11-18T07:25:00.047-05:00

But first a public service announcement: please consider going to a Transgender Day of Remembrance event this coming weekend. It's everywhere. Show your support so maybe next year no women will die because of who they are or how they dress.

The ladies, Liz and Erin

After saying goodbye to Erin and Liz, I drove back to the hotel, making a short stop at a gas station. The other patrons ignored me and I ignored them.

Many years ago, after my first solo, I stopped at a gas station on my way home. Since the solo was at a friend's party, this was my first real, live, on-my-own mixing with people. No matter that it was kind of remote from actually talking to someone, as if I went into a grocery store or something ~ I was out, on my own, being a woman for the very first time.

I thought about that night and I felt like a whole lifetime was compressed into the few years since. I was now about six years and eight months old. I guess that makes it about eight girl years to one guy year. I have a lot of catching up to do!

The walk back to my room was anti-climactic. No-one was around, and I was too tired to do something silly like tell the desk clerk I left my key in the room. And I would have had to call the clerk from the back room anyway! And by now, I'm sure the driver told everyone "wait til you hear what I saw last night!" I still wonder if Andrea let the driver in on her own nonstandard lifestyle.

I didn't want to change when I got back, as is the norm now. But it was after five, and that meant it was more like eight pm to me. I just had a drink at lunchtime, and I was a bit hungry from the walking and a bit tired from a pretty full and extremely fun day. Plus, with my camera being recalcitrant, I couldn't get any "I'm back" pictures. I puttered around the room a bit, moving clothes and repacking and when I got to the point that I had to pack what I was wearing, I reluctantly decided to change.

Yes, I could have gone out to dinner dressed but I think I was done for the day. I'm not sure how I'd do if I put myself in a position where I had to be Meg for a couple of days or more. I'm thinking of putting myself to the test next month, but I'm not sure it'll happen.

All good things must end. Alas, all fantastic things must end as well.

Girls' Day Out - A Day at the Museum

2011-11-17T07:30:00.032-05:00

Liz, crashing

Erin Sets Me Straight (again)

Liz rode with me to the Pima Air Museum, since my car was a bit more comfortable than Erin's. We caught up a bit on the ride and I had a wonderful time, chatting and people watching.

The museum is pretty good. I was very surprised ~ it seems to be a well-kept secret. Many of the planes are outdoors, and there are five or six hangars with indoor exhibits. My biggest complaint was the terrain: it was kind of sandy and the heel on my mid-heel shoes sunk in sand more than once, putting me more than a little off-balance. I thought these were the most comfortable shoes I'd ever owned, but I think the uneven paths (and no paths) tempered that a bit. No matter ~ even after a full day the shoes felt pretty good, although I wouldn't want to try running or dancing at that point!

While Erin (the smart one) went back to her car to get a more comfortable pair of shoes, Liz and I tried the space docking simulator. She went first and seemed intent on crashing into the Earth. I used her effort as my lesson and docked easily (don't tell Liz if I had gone first I probably would have ended up orbiting Saturn).

Erin knows more about aircraft than anyone I've ever met. She transitioned ten years ago, and in an earlier life she avoided a court martial by accepting a discharge ~ for being caught dressed. I don't think even this post-DADT era would prevent that. We've maybe moved from third-class to second-class citizens but wherever we're heading, we're not there yet.

Liz, my cute skirt, and Erin

You can read a bit about Erin here.

We spent pretty much the full day looking at aircraft and chatting endlessly. At lunch, we decided to go to the one hangar we skipped because it didn't sound that interesting. I'm glad we went.

That final hangar was the 390th Memorial Museum. It's kind of a museum within the museum and it's dedicated to one squadron of B-17s based in England. There are banners around the museum telling the fate of the planes and crews of each plane and there was one restored B-17 in the hangar.

But the best part was when an elderly docent came up to us and said "ladies, this is the best day of all of the days I've spent in this museum!" I thought he meant meeting us, but instead he went on to explain to us "ladies" (and he included me!) that a flier from the 390th had visited and was there right now. He had told some stories about the war to the docent and it turns out he (the flier, not the docent) was reported Killed In Action. When informed of this, the 90+ man quoted Twain: "reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." I considered going over to him and saying "hi. I'm what you were fighting for" but I wasn't sure his heart could take it. :)

I'm the pilot! We're DOOMED

The docent offered to take a picture of us and I think he considered the plane to be the main attraction. It's sharp in each picture he took, but we're fuzzy. Ah well.

Before we got in our cars, I wanted a picture of each of us in pairs: Liz and Erin, Liz and me, Erin and me. That's when we discovered my camera was seriously misbehaving. No matter. It was still a great day, and, as I said, a dream fulfilled: my first Girls' Day Out.

I hope I'm not boring anyone, but please consider going to a Transgender Day of Remembrance event this coming weekend. It's international. You don't even have to travel to another country! I'll be at the Fairfax event.

Girls' Day Out - The Next Logical Step

2011-11-16T07:14:00.040-05:00

(Before getting to the post, I want to say again: Please consider going to a Transgender Day of Remembrance event this coming weekend. I'll be at the Fairfax event.)

"So how did you find the women in Tucson?"
"I just opened the door marked 'women' and there they were!"

I walked up to the men's room door, turned sharply, and went into the women's room.

It was as empty as the hotel corridor. I picked a stall, closed the door and... the door wouldn't lock. I went into the next stall and the lock was good enough. I hung my purse on a hook, moved everything I had to move and sat down.
A little digression here.

I bought an incredibly stretchy and tight Spanx-type camisole to replace the ones I couldn't find but knew I brought with me. Funny thing.... Friday night, I found them in the only compartment I didn't empty completely.

I brought a "club" dress with me. It's purple, a tad short, very stretchy and I love it. There's a problem: there's a li'l bit of a bulge. I thought I might buy something to hide that and be able to wear it if I went out with some of the ladies. When I tried the dress on over this camisole it looked great and there was no sign of a bulge! And this was without my constant companion, my waist cinch. I found the perfect undergarment!

Click to see the cami/top effect. Or to stare at my boobs. :D

I also picked this camisole because it had a higher neck and the scoop of the top I was planning to wear was a bit low. I wanted a kind of "crescent moon" look. I wasn't even looking at the slimming aspect. I even picked a large because the straps are further apart and I'd get a better look, even though I thought a medium would work, because it was so stretchy.

In reality, it was so tight that I couldn't even pull it over my head! I had to step into it and pull it up. But, again, the look was great.

I had a choice of three skirts that I bought last week, as I mentioned before. I decided to go with the longer skirt, because it just looked and felt great. If it was a few inches shorter I wouldn't have minded, but it was swingy, pretty, and fit perfectly. But I really needed my cinch, so I had the cinch and camisole.

I didn't get to wear that dress, but I wore the cami under my top as you can see above.

OK, back to the ladies' room. My stockings made things a bit easier but I still had to figure out where to put the skirt, skirt lining, cinch, camisole, and the bottom of my top. Then I had to get everything back to where it was, and make sure everything was smooth and straight. It was a pain, but such a singularly feminine experience that I really didn't mind. I'm always in awe, every time I do something for the first time that women do regularly. And I'm glad my hose was hosed so I had on the stockings. And I'm glad I at least knew that stockings/garters go on before panties do!

I touched up my lipstick in the stall and exited a still-empty ladies' room. But that wasn't my fault or my plan. It's like the empty hotel lobby: if someone was there and wanted to interact, that was OK, but I wasn't going to look for people to interact with. Especially there in the ladies' room.

Girls' Day Out - It Starts with Breakfast

2011-11-15T07:31:00.051-05:00

Meg at the Museum. Ain't I cute? :D

Of course, for Meg, nothing starts with breakfast. It starts with getting up early, showering, shaving shaving shaving, makeup, choosing an outfit.... My purse, at least, was ready from the previous night. I didn't have to put everything away from that evening so that made my life a bit easier. But I did have to put everything away before I left the room. This is not an "I care" situation. I don't leave a messy room for housekeeping.

My GPS had problems finding the restaurant. I finally set it to the highest house number on the street and it said it would take 15 minutes.

Just before I put on my top, skirt, shoes, wig, and jewelry I checked google maps. It found the restaurant. It turns out the street name changes slightly as it leaves Tucson proper and it was actually about 30 minutes away. And it was now 30 minutes before I was to meet Liz and Erin. I packed everything up and finished getting dressed as quickly as I could.

I again walked out through an empty hall, into an empty elevator, through an empty lobby to my car. There wasn't even anyone behind the desk! I assume whoever is keeping an eye on me (I think she's also my muse) was keeping me out of harm.

The drive to the restaurant was uneventful and Liz and Erin were waiting outside for me. After introductions, smiles, and hugs we went inside.

I was treated as a lady just as much as the other two were. We chatted our way through breakfast and eventually decided we needed to move on if we were going to do anything else that day. Erin knows way more about aircraft than any ten people I know, but she had never been to the local air museum. I like aircraft, and I have been to several air museums: two near DC, the Intrepid in New York, Wright-Patterson (Ohio), Warner-Robbins (Georgia). I figured this was a local museum, good for an hour or two.

As we were about to get into our cars, Erin received a phone call. While she was yapping, I decided it might be better for me to use the ladies' room here rather than at the air museum. Liz offered to accompany me; she knows I'm a bit worried about using the restroom. I decided I needed to solo, so I did.

Some housekeeping: Please consider going to a Transgender Day of Remembrance event this coming weekend. I'll be at the Fairfax event (alas, in drab, unless something amazing happens).

Also Joan who commented yesterday ~ drop me a note, OK?

Girls' Day Out

2011-11-14T07:20:00.023-05:00

One of my dreams is to spend an evening, or a day, with the girls.

It's rare. I wish it was less so. The only time I'd really consider a Girls' Day Out was when I went to lunch with my old boss and coworker on (almost) Halloween.

If I stretch it, I could call the clothing swaps Girls' Days Out, but they're really not. I just happen to be in a room with a few dozen ladies. I could go to the Running of the Brides and be in the same kind of group of women. Well, there would be the added excitement of possibly getting stomped to death.

Liz, Meg, Erin

Even the lunch was not really a Girls' Day Out. For a real Girls' Day Out it would have to be a planned event. I was sort of sprung on my old boss.

So I'm back at zero. There were a few times I went out with the women who did my makeup, but that was one-on-one. Or when I went out with Kim (for shopping and nails ~ wow). Or when I went out with Liz... it was a special day because she's a special lady, but still... one-on-one.

I finally had my Girls' Day Out. We had a plan to spend a day together. We did, just the three of us girls. Or at least two girls and Meg. But I was accepted as one of the group, and that made a great day exceptional.

Here we are at the Pima air museum.

LMAO

2011-11-13T07:29:00.012-05:00

I know Brewster Rockit has appeared here before. This one seems obvious but it's still the biggest laugh I've had in a long time! Enjoy!

Or Mine

2011-11-12T07:22:00.068-05:00

In the strip The Meaning of Lila by John Forgetta, Annie is Lila's adopted daughter. Boyd, sitting on the couch in the first cartoon, is her gay BFF. Dr Fine, standing, had adopted Annie for a while and still helps out the perpetually broke Lila.

It's a fun strip and Lila often wears some of the hottest dresses in the funny pages. Too bad it's not more widely distributed. It deserves a larger audience. The strip has evolved since I stumbled on it, sometimes in a sitcom kind of way where a trail of life-changing events happen but at the end all is as it was at the start. Her friend Drew got married and pregnant yet she's now once again single and childless. Lila got fired, found a new job she was really ambivalent about, lost it, and now she's back at her old job. I hope Annie's a long term change.

Another possible Boyd dressup cartoon is below. I don't recall actually ever seeing him dressed. I do wonder if Mr Forgetta, the cartoonist, is confusing sexual orientation with gender identity. There's obviously a long history of that in the humour field ~ does anyone remember the Billy Crystal character is Soap?

For a long time, I wasn't absolutely certain Boyd was gay. Mr Forgetta seemed to dance around it and, quite recently, decided it was OK to be more explicit. I think the crossdress stuff is just there for punchlines, but I don't know. (That's Lila's friend Drew on the left. They're both hot, IMO.)

And I'm only including this final strip because clearly Annie and I were on the same (funny) page. This came out the day after my Christine O'Donnell made her debut! Make sure you click on each picture to get the full impact. (Alan is Dr Fine's partner.)

For me, Lila's a must-read every day.

Me Neither

2011-11-11T07:11:00.113-05:00

Stana and I are on the same page.

I believe, no matter what our destination might be, we all are following the same path from "I care" to "I don't care."

I've written about this before. I think it's important.

Think about where you are on your trans-journey. Now think about where you've been, not where you're going.

I go out dressed, too occasionally. The first step out the door, or the first step beyond my comfort zone, is always a little anxiety-producing. Maybe some day that will stop. Maybe not. That's the way forward.

But I can still remember the first time I went out by myself. I went to the mall, and other shoppers probably thought I was an escaped prisoner. I watched everyone, to see if I knew someone. I kept to myself. I didn't interact with shopkeepers... in fact, I only went into department stores where it was unlikely a salesperson would say hi to me. I cared what everyone thought about me... even people I didn't care about at all! It took me ages to step out of my car. Care, in this context, translates to fear.

My goal is to not care. I've had a few small, almost accidental, frontal attacks on changing "care" to "don't care."

One was when I showed a picture of Meg to my manager and she asked if it was for a party or "something that you do, sometimes?" and I admitted it was the latter. In the post I mentioned this (one of my first posts!) that that was incredibly liberating. Instead of going a single step on the "I don't care" path I took a football-field sized leap.

Another was when I had my past-life regression and, when the hypnotist prodded me about ever wearing costumes, I admitted to him and the ten women in the room (including one friend) that I crossdressed. And that's another early early post!

I think going with my friend from New York to the Jon Stewart rally last year was another big jump, although he just assumed it was for Halloween, and my wife's friend who was with us assumed the same, even though I made hinting jokes every time I spoke to her for weeks afterwards.

A number of years ago, I was in a K-Mart buying some panties and possibly women's socks ~ I don't recall the details. I had left the cart for a moment to look at something else and I ran into a friend and her kids. We chatted, I made some lame excuse for looking for a computer or similar thing and I abandoned the cart. I cared and I didn't buy something I wanted.

Once, I was walking towards a Marshall's and I ran into two sisters I worked with years earlier. They had just come out of the Marshall's. We chatted, we caught up a bit, and I continued walking... towards the nearby CompUSA. I cared and missed a shopportunity.

A couple of days ago, I was in an Ulta. I wanted to get an eyelash serum (more in another post) and an eyeliner pencil. A young lady said "can I help you?" The I care me would have said "no, I'm just looking around." Instead, I said, "yes. I'm looking for the L'Oreal eyelash serum." She helped me find it and I said "I'm also looking for a decent eyeliner pencil." She pulled out one she liked and said "you just twist it... you never need to sharpen it." I said "I've never had luck with those. It seems the tip just breaks off." She found me a regular pencil, which I bought. I chatted with the cashier, but not about makeup, exactly. She did ask me if I wanted to join whatever Ulta club there is and I declined. But I don't care.

When I was in Sierra Vista, I walked into a wig shop next door to my hotel and made clear that I was looking for a wig for myself. I don't care.

After I assembled my charm bracelet, it sat on my dresser for a couple of weeks before I wore it. That was a quick trip from I care to I don't care.

I think I care comes from the peer pressure that started when you started going to school. I also think we should outgrow that need to fit in. I think it's not only liberating, it helps you get what you want and what you need. "Um, it's for my sister. She's about my size" gets you an ill-fitting dress. "Can I try this on?" gets you the dress you want, in your size.

I haven't reached "I don't care" all of the time, even with strangers. I still glance around before I hold up a skirt to see if the length is what I want. I still look down the aisle before I peruse the women's shoes in Payless, but that might be habit. I now go into various women's shoe stores such as DSW without much thought. Baby steps on the path.

I'd love to know what your biggest leap from I care to I don't care was.

Care for people. Care for animals. Care for those in need. Care for the ones you love. As for what the people around me think? I don't care.

And make your own priorities. My wife would be upset if I was out... sometimes I think that's the only thing that keeps me as far in the closet as I am. But if it came out (like at the hypnotist)... I don't care.

And happy 11/11/11 everyone! That's a once-in-a-lifetime.

I'll be writing about Erin and Liz and my fantastic Saturday starting Monday. Cartoons for the weekend.

Dinner with Dorothy, part II

2011-11-10T07:40:00.042-05:00

Andrea took the pictures

Dorothy had a favourite Italian place picked out. It was a longish drive and she drove. I don't know the town and my eyes are not that happy at night.

Eventually, we arrived in a very active part of town. She said it was near the uni, which probably accounts for a lot of the people in the streets. It was like Georgetown in DC, or Provincetown on Cape Cod, or almost anywhere from midtown down in Manhattan, or Charlottesville in Virginia, or Chinatown in London.

There were lots of college-age kids, lots of little boutique types of shops, lots of restaurants, and not a lot of parking. Being Halloween week there were quite a few costumes. We went into a shop that was selling costumes ~ I was tempted to buy something and change, but I'd rather be just me. I go out so rarely, I want Meg to be out. Maybe next Halloween I'll feel more comfortable in a girl costume. Maybe something like an old western saloon girl dress, or maybe a Renaissance dress. Or supergirl.

No idea why we traded places

There was a 30 minute wait for a table. I was hungry, it was late, but I didn't even notice. Dorothy is a wonderful woman. She's very friendly and very likeable. Some of the shopkeepers knew her and she more-or-less introduced herself to the ones who didn't. I think I mentioned that she's like the anti-Meg. I think if you averaged her outgoing attitude with my introversion you'd end up with a clear extrovert.

But we had fun, we talked non-stop, and if anyone was watching us, they would have thought we were lesbians. Don't get the wrong idea! By that I mean, we were both checking out the young ladies walking past. There were some very pretty outfits on the ladies strutting past our table. We both liked the waitress' skirts.

Afterwards, Dorothy asked our waitress if she could give us a "Kodak moment," and she happily obliged.

Then we chatted the whole ride back.

I already wrote about what happened back at the hotel, so you can just look here if you missed it. Andrea was great, and a wonderful surprise ending to a wonderful evening. Andrea took these pictures. In the second, Dorothy was saying to me, in a sing-songy voice, "my boobs are bigger than your boobs."

I had promised to meet Liz and Erin at 9 the next morning. I was still trying to stay on eastern time and not have to get up too much earlier than normal on Sunday, so I wanted to get up around 5. I also already wrote about what happened after I went up to my room, so I won't bore you with that twice.

But I really didn't want the evening to end. If I didn't have a full day planned for Saturday, I probably would have encouraged Dorothy to hang out and I would have stayed up all night with Dorothy and Andrea. Maybe we would have invited the van driver to join us.

Dorothy, by the way, is divorced (the too-common story), and spends 90% of her non-work time as Dorothy. I can only fantasize about what that's like.

Dinner with Dorothy, part I

2011-11-09T07:31:00.053-05:00

Tucson Arizona has about 520,000 people living there. That comes out at about 2,800 people per square mile.

Fairfax County, where I live, has about twice as many people in about twice the area. But Fairfax is weird. In the middle of the county sit the cities of Alexandria (where I work), Arlington, Falls Church, Vienna, and Fairfax City. Fairfax is pretty big and there are sections which are pretty underpopulated as opposed to the close-in suburbs. Alexandria and Arlington together are about a quarter the size of Tucson but have over 340,000 people. That's around 8,300 people per square mile.

I didn't know these numbers when I drove from Sierra Vista to Tucson but when I was warned there would be "lots of traffic," I considered that A Good Thing.

It meant I could leave early and co-workers will think I was smart because I was beating the traffic. It also meant I didn't expect my trip to be any longer than usual.

Tucson traffic is to Washington-area traffic as a home aquarium is to Sea World.

So I started my day extra-early and left by 3 or so.

The plan was to meet Dorothy around 7, for dinner. If I could get there early, Meg would join her. If not, well, that was less than ideal but a possibility too.

I got to the hotel in plenty of time and Andrea (the "A" of recent posts ~ she said I could use her name) checked me in.

I'm probably going to repeat some of what I wrote starting with this post ~ I was pretty busy and disjointed last week and I'd like to try to be a bit more orderly.

At 5, it was time to get started. I was in my room early enough to shower and moisturise and shave my face and touch up arms and chest ~ just a little bit. I did my makeup and dressed and loaded my purse and put on my wig and jewelry and slipped into my shoes exactly at 7 ~ just as the phone rang. It was Dorothy. She had arrived. She said she was going to look for a parking space but I said I could come out to the parking lot.

I stepped out of my room to an empty hallway. I got into an empty elevator. On the main level, I thought the lobby was to the right, but it was to the left. I took a step to the right with my left foot, then realised I was going the wrong way so I crossed my leg and stepped to the left with my right foot. I probably looked pretty stupid doing that, so, of course, I had an audience. Someone was close by, also heading towards the lobby. I walked on, with the gentleman right behind me. I wonder if he would have offered to help me up if my manoeuver resulted in a fall.

Andrea was still behind the desk, and I saw only one other person ~ a woman sitting on a sofa which faced away from the front desk.

I have a habit of focussing. I don't know if it's a bad habit, but it has served me poorly on occasion. I am known to walk into a room of people I know, talk to the one I was planning on talking to and walking out ignoring the others, even if they're riding tigers or on fire.

My focus was on meeting Dorothy in the parking lot. I smiled and nodded to Andrea, I looked at the woman on the sofa who said "hi." I said "hi" back, because that's what Meg should do, right? Internally, I noticed that she had a deepish voice, like mine, and maybe my voice is OK after all. But I kept walking.

I didn't see Dorothy's car in front of the hotel, just the airport shuttle. I went out to my car to grab something (I can't remember what now) and looked around. Then I had a flash of insight and I called Dorothy. She said "hello?" and I said "did I just walk past you sitting in the lobby?"

Yup.

I didn't pick her. She picked me, but thought I was trying to lose the guy who was close behind me!

I went back in, we said hellos, and went on our way.

Another "One of Us?"

2011-11-08T07:35:00.024-05:00

I've been seeing this ad for American University recently. Look at the girl on the right. Look at the way she walks, the way she holds her arms, the way she reacts as compared to the girl on the left. And she only has her back to the camera except for a brief second at the start of the video.

I'm suspicious.

I can imagine the girl on the left saying "I'm so proud of you, going out dressed for the first time!" as she pats her on the back!

Did I Mention That I Overpacked?

2011-11-07T07:50:00.014-05:00

There was no way in the world that I was going to be able to stuff my regular shoes into my bag. I bought a huge duffel bag while in Arizona. It folds pretty flat, and the idea was that I would pack it into my regular luggage when travelling out and put my overflow in the bag when travelling back. I mean, there are two consignment shops right near my office, plus stores like Marshalls. I wonder if they have a different selection than they do in Virginia, but I haven't had a chance to go in yet.

With the skirts I bought, and the panty I mentioned, and the fact that I couldn't pack around the breast form boxes like I did when heading out my bag was completely stuffed. Every little pocket was packed, and I could barely close the zippers on the main compartment. I put a little overflow into my computer bag. I dumped papers I could reprint at my home office, even though I hate wasting paper. I left behind a half-full bottle of Nair, and a can of shaving gel I bought in Sierra Vista.

And I had two choices when I left Tucson: I could pack a lot of stuff into the duffel and probably have to check it, or I could pack a little into it and it'll flop around like a pea in a pillowcase. As flat as I could make it, the duffel wouldn't fit in my suitcase or my computer bag. So I took the other choice: I left it in the hotel room. I hope someone on the staff made good use of it. Maybe my friend A.

Sunday Funnies

2011-11-06T07:57:00.044-05:00

More Piraro. He's not on my regular funnies page so I don't know how I got so many of them, but I did. My favourite is up first and Very Large, if you click on it. The others are more normal size. I had to pick and choose. He's very odd and very funny.

I'm a huge Escher fan!

Nothing new under the sun

Sounds like my oldest

Not uncommon, unfortunately

"Can?" "Have To?"

2011-11-05T07:26:00.007-04:00

Bizarro, by Don Piraro

Don't subscribe to the Funny Times! If you see something scanned here, that's where I got it and I want to be first.

OK, get the Funny Times. It has great cartoons and columns and it's my preferred reading when I'm on travel. I try to carry things I'll read and toss, but sometimes I clip and bring home half of the paper!

Caution: there's a lot of political humour in there, and they lean left. My conservative readers will probably not find that part of it funny!